This week, we've got a HOT topic for you on the Pause to Go podcast – We're looking at reigniting your sexual spark in midlife.
Listen to the Full Episode Here.
We're talking the real, the raw, and a little bit raunchy with Wendy Leigh, my new friend who happens to be a sex and intimacy coach.
Wendy, who found herself on a voyage of self-discovery after her divorce, knows the score. She's the guide you didn’t know you needed when exploring your naughty bits, your desires, and how to better connect with yourself and your partner(s).
Wondering what's "normal" in your midlife sexual journey? You're not alone!
Honestly, the better question may be: Are you happy with where you are, or do you want to rev things up?
Wendy firmly believes that exploring our sexuality can reignite a sense of empowerment in our personal lives and add some hot sauce to our relationships with others and ourselves. It turns out that discovering your sensual desires is pretty darn sexy!
How can we bring a little more spark to our intimate lives?
(Believe me, I wanted to know too!)
Start with yourself!
For starters, Wendy's biggest tip for reigniting your sexual spark is to tap into all your senses. Music, touch, and fragrances can all play a part in reconnecting with your desires and boosting your confidence. (And she wrote a fabulous blog post about it HERE!)
How about self-care and self-awareness? Wendy's a huge fan. She encourages exploring your own body, shedding shame, and embracing your sexuality as part of your overall well-being.
It may help to really consider some of the knee-jerk reactions that we have to our feelings about our bodies and our sexuality -- and to give ourselves the space to make note of how social conditioning may be coloring our perspective.
As I’m writing this today, I’m thinking of Matthew Reynold’s encouragement to expand our personal sovereignty by asking ourselves, “ How much of your thinking is your thinking?”
Just yesterday, I was dealing with chafed armpits from a home waxing mishap (it happens), and I found myself wondering why the heck I feel the need to go through the pain and expense of removing body hair, when, clearly, it is there to serve a purpose?! How much of my thinking "armpits must be bald" was really my thinking?
The Google search “Why is hairlessness supposed to be sexy?” sent me to some dark and disturbing places – and that inspired me to have a frank conversation with Geoff about the link between sexiness and hairless armpits…
I’m probably still gonna wax my pits for now. But at least I’ll think twice about it.
Communicating with your partner(s).
Wendy also encourages us to consider ditching the tired "Tuesday Night Special" script. Instead, be open with your partner(s) about what feels good, and discover new ways to be intimate that go beyond the traditional.
Effective communication is vital when discussing your sexual desires. Open up, listen, and remember: It's all about understanding, not blaming or making assumptions.
Now that looks so easy on the page, doesn’t it? “Be understanding… don’t blame. “
But with so much societal baggage and stigma around sexuality, it can be hard to have open conversations about intimacy without pushing buttons.
Heck, I had a hard time talking about my burning armpits!
But addressing the societal stigma surrounding midlife sexuality can lead to a more supportive environment for everyone to pursue a fulfilling sexual life. By making your sexuality a priority in midlife, you can create a stronger sense of self, better relationships, and a more balanced life.
In other words, take it one step at a time.
You don’t have to go it alone: Finding support and resources
Wendy recommends trusting your body, understanding the factors that influence your sexuality, and seeking out resources and community.
Lucky for us, Wendy is working with fellow intimacy coach, Jessica Childs, to launch SeggsCamp, a supportive space for exploring your sexuality free from judgment.
I mean, imagine how much fun it will be to answer the question, “What did YOU do on summer vacation?” after that 6-week ride? (If you are signing up, use the code “Pausetogo” for a discount!)
So there you have it!
If you're in the thick of midlife and questioning your relationship with your sexuality, remember you're not alone. Tune into this week's episode with Wendy Leigh for the whole conversation.
Stay curious, y’all!
