When You Sit w/Anything Long Enough: love

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I was reminded of how different it is to be in a space.

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We're being understood.

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Is the assumption.

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How much.

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Energy am I wasting in my life and in my work.

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Working from and coming from this place of like, How do I make myself clear? Who gives a fuck.

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Like if I, if I'm not understood.

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Then I'm not understood then it's not for you.

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What a waste of energy.

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So now I wonder.

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What will I have energy for? When I come into it with almost like a mantra.

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If I use this mantra of like, I am understood.

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I have sat with this.

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And love.

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Because love.

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What gets made.

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Well, it gets created.

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And how do you feel as you're doing it? If those are your inherent assumptions, those are your jumping off point.

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Not the place you're trying to land.

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What if, instead of doing work in the hopes of landing in the space of.

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Now I'm understood.

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Or my work, it will speak to me and I will hear it when it's good enough to be heard.

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Or now I achieve love.

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Now I can love it.

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Now I can love myself because the thing is made.

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And what if you start there? You're already understood.

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You've already sat and listened to what.

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The work is telling you.

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And love.

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Is already.

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Abundantly present Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.

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It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.

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My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.

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One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.

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You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.

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All you have to do is see.

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In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.

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Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.

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You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.

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What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.

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Come exactly as you are.

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It's perfect.

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Honor your instincts.

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Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.

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Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.

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Let's dive in.

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Hello.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.

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Uh, today I'm coming to you.

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With some half-baked intentions around what I want to share.

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So.

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I really want to talk about my.

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Workshop that I went to this past weekend.

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Uh, this past weekend.

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Yeah, I guess it's been a week since I've been back.

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maybe a little longer.

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I feel like I haven't been able to process it.

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And perhaps I can process it here, live with you.

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Um, my partner, he's like, oh, I'm worried about you.

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Like.

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It's, you're just kind of weird about it.

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Like.

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And I'm not saying much and I don't and like, yeah, cause I don't know what.

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I don't know what to say.

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Um, And I was listening to something the other day and they reiterated the quote that, and I remember how strongly I.

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Um, don't not disagree, but contend with it.

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Um, share from the scar, not from the wound.

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Uh, and I just don't like that.

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I totally understand it.

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I respect it.

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And I like for what.

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For the, for when people identify with that.

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And, um, you know, I don't believe in pushing to share when you're not ready to share or, you know, I believe it from that aspect, but what I don't like about it is.

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The, um, The.

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You know, the inherent.

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Shame that can be cast the other way around.

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Um, if you're sharing before you've healed or before you've quote unquote figured it out and put it in perspective and like, you know, compartmentalized and.

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I don't know, not that, that's what it means.

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Like, I really don't like this idea of like showing support for one school of thought inherently means you object or you don't.

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Support and other, like, I don't believe that, but I just want, I feel the need to highlight.

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How important it is to.

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Freely share.

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If you feel comfortable to do that.

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And if that's something you crave.

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Um, I think it's important for someone to get, um, Just insight.

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And so what it looks like to hear someone thinking something through.

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Um, that is not.

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All figured out already.

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That is not something that is completely healed.

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Um, Because I think that if everyone in the whole world only shared from a place of being completely, um, Healed or figured it out or from a place that's not so raw.

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Then it's very isolating for us in our moments when we are just desperate to have seen something that.

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Feels anything like the way we feel now.

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In this raw moment, right? I think about that beautiful blurb from, uh, Ethan Hawke, where he talks about, um, I've shared it like a million times now on Instagram, how.

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You know, people go about their lives.

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Not really caring about poetry or art sometimes.

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And until they experienced something or like losing someone or falling in love and like, they just are desperate to know.

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And under.

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If anyone else has felt anywhere near, like they feel if there's something.

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That they can encounter.

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That makes them feel like seen or reflected or, um, you know, not on a con in a completely different galaxy.

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Um, with their pain or their joy and, um, So, yeah, I, you know, it's not that I feel like, oh, the way I process can is so helpful for others because I do it so elegantly, not at all.

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Not at all, but I do feel like.

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You know, ever since I had my kind of whiplash moment with postpartum anxiety and depression and.

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Knowing that I have some level of comfort, um, and okayness in just being transparent and like, Whatever it is, what it is.

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This is my truth.

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This is honest.

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Um, My intentions are pure.

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So take it or leave it.

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Uh, and I don't feel like it's a painful thing for me to do to share.

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Um, that's why I kind of feel this now.

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Uh, pull the straw to just.

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I don't really know what to say.

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So let me hit record while I'm meandering around what the fuck to say.

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So here I am Hulu.

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And if you've been listening for awhile, Dear friend, you know that well, So, okay.

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Let me start from a little bit of the beginning.

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As I take a sip of my ice coffee.

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All right.

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I applied for this workshop from a photographer, um, that I've been following since 2009.

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I think his name is Alex.

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So.

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And.

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This photographer means a lot to me because when I discovered his work.

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It's not just that.

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Oh, I liked his pictures and those pictures are beautiful and powerful.

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Or his style or whatever.

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It's that when I discovered his work and learned about how he did his work.

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I discovered a new way of life.

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That's possible for me as a photographer, as an artist, the way he immerses himself in his long-term projects.

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Is something that.

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I mean, I had surely heard of before in some way, shape or form, but.

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We all know, we could hear something a million times and it never lands until it lands.

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And there was something about him and his work.

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And his story.

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That just landed with me and, um, He gave me so much.

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Hope and excitement and enthusiasm and inspiration for living life.

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Led by this, by this passion.

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And, um, so sleeping by the Mississippi was the project and.

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And the whole thing about it was that he got in his car and he drove along the Mississippi any, you know, in encountered people and he, you know, researched and found, um, you know, businesses or places or spaces that he thought might be interesting.

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And he made pictures and with strangers and.

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Just this completely immersive.

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Situation.

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And until then, I think I thought.

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Uh, photography is like in terms of like sessions.

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Like knowing it could be projects, like a bigger thing, but like, okay.

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On this day I go and I do this and I take these pictures and I, I never really thought about it.

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Like.

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Like the way he had done it.

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And, um, So.

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Speeding back up.

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Um, when I saw that he was hosting an intimate workshop in his home.

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I was like, what? The buck.

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That's amazing.

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What is he doing? That's crazy and also wonderful.

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And I cannot even believe it.

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And.

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Um, I had felt kind of jaded from applying to a lot of, you know, open calls or this and that, and not getting selected and, you know, having.

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Spent, you know, admission fees or, uh, just a lot of time.

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And.

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I just kind of felt like so over applying for things, and I saw that and I really wanted to apply for it.

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And I don't know, whatever with the kid life was just busy and I didn't.

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And then he came on, uh, Instagram and he said, uh, you know, that they were blown away by how many submissions they got from like all over the world.

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And he was going to do one more.

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Uh, this year.

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And I was like, oh fuck.

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I just want, he said, and I'm on to do one more.

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I felt like.

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I need to, but then it was like trying to talk myself out of it.

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I talked to my partner and my partner's like, you need to apply just fucking apply to that.

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Oh, my God.

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Okay.

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I will.

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So I.

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Was in San Francisco on work.

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It was one of the weekend days that I had time.

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So that was like the whole goal of the day.

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I'm like, I'm going to go to a coffee shop.

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I'm going to apply.

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He sat down.

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I was like, oh my gosh, I just started.

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You know, you have to submit some pictures and then he asked to submit something that was like, um, Oh, wait, I read it.

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I read it on the, on one of the previous episodes.

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Um, I don't know which episode I read that on, but I remember reading it.

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I read my son.

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What I submitted.

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Um, it was one of those things where I felt like.

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Is this embarrassing, like I had just dream of consciousness wrote it, like just came out of me and that's it.

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And then I started rereading it and I was like, oh, This, this, like, I know I'm being honest.

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What is this embarrassing? And I was like, you know what? I can't, I cannot overthink this.

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This is my truth, whatever submit.

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And when I found out I got it, I was in tears.

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Like I found out in the bathroom of a gas station as I was road tripping from Nashville to.

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She back to Ohio from a work event, a podcasting conference.

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And my friend thought someone had died because I was crying so much and shaking.

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I couldn't believe it.

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I could not believe it.

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Um, so like 12 or 13, I think 13 total.

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People from around the world.

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I go around the world.

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Everywhere.

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And they're so excited.

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Couldn't believe it.

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And also just felt like, oh shit.

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I actually have to do this now.

205
00:14:27,973.33333333 --> 00:14:32,473.33333333
Very much, like when I felt what I felt like when I found out I was pregnant so excited.

206
00:14:32,773.33333333 --> 00:14:33,613.33333333
Oh my God.

207
00:14:33,673.33333333 --> 00:14:34,393.33333333
Miracle.

208
00:14:34,813.33333333 --> 00:14:37,453.33333333
And then realizing like how it has to come out of me.

209
00:14:39,703.33333333 --> 00:14:42,163.33333333
Oh, I have to walk through this person's door.

210
00:14:42,223.33333333 --> 00:14:42,853.33333333
Oh my God.

211
00:14:43,63.33333333 --> 00:14:43,783.33333333
Oh, my God.

212
00:14:45,883.33333333 --> 00:14:50,623.33333333
Quick side note here is when I actually did rock through this person's door and he opened the door.

213
00:14:51,13.33333333 --> 00:14:53,353.33333333
So kindly and said, hello, welcome.

214
00:14:53,653.33333333 --> 00:14:57,553.33333333
The first thing I said to this person that I've been looking up to for so long.

215
00:14:58,63.33333333 --> 00:15:02,173.33333333
And it was so excited to see him and felt so.

216
00:15:03,523.33333333 --> 00:15:04,363.33333333
In shock was.

217
00:15:05,143.33333333 --> 00:15:06,283.33333333
I feel like I'm on drugs.

218
00:15:07,273.33333333 --> 00:15:09,313.33333333
Probably not thing.

219
00:15:09,643.33333333 --> 00:15:16,813.33333333
You want to say to someone who doesn't know, you doesn't know that you don't actually do drugs and you're coming into their home.

220
00:15:16,843.33333333 --> 00:15:17,143.33333333
So.

221
00:15:18,733.33333333 --> 00:15:21,73.33333333
Yeah, it didn't really play cool there.

222
00:15:21,133.33333333 --> 00:15:21,613.33333333
Okay.

223
00:15:22,539.22902494 --> 00:15:25,509.22902494
Um, I don't, I don't involve myself in a lot of.

224
00:15:26,379.22902494 --> 00:15:30,969.22902494
Places and spaces with other photographers, because I've just found that.

225
00:15:33,939.22902494 --> 00:15:35,79.22902494
I don't know, I just haven't.

226
00:15:35,139.22902494 --> 00:15:35,379.22902494
I.

227
00:15:35,559.22902494 --> 00:15:41,919.22902494
I oftentimes don't resonate with the way they're structured or the way people are like choose to relate to each other.

228
00:15:41,919.22902494 --> 00:15:42,99.22902494
And.

229
00:15:43,269.22902494 --> 00:15:47,469.22902494
But I knew, I knew, I knew this would be different because not only.

230
00:15:48,249.22902494 --> 00:15:55,539.22902494
Did I have trust in him? Just because of an, yeah, I don't didn't know him at all.

231
00:15:56,559.22902494 --> 00:16:01,659.22902494
But there's something about his work and the way he went about his work that I just had this inherent and deep.

232
00:16:02,169.22902494 --> 00:16:03,369.22902494
Peaceful trust in him.

233
00:16:04,269.22902494 --> 00:16:07,329.22902494
Um, And his heart.

234
00:16:08,79.22902494 --> 00:16:09,609.22902494
And I.

235
00:16:10,239.22902494 --> 00:16:11,619.22902494
I just knew that.

236
00:16:11,979.22902494 --> 00:16:14,769.22902494
The people that would be drawn to him.

237
00:16:15,969.22902494 --> 00:16:16,929.22902494
Must have.

238
00:16:17,529.22902494 --> 00:16:19,299.22902494
That thread in them as well.

239
00:16:20,199.22902494 --> 00:16:20,829.22902494
So.

240
00:16:22,29.22902494 --> 00:16:22,149.22902494
Yeah.

241
00:16:22,509.22902494 --> 00:16:23,109.22902494
Hey man.

242
00:16:24,69.22902494 --> 00:16:29,589.22902494
The day before I was freaking out to the point of like, I had that.

243
00:16:29,949.22902494 --> 00:16:36,309.22902494
Delusional thought of like there's no one else is, is this freaked out? No one else is panicking the way I am.

244
00:16:36,339.22902494 --> 00:16:41,619.2290249
Like, that's really what I thought there was a WhatsApp group chat and people were like, I'm so excited.

245
00:16:41,679.2290249 --> 00:16:44,109.2290249
I'm like so sweet, so enthusiastic.

246
00:16:44,109.2290249 --> 00:16:46,569.2290249
And I wanted to throw up and crawl under the earth.

247
00:16:47,139.2290249 --> 00:16:50,379.2290249
Everything that I was putting onto my slideshow.

248
00:16:50,409.2290249 --> 00:16:52,119.2290249
For my presentation for this.

249
00:16:52,629.2290249 --> 00:16:54,279.2290249
I was like, I I'm embarrassed.

250
00:16:54,279.2290249 --> 00:16:55,329.2290249
I don't know everything.

251
00:16:55,359.2290249 --> 00:16:56,829.2290249
All of a sudden I hated everything.

252
00:16:57,579.2290249 --> 00:16:58,419.2290249
This doesn't make sense.

253
00:16:58,419.2290249 --> 00:17:03,9.2290249
Am I the biggest hypocrite in the world? What is going on.

254
00:17:05,199.2290249 --> 00:17:06,759.2290249
So I didn't really.

255
00:17:09,759.2290249 --> 00:17:10,839.2290249
I didn't really.

256
00:17:12,39.2290249 --> 00:17:14,19.2290249
Understand what was happening.

257
00:17:14,919.2290249 --> 00:17:17,169.2290249
Until I was there.

258
00:17:17,859.2290249 --> 00:17:22,179.2290249
Um, I was basically the token crier.

259
00:17:23,49.2290249 --> 00:17:24,189.2290249
I cried.

260
00:17:25,29.2290249 --> 00:17:28,539.2290249
So much, and I couldn't reign it in, like I.

261
00:17:29,169.2290249 --> 00:17:30,339.2290249
I mean, of course, like I.

262
00:17:30,999.2290249 --> 00:17:34,299.2290249
Quietly cried, like in each person's presentation.

263
00:17:34,779.2290249 --> 00:17:40,569.2290249
Not to be a distraction, but my own presentation, wasn't an exception and I could not choke back the tears.

264
00:17:40,569.2290249 --> 00:17:41,409.2290249
I just like.

265
00:17:43,239.2290249 --> 00:17:49,389.2290249
I felt so open and raw and fragile the whole time I was there.

266
00:17:50,979.2290249 --> 00:17:54,939.2290249
Um, But, you know, as I sat.

267
00:17:55,599.2290249 --> 00:17:57,669.2290249
And I listened to each person's presentation.

268
00:17:58,179.2290249 --> 00:17:59,19.2290249
And.

269
00:18:00,189.2290249 --> 00:18:01,569.2290249
You know, saw the work.

270
00:18:02,229.2290249 --> 00:18:03,669.2290249
And then was able to.

271
00:18:05,769.2290249 --> 00:18:06,609.2290249
Here.

272
00:18:08,19.2290249 --> 00:18:12,249.2290249
A little bit of their heart and their soul and their background and context.

273
00:18:13,659.2290249 --> 00:18:14,769.2290249
I just.

274
00:18:17,259.2290249 --> 00:18:17,379.2290249
Mm.

275
00:18:19,809.2290249 --> 00:18:27,909.2290249
I was reminded of how different it is to be in a space.

276
00:18:29,889.2290249 --> 00:18:31,869.2290249
We're being understood.

277
00:18:32,409.2290249 --> 00:18:33,759.2290249
Is the assumption.

278
00:18:35,319.2290249 --> 00:18:36,279.2290249
How much.

279
00:18:36,789.2290249 --> 00:18:40,629.2290249
Energy am I wasting in my life and in my work.

280
00:18:42,189.2290249 --> 00:18:52,29.2290249
Working from and coming from this place of like, How do I make myself clear? Who gives a fuck.

281
00:18:52,119.2290249 --> 00:18:54,699.2290249
Like if I, if I'm not understood.

282
00:18:56,919.2290249 --> 00:19:00,579.2290249
Then I'm not understood then it's not for you.

283
00:19:00,579.2290249 --> 00:19:01,689.2290249
And I think that's why.

284
00:19:02,919.2290249 --> 00:19:04,359.2290249
This podcast.

285
00:19:04,839.2290249 --> 00:19:07,659.2290249
Has been such a sustainable.

286
00:19:08,289.2290249 --> 00:19:09,459.2290249
Practice for me.

287
00:19:10,419.2290249 --> 00:19:12,99.2290249
'cause, I'm not trying.

288
00:19:12,879.2290249 --> 00:19:15,129.2290249
To have someone understand me.

289
00:19:15,189.2290249 --> 00:19:17,49.2290249
Like if you're listening to this.

290
00:19:19,179.2290249 --> 00:19:20,589.2290249
I trust your heart.

291
00:19:22,419.2290249 --> 00:19:23,649.2290249
And two.

292
00:19:24,339.2290249 --> 00:19:25,689.2290249
Just hear my heart.

293
00:19:26,349.2290249 --> 00:19:27,639.2290249
And that's it.

294
00:19:27,669.2290249 --> 00:19:29,19.2290249
I don't plan these things.

295
00:19:29,19.2290249 --> 00:19:31,179.2290249
I don't script anything.

296
00:19:32,229.2290249 --> 00:19:33,729.2290249
You're like, oh, you don't need to dumb me.

297
00:19:33,729.2290249 --> 00:19:34,479.2290249
You don't script it.

298
00:19:35,649.2290249 --> 00:19:36,729.2290249
Shit, Joe, regarding.

299
00:19:38,499.2290249 --> 00:19:39,789.2290249
But, you know, I just.

300
00:19:42,579.2290249 --> 00:19:46,929.2290249
But then I think about, you know, in the work that I do and in like the programs that I.

301
00:19:48,9.2290249 --> 00:19:53,589.2290249
Dream up and I believe so deeply in, I think I waste a lot of energy.

302
00:19:54,729.2290249 --> 00:19:56,349.2290249
Shaming myself into this.

303
00:19:58,179.2290249 --> 00:19:59,229.2290249
Belief that like.

304
00:20:00,129.2290249 --> 00:20:04,959.2290249
If I don't find a way to articulate myself, no one will understand or get it.

305
00:20:04,959.2290249 --> 00:20:11,589.2290249
And, um, It just won't actually help anyone because no one will even.

306
00:20:13,209.2290249 --> 00:20:17,379.2290249
You know, Here it or understand what it is.

307
00:20:17,739.2290249 --> 00:20:19,779.2290249
If, if it is something that they would like.

308
00:20:20,199.2290249 --> 00:20:22,209.2290249
And enjoy and help them and benefit them.

309
00:20:23,499.2290249 --> 00:20:23,979.2290249
But.

310
00:20:25,359.2290249 --> 00:20:28,89.2290249
What a waste of energy.

311
00:20:29,979.2290249 --> 00:20:32,379.2290249
Like a moth to a flame.

312
00:20:33,489.2290249 --> 00:20:34,899.2290249
Just in the same way.

313
00:20:34,899.2290249 --> 00:20:36,9.2290249
I trusted that.

314
00:20:36,549.2290249 --> 00:20:38,499.2290249
Whoever was attracted to.

315
00:20:39,69.2290249 --> 00:20:41,79.2290249
Alec and this workshop in this work.

316
00:20:42,279.2290249 --> 00:20:43,389.2290249
Would have this inherent.

317
00:20:44,319.2290249 --> 00:20:48,249.2290249
Connection with, and I would trust their hearts in that way.

318
00:20:49,389.2290249 --> 00:20:51,639.2290249
That's the same way it works in other areas of life.

319
00:20:51,639.2290249 --> 00:20:52,959.2290249
Why am I making a different.

320
00:20:57,99.2290249 --> 00:20:59,679.2290249
Because there's more pressure because I feel.

321
00:21:00,519.2290249 --> 00:21:05,439.2290249
This, you know, I give in to this egoic need to.

322
00:21:06,9.2290249 --> 00:21:07,749.2290249
Fulfill a duty.

323
00:21:08,109.2290249 --> 00:21:10,209.2290249
And I make it mean something that.

324
00:21:10,599.2290249 --> 00:21:11,649.2290249
That's outside of me.

325
00:21:11,649.2290249 --> 00:21:15,279.2290249
That's it's, it's like when I say when I'm photographing someone.

326
00:21:16,179.2290249 --> 00:21:17,919.2290249
For some reason I'm immune to that.

327
00:21:18,369.2290249 --> 00:21:19,209.2290249
In that way.

328
00:21:20,79.2290249 --> 00:21:25,479.2290249
Like I just know that I don't have to have the professional photographer hat on.

329
00:21:25,809.2290249 --> 00:21:27,639.2290249
I'm a human being with other humans.

330
00:21:27,639.2290249 --> 00:21:32,199.2290249
And I can see them if I put everything else aside and just be with them.

331
00:21:32,889.2290249 --> 00:21:36,579.2290249
Just be in that I'm not trying to take good photographs.

332
00:21:36,879.2290249 --> 00:21:41,919.2290249
I don't need to try to make something really important.

333
00:21:42,249.2290249 --> 00:21:44,859.2290249
It is really important if I'm.

334
00:21:45,699.2290249 --> 00:21:46,539.2290249
Inside of it.

335
00:21:46,539.2290249 --> 00:21:48,459.2290249
If I'm just being with it.

336
00:21:48,999.2290249 --> 00:21:52,749.2290249
And, um, As I sat there and.

337
00:21:54,9.2290249 --> 00:21:54,729.2290249
Although.

338
00:21:55,569.2290249 --> 00:22:04,779.2290249
Everyone there lives such different lives and has such different work in such different perspectives and such different backgrounds.

339
00:22:04,779.2290249 --> 00:22:05,19.2290249
And.

340
00:22:05,469.2290249 --> 00:22:08,619.2290249
Such different experiences and opinions I'm sure.

341
00:22:08,619.2290249 --> 00:22:09,699.2290249
And all of that.

342
00:22:11,169.2290249 --> 00:22:12,279.2290249
I felt.

343
00:22:12,879.2290249 --> 00:22:17,139.2290249
And empathize and felt so in love with each person.

344
00:22:17,979.2290249 --> 00:22:20,529.2290249
And what they're doing and believed in their efforts.

345
00:22:20,529.2290249 --> 00:22:22,839.2290249
And there were way of being in the world and.

346
00:22:25,419.2290249 --> 00:22:27,279.2290249
So then when it was my turn to go up.

347
00:22:29,619.2290249 --> 00:22:37,809.2290249
The feeling in my body of like, ah, I'm not, there's no reason to.

348
00:22:39,699.2290249 --> 00:22:43,29.2290249
Not defend, but like there's no justification.

349
00:22:43,59.2290249 --> 00:22:43,809.2290249
There's no.

350
00:22:44,199.2290249 --> 00:22:47,979.2290249
I'm not trying to set the stage to be understood.

351
00:22:48,309.2290249 --> 00:22:49,899.2290249
I'm not trying.

352
00:22:50,139.2290249 --> 00:22:52,119.2290249
I don't need to over explain something.

353
00:22:52,419.2290249 --> 00:22:54,249.2290249
I just need to talk about my work.

354
00:22:55,989.2290249 --> 00:22:58,419.2290249
So it's like, felt like being in my underwear.

355
00:22:58,449.2290249 --> 00:23:06,189.2290249
You know what I mean? It felt like there's nothing about like, wow.

356
00:23:06,699.2290249 --> 00:23:10,779.2290249
No actually far more afraid of being understood then.

357
00:23:11,949.2290249 --> 00:23:12,909.2290249
Not understood.

358
00:23:14,739.2290249 --> 00:23:15,999.2290249
Interesting.

359
00:23:16,809.2290249 --> 00:23:18,219.2290249
And what might happen.

360
00:23:20,349.2290249 --> 00:23:23,109.2290249
If I remove the need to.

361
00:23:25,449.2290249 --> 00:23:27,9.2290249
Feel like I'm doing something.

362
00:23:27,39.2290249 --> 00:23:28,179.2290249
Quote unquote right.

363
00:23:28,509.2290249 --> 00:23:33,909.2290249
Or clearly or powerfully when it's outside of my photo work.

364
00:23:37,209.2290249 --> 00:23:39,99.2290249
I felt that.

365
00:23:39,819.2290249 --> 00:23:41,679.2290249
Although, of course.

366
00:23:42,579.2290249 --> 00:23:43,329.2290249
Aye.

367
00:23:44,439.2290249 --> 00:23:48,549.2290249
Um, deeply connected to, and with my work.

368
00:23:49,89.2290249 --> 00:23:54,9.2290249
With my personal family work with every time I lift up my camera.

369
00:23:54,429.2290249 --> 00:23:55,689.2290249
And I'm photographing a client.

370
00:23:55,959.2290249 --> 00:24:00,579.2290249
I fall in love with each person I Le I see and feel this.

371
00:24:02,559.2290249 --> 00:24:03,549.2290249
I don't even know.

372
00:24:03,549.2290249 --> 00:24:07,479.2290249
It sounds like creepy and weird, like fall in love with everyone he take.

373
00:24:07,659.2290249 --> 00:24:14,289.2290249
But I it's like every time I'm photographing someone, regardless of how close or not I am with the person.

374
00:24:14,349.2290249 --> 00:24:26,949.2290249
If it's a, a client I haven't met before or someone that I'm just acquaintances with or someone that's a close family friend, like I, I feel like tears are brought to my eyes every time.

375
00:24:27,159.2290249 --> 00:24:28,149.2290249
Like seeing them.

376
00:24:28,689.2290249 --> 00:24:29,319.2290249
In that way.

377
00:24:30,159.2290249 --> 00:24:38,79.2290249
And, um, So, yes, that work is so important.

378
00:24:38,469.2290249 --> 00:24:42,189.2290249
But what I realize is exactly that.

379
00:24:43,389.2290249 --> 00:24:47,949.2290249
Is what I feel for when I'm creating programs.

380
00:24:48,279.2290249 --> 00:24:50,409.2290249
And witnessing artists.

381
00:24:52,269.2290249 --> 00:24:59,409.2290249
In this other way, like, In the space of connection in the space of sharing in the space of supporting and nourishing each other.

382
00:25:00,819.2290249 --> 00:25:04,809.2290249
Um, and I have this.

383
00:25:05,739.2290249 --> 00:25:09,279.2290249
Deep fierce rageful, like.

384
00:25:09,879.2290249 --> 00:25:10,929.2290249
Temperature hot.

385
00:25:10,959.2290249 --> 00:25:14,49.2290249
Like my, I feel like my body gets hot with like rage.

386
00:25:14,469.2290249 --> 00:25:29,439.2290249
When I hear about these places in spaces where there's just a gross abuse of power and privilege and roll, um, When addressing artists like portfolio reviews in general.

387
00:25:29,859.2290249 --> 00:25:33,729.2290249
Uh, I've always had a problem with, I don't like them.

388
00:25:33,729.2290249 --> 00:25:35,49.2290249
I don't opt for them.

389
00:25:35,469.2290249 --> 00:25:40,389.2290249
Uh, I don't oftentimes want to hear people's opinion of the work because it feels irrelevant.

390
00:25:41,559.2290249 --> 00:25:48,39.2290249
In many ways until it's not until, you know, you're trying to get yourself in a place for space and.

391
00:25:48,699.2290249 --> 00:25:52,299.2290249
It would be very helpful to hear what someone with a different lens things.

392
00:25:52,299.2290249 --> 00:25:57,39.2290249
And, um, but if you're not grounded, In.

393
00:25:58,299.2290249 --> 00:26:02,409.2290249
I mean, you're never going to be immune to feeling hurt, but if you're not grounded in.

394
00:26:03,129.2290249 --> 00:26:04,179.2290249
What it is you're doing.

395
00:26:04,179.2290249 --> 00:26:08,289.2290249
That's a really scary and risky and damaging position to put yourself in.

396
00:26:08,499.2290249 --> 00:26:09,39.2290249
I believe.

397
00:26:09,609.2290249 --> 00:26:12,999.2290249
Uh, I've heard horror stories that I won't even.

398
00:26:13,809.2290249 --> 00:26:15,339.2290249
Repeat that.

399
00:26:17,49.2290249 --> 00:26:22,629.2290249
I mean could completely derail a person's life and make them go in a different direction in their life.

400
00:26:23,229.2290249 --> 00:26:24,579.2290249
Uh, and.

401
00:26:24,579.2290249 --> 00:26:25,869.2290249
I don't know in those moments.

402
00:26:26,439.2290249 --> 00:26:27,819.2290249
It feels more pressing.

403
00:26:28,209.2290249 --> 00:26:28,869.2290249
To me.

404
00:26:29,379.2290249 --> 00:26:31,239.2290249
To create dialogue.

405
00:26:32,259.2290249 --> 00:26:34,539.2290249
And connection around.

406
00:26:34,539.2290249 --> 00:26:36,699.2290249
The sustenance of this type of life.

407
00:26:37,179.2290249 --> 00:26:40,599.2290249
Even more so than making photographs and even more.

408
00:26:42,819.2290249 --> 00:26:45,969.2290249
All that being said, there were one-on-ones.

409
00:26:46,809.2290249 --> 00:26:47,229.2290249
In.

410
00:26:47,739.2290249 --> 00:26:53,859.2290249
During this workshop and, um, With three different people.

411
00:26:53,859.2290249 --> 00:26:55,239.2290249
It was of course, Alec.

412
00:26:55,239.2290249 --> 00:27:03,39.2290249
And then, uh, he invited, uh, to, uh, other artists, Stacey baker and Vince Leo, and.

413
00:27:04,329.2290249 --> 00:27:06,969.2290249
I mean, I just knew I had to trust that.

414
00:27:07,19.2290249 --> 00:27:07,919.2290249
they shared.

415
00:27:08,519.2290249 --> 00:27:10,379.2290249
Uh, similar heart and intent.

416
00:27:10,439.2290249 --> 00:27:19,99.2290249
And so I wasn't going into it like braced for, you know, thinking it wasn't going to be a good experience, but I definitely felt very raw and vulnerable.

417
00:27:19,549.2290249 --> 00:27:23,389.2290249
Going into that because the whole experience made me feel so.

418
00:27:24,79.2290249 --> 00:27:25,939.2290249
So many things that I haven't.

419
00:27:26,359.2290249 --> 00:27:27,829.2290249
Felt before.

420
00:27:28,369.2290249 --> 00:27:30,889.2290249
And, um, Aye.

421
00:27:31,489.2290249 --> 00:27:32,479.2290249
When done.

422
00:27:33,349.2290249 --> 00:27:35,509.2290249
With the proper care.

423
00:27:36,379.2290249 --> 00:27:38,749.2290249
And with no ego.

424
00:27:39,229.2290249 --> 00:27:39,889.2290249
And.

425
00:27:39,889.2290249 --> 00:27:42,589.2290249
With simply purity of intent.

426
00:27:43,699.2290249 --> 00:27:48,499.2290249
Those situations can be so powerful and they were and beautiful.

427
00:27:48,559.2290249 --> 00:27:51,169.2290249
And, my time with each of those people will sit with me.

428
00:27:52,219.2290249 --> 00:27:54,499.2290249
For a long time for a very long time.

429
00:27:54,799.2290249 --> 00:27:55,369.2290249
Forever.

430
00:27:57,199.2290249 --> 00:28:01,39.2290249
So there were a lot of, um, pieces of.

431
00:28:02,329.2290249 --> 00:28:08,179.2290249
Um, Just feedback or questions, um, conversations and.

432
00:28:09,199.2290249 --> 00:28:11,209.2290249
Uh, that will stay with me.

433
00:28:11,899.2290249 --> 00:28:14,29.2290249
And I walk away knowing that.

434
00:28:14,779.2290249 --> 00:28:17,449.2290249
The thing though, the thing that I.

435
00:28:18,499.2290249 --> 00:28:20,269.2290249
Need to do most.

436
00:28:21,49.2290249 --> 00:28:23,389.2290249
From that was the thing that I felt.

437
00:28:24,199.2290249 --> 00:28:26,869.2290249
The li the most resistance around.

438
00:28:28,579.2290249 --> 00:28:35,809.2290249
And I know I had, I instantly knew I had to do it because I instantly burst out crying when he's done it.

439
00:28:39,19.2290249 --> 00:28:41,329.2290249
And it says nothing about the way you delivered it.

440
00:28:41,329.2290249 --> 00:28:46,219.2290249
It was from Vince and he was, um, Yeah.

441
00:28:46,249.2290249 --> 00:28:48,19.2290249
Um, I'll just share this one part.

442
00:28:48,19.2290249 --> 00:28:50,89.2290249
I don't need to disclose like all of the.

443
00:28:51,319.2290249 --> 00:28:53,419.2290249
Context or whatever around all of it.

444
00:28:53,659.2290249 --> 00:28:54,829.2290249
Um, because it's so personal.

445
00:28:54,889.2290249 --> 00:29:03,169.2290249
I mean, not so pretty, but it's just so individual, um, But like, I had.

446
00:29:04,189.2290249 --> 00:29:08,779.2290249
She put a bunch of my photos out and we were talking, he was asking me.

447
00:29:09,859.2290249 --> 00:29:15,49.2290249
You know, Questions around the work and link the volume and eat.

448
00:29:15,619.2290249 --> 00:29:19,519.2290249
He basically said to me, To pick one.

449
00:29:20,299.2290249 --> 00:29:21,559.2290249
To sit with one.

450
00:29:22,519.2290249 --> 00:29:23,329.2290249
Photograph.

451
00:29:23,899.2290249 --> 00:29:26,119.2290249
Just sit with it for a really long time.

452
00:29:27,499.2290249 --> 00:29:28,249.2290249
Until.

453
00:29:30,439.2290249 --> 00:29:35,329.2290249
You hear it? And.

454
00:29:35,569.2290249 --> 00:29:37,489.2290249
I just instantly started crying.

455
00:29:38,419.2290249 --> 00:29:43,519.2290249
Um, 'cause I know.

456
00:29:47,959.2290249 --> 00:29:51,619.2290249
Ah, You know, We all know.

457
00:29:53,299.2290249 --> 00:30:01,219.2290249
We're just searching for the right person to give us permission, even though we really don't want to think about it that way.

458
00:30:02,719.2290249 --> 00:30:06,169.2290249
We're always searching for permission to do what we want to do.

459
00:30:07,39.2290249 --> 00:30:08,659.2290249
To be what we want to be.

460
00:30:12,229.2290249 --> 00:30:15,559.2290249
And I'm very much like a firehose type of person.

461
00:30:15,559.2290249 --> 00:30:22,219.2290249
Like if I find something that I love, I just, you know, hyper fixation style or.

462
00:30:23,119.2290249 --> 00:30:24,49.2290249
Even with pictures.

463
00:30:24,679.2290249 --> 00:30:27,229.2290249
Just like, oh, it just goes into this.

464
00:30:27,769.2290249 --> 00:30:30,679.2290249
Flow state of just take the pictures.

465
00:30:30,679.2290249 --> 00:30:32,779.2290249
I love to take, take, take, take the pictures.

466
00:30:32,779.2290249 --> 00:30:33,739.2290249
CCC.

467
00:30:34,189.2290249 --> 00:30:46,729.2290249
And put them on an archive and visit them later when I need it, or, um, Yeah, I have this resistance to sitting with one for.

468
00:30:47,629.2290249 --> 00:30:48,559.2290249
Too long.

469
00:30:49,699.2290249 --> 00:30:51,259.2290249
Was that I want to look at more.

470
00:30:51,259.2290249 --> 00:30:52,369.2290249
I want to drink more in.

471
00:30:53,179.2290249 --> 00:30:53,839.2290249
And.

472
00:30:54,709.2290249 --> 00:30:56,89.2290249
I think that.

473
00:30:58,279.2290249 --> 00:30:59,239.2290249
There's this.

474
00:30:59,899.2290249 --> 00:31:01,549.2290249
This fear and this.

475
00:31:03,409.2290249 --> 00:31:07,9.2290249
Resistance to that level of intimacy.

476
00:31:07,789.2290249 --> 00:31:08,389.2290249
Really.

477
00:31:09,559.2290249 --> 00:31:17,779.2290249
Uh, I remember years ago I was in, um, a coaching container and with my.

478
00:31:17,779.2290249 --> 00:31:19,99.2290249
Coach Haley car.

479
00:31:19,129.2290249 --> 00:31:21,199.2290249
And she asked me if I have.

480
00:31:22,579.2290249 --> 00:31:24,709.2290249
Something around defy struggle around intimacy.

481
00:31:24,739.2290249 --> 00:31:30,289.2290249
And, uh, because I had told her like, There are times where all.

482
00:31:31,489.2290249 --> 00:31:36,379.2290249
I see like the subject line of something or the first few words, and I could tell.

483
00:31:36,679.2290249 --> 00:31:37,399.2290249
It's a.

484
00:31:39,139.2290249 --> 00:31:44,929.2290249
It's words of gratitude or, um, Something really kind or beautiful.

485
00:31:45,349.2290249 --> 00:31:47,449.2290249
And I B I like avoid it.

486
00:31:47,599.2290249 --> 00:31:50,89.2290249
I feel like I, I leave it unread.

487
00:31:50,89.2290249 --> 00:31:51,319.2290249
I don't even click into it.

488
00:31:51,319.2290249 --> 00:31:52,609.2290249
I have to wait until I'm in.

489
00:31:53,809.2290249 --> 00:31:56,89.2290249
A space where I feel like I can receive it.

490
00:31:56,209.2290249 --> 00:31:58,519.2290249
And it's just feels like a lot.

491
00:31:58,609.2290249 --> 00:32:03,889.2290249
And you know, when I care about something, when I love something, when I'm trying to express it, it's, it's too much.

492
00:32:03,889.2290249 --> 00:32:04,969.2290249
It feels like too much.

493
00:32:05,569.2290249 --> 00:32:06,979.2290249
He cannot even bear it.

494
00:32:07,69.2290249 --> 00:32:07,879.2290249
I just can't.

495
00:32:08,629.2290249 --> 00:32:12,229.2290249
And I know that sitting with one photograph for that long.

496
00:32:13,99.2290249 --> 00:32:13,879.2290249
Is the same thing.

497
00:32:15,199.2290249 --> 00:32:16,159.2290249
I know.

498
00:32:18,319.2290249 --> 00:32:20,419.2290249
If my.

499
00:32:21,709.2290249 --> 00:32:24,79.2290249
If I'm going to show up to my own beliefs.

500
00:32:27,319.2290249 --> 00:32:29,989.2290249
And my practice and my philosophy.

501
00:32:31,309.2290249 --> 00:32:31,519.2290249
Is.

502
00:32:32,569.2290249 --> 00:32:41,419.2290249
All centered around the fact that when you press that button and you're looking through your viewfinder, And you're in that moment.

503
00:32:41,419.2290249 --> 00:32:42,589.2290249
And you say this.

504
00:32:43,39.2290249 --> 00:32:44,959.2290249
It's because everything is right there.

505
00:32:45,229.2290249 --> 00:32:46,279.2290249
Everything is in that.

506
00:32:46,549.2290249 --> 00:32:48,289.2290249
One second, everything just that.

507
00:32:49,129.2290249 --> 00:32:52,669.2290249
And that, and that, that, that, that, that, and it's everywhere.

508
00:32:54,799.2290249 --> 00:32:57,319.2290249
But stopping to be with that one.

509
00:33:00,379.2290249 --> 00:33:02,179.2290249
Feels like it can completely.

510
00:33:02,869.2290249 --> 00:33:03,529.2290249
Undo me.

511
00:33:05,539.2290249 --> 00:33:06,889.2290249
And it's the same.

512
00:33:07,489.2290249 --> 00:33:14,659.2290249
School of thought around what I felt like in that workshop, as I'm sitting with one person.

513
00:33:15,199.2290249 --> 00:33:18,529.2290249
And not just like clicking through and looking at work and glazing things over.

514
00:33:19,9.2290249 --> 00:33:21,409.2290249
But sitting and listening.

515
00:33:22,9.2290249 --> 00:33:23,299.2290249
And hearing.

516
00:33:24,529.2290249 --> 00:33:25,609.2290249
And seeing.

517
00:33:26,569.2290249 --> 00:33:27,829.2290249
So one person.

518
00:33:28,819.2290249 --> 00:33:29,569.2290249
Their work.

519
00:33:31,489.2290249 --> 00:33:36,379.2290249
Just them and just like every single one of them, tears, every one of them.

520
00:33:36,439.2290249 --> 00:33:39,169.2290249
I was like, oh my gosh, what an incredible.

521
00:33:39,739.2290249 --> 00:33:40,579.2290249
Human being.

522
00:33:43,9.2290249 --> 00:33:49,39.2290249
So what happens? When.

523
00:33:49,969.2290249 --> 00:34:04,429.2290249
You do that with yourself? I have an easier time.

524
00:34:04,999.2290249 --> 00:34:07,189.2290249
Doing that with myself when I.

525
00:34:08,749.2290249 --> 00:34:16,219.2290249
Work with my photos, like my cell phone photos of, uh, In nostalgia now in sacred seeing like the.

526
00:34:16,819.2290249 --> 00:34:18,829.2290249
At the end of the month, the templates.

527
00:34:19,909.2290249 --> 00:34:21,799.2290249
Where I give prompts.

528
00:34:21,829.2290249 --> 00:34:31,279.2290249
And then you think of the prompt and you look through your photos and you work with your photos in that way, and it helped you really like dig into the self inquiry and exploration and.

529
00:34:32,149.2290249 --> 00:34:36,919.2290249
Exploring your relationship with yourself and your photographs and your life.

530
00:34:36,949.2290249 --> 00:34:44,149.2290249
And, um, I find that I can give myself so much more grace about, you know, my motherhood and my.

531
00:34:45,289.2290249 --> 00:34:47,959.2290249
What I'm doing in my life.

532
00:34:49,279.2290249 --> 00:34:50,419.2290249
But two.

533
00:34:51,289.2290249 --> 00:34:53,359.2290249
Look at the photographs.

534
00:34:53,869.2290249 --> 00:34:55,459.2290249
That I take in that.

535
00:34:56,419.2290249 --> 00:34:57,19.2290249
Way.

536
00:34:58,849.2290249 --> 00:35:00,379.2290249
Under that context.

537
00:35:01,999.2290249 --> 00:35:04,669.2290249
Of like listening to them.

538
00:35:06,439.2290249 --> 00:35:09,409.2290249
Without intent of being the conductor.

539
00:35:09,859.2290249 --> 00:35:12,349.2290249
Of like making something.

540
00:35:18,29.2290249 --> 00:35:18,569.2290249
Ooh.

541
00:35:22,139.2290249 --> 00:35:24,179.2290249
It feels so.

542
00:35:25,499.2290249 --> 00:35:26,519.2290249
Scary.

543
00:35:27,89.2290249 --> 00:35:28,589.2290249
And do you know why.

544
00:35:32,729.2290249 --> 00:35:34,379.2290249
I'm going to tell you why.

545
00:35:35,669.2290249 --> 00:35:36,839.2290249
Because.

546
00:35:37,409.2290249 --> 00:35:39,389.2290249
It almost feels like.

547
00:35:42,419.2290249 --> 00:35:45,179.2290249
If I sat with my photos long enough.

548
00:35:55,409.2290249 --> 00:35:56,9.2290249
I would.

549
00:35:56,849.2290249 --> 00:35:59,549.2290249
Inevitably be confronted.

550
00:36:00,569.2290249 --> 00:36:01,679.2290249
With having.

551
00:36:02,939.2290249 --> 00:36:04,109.2290249
To surrender.

552
00:36:04,769.2290249 --> 00:36:05,849.2290249
To loving.

553
00:36:06,149.2290249 --> 00:36:07,109.2290249
Myself.

554
00:36:32,289.2290249 --> 00:36:33,729.2290249
Take a photograph.

555
00:36:34,179.2290249 --> 00:36:35,289.2290249
That you've taken.

556
00:36:39,759.2290249 --> 00:36:41,949.2290249
And just sit with it and stare at it.

557
00:36:42,249.2290249 --> 00:36:44,559.2290249
For an uncomfortable amount of time.

558
00:36:51,699.2290249 --> 00:36:53,619.2290249
Long enough to where.

559
00:36:55,569.2290249 --> 00:36:59,589.2290249
The initial judgments and glazings melt away.

560
00:36:59,589.2290249 --> 00:36:59,859.2290249
And.

561
00:37:01,359.2290249 --> 00:37:06,249.2290249
It's just redundant and boring to care about the superficial things of like.

562
00:37:07,779.2290249 --> 00:37:14,229.2290249
The way someone looks or you look or how well, quote unquote it's done or not done, or.

563
00:37:18,879.2290249 --> 00:37:22,479.2290249
And start like piercing through that veil and going.

564
00:37:22,809.2290249 --> 00:37:24,249.2290249
Through those layers.

565
00:37:35,439.2290249 --> 00:37:37,809.2290249
It's like the Y seven times thing.

566
00:37:38,139.2290249 --> 00:37:54,699.2290249
Y for what purpose? For what purpose? For what purpose? I do this.

567
00:37:54,909.2290249 --> 00:38:01,269.2290249
Um, I do a process like that in my NLP coaching and.

568
00:38:02,739.2290249 --> 00:38:06,849.2290249
It can feel so frustrating and annoying to be.

569
00:38:07,779.2290249 --> 00:38:11,229.2290249
That's why, but for what purpose and why.

570
00:38:11,649.2290249 --> 00:38:12,339.2290249
But why.

571
00:38:13,269.2290249 --> 00:38:17,619.2290249
For what purpose? Why? And you just keep going, going, going.

572
00:38:18,549.2290249 --> 00:38:20,679.2290249
Until you get to like that roadblock.

573
00:38:21,489.2290249 --> 00:38:24,9.2290249
Like, wait, I don't know that there's anything beyond that.

574
00:38:24,999.2290249 --> 00:38:27,399.2290249
And then there's usually one or two layers beyond that.

575
00:38:32,799.2290249 --> 00:38:33,519.2290249
And then.

576
00:38:34,479.2290249 --> 00:38:36,159.2290249
Once you kind of unlock that.

577
00:38:38,919.2290249 --> 00:38:39,819.2290249
There's just no one.

578
00:38:39,819.2290249 --> 00:38:45,609.2290249
See unseeing that? And that is.

579
00:38:46,149.2290249 --> 00:38:47,199.2290249
The power.

580
00:38:50,409.2290249 --> 00:38:51,129.2290249
Of.

581
00:38:52,449.2290249 --> 00:38:53,169.2290249
This.

582
00:38:54,309.2290249 --> 00:38:55,479.2290249
Medium.

583
00:38:56,19.2290249 --> 00:38:57,969.2290249
The power of.

584
00:38:58,779.2290249 --> 00:38:59,799.2290249
Coaching.

585
00:39:00,469.2290249 --> 00:39:01,939.2290249
Self discovery.

586
00:39:02,899.2290249 --> 00:39:03,529.2290249
Lenses.

587
00:39:03,559.2290249 --> 00:39:04,459.2290249
It's like.

588
00:39:06,709.2290249 --> 00:39:09,19.2290249
It's not that we always have to focus on.

589
00:39:09,289.2290249 --> 00:39:11,569.2290249
Us and what's going on with us.

590
00:39:12,649.2290249 --> 00:39:14,89.2290249
I feel like there's a lot.

591
00:39:14,509.2290249 --> 00:39:16,849.2290249
Of benefit in.

592
00:39:18,319.2290249 --> 00:39:26,749.2290249
Focusing more on the external world and then going internal when you start feeling ungrounded or whatever it is.

593
00:39:27,619.2290249 --> 00:39:27,949.2290249
But.

594
00:39:29,59.2290249 --> 00:39:31,339.2290249
Once you can understand what's.

595
00:39:32,179.2290249 --> 00:39:33,109.2290249
Driving.

596
00:39:34,99.2290249 --> 00:39:39,979.2290249
The results you're getting in your life, the experiences you're getting in your life, the actions you're taking in your life.

597
00:39:41,779.2290249 --> 00:39:44,299.2290249
You don't even have to do, like, you just see it.

598
00:39:45,799.2290249 --> 00:39:49,219.2290249
And then it either becomes super energizing.

599
00:39:49,639.2290249 --> 00:39:53,569.2290249
Or super deflating in a good way of like, it loses its power.

600
00:39:53,599.2290249 --> 00:39:55,639.2290249
If it's something that's not resourceful for you.

601
00:40:00,529.2290249 --> 00:40:02,119.2290249
When I did, when I did wine.

602
00:40:02,959.2290249 --> 00:40:03,829.2290249
I ended up.

603
00:40:04,519.2290249 --> 00:40:05,539.2290249
With the word love.

604
00:40:05,599.2290249 --> 00:40:07,909.2290249
And I was, so I was like D rejecting it.

605
00:40:07,939.2290249 --> 00:40:15,49.2290249
I'm like what? What does this for love? No, no.

606
00:40:15,109.2290249 --> 00:40:18,199.2290249
I mean, that's beautiful, but like, no, this is something, you know, it's gotta be.

607
00:40:18,919.2290249 --> 00:40:20,89.2290249
No, it's something else.

608
00:40:28,519.2290249 --> 00:40:29,809.2290249
I sat there and I.

609
00:40:30,769.2290249 --> 00:40:31,999.2290249
So weld up.

610
00:40:32,539.2290249 --> 00:40:33,619.2290249
In front of everything.

611
00:40:33,679.2290249 --> 00:40:38,899.2290249
Well person, um, But I met and like, just thinking about them.

612
00:40:39,979.2290249 --> 00:40:45,139.2290249
Did you think about each one of those people? I could cry and it's why like it.

613
00:40:45,679.2290249 --> 00:40:46,279.2290249
Love.

614
00:40:52,369.2290249 --> 00:40:53,569.2290249
You know, you're doing this.

615
00:40:53,989.2290249 --> 00:40:55,399.2290249
You're doing what you're doing.

616
00:40:56,989.2290249 --> 00:40:57,859.2290249
For love.

617
00:40:59,29.2290249 --> 00:41:02,719.2290249
Like, even if you're doing something that you don't want to be doing right now.

618
00:41:03,109.2290249 --> 00:41:04,789.2290249
You're probably doing it.

619
00:41:06,319.2290249 --> 00:41:07,9.2290249
For love.

620
00:41:08,89.2290249 --> 00:41:12,439.2290249
Just the vehicle or the path feels mutated and annoying for you.

621
00:41:12,439.2290249 --> 00:41:13,219.2290249
And it's.

622
00:41:14,359.2290249 --> 00:41:20,629.2290249
Because of all the fears or the secondary gains of, you know, Whatever situation you're in.

623
00:41:20,839.2290249 --> 00:41:32,219.2290249
I know I'm meandering, I'm getting off topic, but like, I don't know.

624
00:41:39,149.2290249 --> 00:41:39,809.2290249
I don't know.

625
00:41:39,929.2290249 --> 00:41:41,69.2290249
I need to press pause here.

626
00:41:41,189.2290249 --> 00:41:41,669.2290249
I don't know.

627
00:41:43,289.2290249 --> 00:41:44,639.2290249
Okay, take a brief pause.

628
00:41:45,959.2290249 --> 00:41:46,439.2290249
Drinks.

629
00:41:47,159.2290249 --> 00:41:48,689.2290249
It's the more coffee.

630
00:41:49,169.2290249 --> 00:41:51,719.2290249
'cause caffeination is obviously the answer.

631
00:41:52,379.2290249 --> 00:41:53,9.2290249
To this.

632
00:41:53,309.2290249 --> 00:41:58,349.2290249
Um, and I'm not even going to try to, um, bridge and.

633
00:42:00,119.2290249 --> 00:42:03,149.2290249
And, and flow into something coherent from.

634
00:42:03,959.2290249 --> 00:42:08,909.2290249
From that last piece, I'm just going to let that linker because that's what feels right.

635
00:42:08,969.2290249 --> 00:42:09,839.2290249
And.

636
00:42:11,189.2290249 --> 00:42:11,909.2290249
But now.

637
00:42:12,239.2290249 --> 00:42:13,409.2290249
Moving on.

638
00:42:14,99.2290249 --> 00:42:19,229.2290249
Um, So, okay.

639
00:42:19,229.2290249 --> 00:42:19,949.2290249
I'm there.

640
00:42:20,459.2290249 --> 00:42:25,529.2290249
Uh, have, you know, one-on-ones have, you know, group discussion.

641
00:42:26,9.2290249 --> 00:42:34,379.2290249
Just deliciously immersed in the discussion on projects and, you know, creating work and being with.

642
00:42:36,59.2290249 --> 00:42:39,479.2290249
You know, making things of them and making books and this and that.

643
00:42:39,569.2290249 --> 00:42:45,569.2290249
And, um, Hearing about his new project, Alex new project.

644
00:42:45,569.2290249 --> 00:42:45,749.2290249
And.

645
00:42:46,709.2290249 --> 00:42:48,929.2290249
Asking him questions about projects that I've.

646
00:42:49,529.2290249 --> 00:42:51,239.2290249
Followed for years and all this stuff.

647
00:42:51,749.2290249 --> 00:42:52,259.2290249
And.

648
00:42:57,359.2290249 --> 00:43:00,299.2290249
Back along the threat of, we always know.

649
00:43:00,689.2290249 --> 00:43:03,89.2290249
Like the same exact thing.

650
00:43:04,199.2290249 --> 00:43:05,219.2290249
That I.

651
00:43:07,29.2290249 --> 00:43:07,989.2290249
Fell in love.

652
00:43:08,469.2290249 --> 00:43:10,179.2290249
With him for, in his work.

653
00:43:10,209.2290249 --> 00:43:10,659.2290249
And.

654
00:43:11,739.2290249 --> 00:43:13,719.2290249
This, this possibility of.

655
00:43:14,739.2290249 --> 00:43:19,539.2290249
Uh, way of being in, living in this, in this way, in that work, in this way.

656
00:43:20,499.2290249 --> 00:43:21,219.2290249
And.

657
00:43:25,29.2290249 --> 00:43:27,519.2290249
One of the most important things that I.

658
00:43:28,509.2290249 --> 00:43:30,639.2290249
Took away from being with him.

659
00:43:32,349.2290249 --> 00:43:33,519.2290249
In this space.

660
00:43:35,79.2290249 --> 00:43:37,419.2290249
Of course, it was so valuable to hear someone speak.

661
00:43:37,419.2290249 --> 00:43:42,849.2290249
So earnestly transparently about process and you know, behind the scenes stuff.

662
00:43:42,879.2290249 --> 00:43:45,159.2290249
And that's the context is always, really.

663
00:43:47,139.2290249 --> 00:43:52,269.2290249
Wonderful and just sobering and, um, demystifying.

664
00:43:52,269.2290249 --> 00:43:53,649.2290249
And it really helps.

665
00:43:53,649.2290249 --> 00:43:55,689.2290249
Clear this ambiguous fog.

666
00:43:56,169.2290249 --> 00:43:59,799.2290249
Of the fine art world or, you know, whatever.

667
00:44:04,659.2290249 --> 00:44:09,9.2290249
But my, one of my favorite parts of being with him was watching him.

668
00:44:10,349.2290249 --> 00:44:12,209.2290249
Talk about.

669
00:44:13,469.2290249 --> 00:44:14,9.2290249
Work.

670
00:44:15,29.2290249 --> 00:44:17,249.2290249
His work, the work of others.

671
00:44:18,509.2290249 --> 00:44:20,129.2290249
It was really, really weird.

672
00:44:20,129.2290249 --> 00:44:22,829.2290249
It was like, I was.

673
00:44:23,879.2290249 --> 00:44:24,329.2290249
Loving.

674
00:44:24,329.2290249 --> 00:44:29,609.2290249
What are you saying? And listening to what he was saying specifically, but there's this major part of me.

675
00:44:30,209.2290249 --> 00:44:31,229.2290249
That was kind of like.

676
00:44:33,509.2290249 --> 00:44:52,529.2290249
Felt like I kept getting up out of my seat of consciousness and Sitting in a different direction, looking at him in a different traction of like, not in a different way, but like I'm hearing the information we saying what, the information that he's saying, it's almost irrelevant just drinking in what it looks like to see someone.

677
00:44:52,529.2290249 --> 00:44:53,729.2290249
In there.

678
00:44:53,729.2290249 --> 00:44:56,39.2290249
Life in the way he's in his life.

679
00:44:56,69.2290249 --> 00:44:56,459.2290249
And.

680
00:44:57,719.2290249 --> 00:45:00,509.2290249
And sharing so honestly and openly about.

681
00:45:01,889.2290249 --> 00:45:06,539.2290249
The work and how you want about the work and changing directions in his work.

682
00:45:06,539.2290249 --> 00:45:06,869.2290249
And.

683
00:45:06,869.2290249 --> 00:45:11,429.2290249
Going back in another direction that he didn't foresee doing and just, whoa.

684
00:45:11,849.2290249 --> 00:45:12,329.2290249
All of it.

685
00:45:12,329.2290249 --> 00:45:14,399.2290249
And so I leave that workshop.

686
00:45:17,79.2290249 --> 00:45:22,329.2290249
Refreshed and re-energized for getting back to that.

687
00:45:26,169.2290249 --> 00:45:27,669.2290249
It didn't leave me.

688
00:45:28,269.2290249 --> 00:45:29,709.2290249
But I also.

689
00:45:31,239.2290249 --> 00:45:36,579.2290249
I've really let a lot of the pressures and, um, The noise.

690
00:45:37,239.2290249 --> 00:45:38,439.2290249
Constrict.

691
00:45:39,159.2290249 --> 00:45:42,999.2290249
Me and drain me really energy-wise drain me from.

692
00:45:44,199.2290249 --> 00:45:45,489.2290249
Just actioning more.

693
00:45:45,489.2290249 --> 00:45:46,899.2290249
On the things that I want to do.

694
00:45:49,188.2312925 --> 00:45:51,498.2312925
So now I wonder.

695
00:45:52,848.2312925 --> 00:45:54,318.2312925
What is possible.

696
00:45:54,318.2312925 --> 00:46:02,238.2312925
What will I have energy for? When I come into it with almost like a mantra.

697
00:46:02,538.2312925 --> 00:46:07,638.2312925
If I use this mantra of like, I am understood.

698
00:46:10,428.2312925 --> 00:46:11,868.2312925
I have sat with this.

699
00:46:14,448.2312925 --> 00:46:18,708.2312925
No allowed myself to listen to what it has to stay to me.

700
00:46:21,608.2312925 --> 00:46:22,388.2312925
And love.

701
00:46:23,318.2312925 --> 00:46:24,158.2312925
Because love.

702
00:46:27,608.2312925 --> 00:46:30,848.2312925
What is possible if that's the jumping off point.

703
00:46:31,178.2312925 --> 00:46:32,438.2312925
What gets made.

704
00:46:32,678.2312925 --> 00:46:33,848.2312925
Well, it gets created.

705
00:46:33,908.2312925 --> 00:46:42,968.2312925
And how do you feel as you're doing it? If those are your inherent assumptions, those are your jumping off point.

706
00:46:43,88.2312925 --> 00:46:45,488.2312925
Not the place you're trying to land.

707
00:46:46,538.2312925 --> 00:46:51,758.2312925
What if, instead of doing work in the hopes of landing in the space of.

708
00:46:52,568.2312925 --> 00:46:53,738.2312925
Now I'm understood.

709
00:46:55,658.2312925 --> 00:47:01,118.2312925
Or my work, it will speak to me and I will hear it when it's good enough to be heard.

710
00:47:04,88.2312925 --> 00:47:05,678.2312925
Or now I achieve love.

711
00:47:05,738.2312925 --> 00:47:06,698.2312925
Now I can love it.

712
00:47:06,728.2312925 --> 00:47:09,248.2312925
Now I can love myself because the thing is made.

713
00:47:09,248.2312925 --> 00:47:15,188.2312925
And what if you start there? You're already understood.

714
00:47:17,238.2312925 --> 00:47:19,608.2312925
You've already sat and listened to what.

715
00:47:20,748.2312925 --> 00:47:22,248.2312925
The work is telling you.

716
00:47:22,938.2312925 --> 00:47:25,158.2312925
That it wants to be, that it wants to do that.

717
00:47:25,158.2312925 --> 00:47:27,888.2312925
It wants to emit whatever.

718
00:47:28,878.2312925 --> 00:47:29,628.2312925
And love.

719
00:47:30,768.2312925 --> 00:47:31,338.2312925
Is already.

720
00:47:31,668.2312925 --> 00:47:33,258.2312925
Abundantly present love.

721
00:47:37,218.2312925 --> 00:47:41,388.2312925
You've you've even just come to the starting line because of love.

722
00:47:48,108.2312925 --> 00:47:49,458.2312925
What's wrong with me.

723
00:47:50,208.2312925 --> 00:47:51,408.2312925
In my old age.

724
00:47:52,368.2312925 --> 00:47:53,568.2312925
Just falling apart.

725
00:47:53,688.2312925 --> 00:47:54,618.2312925
Crying all the time.

726
00:47:58,758.2312925 --> 00:48:00,438.2312925
It's so ridiculous.

727
00:48:00,528.2312925 --> 00:48:03,828.2312925
It's stupid, but I won't apologize anymore.

728
00:48:04,668.2312925 --> 00:48:07,428.2312925
Fucking care and I'm not too cool to care.

729
00:48:13,698.2312925 --> 00:48:15,318.2312925
Uh, okay.

730
00:48:18,588.2312925 --> 00:48:19,68.2312925
Okay.

731
00:48:22,248.2312925 --> 00:48:23,778.2312925
And with that said, I do.

732
00:48:23,838.2312925 --> 00:48:24,468.2312925
I want to.

733
00:48:25,68.2312925 --> 00:48:28,878.2312925
Touch on something that I thought was so important that happened to me the other day.

734
00:48:30,288.2312925 --> 00:48:35,388.2312925
Well, actually this morning I was, I was boxing with a client, a one-on-one client of mine.

735
00:48:36,678.2312925 --> 00:48:38,178.2312925
That I love so so much.

736
00:48:38,388.2312925 --> 00:48:39,318.2312925
And.

737
00:48:40,218.2312925 --> 00:48:42,318.2312925
Um, I was sharing.

738
00:48:42,768.2312925 --> 00:48:45,678.2312925
With this person about my.

739
00:48:46,818.2312925 --> 00:48:47,598.2312925
You know how.

740
00:48:48,348.2312925 --> 00:48:52,158.2312925
Recently I've made some big moves in terms of.

741
00:48:52,588.2312925 --> 00:48:55,328.2312925
Debts and Pulling from.

742
00:48:56,228.2312925 --> 00:48:58,388.2312925
Savings that I didn't want to pull from.

743
00:48:58,388.2312925 --> 00:48:59,558.2312925
And, you know, doing all this.

744
00:48:59,978.2312925 --> 00:49:03,128.2312925
And making actual moves like.

745
00:49:04,778.2312925 --> 00:49:11,258.2312925
Like actually doing it instead of in my mind being like, okay, just come from this place of not attachment release.

746
00:49:11,738.2312925 --> 00:49:13,688.2312925
Um, the need to.

747
00:49:14,318.2312925 --> 00:49:20,168.2312925
Feel pressure of bringing in income and no, actually setting up my life.

748
00:49:20,198.2312925 --> 00:49:21,98.2312925
So that, that is.

749
00:49:21,548.2312925 --> 00:49:28,238.2312925
The actual reality being lived versus trying to make myself live from the reality when the reality isn't.

750
00:49:28,238.2312925 --> 00:49:28,748.2312925
So.

751
00:49:29,618.2312925 --> 00:49:31,298.2312925
This is not matched with it.

752
00:49:32,168.2312925 --> 00:49:41,228.2312925
Um, And for, for us, for me, this looks like, you know, Working like moving things around and.

753
00:49:41,828.2312925 --> 00:49:43,358.2312925
Curating things so that.

754
00:49:45,218.2312925 --> 00:49:51,458.2312925
We can fully live off of my partner's salary versus very much not that.

755
00:49:52,58.2312925 --> 00:49:52,778.2312925
And.

756
00:49:53,558.2312925 --> 00:49:57,908.2312925
I feel myself lightening up, like loosening up.

757
00:49:58,298.2312925 --> 00:49:59,198.2312925
Lightening up.

758
00:49:59,438.2312925 --> 00:50:02,158.2312925
I feel myself, moving more freely.

759
00:50:02,588.2312925 --> 00:50:03,578.2312925
An acting.

760
00:50:04,418.2312925 --> 00:50:06,608.2312925
More on the things I want to do.

761
00:50:07,358.2312925 --> 00:50:09,998.2312925
and I do believe it's because the energy has moved.

762
00:50:10,808.2312925 --> 00:50:13,268.2312925
And, with that I.

763
00:50:16,28.2312925 --> 00:50:19,978.2312925
Have, opened up a space of responding a little bit differently and.

764
00:50:21,148.2312925 --> 00:50:21,928.2312925
There was this.

765
00:50:22,288.2312925 --> 00:50:24,178.2312925
Last minute fishing trip.

766
00:50:24,208.2312925 --> 00:50:25,228.2312925
That was.

767
00:50:26,728.2312925 --> 00:50:33,958.2312925
That Ben or my partner was invited to, and he was able to take our son, our five-year-old and.

768
00:50:34,588.2312925 --> 00:50:42,538.2312925
It was like a big deal thing, because I guess this chartered experience was meant to be for clients that, um, last minute couldn't do it.

769
00:50:42,538.2312925 --> 00:50:46,258.2312925
So he was getting the ticket for free and it's usually something that's like really expensive.

770
00:50:46,378.2312925 --> 00:50:52,918.2312925
Well, I remember Barbara and I was full of all of these reasons.

771
00:50:53,8.2312925 --> 00:50:54,358.2312925
Very good reasons.

772
00:50:54,388.2312925 --> 00:50:57,958.2312925
Might I add of why this wasn't a good idea.

773
00:51:00,298.2312925 --> 00:51:03,328.2312925
I mean, it was like a six hour boating trip.

774
00:51:03,958.2312925 --> 00:51:07,228.2312925
They were leaving at five 30 in the morning from port.

775
00:51:07,228.2312925 --> 00:51:07,588.2312925
So.

776
00:51:08,398.2312925 --> 00:51:09,838.2312925
The he had to get up.

777
00:51:10,138.2312925 --> 00:51:13,708.2312925
They had to get up at like 3 45 in the morning.

778
00:51:14,368.2312925 --> 00:51:16,798.2312925
And drive an hour and a half to the port.

779
00:51:17,338.2312925 --> 00:51:17,998.2312925
And.

780
00:51:18,928.2312925 --> 00:51:26,368.2312925
Like six hours, the kid he's been so whiny lately, like we went to an arts festival and he was just like whining, whining.

781
00:51:26,398.2312925 --> 00:51:30,658.2312925
Oh, And we're mobile and walking and doing things I'm like stuck on a boat.

782
00:51:31,168.2312925 --> 00:51:32,428.2312925
He's the only kid.

783
00:51:33,208.2312925 --> 00:51:36,478.2312925
For six hours fishing and he's never done something like this.

784
00:51:36,928.2312925 --> 00:51:41,878.2312925
There was just all of these reasons why I'm like, I don't know if this is a good idea, but I could just.

785
00:51:42,718.2312925 --> 00:51:44,998.2312925
Sense the enthusiasm.

786
00:51:45,598.2312925 --> 00:51:49,678.2312925
From my partner and I'm like, I don't want to take away this.

787
00:51:50,548.2312925 --> 00:51:52,318.2312925
Father son experience.

788
00:51:52,318.2312925 --> 00:51:53,488.2312925
So I'm just gonna.

789
00:51:54,598.2312925 --> 00:51:55,648.2312925
Let it be.

790
00:51:55,648.2312925 --> 00:52:00,478.2312925
And even in the morning I was feeling extra like, oh my gosh, what am I doing this.

791
00:52:01,138.2312925 --> 00:52:01,858.2312925
He woke up.

792
00:52:01,888.2312925 --> 00:52:03,808.2312925
He was like the lyrically tired.

793
00:52:03,838.2312925 --> 00:52:07,768.2312925
I had to like put them in a bunch of blankets because it was in the middle of the night.

794
00:52:07,768.2312925 --> 00:52:08,938.2312925
So it was chili and.

795
00:52:11,248.2312925 --> 00:52:15,568.2312925
I unhooked the, we have like a backpack that has like a little leash thing.

796
00:52:15,958.2312925 --> 00:52:24,778.2312925
Um, for three-year-old to where, and I unhooked the least part and like, okay, I want you to hook this on to his life jacket and make sure he's never out of your sight.

797
00:52:24,778.2312925 --> 00:52:25,348.2312925
And boy.

798
00:52:26,578.2312925 --> 00:52:27,28.2312925
Anyway.

799
00:52:28,438.2312925 --> 00:52:29,518.2312925
Long story long.

800
00:52:30,118.2312925 --> 00:52:33,898.2312925
Um, they went on this boat trip and apparently.

801
00:52:36,628.2312925 --> 00:52:38,38.2312925
It was incredible.

802
00:52:38,338.2312925 --> 00:52:46,138.2312925
Gash through up like, Three four times he had puke coming out of his news and my kids don't like, my kids are not puker.

803
00:52:46,168.2312925 --> 00:52:49,438.2312925
They weren't even spitter uppers when they were newborns, like nothing.

804
00:52:49,438.2312925 --> 00:52:50,578.2312925
So I just felt like that.

805
00:52:50,938.2312925 --> 00:53:01,498.2312925
Must've been so dramatic for him, but even so my partner said, he was like, do you want a break? Like, do you want to take a break buddy? And he goes, I got next fish as he's going puka.

806
00:53:02,728.2312925 --> 00:53:03,58.2312925
Oops.

807
00:53:05,338.2312925 --> 00:53:10,738.2312925
And they caught a bunch of fish and you just rallied and it was.

808
00:53:11,278.2312925 --> 00:53:13,48.2312925
A crazy and amazing.

809
00:53:13,78.2312925 --> 00:53:13,408.2312925
And.

810
00:53:14,578.2312925 --> 00:53:16,798.2312925
My partner said, he'd like, remember it forever.

811
00:53:16,798.2312925 --> 00:53:18,838.2312925
It was like a forever memory type of day.

812
00:53:18,958.2312925 --> 00:53:19,348.2312925
And.

813
00:53:21,688.2312925 --> 00:53:25,438.2312925
I like went up to him and I held his shoulders and I was like, get ready.

814
00:53:25,558.2312925 --> 00:53:28,768.2312925
You ready? I was wrong.

815
00:53:29,518.2312925 --> 00:53:30,658.2312925
You're right.

816
00:53:30,928.2312925 --> 00:53:31,978.2312925
And he almost fell over.

817
00:53:32,698.2312925 --> 00:53:33,958.2312925
Because I'm always right.

818
00:53:35,998.2312925 --> 00:53:37,738.2312925
But, um, no.

819
00:53:38,128.2312925 --> 00:53:39,118.2312925
In all seriousness.

820
00:53:39,208.2312925 --> 00:53:39,808.2312925
I.

821
00:53:41,668.2312925 --> 00:53:46,708.2312925
It was a really, I shared it because it was a really profound.

822
00:53:48,748.2312925 --> 00:53:57,598.2312925
It lesson lived, you know, it's like we, we all know rationally that despite our best lead.

823
00:53:57,958.2312925 --> 00:54:05,638.2312925
Efforts and, um, intentions and learnings and experiences in calibrating and functioning in the world, like in a logical way.

824
00:54:06,238.2312925 --> 00:54:08,608.2312925
That even doing that.

825
00:54:09,478.2312925 --> 00:54:11,638.2312925
We don't know best always.

826
00:54:11,668.2312925 --> 00:54:12,568.2312925
We just don't.

827
00:54:12,898.2312925 --> 00:54:17,428.2312925
But to feel the apprehension in my body.

828
00:54:17,908.2312925 --> 00:54:21,688.2312925
Feel that trepidation feel that hesitance and.

829
00:54:22,918.2312925 --> 00:54:28,198.2312925
Go on and let him do that and then have them come back and see.

830
00:54:28,978.2312925 --> 00:54:35,68.2312925
The joy, the deep joy and the bonding and the experience that came of that.

831
00:54:35,458.2312925 --> 00:54:38,698.2312925
Even though it wasn't all quote, unquote good.

832
00:54:38,698.2312925 --> 00:54:42,808.2312925
Like there was the row up and he wasn't feeling good, but he still loved it.

833
00:54:42,808.2312925 --> 00:54:45,778.2312925
It was like the bottom of the list of what went wrong for him.

834
00:54:47,188.2312925 --> 00:54:57,328.2312925
Um, It actually made it even better, you know? Um, and having, if I were to have vetoed that experience.

835
00:54:58,798.2312925 --> 00:55:00,208.2312925
They wouldn't have that.

836
00:55:00,298.2312925 --> 00:55:03,628.2312925
And those are like, those are the things that make life worth living.

837
00:55:03,628.2312925 --> 00:55:05,38.2312925
And I could have never known.

838
00:55:05,728.2312925 --> 00:55:09,688.2312925
If you would've told me outside of the emotional impact of that trip.

839
00:55:10,318.2312925 --> 00:55:14,518.2312925
Uh, yeah, he ended up throwing up three times and blah, blah, blah, blah.

840
00:55:14,578.2312925 --> 00:55:17,248.2312925
I would've been like, see, this is why he ain't go like, no.

841
00:55:17,998.2312925 --> 00:55:20,338.2312925
But it's funny because.

842
00:55:21,508.2312925 --> 00:55:23,368.2312925
Those things that happened.

843
00:55:23,758.2312925 --> 00:55:26,218.2312925
That would have been the reasons why I didn't want him to go.

844
00:55:26,218.2312925 --> 00:55:27,208.2312925
We're irrelevant.

845
00:55:28,678.2312925 --> 00:55:30,148.2312925
And insignificant.

846
00:55:30,838.2312925 --> 00:55:34,168.2312925
When you look at the big picture of what that experience.

847
00:55:34,828.2312925 --> 00:55:36,328.2312925
Gave them.

848
00:55:38,158.2312925 --> 00:55:38,968.2312925
So.

849
00:55:40,468.2312925 --> 00:55:42,658.2312925
It's just a slice of humble pie.

850
00:55:43,48.2312925 --> 00:55:49,228.2312925
You know, It's like what is available? When you stop.

851
00:55:51,88.2312925 --> 00:55:58,348.2312925
Trying to protect everyone around you and yourself and be the one with all the answers and be the one.

852
00:56:00,58.2312925 --> 00:56:04,558.2312925
That's making the most of their time and making the most of their work.

853
00:56:05,248.2312925 --> 00:56:09,88.2312925
What happens when you let all that go and you just let yourself be.

854
00:56:10,438.2312925 --> 00:56:11,368.2312925
In love.

855
00:56:12,328.2312925 --> 00:56:13,498.2312925
And open.

856
00:56:14,998.2312925 --> 00:56:15,508.2312925
And.

857
00:56:16,648.2312925 --> 00:56:20,578.2312925
Listening more than you're trying to speak.

858
00:56:26,908.2312925 --> 00:56:29,68.2312925
And know that you're understood.

859
00:56:29,68.2312925 --> 00:56:33,688.2312925
And even if you're not cognitively understood, you are felt.

860
00:56:35,668.2312925 --> 00:56:38,998.2312925
And understood in a way that words don't even matter.

861
00:56:38,998.2312925 --> 00:56:39,568.2312925
Anyway.

862
00:56:40,348.2312925 --> 00:56:40,498.2312925
Hm.

863
00:56:48,478.2312925 --> 00:56:49,48.2312925
So he.

864
00:56:49,918.2312925 --> 00:56:51,148.2312925
That is what I have.

865
00:56:51,958.2312925 --> 00:56:53,8.2312925
For you today.

866
00:56:55,168.2312925 --> 00:56:56,158.2312925
I feel.

867
00:56:56,638.2312925 --> 00:56:57,688.2312925
So.

868
00:56:58,168.2312925 --> 00:57:00,898.2312925
Deeply blessed and fortunate to have.

869
00:57:01,858.2312925 --> 00:57:10,108.2312925
Gone through that experience, um, and shared space with just such beautiful human beings.

870
00:57:10,918.2312925 --> 00:57:15,68.2312925
And, um, Yeah, I'm sure I'll be.

871
00:57:16,418.2312925 --> 00:57:18,518.2312925
Unpacking that for a long time.

872
00:57:19,928.2312925 --> 00:57:25,118.2312925
I would love for you to take some of the prompts that I opened up.

873
00:57:25,658.2312925 --> 00:57:27,218.2312925
Here, some of the questions.

874
00:57:28,28.2312925 --> 00:57:30,938.2312925
Um, and really like sit with them.

875
00:57:31,298.2312925 --> 00:57:35,708.2312925
I'm the number one offender of being like that's, that's a good idea.

876
00:57:35,738.2312925 --> 00:57:40,358.2312925
I'm a not, or just feel like, oh, that question is such a good question.

877
00:57:40,418.2312925 --> 00:57:42,458.2312925
And then like, not actually.

878
00:57:43,628.2312925 --> 00:57:44,258.2312925
Answering.

879
00:57:46,88.2312925 --> 00:57:46,688.2312925
Oh, yeah.

880
00:57:46,718.2312925 --> 00:57:47,258.2312925
Good point.

881
00:57:47,318.2312925 --> 00:57:47,678.2312925
Okay.

882
00:57:48,998.2312925 --> 00:57:57,818.2312925
So I don't even remember everything that I prompted, but, uh, I'll go through the show notes or I'll go through the.

883
00:57:58,178.2312925 --> 00:58:05,738.2312925
Um, Captions or whatever, a transcription, and then put it in the show notes so that you can refer back to it.

884
00:58:08,288.2312925 --> 00:58:11,678.2312925
I hope that you're having a beautiful week.

885
00:58:13,28.2312925 --> 00:58:17,858.2312925
And, um, If you are.

886
00:58:19,238.2312925 --> 00:58:29,258.2312925
Wanting to connect more if this opened up something in you, um, and you want to talk more about it, feel free to send me a DM on Instagram, Bianca, Leah, Maura.

887
00:58:29,918.2312925 --> 00:58:31,358.2312925
Uh, that'll be in the show notes.

888
00:58:31,508.2312925 --> 00:58:36,728.2312925
Um, I'm also open for remote photography booking from anywhere in the world.

889
00:58:37,538.2312925 --> 00:58:41,948.2312925
And I, which at this point in time is a completely.

890
00:58:42,968.2312925 --> 00:58:46,568.2312925
Pay what you want, pay what you can, whatever price point.

891
00:58:47,168.2312925 --> 00:58:56,528.2312925
Um, because I am just so enthusiastic and open to the experience that I don't want a silly thing, like money to be a barrier.

892
00:58:57,188.2312925 --> 00:58:59,228.2312925
Um, I also.

893
00:58:59,978.2312925 --> 00:59:06,38.2312925
Uh, if you were local, I have my books open for in-person sessions and I'm in the Cleveland area.

894
00:59:06,848.2312925 --> 00:59:11,498.2312925
And the other way to connect with me would be.

895
00:59:12,458.2312925 --> 00:59:14,768.2312925
Uh, over zoom, I offer.

896
00:59:15,458.2312925 --> 00:59:24,608.2312925
Coaching and, um, programs around connecting to your craft and being with each other in a space, much like the space that you are listening to now.

897
00:59:26,228.2312925 --> 00:59:26,948.2312925
So that's it.

898
00:59:27,38.2312925 --> 00:59:31,148.2312925
Any information you could want will be in the show notes and.

899
00:59:32,558.2312925 --> 00:59:35,198.2312925
I look forward to catching you next time.

900
00:59:35,788.2312925 --> 00:59:39,8.2312925
This has been an Awkward Sage Production.