Let's Get Focused: Strategies to maximize your moments

Please note: This is an AI transcript that has not been edited for accuracy. 

[00:00:00] Hello, my friend, I am recording this on November 13th. And. Just this week. All of the leaves have dropped off the trees. Around where we live. We just went for a hike yesterday and. All the leaves were gone. And it's interesting because normally I get pretty sad. When that happens.

[00:00:24] I really struggle with what we call the season of brown. In Virginia. And. This time. I not feeling. That way. And I think part of it is because doing all of this work around time, thinking about time. 

[00:00:41] I'm appreciating. The personal seasons of time, a little bit more. I appreciate that. My children are getting older. And that my relationship with them is shifting and such a. Beautiful and tender way. I appreciate that. Sometimes in my business are times of real growth. And sometimes it's time to just reflect and. 

[00:01:11] Assess and tend to the earth of my business get grounded again. So seeing the leaves fall off the trees this time. Instead of having that dread of, oh no. Winter is coming. I feel a sense of, okay. It's time. To retreat. And to tend to my clients. In a different way. And to just. 

[00:01:41] Uh, focus on. 

[00:01:43] honoring. A period of. Contraction and reflection. 

[00:01:48] So in light of that, in light of this being a period of reflection, I'm not taking on any new clients until 2023. But what I'd like to do is for people who listen to the podcast or people who are on the mailing list, I'm gonna offer for five different people.

[00:02:14] I'm gonna offer one session, one free session that is really intended to help you work on a specific issue. So very, very specific. Here are some of the ideas. Number one is in light of sort of assessing to take an hour to sit down with me and let's assess the year that you've just had and look at what's really worked and where there are opportunities for growth.

[00:02:47] Change your transformation and make some plans for yourself for the year ahead to really do sort of do an end of year assessment and planning for the next year. So that's one thing. Another specific project, could be. 

[00:03:06] If you have a TED talk that you're working on, 

[00:03:09] If you have an end of year board presentation, or you need to make a speech , I would love to help you with that.

[00:03:16] I've been really enjoying working with several clients on getting very clear on their voice and their presentation, and helping them to feel really solid and confident about how they're showing up in the world. It's a rehearsal.

[00:03:37] A rehearsal for. And the third thing is dealing with the social anxiety of the holiday season. What to do when Uncle Fred says, What are you up to these days? And you just wanna like go crawl into a corner and and disappear, I remember when my kids were young and.

[00:04:01] I would go to a, a social event and somebody would say, What are you working on these days? What excites you? And I felt so freaking lost. It was like, I don't know what to tell you. That does not involve my children. . I think we, we enter into those different phases in our lives where we don't really feel.

[00:04:24] What we are expected to share is what we want to share, and we can break that apart a little bit and find a way for you to engage socially that feels really empowered and confident and fun, cuz it can be fun to talk to people. Anyway, if you are interested in scheduling a time with me, it's very simple to do.

[00:04:47] You just DM me on Instagram at the lovely, I'm becoming. Or send me an email at bree the lovely unbecoming.com and put in December session and your subject heading, or at the top of your note, and then let me know what you'd like to work on specifically. And we'll set up a time. And again, it's five people.

[00:05:10] So first come, first serve, uh, book it soon because it's gonna fill up pretty quickly

[00:05:16] . And now today, I, you can tell I just, I really wanna get into practical implementation right now. I've so enjoyed these episodes, looking at the, uh, philosophical and scientific underpinnings of time or thoughts around time, and I will return to it.

[00:05:37] But as someone who really wants. Something practical and tangible to hold onto. Sometimes. I think it might be helpful to take today to talk about focus. From time to time, I put out a post on Facebook or Instagram that asks people what they are struggling with professionally. And the number one complaint that I hear from people, whether they are high school students or experienced professionals, is that we are really having a hard time focusing on what needs to be.

[00:06:09] we know so many of the whys, right? We live in a time when there are too many distractions and everyone feels like they have adhd, whether or not they've been diagnosed, and maybe everyone is a strong word, right? But many, many, many of us feel like we have attention issues and that we are really struggling with focus.

[00:06:30] Actually though, I have to throw in a little bit of hard data. The researchers at Oregon Health and Science University estimate that the true percentage of people with ADHD is approximately 3.5% of the population. Which is , a far cry from everyone, right? And yet so many of us report feeling distracted, scattered and frustrated with the seemingly contracting limits of our brains.

[00:07:00] Until recently, I really found. to be so much harder to focus than I can remember from years past. And that makes sense, right? We know all the reasons. Let's put age aside for right now, cuz age could be a factor, but this does seem to affect people of all ages. Let's look instead of our culture.

[00:07:22] We have phones and technology, and people have access to us in ways that they never did before and shouldn't have now. And we have these apps that are completely predicated on having us be addicted to them and getting these little dopamine rushes from them and all sorts of stuff.

[00:07:41] I know that you all know this because you listen to these kinds of podcasts all the time. So you know, we are swimming upstream when we're trying to focus and so much of our culture is trying to distract us and in the most basic way, Building our skills of focus is a key step in reclaiming our time because unless you really feel great about your time, when you're doom scrolling, and if you do, my friend, I am not here to stop you, then we need to do something to really make you feel great about where you are investing your time and.

[00:08:22] So today I'm just gonna zone in on a few tools that you can implement right away to help you focus and own your time. And these are the tools that I use to get focus. It's not easy for me either. It takes intention. In fact, I think that's the real thing. I think that really getting focused takes intention and so let's get that going.

[00:08:47] So right now I am writing a book and it is so hard for me. It is so hard for me to sit my butt in the chair to do the thing. It is just brutal and it takes so much extra energy to make that happen. But I can set myself up for success b y doing a number of different things, and I'm gonna share them with you,

[00:09:11] So number one, choose what you're going to work on. And this is big, and honestly, it warrants a whole episode by itself. And someday I'll probably get to that. But when I say choose one thing to work on, I mean really choose one thing and get very, very, very clear on it to make sure that the one thing that you're working on is actually manageable.

[00:09:37] So, for instance, writing my book, I don't wanna say, I'm gonna write this whole book in one sitting. That would be ridiculous and it would make a really bad book.

[00:09:46] But what I can do is say, I'm gonna work on chapter three in this sitting, or I'm gonna outline this chapter in this sitting, or I'm going to research one concept that I'm covering in chapter five. So those are some of the ways of breaking it down. Now, if you've selected one thing, take a look at what you've selected and see if you can break it down into something smaller.

[00:10:12] See what the smallest increment is that you can break it down into and have it make sense. The next step in this is to choose why you want to do this. Now, this is very important. Knowing your why is crucial for all sorts of things, but I want you to take the time to think about how meaningful this task is to you.

[00:10:36] So if this is something that you are doing to people please, or you're doing it for a client or a boss and you don't feel really intrinsically motivated to do it, intrinsic means coming from within, then I would love for you to make it an intrinsic motivation. So think. What you want to get out of doing this project, how it benefits you.

[00:11:05] And then think about how you want to feel as you are doing it. This is not a selfish act. This is really about getting your brain to be as invested. As it is when it's being manipulated by the app on your phone, right? You are tricking your brain into really, really, really wanting to do this thing.

[00:11:29] It's important to remember that when we are unfocused we often have feelings of anxiety, dread, brain fog, frustration, anger, resentment. Any of these feelings can come up around having to sort of leap over the hurdle of taking on a particular task. But when we give ourselves, the opportunity to think of how we want to feel when we are doing it, then we can shape the task to fit that desire.

[00:12:03] So for example, if I want to feel confident and clearheaded when I'm taking on a task, then my intention is to feel that way and. Begin to move away from feeling the more negative feelings that I was bringing with me into the task, right? When we lean into the feelings that we want, it actually helps us to feel those feelings.

[00:12:30] I guess what I really mean by it is, if I'm being really honest with myself, is that I want you to force yourself to fall in love with a task. That may be really hard to do if your task is, um, paying the bills, but it's worth the time.

[00:12:45] It's worth the time and energy to think of the things that you love about the task and that there aren't things that you love. Then find things that you love. Find the way to get to the place that you want to feel that feels good, . You may be thinking like, there's no way that I'm gonna fall in love with paying my taxes.

[00:13:07] But I think you can, it doesn't mean that all the feelings have to be good. It means that we're gonna focus on the ones that are good. So if you cannot find anything redeeming, or good or pleasant about the task, then reinforce it for yourself.

[00:13:26] Do something that makes you feel good in that time. Ritualize it. Think to yourself, Okay, when I do my financial reporting for my board, I'm going to do it at a time that is all mine, so there are no interruptions. I'm gonna do it, I don't know, early in the morning before anybody gets up, when it's still dark outside, I'm gonna do it when I can knock it out quickly when I'm feeling really clearheaded, when it's not gonna keep me awake at night. You know, that can be a bit of turning something a little grueling into something kind of pleasant and maybe I'm gonna, I don't know, light a candle or have some nice smells . I'm gonna make myself a really great cup of coffee and I'm gonna look forward to that and, you know, really make it a whole sensual experience that is really quite pleasant and that makes you feel a little more lovingly toward it. And if you can't get there, schedule a time with me in December. . Let's find a way together. I really love to unlock the ways to turn something that can be a little bit grueling into something that can actually be quite pleasant.

[00:14:42] Now the third thing is to choose the time in which you're going to do this task, and it's really important to look at how you use time the. I also wanna encourage you to listen to last week's episode if you haven't yet, because it really looks at our hormonal cycles in time, which I found super interesting and helpful. But for now, I just want you to think generally during the. When do you have an easier time avoiding distractions?

[00:15:16] When are you at your most clearheaded and energetic? Are there times that you're more creative? And is this a creative task? Like I am super creative at four o'clock in the morning. I don't like to get up at four o'clock in the morning, but it is a really creative time. Before my critical self, starts to interfere, I have far more openness.

[00:15:40] Think about when you right your most creative or you're most critical, because that critical thinking can also be super helpful. Reflect on the weeks past think about the tasks that you've done well, , where you've felt some success, and think about when that was in the day and how you set yourself up for success in that.

[00:16:05] So use that information, that super valuable data to choose the time and to schedule that time as much as you're able. We're not able to choose everything. Let's, let's be really honest about that. But we can set ourselves up for creating schedules that work for our brains. 

[00:16:30] So one of the super popular time scheduling methods is called the Pomodoro method, and then the Pomodoro method, you set a timer for a specific amount of time. Normally it's 25 minutes and you do a task for 25 minutes, and then you take a little rest, 

[00:16:46] and then you do another 25 minutes and you schedule your task in 25 minute increments. So a lot of people find that useful. 25 minutes doesn't work for me. I like 45 minutes, but the concept. Is pretty much the same. I like to do a 45 minute sort of work period within a little five minute period of time to handle anything that came up.

[00:17:12] I'll get back to that in a minute. And then a 10 minute break. So what do you do in that time? Well, you eliminate the distrac. Now this is hard. I know. It's also a place where we really have to recognize that, um, some people are at an advantage here.

[00:17:31] Like we all have different types of distractions and some of us have sort of an over a, a higher bar to overcome for that. For example, it's really hard to eliminate all distractions when you have young children. It's super hard to do this when you're in a busy work environment and maybe you work in an open floor plan and.

[00:17:56] Are always coming up to you , it can be challenging. So I just want to begin by acknowledging that it's not so easy to just like, eliminate all distractions and you're done. But some of the strategies that I've used, like let's talk about dealing with your own computer. , we know that social media is a big distrac. There are some apps to help to eliminate that distraction. I use the Focus app. This is not an endorsement of the focus app. Well, maybe it is. I'm not an affiliate. I don't get anything for talking about this app, but, the focus app is a good one that's on a lot of computers now, but there are also third party apps that can limit the amount of time that you have on specific websites that are known for being distracting, like Facebook or Instagram or LinkedIn Whatever you're having trouble with. You can also use the focus app on your phone and on your computer. To stop incoming calls to silence texts. You can silence your phone if you're able to do that or even turn off your phone. That's what I found works best, honestly.

[00:19:06] And if you are in an open floor plan in your office, you might wanna try either putting a sign on your desk that says you. Working do not disturb people will probably ignore it. Uh, but something that I found really helpful when working in an open floor plan is to put headphones on. And I don't mean like AirPods or earbuds, I mean like the over the ear silencing headphones because people just won't mess with you as.

[00:19:38] When you have the headphones on, and if you're in a co-working space, you can gently say, Hey, I'm really trying to focus when I have my headphones on. Just know that I'm doing work. Send me a text and I'll get to it after I finish.

[00:19:52] So that can be one thing to. Also try closing all of your tabs on your browser because it is way too easy to just flip from tab to tab to tab to tab to tab. So close them. If you can't close them because you know you're trying to keep your place somewhere. I understand that. Minimize it. At the very least, Just do anything you can so that the only thing in front of you is the thing that needs to get your attention.

[00:20:20] It's the project that you're working on, and make it as hard as you can to move away from it, because when we get uncomfortable, That's when we seek the distraction. And discomfort is a normal part of learning, right? And when we're working, we're learning. Our brain is changing. Our brain is, is doing work.

[00:20:45] Work feels uncomfortable. It can feel uncomfortable sometimes to focus. So we wanna give ourselves a leg up on the focus. Another thing that I found really helpful, I have found that when I'm working on a project, it's really helpful to have a parking lot for new ideas, cuz I don't know about you, but. Working on something, my mind will wander from time to time and I'll have a really salient idea for our new project or some aspect of it, and it can totally send me down a rabbit hole, 

[00:21:16] like it'll totally throw me off course. So one of the strategies that I've used, uh, and I do this in two different ways, is to create a parking lot for any other ideas to come up. Uh, so that can be. Oh shoot. I forgot to call and make an appointment for the doctor, for my kid. Or it could be that you felt really tempted to Google something, rather than googling it, write down that you want to Google it, right?

[00:21:42] You create a parking lot, and you can do that by having a fresh piece of paper. I like paper best because it doesn't pull you to a different screen. Uh, and another thing that I like to do is to use Post-It notes. So if I have a fresh idea I will put the idea on a Post-it note and I'll stick it on the wall in front of me.

[00:22:01] And then when my 45 minutes are done, I take the five minutes to uh, look through my notes and figure. Where I need to put those things that came up. So maybe I need to add the call to the doctor to my to-do list for the day, or I need to move this great new marketing idea to a different place so that I can remember to follow up on it later. So then I find where it belongs. , don't just leave them on the post-it notes or the piece of paper because then they'll get lost or they'll just make a big mess and then it's really hard to focus.

[00:22:36] So then after you've done that, you've filed the things that came up. Then you take your 10 minute break and you do it all over again. So anyway, those are some ideas for helping you to get focused around a project that you've been avoiding you know, try that out.

[00:22:52] Let me know if any of these tips work for you. I would really love to hear from you. Shoot me a message. Sign up for a time to chat. Leave me a voicemail, keep me posted cause I love to hear how you are reclaiming your time.

[00:23:09]

[00:23:09] Along those lines. 

[00:24:12] Being on any new December. 

[00:24:25] I'd like to do something special false listeners and which is that I'm going to buy five free. People who