Julie Artis on Pause To Go
This transcript was generated by AI Technology and has not been edited by a thoughtful human.
[00:00:00]
[00:00:00] Introduction and Welcome
[00:00:00] Bree: Welcome to Pause to Go, the podcast that's all about making the most of life's transitions from middle school through menopause. I'm your host, Bree Luck, joining you as we embark on a journey of self discovery and questionable decisions. Get ready for heartfelt conversations, expert insights, and personal stories that'll have you laughing, crying, and saying, thank goodness I'm not alone.
[00:00:30] Bree: If you've lost your midlife crisis survival kit, we've got you covered. So join me, won't you? And together we can pause to go.
[00:00:44] Bree: This week.
[00:00:46] Guest Introduction: Julie Artis
[00:00:46] Bree: I am delighted to introduce you to my friend and colleague, julie Artis. Julie is a career and leadership coach. She is a published expert on women's work and work life, family [00:01:00] balance. She has 10 years of coaching experience, 15 years of administrative experience and has been teaching. At the university level for more than 25 years, she lives in Chicago. She's also certified as an integrative life coach change worker by the ethical coaching collective. And Julie has an excellent podcast. Her leading story. Which is a must add to your podcast rotation.
[00:01:32] Discussion on Midlife and Mid-Career Experiences
[00:01:32] Bree: On today's episode , Julie and I talk about her midlife experience, but we also talk about something that we haven't discussed very much on the podcast. Which is. The mid career experience.
[00:01:48] Bree: So I think that you'll really enjoy. What she has to say about the work that she does with people who are in their midlife. [00:02:00] And mid career. She is. Brilliant at supporting women to take courageous steps, to go for the promotion, to change jobs and really to make the salary they deserve, because she knows that as more and more women step into their own power. We'll not only change our own lives, we will transform the world. I know you're going to love this episode.
[00:02:26] Bree: I also. I also just want to point out. Uh, because we decided this after. We recorded this episode, we actually. Actually recorded this back in the summer. And, Julie reached out to me this week and said that.
[00:02:39] Special Offer for Listeners
[00:02:39] Bree: she is going to do a promo. for us for pause to go listeners. She's doing a 30 minute voice, your value call, which will help you get really clear on your professional skills and strengths And help you build confidence in your value and worth. [00:03:00] And articulated confidently. IT's a great free offer. For you, if you are in mid career and would like, you know, a little boost, a little support, a little love from a supportive human who really knows her stuff., and so enjoy this talk. About midlife changes and mid career opportunities. With Julie artists.
[00:03:25] Conversation with Julie Artis
[00:03:25] Bree: Hi, Julie.
[00:03:25] Julie: Hello.
[00:03:27] Bree: . I'm so happy to have you here.
[00:03:30] Julie's Experience in France
[00:03:30] Bree: We're both coming off of trips. You've just been in France.
[00:03:35] Julie: Oh, it was glorious. First time back in 20 years and I can still speak the language.
[00:03:43] Julie: It was very, affirming that I hadn't totally lost it, which is related to middle age.
[00:03:47] Bree: absolutely. It had been 20 years since you had been there. Do you practice or did it just
[00:03:52] Bree: come right back?
[00:03:54] Julie: no. I mean, some of it did, like the basic conversational stuff did, but then [00:04:00] the way that I describe it is more like the pause for brain processing got shorter.
[00:04:08] Julie: As I was there for a week, so both in me trying to come up with the right words and also understanding what the person talking to me was saying to me in French.
[00:04:20] Julie: So it was wonderful.
[00:04:21] Bree: And how long were you there?
[00:04:23]
[00:04:23] Julie: I was there a week. I had studied there in, college and traveled there a couple of times before I had kids. So it's not like it was a new culture to me. And so I really just spent the time like... Enjoying being back, enjoying eavesdropping in cafes, watching what it's like to live there, . And then my daughter had been studying there, so I met up with her, saw where she studied, and then we flew back.
[00:04:46] Bree: And how old is she?
[00:04:48] Julie: She just turned
[00:04:49] Parenting and Personal Growth
[00:04:49] Julie: 16.
[00:04:49] Bree: That's a big
[00:04:50] Julie: so she's now better than me. Yeah, she was gone for a month, and she loved it. She had a blast. I think she made a lot of good friends. Her French [00:05:00] really improved, seriously. And, I think she's, confident now that she can, I don't know, do anything.
[00:05:07] Bree: Oh,
[00:05:09] Bree:
[00:05:09] Bree: What a wonderful thing
[00:05:10] Bree: to see
[00:05:10] Julie: Yeah. It was so great. Yeah.
[00:05:13] Bree: you said she's now better than me and it like kicked off this whole
[00:05:18] Julie: The cascading
[00:05:19] Julie: thoughts.
[00:05:19] Bree: The first thought was, Bree, she's talking about French. She's better than her in
[00:05:23] Julie: I am
[00:05:24] Julie: talking about French.
[00:05:26] Bree: but I think about how I often look at my children and just think, Oh, they're better than me. I don't always feel that way. I don't always feel that they're better than me, but it is, it is a feeling that I have sometimes it sounds negative, maybe I actually don't see that as being self deprecating. I think I'm pretty awesome, but it is beautiful to see your child grow into a fully realized human
[00:05:56] Julie: They're amazing. Yeah. Yeah. In different ways and different from [00:06:00] me at that age too. really unique people, and that's what's, that's what's fun, They're not mini me's, in my case, they're not. one of them's more of a mini me. The one who went to France.
[00:06:15] Julie: But they're both unique, very independent, unique people.
[00:06:19] Julie: And it's really fun at this age. I think I'm a much better mom of teens than babies.
[00:06:25] Bree: I think that we've all have an age where we really resonate the most. I think that we can connect with many ages, but. It is fun to be like, are you a baby mom or toddler mom or a school age mom or a teenage mom or an
[00:06:41] Julie: I'm a teenage
[00:06:42] Julie: mom. we'll see. I think I could be good at that too.
[00:06:45] Bree: Yeah. Tomorrow, an episode that I recorded with Carol Mishkin
[00:06:53] Julie: Mm
[00:06:54] Bree: and she is talking specifically about How to have [00:07:00] conversations, how to unparent your adult children. So how to be an unparent
[00:07:04] Bree: and have a new
[00:07:05] Bree: relationship.
[00:07:07] Bree: I know me too.
[00:07:08] Julie: That's awesome.
[00:07:09] Navigating Midlife Changes
[00:07:09] Bree: but it's so great to be talking with you today. And I. I have so much respect for you as a thinker, as a coach, as a mom, as a friend, and I'm really excited to talk about the work that you're doing with people who identify as women in midlife, mostly, yeah?
[00:07:30] Julie: mostly in midlife, broadly defined, right? So maybe late thirties up into their fifties.
[00:07:40] Bree: yeah, so mid career,
[00:07:41] Julie: definitely mid career.
[00:07:43] Bree: It's all about the mid.
[00:07:45] Julie: It's all about the mid.
[00:07:48] Julie's Menopause Journey
[00:07:48] Bree: before we get into the mid, I'd love to just go back for a second and start with the question that I usually start with for most people on the podcast, which is how old are you now? And where are [00:08:00] you in your menopause journey?
[00:08:02] Julie: So I, just turned 53 in April and I started perimenopause in my early forties and by 50, let's say at the onset of the pandemic, I was fully in menopause.
[00:08:20] Bree: So right at the onset of the pandemic.
[00:08:23] Julie: Yeah, it's just, it had been, like, I hadn't had a period for about a year, maybe, at that point, which is the sort of definition that they give. It had been really erratic, the last, Several years, of my forties then all of a sudden it just stopped and, I don't know, I kind of love it,
[00:08:43] Bree: Yeah, tell me more. Okay. ,
[00:08:45] Julie: I just like not having to worry about it.
[00:08:48] Julie: I. Other than some things I know we're going to talk about, I don't feel like I have a lot of physical symptoms related to it. I don't, I've never had a hot flash, I've [00:09:00] never,
[00:09:00] Bree: Yeah.
[00:09:00] Julie: like the physical pieces of it are not a problem for me other than probably it's like harder to maintain weight and stuff like that.
[00:09:07] Julie: But, I didn't have those sort of severe physical symptoms that I know a lot of women do and my mom didn't either so she was kind of like, well, that makes sense to me that you don't either. but yeah, I think it's just, I don't know, there's like a little bit of a freedom in it as a stage.
[00:09:25] Julie:
[00:09:26] Bree: that's so refreshing and exciting to hear that postmenopause feels, it really sounds liberating in many
[00:09:36] Bree: ways.
[00:09:37] Julie: yeah,
[00:09:38] Bree: I know that you didn't have many paramenopause symptoms, but you had a lot going on in your life at that time
[00:09:44] Julie: yeah.
[00:09:45] Overcoming Anxiety and Stress
[00:09:45] Julie: I had a stressful role in my full time job, in my early forties and I really, developed full on kind of anxiety, panic attacks. Stress manifested as actually pain in my [00:10:00] shoulders and my neck.
[00:10:02] Julie: and so I went through this whole journey of getting into therapy, getting a psychiatrist. Like I did start some meds that really helped me, anti anxiety, depressant meds that really helped. And,
[00:10:16] Julie: you
[00:10:17] Julie: know, and I was doing yoga and I was doing all the things. But in retrospect
[00:10:22] Julie: I've, I've had that sort of anxiety, even all through my 40s, COVID didn't help.
[00:10:27] Julie: wonder if that was, in some sense,
[00:10:31] Julie: exacerbated by perimenopause. I'd had it when I was finishing up my dissertation in late 20s, early 30s, then it lulled. I didn't have it when I was pregnant with my kids. at that point, I didn't have postpartum depression or anything, but it is interesting in retrospect, because I think we often underplay the role of female hormones and the kinds of experiences that we're having, obviously, because a lot of the medical research on so many symptoms [00:11:00] historically, and even into today have been done on male subjects.
[00:11:03] Julie: and that's changing, but it's still.and I think it's because they don't want to complicate, they want to isolate something. So they want to rule out the role of changing hormones. but then we have very little information on women. and then I went through a divorce when I was 47, that was stressful.
[00:11:19] Bree: but yeah, like I, I do think that there's this, um, Role in this intersection between sort of mental health and the hormones that I think can be underplayed a little bit. right now I'm going through some like energy issues. and I'm, like I'm anemic. My vitamin D is low, like all the things.
[00:11:43] Julie: So I'm working on that, but I also think that's related to hormones too. Right. So it's like, okay,
[00:11:49] Bree: Sure. It's tricky. how do we know what is situational and what is biological, right? And what is the interplay between those
[00:11:59] Bree: things?
[00:11:59] Bree: [00:12:00] it's tricky and I think that we want so much to find one solution for the thing. Oh, I'm going to take this medication and it's going to solve my problems or I'm going to get out of this relationship and it's going to solve my problems.
[00:12:17] Bree: And the truth is. It may help. And then there's more to do and to keep evaluating and listening to yourself and your body, which it really sounds like you do so well.
[00:12:31] Julie: Oh, that's hilarious because I really don't think that I do. but I think there's a lag time. I'm working on the lag time. I'm like, oh, I'm so tired. Why am I so tired? And then I got it. Blood work that said I was anemic like last summer and I halfheartedly took some iron and then I forgot like I just forgot and I was like, God, I'm still so tired and maybe you need to do a sleep study.
[00:12:55] Julie: And my doctor was like, also, you're anemic. Have you been [00:13:00] taking your, you know,I'm like, Oh, so it's not something that comes naturally to me. I think it's something I, Actually, I'm still, I think I'm still working on it, but I've gotten much better at it
[00:13:10] Julie: over the last several years.
[00:13:12] Bree: Just like with French. You had a lag time in the beginning and then it gets shorter.
[00:13:15] Julie: It gets shorter. That's exactly right. But I wanted to go back to what you were saying about, I love this idea of we think that there's one thing that's going to fix it. And I think that's because for so long we had separated out context versus body. Like it was an either or, and that, It had to be either this or, there's like the mind body dichotomy, the like socialization versus biology dichotomy and what most of the research is showing us is that they're really much more intertwined than scientists 20, 30, 40 years ago.
[00:13:59] Julie: [00:14:00] reported portrayed, or we're able to really study, just because of the, we've had so many advances in neuroscience and the ability to study things a little bit more granularly. And the idea that, uh, the way that you're feeling is due to 1 underlying thing just isn't, it's just not true,
[00:14:20] Bree: slides.
[00:14:21] Julie: which makes it trickier, which makes it harder for doctors. To help, there's all these implications from that, that I think the medical profession is grappling with still.
[00:14:31] Bree: As we realize more how deeply intertwined all of these things are, you're exactly right. At the same time, in the medical industrial complex, we have. Doctors who are becoming more and more specialized and siloed, so it's actually creating more issues in getting treatment that, that really takes it into account and to finding practitioners who have a systemic [00:15:00] understanding of our bodies, minds, context, all the things.
[00:15:05] Bree: It really calls for a lot of self advocacy in exactly what we're doing here, which is. talking about it so so that we can take responsibility and neither of us are medical professionals,
[00:15:19] Julie: No.
[00:15:20] Bree: but you are really an expert at helping people in their careers, helping women in their careers.
[00:15:27] Julie: Mm
[00:15:27] Bree:
[00:15:27] Bree: and that is a big piece. I know that my life completely changed when I shifted careers. In my, in my mid fortiesI, I really, once I moved out of a very stressful situation for me, , like I was my stuff, it wasn't even the job so much, it was my stuff.
[00:15:50] Bree: but it gave me the space to really take care of some of those other issues that were exacerbating it. So then I could build back up
[00:15:58] Julie: Yeah.
[00:15:59] ,
[00:15:59] Julie: that's what [00:16:00] happens, right? It's I don't know. we set out on this path, in some ways it's analogous to the, this pill will fix everything, right? but instead we're talking about, society having a path toward happiness and success that we are socialized into.
[00:16:15] Julie: and it varies a little bit, right? Depending on your upbringing and your parents and your social class and all of that, like all of that. But I think for, let's just be real specific white middle class women who. we're born in the seventies and eighties. the world was open and we could be just, we could do whatever we wanted in a way that the generation before us couldn't.
[00:16:37] Julie: And so a lot of us entered into the workforce, and. We're really good at school, got those jobs, like climbed a ladder, dotted all the I's and T's, kept going up and up and up. And I think many women now I have dear friends who went up and up and they love it. You know what I mean?
[00:16:59] Julie: Like they've [00:17:00] done great. I know others who Get to a point and they're like, let's say early 40s where they're like, you know Ilook like I'm successful, but I don't really feel like that But at that point many women have kids like the stakes are higher to make any kind of shift.
[00:17:19] Julie: And so there's all these considerations to take into account and, and then there's all these kinds of things like what's the job market like now, what are my skills like, do I really want to change or do I want to like just, do some work on myself and maybe do a lateral move or go for a promotion or something like that.
[00:17:39] Julie: And so a lot of what I. Do with my clients is to work through a lot of that conditioning, the socialization. and almost the limiting belief that they can't make a change because of their families, [00:18:00] because of the money, because of the spouses, because of their education, whatever that is, because it's always possible to make some kind of change.
[00:18:07] Bree: Even myself, I'm a full time, I've been on a full time faculty position as a sociologist for like almost 25 years now at the same institution. And I have had many careers within that one institution. Job, let's say. So I have been a chair of my department. I have been, a university administrator.
[00:18:32] Julie: I'm now a college associate dean. I have been an advisor. I have to, I've done a lot of different things, which suits me because I kind of like to change things up every few years, but. it's possible for anyone to explore shifting something about their work, career, life, at any age.
[00:18:57] Julie: And some people have a limiting belief [00:19:00] that it's too late.
[00:19:01] Bree: It's... Great to hear that. I definitely have that limiting belief sometimes, it's too late and I have to work through it.
[00:19:08] Breaking the 'Good Girl' Complex
[00:19:08] Bree: I think there's also something and I know that you and I touched on this a little bit in our pre meeting. I think there's also a part of I've done all the things right.
[00:19:19] Bree: I've been, I've checked all the boxes. I've been the good girl, right? And, what happens when we're not, what happens when we end a relationship because we know that's the right thing to happen when we do the things that feel that they're going against those expectations. I'm going to leave that in your court.
[00:19:40] Julie: Yeah, if anybody had the good girl complex, it was me. And it's interesting because it comes in stages. I remember one of my first memories of, oh, I'm not perfect. I can't, my kids aren't perfect is a moment when, my [00:20:00] son was younger and we were visiting my parents and we were going out to meet my dad for lunch and he just refused to come downstairs and I gave him a warning and said, we're going without you. If you're not down here with your shoes on in five minutes, he was like seven or eight and maybe younger, but I remember I left him there. My mom was there. And so I left him, took my daughter. We got to lunch. And I remember my dad being like, what? He didn't. I was like, he did not come.
[00:20:31] Julie: When I asked him to, I gave him multiple warnings. I told him we were leaving him. So we left him mom's home with him. And I think my dad was like, Oh, it wasn't so much about my dad, it was more me, like the expectations that my kids represented something about me and that their actions reflected on my ability to parent and if they weren't perfect kids.
[00:20:52] Julie: So that kind of opened it up for me. you know,
[00:20:55] Bree: as they
[00:20:56] Julie: as they do exactly, and then, yeah, and then [00:21:00] going through a divorce, which, was not something that I wanted. , that's still, I think, is kind of aMindfuck for me. Are we explicit? Is that okay?
[00:21:10] Julie: Yes, of course. Because you got
[00:21:12] Julie: kicked off of what
[00:21:13] Bree: Because I got kicked off of YouTube for the word vagina,
[00:21:18] Julie: so you know, it's still kind of a mindfuck. Like I still wake up sometimes and I'm like, Oh my God, I'm divorced. It's so weird to me in so many ways and I think in some ways it's because it was a very amicable divorce and we have an amicable post divorce relationship but it just, it wasn't working anymore and it took I think he got there first, it took, then it took me a little bit longer because I was so clung to the idea of like, no, like, no, no, And then we split, and, there are several gifts that have come from that, right? Like, The gift of knowing that I can live through something like that knowing that I can take care of myself and my [00:22:00] kids, um, knowing that I'm strong enough, like, emotionally to weather that, knowing that I have a lot of support, like, my friends.know, my neighbors,my colleagues at work, like everyone, it was just a really like humbling, lovely experience in the pain because, you really realize your humanity and how your, community can be there for you. Right. In a very specific way. so
[00:22:30] Julie: I think it's one of those things where, for me, and I think for a lot of women, A lot of the rules that we have are, um, They're socialized. So, we think people are going to think something about us. When we do something like go through a divorce or have an unruly child or, um, I don't know, start a podcast or your own side business.
[00:22:54] Julie: You know what I mean? And what will people think? And it's really like, I went through a lot of coaching on this, [00:23:00] which is like. That it's really not that other people are going to think something about it. Like most people aren't thinking about us at all, right? It's like a blip. It's that we're thinking about it and we're worried about what other people are going to think because we've been socialized to worry about it.
[00:23:16] Julie: As a safety mechanism, quite frankly, , as women, we are hyper vigilant about how we're perceived. I mean, at least in our generation, how we're perceived. Should we walk alone at dark at night, like all of those things play into that mindset of like, I need to be small and safe, and so when you break the good girl, you're like kind of breaking a little bit of that small and safe and it's hard for your brain to feel safe.
[00:23:43] Julie: Doing that. I mean, but it's so crazy. Like when I first started doing like my coaching business a year or so ago, and I sent out a bunch of emails to friends and family asking, first I asked for free clients. Then I just said, here's what I'm coaching on and send [00:24:00] people to me. I.
[00:24:02] Julie: Everyone, like some people didn't respond. Everyone was like, Oh, this is so great. Sure. I'll pass your name on. And like, I was like, Oh.People just want to support me. What? They're not being like, she's a professor. Why is she doing this? You know, like there was none of that.None. It was all in my head.
[00:24:21] Julie: It was a good lesson. It was a, really good lesson. I'm still not quite out from under that one. but I know it's there and I have some evidence. So, um, it's, there's, there's always, there's
[00:24:34] Julie: always something to work on.
[00:24:36] Bree: every morning I go for a walk. It's a pretty long walk. do about five miles. And because I don't have time to walk and meditate.
[00:24:44] Bree: , I do a walking meditation . So, one of the things that often comes up for me is that fear of being judged, that feeling of like, what am I doing? Usually a lot of very negative thoughts come out at that time. I'm pretty hard on [00:25:00] myself, similar to what you're saying, right?
[00:25:03] Bree: And so I have two partsthat sound pretty similar to where you are. The first thing is to remind myself to get out of other people's heads, that that's none of my business, what they're thinking or what they're doingor what that's really none of my business, unless they are coming to me for advice, it's
[00:25:21] Bree: none of my business
[00:25:22] Julie: yes. Good rule
[00:25:24] Julie: to
[00:25:24] Julie: live
[00:25:25] Bree: Number two it does go back to those basic fears. So I'm always taking a look and saying, This is anxiety that is only operating at the surface level. Let's get deep below that and figure out what you're really afraid of.
[00:25:43] Bree: And it usually comes down to, I'm afraid of getting cast out, right? I'm afraid of
[00:25:51] Julie: Right. Of not belonging.
[00:25:53] Bree: And,
[00:25:54] Bree: and. And, you know, I have to really take a good, hard lookat that, [00:26:00] and at the privilege that is with that, and, uh, and do some deep work there. So, typically,That first 45 minutes is spent doing some deep work in that realm.
[00:26:14] Bree: And it is ongoing and it does shift and you reach plateaus and and uh, times when you have a little more freedom in your brain. And then a hormone shift happens or you get sick or something stressful at work and you have other anxiety and then you go back to that fear zone. Sounds like we're kind of in the same place.
[00:26:35] Bree: Similar place there.
[00:26:37] Julie: We're in the same place.
[00:26:38] Julie: We need to talk more. Basically. This podcast is a good excuse.
[00:26:42] Bree: But, . you, are helping other people
[00:26:44] Bree: through these moments in life
[00:26:47] Julie's Career Coaching Approach
[00:26:47] Julie: Usually women come to me who are in some way bored, dissatisfied, in a toxic situation at work. Something's going on, but it just doesn't feel right and [00:27:00] they know it. But they feel stuck, right? This is the problem is that a lot of times, because in mid, career, there's so much, responsibility,you've put in so much time at your current position, um, Your mind traps you into, , a loop of thinking that you, like, need to stay, need to, um, it'll be okay, just go to work and go through the motions, like, maybe I'll do that later, maybe I'll shift something later.
[00:27:32] Julie: You know, the brain wants to keep us safe and belonging, right? That is a primal instinct as to, like. Belong.And so what I have found through like a year of coaching women through various kinds of transitions, not just switching jobs, but like going for a promotionor, , like doing lateral moves within their own organization into positions that were a better fit for them.
[00:27:57] Julie: Is that what happens for a lot of [00:28:00] women is they get frozen and stuck in a like overthinking thought loop where it's like spiraling and spiraling. They look at LinkedIn and they're like, I don't know, is the grass greener somewhere else? Like, would I get the same amount of pay?
[00:28:14] Julie: Would I even like it as much? And so then it goes again, like the now I'll say, and then it just like keepslooping. And, um, what happens is that I think a lot of career coaches honestly are like, I help you with your resume and I help you with your like interviewing and I do all that too.
[00:28:31] Julie: Like, , I help you with your cover letter. I support you with networking. But the problem is, is that those are all actions. Right? And our brain does not want to take action if that action is scary or feels unsafe . So it's like conditioned to overthink these things and keep us.
[00:28:54] Julie: Small and safe. And so the big issue here is [00:29:00] not just getting clear on what you want is not just like these things you can look up on the internet about how to write bullet points on your resume. You know what I mean?
[00:29:09] Julie: That's not the value. The value of coaching is having somebody who. Understands these issues about mindset and, I specifically decided to get trained in a method of change work that is based on neuroscience and, new research on how to change neural networks in our brain. And it's just a conversational thing. It's related to neurolinguistic programming, but it's. I think it's better. It's, been sort of improved upon by my teacher. Her name is Melissa tears. And, using those kinds of tools, because you can interrupt like you were saying about negative thoughts, you can interrupt the negative thought and then build new neural pathways by replacing [00:30:00] that, right?
[00:30:01] Julie: How do you want to feel instead? You don't even have to go back to. You know, thesocialization necessarily, or any kind of trauma or any kind of early you can,
[00:30:12] Bree: better to do that with a therapist. Yeah.
[00:30:14] Julie: Better Much better to dig in that way.
[00:30:17] Julie: This is more about like. When you got stuck in Froze, what was happening? Like, where specifically was that happening? Because that's gonna light up that neural network, and then taking them through a conversational process, where, and a embodied process, that, like, allows them to change that. Also, the reason I love this, style of coaching is also very empowering. It empowers clients with tools that they can use themselves when they get triggered, upset, stuck. Um, and then like, I'm there to support because it's come up. Like I have had clients who have looked at their college transcripts and been like, Oh my God. And they, [00:31:00] you know, freak out and it freezes them. Or I have had clients who have had male colleagues get promoted instead of them. And then it like, keeps them stuck about how to navigate in that workplace. So I think it's really. powerful and misunderstood or like not a usual thing for a career coach to like talk about, which isthe idea.
[00:31:22] Julie: It's like kind of broadly what in the coaching world you would call mindset, but specifically what I like to do is work on the level of changing. Those limiting beliefs or those thought patterns replacing them with something positive. And then there's also things we can do in terms of like deep guided visualization and meditation and, meaning making that are also tools that can be used, to prepare for interviews to prepare for high stakes conversations, that are super effective as well. So I'd love my coach training. I'm loving [00:32:00] using it with career coaching, especially because at middle age, we have built up so many, thoughts about the way the world works, the way we are in the world. thinking about making some sort of change, it can really feel
[00:32:17] Julie: overwhelming.
[00:32:18] Bree: You've talked about so much here, but what would one piece of advice be that you would have for a woman who is going through a mid career or a mid life career change?
[00:32:32] Julie: well, I
[00:32:32] Julie: Think it sort of depends on where they're, so in general I see clients who are sort of a couple of different places.Some people are in a position, they know they need to change, but they have no idea what they want to do.
[00:32:48] Julie: Right. Or they kind of have thought about it, but they're not really sure. And they're stuck in the decision part. So that's where clarity becomes really important. So I work, I have a lot of clarity exercises that I do [00:33:00] with clients, um, how to identify what's meaningful work, what kind of activities on a day to day basis, put them into flow. The other kind of people I have are, I want to change to this.
[00:33:13] Julie: And I just want support as I'm doing it. So then the clarity is already there. And then it's about getting into action and using these, neuroscience tools to support you as you are making big, bold moves, taking courageous action. Like one example is, um, Ihave a client who, was.networking at a conference, right?
[00:33:43] Julie: It was a conference sponsored by a company who she really wanted a job with. And she had some loose connections with them and she got invited to introduce people at a, on a big stage two days in a row. And she, even though she teaches is like paralyzed in front of large [00:34:00] audiences. And so the thing that I taught her to do here, this is good. This is just like a little scrunchie. And she uses a bar of soap
[00:34:08] Julie: from the hotel. So this is like when you got the nerves, like right before. Um, if you just pass an object across your midline like this, again, bar of soap, water bottle
[00:34:22] Bree: I'm doing
[00:34:22] Bree: it with you. So, for people
[00:34:25] Bree: who can't see.
[00:34:26] Bree: There's an object. It's in my left hand. And you sort of pass it across your body to your other hand. So from left to right and right to left.
[00:34:37] Bree: Do you look at it at the same time?
[00:34:41] Julie: No, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter whether you're looking at it. What it is usually anxiety is concentrated in one specific part of your brain, right? The MRIs show this and what somatic or kinesthetic [00:35:00] body based experience does is it activates both the right and left brains. And usually if you do this for like even just two or three minutes before some sort of high stakes conversation, like you can feel Yeah, I can feel like the relaxation coming over my body. It really helps to calm and center me. And so usually when I start working with clients, I give them two or three different tools like this for them to experiment with what works for them.
[00:35:31] Julie: And actually what happens is your brain starts associating those movements with relaxation,
[00:35:36] Bree: So you have a Pavlovian effect, yeah. .
[00:35:38] Julie: Yes. And so you can really calm yourself down. So my, my client used a piece of soap you know, she said it really, really helpedget hercentered and grounded
[00:35:50] Julie: before she
[00:35:51] Julie: spoke.
[00:35:53] Bree: And now every time she sees a bar of soap in the hotel, she instantly feels
[00:35:57] Bree: calmer.
[00:35:58] Julie: It relaxes. [00:36:00] True.
[00:36:01] Bree: I love it.
[00:36:01] Advice for Midlife Career Change
[00:36:01] Bree: What a great. Simple tool. I'm definitely going to use that this week, this week. So thank you for that. Is there anything else that you wanted to tell us about midlife?
[00:36:15]
[00:36:15] Julie's Personal Life and Final Thoughts
[00:36:15] Julie: I have an awesome boyfriend who is unconditionally
[00:36:18] Julie: supportive of all that I do. And so I think the other thing is if for anyone who's, I don't do divorce coaching or dating coaching or anything like that. But, um, I also had my own of experience trying to figure all that out at midlife., it's not that different than like starting your own business in some ways.
[00:36:36] Julie: Cause it's just like, you just have to keep Going on first dates and I went on many and I hit the jackpot and I'm so grateful that I have, I've been, we've been dating like three years now, so have just felt so much support and love from him in such an unconditional way. It really, has supported me. in a lot of different ways, including in starting [00:37:00] this coaching business and putting myself out there and, um, setting up my website. I mean, all of that stuff. He's wonderful.
[00:37:09] Bree: Wonderful. I'm so glad. I'm so glad you found each other.
[00:37:13] Julie: I know, he's so sweet. Um, we're good match. Really good match.
[00:37:18] Bree: How can we find you? How can we get in touch with you? How can people who are going through midlife career changes work with Julie?
[00:37:25] Julie: I would encourage people to check out my website where I talk about the magic of neuroscience and I offer for career coaching. It's very simple. It's Julie artists. Coaching. com. Um, I'm sure Brie will put it in her show notes and you can also follow me on Instagram at Dr.
[00:37:48] Julie: Dr. Julie artists. And I post there some, and then there's like links to how to get on. I'd love to invite anyone to hop on a, clarity call with me [00:38:00] to explore what they're going through. I learned so much from my clients and so much from talking to people, women who are going through this kind of stage in their career or their life.
[00:38:12] Julie: And so I do free clarity calls, no obligation, just. Chat with me about what you're going through. And there's a, link from my Instagram bio that, , can set you up with my calendar and everything like that. So, I would love to talk to anyone who wants to share what they've been going through and see if some of these
[00:38:33] Julie: tools might be a good fit for
[00:38:34] Julie: them.
[00:38:36] Bree: What a generous offer. Thank you. And that will be in the show notes.
[00:38:40]
[00:38:40] Key Takeaways and Call to Action
[00:38:40] Here are my key takeaways from this conversation with Julie Artis. It is possible for anyone to consider shifting something about their career relationship, health or personhood in short, it's never too late to make a change.
[00:38:58] Number two, we [00:39:00] often worry about what other people are thinking about us, but most people aren't thinking about us at all. We're socialized to worry about how we are perceived. So when we break the good girl mentality, it kind of messes with our brain. And we can use strategies like Julie presented to work on that. Number three. Dating in midlife is not unlike starting a business.
[00:39:26] You have to put yourself out there and go on a lot of first dates. If you want to see the video from the pre-performance calming exercise that Julie presents in this podcast. Hop on over to awkward Sage media on Instagram. And see the videos snippet from the pod.
[00:39:44] Bree: Here's my call to action for this episode. That's what they call it. When I'm trying to get you to do something, I want you to do something and
[00:39:54] Bree: that is to share your story. So if you would like to share an experience of your midlife [00:40:00] delights, agony, or just plain humor, you can leave me a voice memo on my new website.
[00:40:05] Bree: Pause to go podcast. com. There's a tab on the right side of the website that says something like. Leave me a voice memo and you can, you can just record a voice memo for me right there and I'll get it. And if you feel comfortable having me share your voice on the pod, then I can share that with everyone.
[00:40:25] Bree: It's so nice to hear other people's voices. But if you don't feel comfortable having me share your voice, I can just anonymously share your story. It'll be great to have your stories on the Pause To Go podcast. All right, stay curious y'all
[00:40:44] Bree: Thank you for listening to the pause to go podcast. Special thanks to code base co working and WTJU radio for their support. This has been an awkward sage production.
