NOTE: This transcript was created with AI technology and has not been edited for accuracy.

[00:00:00] before I get into this week's podcast, which is about. Tardiness. I want to tell you about a program that I have starting in January, which is called the rehearsal room. 

[00:00:14] This will be a membership. 

[00:00:17] And each week I will do an open coaching call. where members of the group can come in to the call. You can jump in the hot seat. To work on. Anything that you'd like to rehearse and get feedback on. 

[00:00:33] So that can be. Uh, speech. That can be a presentation for a board meeting or for a class. 

[00:00:42] That can be a difficult conversation, a conversation that you need to have with a family member or with a boss or a partner . It can be rehearsing for an audition. It can be really anything that can use a little

[00:00:58] Practice. I like to call it a rehearsal for life. So, if you're interested in this membership, I'm making it super affordable because I know that one-on-one coaching with me. It's an investment, right? It's a, it's a big investment. And this is going to be really affordable. for the beta group, which is the first three months, it'll be $9 a month. So that's four. 

[00:01:26] Early adopters, $9 a month for once a week meetings to rehearse pretty much anything you want to rehearse with me. 

[00:01:35] So, how do you sign up? 

[00:01:37] Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be sending out an email to people who are on my mailing list. So if you want to get on the mailing list, you can send me an email or a DM on Instagram. My email is bree@thelovelyunbecoming.com. My Instagram is the lovely unbecoming. 

[00:01:58] And put in the. Subject heading. The rehearsal room. I look forward to rehearsing with you soon. And now onto the episode

[00:02:08] I've had a funny thing happen since I started this series on time, and that is that after years of being early. Punctual for, mm, I would say 98% of my meetings. I have been consistently late, including getting this episode out, and so it made me think why, what is happening right now that is causing me to be less than punctual?

[00:02:52] And so I thought I would take a look at what are the factors that make us late? Tardiness, , it's a funny thing, right? When I was in school, I would rather miss an entire day of school than be. That probably says something about my perfectionistic personality, like to miss an entire day would be okay, but to be tardy, to get a tardy slip was absolutely terrifying to me.

[00:03:27] But other people don't feel that way. My husband has been late so many times, . He will say he's been on time for everything, but his on time is my late, I'm a 10 minutes early kind of girl. But not everybody's like that. So this episode, 

[00:03:47] why am I always late? Of late. 

[00:03:53]

[00:03:53] We're going to start by just looking at the brain

[00:03:59] Some brains just aren't as well equipped for tracking time as other brains. So people who identify as type A typically have an internal clock that is just better at tracking time than people who are type B 

[00:04:20] in general, People who identify as type a. Are better at tracking time. Then people who identify as type B. And let me just go back type a. Is typically defined as being more competitive, more time urgent. 

[00:04:40] And more, aggressive or assertive. And then type B folks tend to be a little more relaxed, a little more patient, a little more easygoing. I, you know, these types. I'm not going to go there. Now. We'll talk about personality types another day, but this doesn't necessarily mean that 

[00:05:04] Type a people. 

[00:05:05] R. 

[00:05:06] better at being on time, but type a personalities. Experience. Really a constant sense of urgency. And, so they become impatient with delays. They get 

[00:05:22] Frustrated. 

[00:05:24] with unproductive time, but sometimes this can work against them because. 

[00:05:30] They scheduled too many things, too tightly. They try to multitask. Uh, which can be distracting and 

[00:05:37] They really struggle with that. 

[00:05:39] So, although people who identify as type a are better at tracking time, They actually don't seem to be markedly more punctual. Than other folks. So let's look at other brain issues 

[00:05:58] Like attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. 

[00:06:04] People with ADHD are 

[00:06:07] Late more often than other people. And some of the reasons for this are ,probably these factors that people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder often exhibit that include a combination of inattention and impulsivity. And they just don't have a great sense of time, and that makes sense, right?

[00:06:33] If we are inattentive, then we're just not paying attention to time, and if we are impulsive, then we can make decisions that are distracting and that keep us from meeting the goal that we wanted to meet Origin. but there are also other personality factors that can really affect our ability to get somewhere on time.

[00:07:02] So I'm going to refer to the work of Dr. Linda Sappington. 

[00:07:05] She is a psychologist and an author 

[00:07:08] Who really specializes in helping people get out of their own way, and she has written numerous books. Her most recent one is Procrastination in the Digital Age.

[00:07:22] She has identified four personality types that are more likely to be late. The first personality type is the perfectionist . This is the person who is really getting in their own way because they want things to be. Perfect. So there are people who might have to check and make sure that everything is done perfectly before they get where they need to go.

[00:07:52] They wanna make sure every hair is in place, that all the dishes are washed, that everything is absolutely 

[00:07:59] In order. 

[00:08:00] before they leave the house or before they do what needs to be done or before they get where they need to go. . And so for them perfectionism can really get in the way of being on time.

[00:08:15] I know it seems kind of counterintuitive for a perfectionist to struggle with time management, 

[00:08:21] But when you look at it in terms of. Really needing to do everything. Beautifully everything perfectly. To the point of obsession, it makes sense. 

[00:08:38] The next person is the crisis maker. This is the person who really thrives on a crisis. They get an adrenaline rush for, having to get somewhere on time.

[00:08:53] I found this really interesting. I am not this way, but I do know a lot of people who are, and so these are the people who, who really, really, really like to show up right on time or like the thrill of walking into a room. A few minutes late and having the attention on them. So they are typically high sensation seekers, so people who need a little more adrenaline in their day to day activity.

[00:09:24] And by the way, I am gonna give some strategies at the end of this for, being on time, and I have some for the crisis makers in the room. The next person is, The dreamer, and this is the person who just maybe doesn't pay attention to detail that much. They're sort of off in their daydreamy space that kind of sells short what they're doing.

[00:09:49] Maybe they're deep in thought about something and so, time just doesn't register for them in the same way. I have a daughter who's a bit of a dreamer and so sometimes time management is an issue for her because of this. The last person is the defier or the rebel, and this is someone who just simply doesn't care.

[00:10:18] About time. 

[00:10:19] Maybe they're resisting authority or. 

[00:10:22] They really don't want to be bound by other people's expectations and they want to do things their own way. And so they, rebel against punctuality in many ways that it feels like an infringement on. Freedom.

[00:10:43] There's a fifth type that was not identified by Linda sabot 10, but that I've seen in several other articles 

[00:10:51] On this topic. 

[00:10:54] And that is the pleaser. So this is the person who maybe says yes to too many things and finds themselves over committed. And, they're trying to please so many people that they just have built in too busy of a.

[00:11:12] So those are the types of people who are late for things. And if you find yourself being late for work, which of these do you identify with are multiples? Do you identify with any of these? Let me know which of these you fall into. And now, let's, let's turn to some strategies.

[00:11:32] Maybe you've identifi. What may be the underlying cause for being late. So let's look at strategies for being on time. Number one is to use visualization.

[00:11:45] So this is especially for the rebels, for the high sensation seekers and for the dreamers, right? For those of us who can really respond to the visualization techniques. The first thing is to visualize. What the negative repercussions will be if you are late to an event, how will it make other people feel?

[00:12:15] What will it mean? What are some of the negative stressors there? What are some of the negative impacts of that? You don't have to take long to do this. You can take 30 seconds to visualize what are the negative repercussions of being late, and then flip that and take a moment to visualize the positive repercussions of being early, the thrill of actually being punctual to an event. Really take a moment to think about how other people will respond, how it feels to be on time, how it feels to breeze into a meeting. Feeling prepared and ready. How it feels to walk confidently into the airport knowing that you are not gonna miss your flight, that you have time to get your cup of coffee.

[00:13:07] Maybe envision some other things that could happen, like what are some possibilities that could happen? If you're just a few minutes early, maybe you have a positive interaction with someone outside in the waiting room, or you get to, once you're there early, you get to read that article that you really haven't had time to read or that chapter that you haven't had time.

[00:13:31] To read, on your own time that you know that if you've built in a little cushion that you have a little more time. And speaking of cushion, give yourself a cushion. That's another strategy that really works for everyone. Really give yourself more time to get to where you need to go.

[00:13:49] One of the things you can do is if you find yourself continually underestimating the amounts of time it takes you to do something or to get from A to B, and by the way, most of us do underestimate the amount of time it takes to do something particularly travel. So take a note of your underestimations over the next week and see how much time you need to add.

[00:14:19] Do you need to add a 10 minute cushion to the amounts of time it's gonna take you to get to the grocery store or from your house to a meeting give yourself a cushion.

[00:14:31] Build in that cushion to your time. I usually build in a 10 minute cushion for in town events, but if I'm driving, if I have to drive a long way, if I have more than say an hour or two. get to the airport, to get to, a conference or a meeting. I usually give myself a 30 minute to 45 minute window there.

[00:14:58] I've never regretted being somewhere early. I never have . Recently, my daughter had to get to the airport and it was, uh, for Thanksgiving, and she gave herself a five hour window. That is a kid who really wants to be somewhere on time, and it makes sense. She was traveling through New York City. She had to go through multiple modes of public transportation.

[00:15:23] We knew that it was the busiest travel day of the year, and so she gave herself a a whole lot of time. and then she relaxed in the airport, called some people that she wanted to talk to. Did a little work for school, and really took advantage of that bonus window.

[00:15:43] You may not wanna give yourself five hours, but give yourself the time that you need. Give yourself a little extra time. The next thing is to get a clock. The truth is, we don't all have a great internal clock. We don't all have that internal measurement system that other people have. And I think we've all experienced this, right?

[00:16:09] Like when you're deeply engrossed in something, you lose track of time. That's why they say time flies when you're having fun. But having a clock, particularly one that has hands on it, that is an analog clock, not a digital clock, can really help you to develop a stronger internal sense of time passing.

[00:16:37] So if you find that this is a struggle for you, it's not just about. Having more clocks around your house or wearing a watch instead of just having a phone. Although those things can help. It's also about having a watch or a clock that has hands on it so that you can actually see the passing of time represented visually on a continu.

[00:17:04] So try that out and see if that helps you develop a stronger internal sense of time. And speaking of internal senses of time, if we know that we get distracted or that we lose track of time when we have something that is deeply engrossing, don't get into work project that's gonna need a lot of attention. And also don't scroll on your phone or getting engrossed in a video game because we know that those are created to distract your brain to get you really sucked into that vortex of the game or the social media application. You're gonna lose track of time if you do that. And it's funny because we often use little video games or social media as something to, Distract us when we have time.

[00:17:59] So if you want to play a game, if that's something that you really want to do or you really want to check your Instagram account , get to the place where you need to go and then check because, uh, because then you'll already be. So those are some strategies for being on time.

[00:18:20] So looking at my original reason for taking on this episode. I'm going to take on some strategies myself and the first thing i'm going to do is i'm going to get a clock with a second hand in my office 

[00:18:34] because what I realized is that in taking on this project of really looking at time, I've focus my priorities on my clients and really having optimal time with them and when I have that deeply engrossed time with them, I'm less aware of the time limits because I'm attending to those relationships. I'm really focusing on being far more present with them.

[00:19:04] So I've relied on, alarms to help me end my time, and I do set alarms for that, which is another time strategy. 

[00:19:14]

[00:19:14] But also I've silenced my phone and all of my computer alerts so that I can focus more. So I'm not getting the alarms that I've set. And that's why they're not working for me. 

[00:19:30] so I want to have a secondhand clock to really help me with that. So those are some strategies. Let me know if any of those speak to you, if any of those work for you.

[00:19:41] And here's to all of us being on time. Have a great week.