UNFINISHED FEELING: I feel like I don’t know how to feel.

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Hello.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.

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This post has been a long time in the making.

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I've kind of surprised.

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I've never.

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Written about this before, maybe I haven't, it just don't remember.

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Um, Unfinished feeling.

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I feel like I don't know how to feel.

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And this may sound.

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Strange coming from a.

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Self-identified highly sensitive person.

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It's really hard to describe But if you know, you, you know what I'm talking about? It's like, I've always.

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Felt things too much.

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And.

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I was aware of that from a young age, like.

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She's getting really swept up in any new story that I'd happen to see as I was walking past the living room on my parents at the news on.

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Having that stay with me for.

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I mean, who knows how long I could still remember.

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Stories that.

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Severely impacted me.

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Like from, I was a tween or something.

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I mean, if I think about it too hard, I could cry at, at a leaf on the floor.

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I definitely.

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Feel things.

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But then there's this weird.

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Sensation that's like, I feel like I don't feel enough at the same time.

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When someone says, yeah, just feel your feelings.

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It's almost like I don't really.

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No, what they're talking about.

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Or at least I don't.

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Resonate without wording and let her know why.

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Because no matter how.

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Intensely.

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I feel something.

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I'm always left with a sensation.

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That there's a trap door.

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Somewhere inside of me.

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That the feeling didn't make it through.

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Like this forbidden place that is trying to protect the deepest parts of me.

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And because of that, I have this weird.

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Unfinished feeling with everything with every exp.

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Every experience that I know has impacted me.

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Just nothing feels closed.

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It feels like the kajillion open tabs that I have at all times on my computer.

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Um, no coincidence there.

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I'm sure.

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I mean, I've asked this question and I've been in so many, um, beautiful coaching containers and.

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Um, groups and.

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I've just never been satisfied with.

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An answer.

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I'm going to have been satisfied in that.

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You know, I respect the answer given, but I've never felt like.

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Oh, that's scratch my itch.

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Or though that really helped.

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Me.

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And I've tried to stop.

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Thinking about it and just letting it go.

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But shocker, that didn't work.

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Um, I just can't escape this feeling that I'm not feeling.

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Enough or I'm not feeling.

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Correctly, which is a red flag, right? Isn't.

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The weirdest sentence.

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What is to feel correctly.

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Um, But this sensation.

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It's like.

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Some sort of weird disconnect, like a severed pathway that abruptly stops feelings before they get to some sort of.

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Elusive satisfying place.

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That I'll never know.

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And the thing is, I mean, I feel like most of us have heard the stat.

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Um, takes around 90 seconds.

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Uh, the initial surge of a feeling or an emotion for the body's chemical response.

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To occur.

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However it says how long you experience a feeling can be influenced by your thoughts and how you choose to process.

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Um, the 92nd window is.

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The most intense part of the emotion.

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And then if you continue to dwell on the triggering thought or experience after the initial 90 seconds, you can prolong that feeling.

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Shocking.

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Okay, so dwelling.

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And my dwelling.

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Apparently.

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You can choose to set aside your thinking and just let it go.

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Did you know that.

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Uh, Feelings are meant to share their message and then leave the body.

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Usually this happens in 90 seconds, according to Harvard trained brain scientist, Dr.

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Jill Bolte Taylor.

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Anything beyond that may be you reacting.

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Reactivating it with your thoughts.

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So once the emotion has served its purpose, you can choose to set it aside.

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And let it go.

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Okay, so maybe I'm dwelling.

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But I swear it feels.

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More.

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Than cognitive overthinking.

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i swear.

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It feels.

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Internal.

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It doesn't feel like it's just my head.

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It feels.

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Like a problem with feeling.

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You know, I caught myself saying it just never feels complete.

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And then that perked my ears up.

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Is completion really the goal.

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When it comes to feelings.

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And since I'm in a phase where I'm blaming everything good and bad in my life, on my photography, like an angsty teenager.

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I can't help.

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But look to my practice.

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I'm doing on the inside.

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What I do with my photo taking outside.

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Um, emotional bookmarking is what I've.

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Made up.

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But then I think now, because the term just sounded too catchy to me and I was like, is this a thing.

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And I think it is a thing, but.

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I didn't spend too much time looking into it because if I did, then I would totally lose my.

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Train of thought, and this would never.

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Get finished.

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The most frustrating part of this whole situation is feeling like I'm both the villain and the victim in this.

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The narrator and the character.

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Screaming at the person on the screen.

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As they continue to walk into the creepy house and it is I walking into the creepy house.

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And just because I'm able to understand what's happening doesn't mean.

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I'm able to stop sucking air into that cavity.

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So it's like, I have.

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High degree of awareness around what.

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Going on.

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And what might be contributing.

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But not high enough.

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To know.

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How to fucking stop and get out of this.

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Pattern.

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Uh, the slow, this inertia.

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My background in neuro-linguistic programming has been a really vital part in.

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Piecing this together.

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But at the end of the day, I'm still inside the bottle and it's hard to read.

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Yourself when you are the bottle and you're inside the bottle.

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Um, So recently I met.

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This beautiful human.

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Her name is Sylvia, Bella, and she is a human design expert.

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And I met her.

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In a creative women's retreats and we are going to start working together actually tomorrow is our first meeting, and the human design mentorship and M P S I have a special collaborative post coming up.

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It'll be the next one.

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Um, Talking all about human design and its capacity to heal.

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And if you want to hear that episode or get it delivered to your inbox through sub stack, um, go to the show notes and hit subscribe so you can get that.

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I'm really excited to, share her message and her expertise.

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Because human design has been a really eyeopening portal to a deeper level of self acceptance for me.

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that end of late, diving a little bit into something called the gene keys has been super powerful.

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All of it has been.

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Exciting to learn about.

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I love learning about new things.

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I'm just.

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One of those.

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EDU.

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We would do tainment junkies.

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I love learning new things.

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Um, And as powerful and fascinating as all of these new things are.

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Ironically, none of it has told me anything.

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I didn't already know about myself.

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But all of it has been healing.

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All of it has helped me.

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Not only give it a name, but B have a way to hold it in a way to witness it in a way too.

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Feel a permission that I didn't know, I needed.

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In order to breathe.

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Easier within my life.

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Just something to point to when I'm feeling out of sorts and be like, oh, that's why.

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And it's oddly soothing.

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I mean, not oddly, of course it's soothing.

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We all want to understand ourselves more or understand.

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Y.

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Things are happening in our lives the way they are.

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So.

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Going back to the Magellan tabs I've had.

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A bunch of new information in my system around Jean keys and a refresh or refresher on human design based on, uh, my new relationship with Sylvia.

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And.

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You know about a dozen.

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Books and.

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Blah, blah, blah.

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All around.

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chakras and.

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like just so much stuff that I can really easily.

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Kind of snicker at I'm like, oh my gosh.

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When I start describing and I'm like, yeah, Maybe we just need to chill out.

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I just wanted.

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To answer a question, a very specific question.

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But I wanted this question answered.

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Wild contextually steeped.

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In.

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The details of my design, my human design, my gene keys.

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That feel so resonant and like vs of course this is yes, this is me.

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So I decided to remember that I live in 2025.

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And.

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I turned to the contentious.

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Chat GPT up until this point.

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The most I'd ever used chat DBT was to plan my first trip to Europe.

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And it was actually wildly helpful because I was planning it.

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Um, for me and my mother who has some mobility constraints and stuff like that, and just having it helped me.

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Find setting the locations that are more easily walkable, but whatever.

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Anyway, it was great.

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But.

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I hadn't really meaningfully.

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Use it.

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Since as intensely as that situation.

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So I asked it.

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What would you say to a highly sensitive person with gene key 28.

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And an open head and throat center in human design with emotional authority that feels like they still have trouble feeling.

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Or feeling satisfied or at peace with feeling their feelings.

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Oftentimes things never feel complete in every emotional experience can feel bookmarked or unfinished.

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Does he not going to lie reading that question out loud.

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Little insecure.

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Do you feel.

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A little insecure.

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Just like judging myself with that.

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With that question, but.

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I have to share it.

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I'd have to share a need.

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You don't understand.

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What the question was.

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And how and why? My eyes bugged out of my head with how helpful.

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The very quickly, it spit out a response was.

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Um, I'm going to read.

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Verbatim.

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Um, some of it.

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I don't read all of it.

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If you want to see the full I copied and pasted the response in the post for this podcast, episode on sub stack.

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But.

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To number one, you were never meant to feel done.

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There's a deep myth, especially in creative and emotional healing spaces that feelings are meant to resolve.

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That if you do it right, you'll reach a clean conclusion where a chapter closes and the next one opens with clarity and ease, but your emotional system, your whole design, in fact, doesn't work like that.

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You're built to feel in layers.

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Not lines, experience emotions as whether or not tasks and receive echos and aftershocks sometimes long after the initial feeling.

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For you, it is not about finality.

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It's about being fully present with the layer you're in today.

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Even if it's something, even if it's a return to something you thought you had already processed.

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Number two, some feelings will remain unfinished because they just aren't yours with an open head and throat, your receiver of collective emotions and stories, not just personal ones.

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That sense of unfinished newness.

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Of there always being more to feel as partly because you're feeling your own history.

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Incesteral echoes and the edges of collective emotions rippling through the creative and relational feel field.

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You're simply wired to be in an ongoing conversation with life's larger emotional story.

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Three satisfaction comes from fully inhabiting, not resolving.

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Your peace, your gene key 28 totality.

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Doesn't come from having everything tied up in a neat bow.

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It comes from knowing I was fully present with what the moment asked me.

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I let myself touch the edge of this feeling.

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Even if I couldn't stay long.

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I let the feeling be part of my creative rhythm, even if it's unfinished.

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Completion for you is about being fully.

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They're not about making sense of it all.

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I needed to read that one a couple of times, because.

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It almost felt like I could have written it.

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And at the same time, I was like, why was I pretending like that? Wasn't so, or why was I bypassing.

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That deep knowing of mine.

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My goodness.

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Uh, for your wired for emotional bookmarking, that's not a failure.

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That sense of always bookmarking emotion, leaving them partially open as part of your emotional authority.

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Your emotions are waves.

254
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They revisit themselves each time you return, you see something you missed before.

255
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It's not because you didn't feel enough.

256
00:16:26,970 --> 00:16:30,480
It's because your system fields and layers and each pass brings a new view.

257
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You're not behind.

258
00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:33,420
You're not incomplete.

259
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You're in process and you always will be.

260
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Did I just like.

261
00:16:40,890 --> 00:16:49,560
Do you like a free counselor? Um, Yeah, I'll just finish reading this last one.

262
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Before I recap.

263
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Feelings don't need to make sense to belong.

264
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Some feelings will never connect to a clear story.

265
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Some will never be fully explainable.

266
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They still deserve space in your body, your art, your life, the part of you that wants to understand every feeling before you let it move through you.

267
00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:08,970
That's your open head center searching for certainty.

268
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Or none as needed.

269
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:13,650
So.

270
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chat GPT.

271
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,060
Yeah, that was both.

272
00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:22,500
Brilliant.

273
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,110
And de at the same time.

274
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Of course.

275
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We feel in layers.

276
00:17:33,030 --> 00:17:37,230
Of course, we feel echoes of the collective of course.

277
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Deep presence is the most satisfying thing you could ever experience.

278
00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:46,200
Of course, we're always in process and of course, feelings don't need to make sense to belong.

279
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I just didn't realize.

280
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I've been focusing so much on how my natural way of processing and the feelings that come with it.

281
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Must be the barrier to feeling peace and contentment and a general sense of completeness.

282
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Meanwhile.

283
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The way to peace and contentment is to stop vilifying the most natural and enduring parts of me.

284
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It's like this thorn has been in my side.

285
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,090
For decades.

286
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,380
Well, maybe it's not fucking meant to go anywhere.

287
00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:27,480
Maybe.

288
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:34,920
Your quote, unquote problem is the exact gift.

289
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I've been vilifying the emotional bookmarking when that is one of my highest forms of creation.

290
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,090
Of experience of processing.

291
00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:59,810
The bookmarking means I get to revisit and reach a level of intimacy with each layer, a new, every time I come back.

292
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It's my way of deepening into my vision and feeling.

293
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Not redundant shackles.

294
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That mean I have failed to feel.

295
00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:10,010
Completely.

296
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,210
Correctly.

297
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:12,140
Or fully.

298
00:19:18,830 --> 00:19:21,050
I feel that you can go to.

299
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:27,980
All of your struggle, all of your pain points, all of your dissatisfactions.

300
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And find a way.

301
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:36,560
To pull that thread up an up and up and up into.

302
00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:38,450
Hey.

303
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,310
Later expression.

304
00:19:40,460 --> 00:19:42,410
A more powerful expression.

305
00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:43,280
Of it.

306
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,940
My aching means I'm alive.

307
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:52,610
And I feel my restlessness means I have surging energy to experience life.

308
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,940
My desire for totality.

309
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,730
Is a life force hunger.

310
00:20:00,770 --> 00:20:01,640
I want all of it.

311
00:20:02,930 --> 00:20:08,540
My fear around mortality is the reason for the magnitude and reverence for the now.

312
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,100
Each and every now.

313
00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:19,280
My sometimes in sufferable tendency to bring everything back to being everything and nothing at the same time shows me.

314
00:20:20,030 --> 00:20:25,220
That I have the capacity to see and be with and hold both extremes.

315
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:26,690
At once.

316
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:36,140
I've been so focused on how to get to a feeling of completion.

317
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,210
Of wholeness.

318
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,750
But I skipped over the fact that they are not the same.

319
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,650
And I don't even want completion.

320
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:49,760
I don't want to be finished with something.

321
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,400
I don't want to be finished with anything ever.

322
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,510
I want to feel whole.

323
00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:03,200
Undivided.

324
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:11,780
Looking back and looking in, I can see that I actually feel a sense of wholeness often, but the trouble is.

325
00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:14,900
I'm so busy being whole.

326
00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:17,150
That I've never thought to name it.

327
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,540
And perhaps.

328
00:21:21,140 --> 00:21:21,830
That means.

329
00:21:22,340 --> 00:21:23,360
I'm doing it right.

330
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,570
This feeling of rest and ease and peace.

331
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,220
It visits me often.

332
00:21:31,580 --> 00:21:33,020
Even though it feels like never.

333
00:21:34,940 --> 00:21:39,440
And it is in the moments where we blissfully stopped questioning ourselves.

334
00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:44,360
Those moments where we forget, we even are a self.

335
00:21:46,970 --> 00:21:47,900
You know, those moments that you're.

336
00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,630
So in it, you forget you're even human.

337
00:21:55,340 --> 00:21:58,220
The times where we can stop dividing ourselves.

338
00:21:58,670 --> 00:22:00,560
Into the parts that are good.

339
00:22:01,010 --> 00:22:01,850
Or okay.

340
00:22:02,630 --> 00:22:03,440
Or bad.

341
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:11,980
Rest and ease and peace and wholeness is only possible when we can embrace ourselves fully.

342
00:22:12,340 --> 00:22:14,440
When we become unconditional.

343
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,240
With all of who we are.

344
00:22:18,010 --> 00:22:21,130
That's when everything softens that's when everything reveals itself.

345
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,100
And only when we trust our ability to tolerate.

346
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:27,640
And even embrace the parts of us that we struggle with.

347
00:22:27,670 --> 00:22:28,720
Are we able to see.

348
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,420
That they are the gift.

349
00:22:34,030 --> 00:22:34,990
And only.

350
00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:38,140
After that genuine recognition occurs.

351
00:22:39,130 --> 00:22:42,160
Might those parts transform into a different expression.

352
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,290
And a different perspective.

353
00:22:48,850 --> 00:22:50,110
So completion.

354
00:22:51,100 --> 00:22:52,420
Was never the point.

355
00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:55,810
Of the unfinished feeling.

356
00:22:57,070 --> 00:22:58,750
Resolution was never the point.

357
00:23:06,070 --> 00:23:08,170
I believe it was feeling wholly.

358
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:11,710
Undivided.

359
00:23:13,540 --> 00:23:15,100
In process.

360
00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:18,190
In feeling.

361
00:23:20,950 --> 00:23:21,610
Forever.

362
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,030
That is the gift.

363
00:23:26,990 --> 00:23:29,510
So I'm going to leave you with.

364
00:23:30,740 --> 00:23:34,340
An invitation, if you resonated with.

365
00:23:35,030 --> 00:23:36,350
Any of what I just said.

366
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,640
What are you grateful will never be complete or resolved.

367
00:23:43,230 --> 00:23:46,380
What are you like? Oh, Thank goodness.

368
00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:47,910
This will never.

369
00:23:48,630 --> 00:23:50,160
Be finished.

370
00:23:52,020 --> 00:23:54,750
What is that? Number two.

371
00:23:54,750 --> 00:24:02,190
What process would you like to sit inside forever? What process.

372
00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:08,520
Are you unconditionally? I committed to.

373
00:24:09,540 --> 00:24:10,710
Being inside.

374
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:12,150
Forever.

375
00:24:13,380 --> 00:24:14,070
And three.

376
00:24:14,460 --> 00:24:17,190
Can you take a part of you that feels like struggle.

377
00:24:18,150 --> 00:24:21,030
And become unconditional with it being here.

378
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:34,510
What might it turn into when it's fully seen and accepted? I am currently working on February is nostalgia now.

379
00:24:34,930 --> 00:24:41,410
If you are not a paid subscriber, nostalgia now is my monthly photographic journaling template.

380
00:24:41,860 --> 00:24:43,240
One of kind templates where.

381
00:24:44,020 --> 00:24:49,060
I give you a Canva template with, um, prompts.

382
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,420
And you go through the photos that you took in the last month of your life.

383
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:58,060
And you answer my prompts with pictures and through this.

384
00:24:58,390 --> 00:25:01,210
Visual excavation and expression.

385
00:25:01,730 --> 00:25:07,040
you're able to really sink your teeth into what your life is right now.

386
00:25:08,970 --> 00:25:11,460
What the last few weeks of your life has looked like.

387
00:25:11,970 --> 00:25:12,450
And.

388
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,320
Really bring that hindsight.

389
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:20,250
Into the present and journal.

390
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:25,350
On what you would like to take with you into the next month? And.

391
00:25:25,980 --> 00:25:30,270
I believe that these monthly check-ins with ourselves not only gives us something.

392
00:25:31,050 --> 00:25:35,730
Wonderful to do what those hundreds and thousands of photos we take every month.

393
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,800
Instead of just accumulating them, but it gives us a way to.

394
00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:47,970
Pivot pivot, pivot the ship each month into a sharper.

395
00:25:48,690 --> 00:25:51,270
More connected, aligned.

396
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:56,010
Life that we're living with ourselves instead of like a yearly new year's check-in.

397
00:25:58,170 --> 00:25:58,890
Let's do that.

398
00:25:59,580 --> 00:26:04,680
A bit more than once a year, shall we? So if you're interested in that you could subscribe on my sub stack.

399
00:26:05,110 --> 00:26:10,150
you can still subscribe for the free version of my sub stack, where you get the visual.

400
00:26:10,690 --> 00:26:11,950
Podcast episodes.

401
00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:14,710
So each podcast episode has.

402
00:26:15,970 --> 00:26:19,270
A written post alongside of my art.

403
00:26:19,630 --> 00:26:20,470
My photography.

404
00:26:20,710 --> 00:26:24,160
So if you want that to come to your inbox, go ahead and hit subscribe on sub stack.

405
00:26:26,230 --> 00:26:26,800
All right.

406
00:26:27,100 --> 00:26:30,100
That is it for you today? That is it for me today.

407
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:31,450
I have to go pick up the kids.

408
00:26:32,110 --> 00:26:34,150
And I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week.

409
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This has been an Awkward Sage Production.