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Sept. 5, 2024
Is ”Why” Keeping You Stuck?
When does the quest for "why" turn into justification paralysis?
Is figuring out the root cause the only key to moving forward?
or is it as simple as a decision?
With visual journaling I reflect on the big and little picture(s) for feelings rather than answers.
NOTES from Bianca:
Sacred Seeing on Substack
https://www.instagram.com/biancaleamorra/
Transcript
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Four pictures on this page.
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Because of these four pictures placed together in this way, I understand and I now know that That I don't need to know why.
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I can see it and feel what I feel and know that there is space for all of it and I can still move and I can still breathe.
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Four pictures.
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Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
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It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
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My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
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One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
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You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
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All you have to do is see.
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In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
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Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
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You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.
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What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.
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Come exactly as you are.
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It's perfect.
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Honor your instincts.
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Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
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Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
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Let's dive in.
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Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of help me see today.
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I am boxing.
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I don't know if you've heard the word boxer app.
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That's like a walkie talkie app.
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I use that with clients for coaching with friends.
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Um, it's just a way to send voice notes to people so that you can meander and have, like, kind of like phone conversations, but also not be available at both at the same time.
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I really, really love it.
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Really love it.
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Especially with, like.
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People that I've met later in life, like, not only has it given the ability to have more voice time, but then ever because of convenience, but also it's really helps to deepen those relationships, like, more than I really truly feel would be possible without it.
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I have a.
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To my closest.
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Friends that I met, like, later in life, I, I really truly feel like.
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Became that level of close because we were able to.
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Talk on boxer, like, just internormal lives, like speaking to each other and playing each other's voice and messages and feeling like we were having all of these.
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Intimate conversations with each other.
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So I am recording a note to myself in Voxer right now that I'm hoping to download and use as a podcast episode because I am starving and I'm cooking lunch at the same time.
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And I have all these thoughts swirling in my head, and if they don't come out.
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Right now.
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They'll be gone forever.
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Um, you ever have a thought and you're like, oh, my gosh, this is so important.
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That I will, I don't have to get out of bed to write this down.
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I will not forget this.
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There's no way I'll forget this or, like, you're making a password or something.
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You're like, I don't 1.
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Gone, you know, it all falls in that category.
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Wherever the hell you put your birth certificates and social security cards, especially when you have a whole damn family for yourself and it's not just yours that you're worried about.
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I was just talking to someone on here on Voxer and I told them that I really think that it's time to invest in, like, a safe that's only unlockable by, um, with your own blood as entry.
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Like, you need that so bad, you're willing to prick yourself to open that box and that is the only place where these documents can live because it is insane.
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Irresponsible, how often I can't find this.
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I don't understand.
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I really don't understand.
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Um, okay, moving on.
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Threw up the white flag.
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I couldn't keep recording like that because I wanted to refer to.
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Something very important.
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So I'm back at my desk.
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Not that you need to really know that, but you know how I always.
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Feel like, I want you to know.
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Where I am.
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I don't know.
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I don't know why.
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Which leads me right into today's episode.
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Does Y.
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Always.
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Matter.
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Does Y.
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Always.
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Really matter.
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This may come as a surprise to you considering.
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Almost everything I do.
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Incorporates Y and there is some deep layered why.
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And I dive into the nuances of why.
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In so many things.
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And.
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I want to highlight something that.
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I don't know.
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It gets talked about enough.
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And it's the fact that.
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Sometimes the quest for Y.
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Keeps us stuck.
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Sometimes.
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Wanting to understand why.
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Keeps us in this loop of.
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Digging and digging and burrowing and burrowing.
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And looking underneath and underneath and underneath.
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And.
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Somewhere along the way there.
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It turns into the sort of justification paralysis.
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And I want to highlight.
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That I didn't say analysis paralysis.
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I said justification.
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Paralysis.
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Because I think that.
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That's specific.
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Term highlights.
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What can happen inside of you? When you feel like you need to uncover the why in order to move in order to proceed in order to.
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Feel in alignment.
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Just the same as there is.
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Uh, a version of toxic positivity.
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I think there's also a point where.
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Wellness.
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Can become toxic, right? We've all watched some Colt documentaries in our day.
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Have we not? I watched one do money freaks me the fuck out.
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Hmm.
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Okay.
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We don't need to go there.
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There's wanting to understand why.
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To provide yourself with fuller context and more stuff to work with.
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And there's the ability that comes from being able to see.
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That can release so much.
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But then there's this.
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Other thing that can happen.
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To where.
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You're searching for why, so that you can justify to yourself why you are the way you are.
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It's less about.
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Curiosity and wanting to discover different aspects of yourself.
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Um, And the satisfaction of like being able to put your finger on all of these different things that make up who you are as a person.
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And then it starts to turn into something that's like, I need to figure out why I'm broken in this way.
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I need to figure out whatever it is.
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That is the reason for why I've done this up until this point in my life.
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And it's such a.
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It's such a thin line and it can be hard to figure out when you've plopped over to the other side.
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And I think, uh, in the last week or two, I plopped and I didn't realize I plopped until yesterday.
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They had this thought that came across my mind, that was like, It feels like.
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I'm climbing out of this.
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Well, And I keep losing my footing every time we discover something else, because then I want to look back behind me and then I just like slide all the way down.
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And let's slide down and slide down.
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And when I realized I felt like that.
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I realized that.
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I'm looking for the Y for.
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Justification sake to justify myself rather than for.
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Empowerment and love.
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And.
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I don't want that to be the case because.
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Deepening our understanding of our lives is such a beautiful thing.
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And I don't want to taint it.
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This morning, I just completed my.
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August nostalgia now template.
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And.
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I uncovered something so incredibly healing and.
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Life-changing.
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Through the process and I.
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Think that I will be sharing my findings from my templates because of the way the membership has changed.
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Uh, so nostalgia now is something that I've been doing for a couple years now, a few years now.
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I think, I think up to three years thinks that this is the third year.
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And traditionally I did it in a group setting.
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I had a membership where we're all.
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Coming together.
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Once a month.
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To reflect on our month through these one of a kind prompted photo templates that I create in Canva super easy, super intuitive to do.
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And then we would come together in this like adult show Intel on zoom, and it was so amazing and lovely, and I cannot let this practice go.
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I seen how deeply empowering and transformative it is for myself.
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For, um, the beautiful souls that are in the group.
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So it lives on now through my sub stack, when you become a paid member of my sub stack, then you get access to these monthly, one of a kind prompted photo templates where you take them and create this.
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Delicious.
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Space for yourself to dive into witnessing your life in this way.
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And through that you take that.
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Invaluable.
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Bread crumb of wisdom of hindsight that you have gathered in you're now at a time where you're still able to move with it and action on it and dig deeper and live deeper into your life.
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And then you move forward to the next month.
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So.
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It's something that if you, as you're listening to this are like, okay, I want to do this you can sign up to be a paid supporter of the sub stack.
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It's $11 a month.
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You can find that link in the show notes.
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So I sat down like I normally do.
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I opened up my Google photos for the month of August.
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Um, you could do that through your iCloud to whatever it is that you use.
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And I read the template.
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Prompts.
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And when looking for the images.
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And I found them a little boy.
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Did I find them? I found exactly what I needed to like, let go of this fixation, let go of like my job being locked.
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Onto.
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Needing to figure out why I am the way I'm before I take a single.
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Step forward in another direction.
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This is the power of guided self discovery.
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That focuses on you.
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No one is giving you.
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Profound breakthroughs.
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You are giving them to yourself.
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You are literally looking at the photographs you took.
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With this innate wisdom that you have.
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Not even knowing.
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How important they were in the moment.
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It's just pure instinct.
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And then having this container.
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This reason to go back and look in this way is what brings all of that instinctual wisdom.
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To the surface so that you can actually live with it and move with it and act on it.
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I'm a visual person and creating these templates helps me talk to myself, helps me connect to my life in a way that feels way too big and overwhelming to do so without this as the vehicle.
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So this practice every month is a The most grounding and instinctual way for me to do that.
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When I looked, oof, why I get so choked up every time I talk about it out loud.
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Um, It made so much sense, like a fucking stepladder, like one after the other after the other.
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It just connected on such a deep level.
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And uh, uh, I just want to read a couple of the parts that are relevant to the conversation that I want to have today.
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Um, so one of the things that I uncovered From looking at the photos is realizing how impacted I was from Something.
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growing up.
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And it could be really frustrating for me to try to figure out why it's like, why does that, why is that affect me so much? but I don't have to know why.
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Just by seeing it and feeling the impact on me through the picture that I used in this template.
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I was able to write, my children get to see them the way I never did.
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I get to keep conscious the idea that my children need to see that.
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Like I get to understand how important that is for a child to see because of my experience.
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And then not only for them, but because of that, I get to remember.
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That I need to feel that in order for them to see that.
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Recently, there's been this viral reel going around talking about how the number one indicator of a child's wellbeing is the quality of the mother's happiness.
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That cannot be planned.
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That cannot be constructed.
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That cannot be faked or made up for in other ways.
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The number one indicator of a child's wellbeing is quality of their mother's happiness.
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The quality of happiness in one person, in you, in me, it's not something.
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That has to be articulated or can even be articulated.
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It has to be felt.
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And that reverberates into every aspect of a life and not just our immediate loved ones, but everyone that they touch.
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The pictures show me how I've been braced for impact for my whole life.
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Holding my breath for what, for why do I have to know why in order to exhale and move in my life? No, I don't.
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I need to decide.
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And it's not mutually exclusive.
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It's not one or the other.
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It can be both, but it doesn't have to be figured out in order for you to move forward in your life.
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There was a prompt on this template that had me look for my representation of a personal ether.
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Right? Ether.
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The space.
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The epitome of space and weightlessness.
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Container for all that ever is all space between everything.
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And for that image, I chose the same picture that I always get in my mind.
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When I close my mind and think of somewhere that makes me feel at peace.
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And it's, um, the California coast, um, with all the cliffs and rocks in the ocean.
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That view, that view, just everything is okay.
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Everything.
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Okay.
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With that view and in reflecting on that view in this capacity, in this way of doing it and with the journal questions, My ether right sizes the pain.
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It emphasizes its ability to hold all of it just as I can.
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And just as I do, even if it feels like I don't and I can't, there's a version of neutrality that doesn't have to feel cold or wrong or unloving.
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It just is and allows breath to move, life to move.
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Me to move It also shows me that the pain can be outside of me.
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I don't need to swallow it.
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It doesn't need to swallow me.
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It is not wrong of me to make it separate, to have space from it.
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The pains are like the beautiful rocks in the ocean that I love so much.
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Life and space and nothing and everything washes over them.
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They stay.
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Sometimes drenched in life and sparkling, and other times too tall, refusing to be washed over, refusing to sparkle, refusing to be covered and comforted by the vastness of life and space.
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But it's okay.
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It's allowed to be that.
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It is still a drop in the ocean, no matter how protruding.
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After all, the magnitude of its presence is only ever the depth of its love.
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I can bear it all whether I see it or not.
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When I think about this landscape, that means so much to me.
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I think about the size of a grain of sand next to a boulder of rock in the sea.
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And yet how that boulder is actually held by the sand.
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All of those tiny pieces of sand, those tiny pieces of life, all of our memories hold the boulders of pain and joy and bittersweetness that take up so much more space in our mind and in our heart and in our consciousness.
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And yet all of it are only parts of the ocean and the ocean itself is only a part of ether.
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Weightless, transparent, frictionless, unsayable, unknowable, undetectable space.
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And my essence is unavoidably that, that magnitude, that capacity, regardless of if I'm willing to see it or not.
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So when I look at this and I reflect on this and I think about But the prompt asks me, how will I move forward with what I've consciously uncovered? I know, I feel that I don't need to know why all of those boulders are there.
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I don't need to know the reason.
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I can bear it whether I see it or not.
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I can move whether I understand that or not.
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I will consciously invite light into my heaviness, not to deny the heaviness, but to not deny the light.
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I will find the love in all of it.
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This is a huge reason why I love neuro linguistic programming so much because the impact of that work, you know, going into the subconscious and pulling something up and uncovering it, it's huge.
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so much.
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Um, is so illuminating, but also so easeful and effortless in terms of integration.
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It's like, there's nothing to do after you see what you see.
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There's nothing, there's not an action plan that you need to make.
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There's nothing that you need to do to, um, upkeep it.
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You cannot unsee what you have seen.
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You cannot, a rubber band stretched out beyond its original shape doesn't go back.
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There are processes in NLP that have nothing to do with uncovering, uh, a memory.
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It's just going to the spot in you where it feels and being in that and moving with that.
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And that's what happens with the pictures.
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When I go and I pick these specific pictures that I could have never in a million fucking years planned with my brain, And now, because of this, they are all together on this page and I look at them clear as day and they are like my own language in like hieroglyphics.
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Four pictures on this page.
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Because of these four pictures placed together in this way, I understand and I now know that That I don't need to know why.
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I can see it and feel what I feel and know that there is space for all of it and I can still move and I can still breathe.
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Four pictures.
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One of them is a picture of a book cover I took in Barnes and Noble.
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One of them is a snapshot I took on vacation with my family that I just edited this month, which is why it was in this month's folder.
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One of them is a picture of my.
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Living room, uh, in the early morning where I lit a candle and the fireplace is on.
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And one of them is the picture of the California coast.
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Those four pictures came together on this page and made me understand all of what I just said.
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And you have that same well of knowledge and insight available to you in your hand.
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If you're holding your phone, wherever it is, wherever your pictures are, in your body.
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And sometimes we're so preoccupied with looking for that sentence, the good enough sentence of why.
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But why am I like this? Why is this the way that this is? Why, why, why, why, why? That we forget that we have the ability to decide something different.
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We have the power to decide something that feels better.
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And just move.
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And it's not running away from something.
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We don't need to vilify the boulders in our landscape because at the root of it all, it's all love, all of it.
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We don't need to justify ourselves.
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We don't need to justify anything about ourselves or the way we've lived our lives or what we do with our time.
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We're justify our need for space.
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We are always doing the best we can with what we have.
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Let's look at what we have a little bit closer.
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That is what I have for you today.
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Gosh, this one was supposed to be funny.
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I was like in the mood this morning to be like, I'm going to like talk shit and laugh in my podcast today.
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Cause I'm feeling.
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snarky and then this happened and I cried again.
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Ah, I hope this felt good to you.
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It feels good to me.
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I still want to know why.
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I still really want to know why.
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But there, but the, there's no but.
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It's and.
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And I get to keep going.
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Okay.
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And it doesn't have to feel like Uncovering more truths doesn't mean that I'm sliding down a hole.
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Just more information.
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And also I'm allowed to touch it without picking it up and putting it on my back.
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And you could do that too.
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So if this feels like something that you're interested in, you can access the personalized template.
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That you can take and make your own and have this introspective.
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Um, Explorative experience.
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Uh, at my sub stack.
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If you are a paid subscriber, you get access.
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to these brand new templates every single month, uh, in addition to whatever other goodies I decided to drop your way and popups and all of that fun stuff and community.
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but even, so if you are a free subscriber, you get the, the writing and a visual experience of every podcast, episode, straight to your inbox.
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so if you're in a space where you're not in the mood to listen and you just want to scan and Bubba, blah, blah, blah.
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Becoming a subscriber ensures that you get every podcast episode direct to your inbox.
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And honestly, I love it.
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I love it.
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I get to sit with each episode and pair photos with it and, um, It really forces me to sit with myself in a way that I haven't been used to.
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And, uh, it's really.
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Intimate.
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It's forcing me to be intimate with myself in a way that is very strange for me.
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But, um, I'm very appreciative of it.
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So I will leave you with this.
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What.
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Is.
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This.
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Big ambiguous presence that you have in your life right now.
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That you could actually shift like.
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This with a decision.
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What comes to mind? When I say.
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This big blob of.
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Overwhelm and weight holding you down.
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That you truly can just decide.
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Something different.
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And move with it.
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Good luck with that.
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I hope you have a beautiful rest of the day and I will catch you next time.
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This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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Four pictures on this page.
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Because of these four pictures placed together in this way, I understand and I now know that That I don't need to know why.
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I can see it and feel what I feel and know that there is space for all of it and I can still move and I can still breathe.
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Four pictures.
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Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
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It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
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My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
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One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
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You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
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All you have to do is see.
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In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
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Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
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You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.
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What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.
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Come exactly as you are.
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It's perfect.
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Honor your instincts.
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Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
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Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
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Let's dive in.
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Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of help me see today.
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I am boxing.
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I don't know if you've heard the word boxer app.
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That's like a walkie talkie app.
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I use that with clients for coaching with friends.
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Um, it's just a way to send voice notes to people so that you can meander and have, like, kind of like phone conversations, but also not be available at both at the same time.
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I really, really love it.
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Really love it.
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Especially with, like.
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People that I've met later in life, like, not only has it given the ability to have more voice time, but then ever because of convenience, but also it's really helps to deepen those relationships, like, more than I really truly feel would be possible without it.
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I have a.
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To my closest.
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Friends that I met, like, later in life, I, I really truly feel like.
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Became that level of close because we were able to.
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Talk on boxer, like, just internormal lives, like speaking to each other and playing each other's voice and messages and feeling like we were having all of these.
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Intimate conversations with each other.
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So I am recording a note to myself in Voxer right now that I'm hoping to download and use as a podcast episode because I am starving and I'm cooking lunch at the same time.
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And I have all these thoughts swirling in my head, and if they don't come out.
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Right now.
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They'll be gone forever.
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Um, you ever have a thought and you're like, oh, my gosh, this is so important.
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That I will, I don't have to get out of bed to write this down.
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I will not forget this.
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There's no way I'll forget this or, like, you're making a password or something.
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You're like, I don't 1.
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Gone, you know, it all falls in that category.
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Wherever the hell you put your birth certificates and social security cards, especially when you have a whole damn family for yourself and it's not just yours that you're worried about.
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I was just talking to someone on here on Voxer and I told them that I really think that it's time to invest in, like, a safe that's only unlockable by, um, with your own blood as entry.
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Like, you need that so bad, you're willing to prick yourself to open that box and that is the only place where these documents can live because it is insane.
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Irresponsible, how often I can't find this.
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I don't understand.
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I really don't understand.
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Um, okay, moving on.
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Threw up the white flag.
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I couldn't keep recording like that because I wanted to refer to.
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Something very important.
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So I'm back at my desk.
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Not that you need to really know that, but you know how I always.
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Feel like, I want you to know.
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Where I am.
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I don't know.
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I don't know why.
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Which leads me right into today's episode.
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Does Y.
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Always.
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Matter.
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Does Y.
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Always.
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Really matter.
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This may come as a surprise to you considering.
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Almost everything I do.
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Incorporates Y and there is some deep layered why.
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And I dive into the nuances of why.
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In so many things.
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And.
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I want to highlight something that.
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I don't know.
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It gets talked about enough.
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And it's the fact that.
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Sometimes the quest for Y.
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Keeps us stuck.
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Sometimes.
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Wanting to understand why.
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Keeps us in this loop of.
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Digging and digging and burrowing and burrowing.
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And looking underneath and underneath and underneath.
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And.
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Somewhere along the way there.
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It turns into the sort of justification paralysis.
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And I want to highlight.
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That I didn't say analysis paralysis.
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I said justification.
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Paralysis.
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Because I think that.
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That's specific.
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Term highlights.
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What can happen inside of you? When you feel like you need to uncover the why in order to move in order to proceed in order to.
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Feel in alignment.
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Just the same as there is.
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Uh, a version of toxic positivity.
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I think there's also a point where.
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Wellness.
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Can become toxic, right? We've all watched some Colt documentaries in our day.
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Have we not? I watched one do money freaks me the fuck out.
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Hmm.
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Okay.
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We don't need to go there.
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There's wanting to understand why.
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To provide yourself with fuller context and more stuff to work with.
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And there's the ability that comes from being able to see.
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That can release so much.
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But then there's this.
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Other thing that can happen.
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To where.
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You're searching for why, so that you can justify to yourself why you are the way you are.
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It's less about.
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Curiosity and wanting to discover different aspects of yourself.
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Um, And the satisfaction of like being able to put your finger on all of these different things that make up who you are as a person.
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And then it starts to turn into something that's like, I need to figure out why I'm broken in this way.
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I need to figure out whatever it is.
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That is the reason for why I've done this up until this point in my life.
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And it's such a.
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It's such a thin line and it can be hard to figure out when you've plopped over to the other side.
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And I think, uh, in the last week or two, I plopped and I didn't realize I plopped until yesterday.
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They had this thought that came across my mind, that was like, It feels like.
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I'm climbing out of this.
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Well, And I keep losing my footing every time we discover something else, because then I want to look back behind me and then I just like slide all the way down.
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And let's slide down and slide down.
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And when I realized I felt like that.
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I realized that.
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I'm looking for the Y for.
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Justification sake to justify myself rather than for.
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Empowerment and love.
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And.
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I don't want that to be the case because.
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Deepening our understanding of our lives is such a beautiful thing.
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And I don't want to taint it.
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This morning, I just completed my.
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August nostalgia now template.
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And.
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I uncovered something so incredibly healing and.
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Life-changing.
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Through the process and I.
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Think that I will be sharing my findings from my templates because of the way the membership has changed.
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Uh, so nostalgia now is something that I've been doing for a couple years now, a few years now.
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I think, I think up to three years thinks that this is the third year.
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And traditionally I did it in a group setting.
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I had a membership where we're all.
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Coming together.
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Once a month.
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To reflect on our month through these one of a kind prompted photo templates that I create in Canva super easy, super intuitive to do.
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And then we would come together in this like adult show Intel on zoom, and it was so amazing and lovely, and I cannot let this practice go.
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I seen how deeply empowering and transformative it is for myself.
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For, um, the beautiful souls that are in the group.
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So it lives on now through my sub stack, when you become a paid member of my sub stack, then you get access to these monthly, one of a kind prompted photo templates where you take them and create this.
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Delicious.
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Space for yourself to dive into witnessing your life in this way.
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And through that you take that.
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Invaluable.
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Bread crumb of wisdom of hindsight that you have gathered in you're now at a time where you're still able to move with it and action on it and dig deeper and live deeper into your life.
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And then you move forward to the next month.
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So.
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It's something that if you, as you're listening to this are like, okay, I want to do this you can sign up to be a paid supporter of the sub stack.
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It's $11 a month.
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You can find that link in the show notes.
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So I sat down like I normally do.
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I opened up my Google photos for the month of August.
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Um, you could do that through your iCloud to whatever it is that you use.
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And I read the template.
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Prompts.
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And when looking for the images.
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And I found them a little boy.
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Did I find them? I found exactly what I needed to like, let go of this fixation, let go of like my job being locked.
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Onto.
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Needing to figure out why I am the way I'm before I take a single.
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Step forward in another direction.
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This is the power of guided self discovery.
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That focuses on you.
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No one is giving you.
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Profound breakthroughs.
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You are giving them to yourself.
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You are literally looking at the photographs you took.
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With this innate wisdom that you have.
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Not even knowing.
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How important they were in the moment.
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It's just pure instinct.
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And then having this container.
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This reason to go back and look in this way is what brings all of that instinctual wisdom.
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To the surface so that you can actually live with it and move with it and act on it.
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I'm a visual person and creating these templates helps me talk to myself, helps me connect to my life in a way that feels way too big and overwhelming to do so without this as the vehicle.
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So this practice every month is a The most grounding and instinctual way for me to do that.
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When I looked, oof, why I get so choked up every time I talk about it out loud.
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Um, It made so much sense, like a fucking stepladder, like one after the other after the other.
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It just connected on such a deep level.
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And uh, uh, I just want to read a couple of the parts that are relevant to the conversation that I want to have today.
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Um, so one of the things that I uncovered From looking at the photos is realizing how impacted I was from Something.
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growing up.
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And it could be really frustrating for me to try to figure out why it's like, why does that, why is that affect me so much? but I don't have to know why.
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Just by seeing it and feeling the impact on me through the picture that I used in this template.
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I was able to write, my children get to see them the way I never did.
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I get to keep conscious the idea that my children need to see that.
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Like I get to understand how important that is for a child to see because of my experience.
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And then not only for them, but because of that, I get to remember.
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That I need to feel that in order for them to see that.
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Recently, there's been this viral reel going around talking about how the number one indicator of a child's wellbeing is the quality of the mother's happiness.
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That cannot be planned.
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That cannot be constructed.
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That cannot be faked or made up for in other ways.
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The number one indicator of a child's wellbeing is quality of their mother's happiness.
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The quality of happiness in one person, in you, in me, it's not something.
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That has to be articulated or can even be articulated.
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It has to be felt.
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And that reverberates into every aspect of a life and not just our immediate loved ones, but everyone that they touch.
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The pictures show me how I've been braced for impact for my whole life.
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Holding my breath for what, for why do I have to know why in order to exhale and move in my life? No, I don't.
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I need to decide.
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And it's not mutually exclusive.
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It's not one or the other.
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It can be both, but it doesn't have to be figured out in order for you to move forward in your life.
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There was a prompt on this template that had me look for my representation of a personal ether.
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Right? Ether.
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The space.
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The epitome of space and weightlessness.
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Container for all that ever is all space between everything.
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And for that image, I chose the same picture that I always get in my mind.
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When I close my mind and think of somewhere that makes me feel at peace.
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And it's, um, the California coast, um, with all the cliffs and rocks in the ocean.
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That view, that view, just everything is okay.
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Everything.
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Okay.
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With that view and in reflecting on that view in this capacity, in this way of doing it and with the journal questions, My ether right sizes the pain.
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It emphasizes its ability to hold all of it just as I can.
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And just as I do, even if it feels like I don't and I can't, there's a version of neutrality that doesn't have to feel cold or wrong or unloving.
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It just is and allows breath to move, life to move.
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Me to move It also shows me that the pain can be outside of me.
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I don't need to swallow it.
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It doesn't need to swallow me.
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It is not wrong of me to make it separate, to have space from it.
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The pains are like the beautiful rocks in the ocean that I love so much.
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Life and space and nothing and everything washes over them.
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They stay.
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Sometimes drenched in life and sparkling, and other times too tall, refusing to be washed over, refusing to sparkle, refusing to be covered and comforted by the vastness of life and space.
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But it's okay.
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It's allowed to be that.
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It is still a drop in the ocean, no matter how protruding.
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After all, the magnitude of its presence is only ever the depth of its love.
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I can bear it all whether I see it or not.
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When I think about this landscape, that means so much to me.
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I think about the size of a grain of sand next to a boulder of rock in the sea.
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And yet how that boulder is actually held by the sand.
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All of those tiny pieces of sand, those tiny pieces of life, all of our memories hold the boulders of pain and joy and bittersweetness that take up so much more space in our mind and in our heart and in our consciousness.
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And yet all of it are only parts of the ocean and the ocean itself is only a part of ether.
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00:23:11,357.6861242 --> 00:23:22,377.6871242
Weightless, transparent, frictionless, unsayable, unknowable, undetectable space.
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00:23:26,637.6871242 --> 00:23:37,97.6871242
And my essence is unavoidably that, that magnitude, that capacity, regardless of if I'm willing to see it or not.
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00:23:49,437.6871242 --> 00:24:10,72.6861242
So when I look at this and I reflect on this and I think about But the prompt asks me, how will I move forward with what I've consciously uncovered? I know, I feel that I don't need to know why all of those boulders are there.
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00:24:10,752.6871242 --> 00:24:12,472.6861242
I don't need to know the reason.
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00:24:18,282.6871242 --> 00:24:21,92.6871242
I can bear it whether I see it or not.
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I can move whether I understand that or not.
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I will consciously invite light into my heaviness, not to deny the heaviness, but to not deny the light.
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I will find the love in all of it.
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This is a huge reason why I love neuro linguistic programming so much because the impact of that work, you know, going into the subconscious and pulling something up and uncovering it, it's huge.
262
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so much.
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Um, is so illuminating, but also so easeful and effortless in terms of integration.
264
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It's like, there's nothing to do after you see what you see.
265
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There's nothing, there's not an action plan that you need to make.
266
00:25:45,137.6871242 --> 00:25:49,707.6871242
There's nothing that you need to do to, um, upkeep it.
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You cannot unsee what you have seen.
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You cannot, a rubber band stretched out beyond its original shape doesn't go back.
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There are processes in NLP that have nothing to do with uncovering, uh, a memory.
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It's just going to the spot in you where it feels and being in that and moving with that.
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And that's what happens with the pictures.
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When I go and I pick these specific pictures that I could have never in a million fucking years planned with my brain, And now, because of this, they are all together on this page and I look at them clear as day and they are like my own language in like hieroglyphics.
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Four pictures on this page.
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Because of these four pictures placed together in this way, I understand and I now know that That I don't need to know why.
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I can see it and feel what I feel and know that there is space for all of it and I can still move and I can still breathe.
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Four pictures.
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One of them is a picture of a book cover I took in Barnes and Noble.
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One of them is a snapshot I took on vacation with my family that I just edited this month, which is why it was in this month's folder.
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One of them is a picture of my.
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Living room, uh, in the early morning where I lit a candle and the fireplace is on.
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And one of them is the picture of the California coast.
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Those four pictures came together on this page and made me understand all of what I just said.
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And you have that same well of knowledge and insight available to you in your hand.
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If you're holding your phone, wherever it is, wherever your pictures are, in your body.
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And sometimes we're so preoccupied with looking for that sentence, the good enough sentence of why.
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00:28:46,439.6545139 --> 00:29:05,329.6545139
But why am I like this? Why is this the way that this is? Why, why, why, why, why? That we forget that we have the ability to decide something different.
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00:29:06,49.6545139 --> 00:29:12,449.6535139
We have the power to decide something that feels better.
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And just move.
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00:29:17,189.6555139 --> 00:29:19,889.6555139
And it's not running away from something.
290
00:29:22,889.6555139 --> 00:29:37,359.6555139
We don't need to vilify the boulders in our landscape because at the root of it all, it's all love, all of it.
291
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We don't need to justify ourselves.
292
00:29:49,29.6555139 --> 00:29:57,49.6555139
We don't need to justify anything about ourselves or the way we've lived our lives or what we do with our time.
293
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We're justify our need for space.
294
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We are always doing the best we can with what we have.
295
00:30:12,399.6555139 --> 00:30:15,9.6545139
Let's look at what we have a little bit closer.
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That is what I have for you today.
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00:30:24,58.9163835 --> 00:30:25,818.9163835
Gosh, this one was supposed to be funny.
298
00:30:25,898.9163835 --> 00:30:32,578.9153835
I was like in the mood this morning to be like, I'm going to like talk shit and laugh in my podcast today.
299
00:30:32,578.9163835 --> 00:30:33,428.9163835
Cause I'm feeling.
300
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snarky and then this happened and I cried again.
301
00:30:46,348.9163835 --> 00:30:50,742.7295151
Ah, I hope this felt good to you.
302
00:30:50,872.7295151 --> 00:30:52,52.7285151
It feels good to me.
303
00:30:52,802.7295151 --> 00:30:54,182.7295151
I still want to know why.
304
00:30:55,132.7295151 --> 00:30:56,912.7295151
I still really want to know why.
305
00:30:58,612.7295151 --> 00:31:02,742.7285151
But there, but the, there's no but.
306
00:31:02,772.7285151 --> 00:31:03,652.7295151
It's and.
307
00:31:04,102.7295151 --> 00:31:05,382.7295151
And I get to keep going.
308
00:31:05,792.7295151 --> 00:31:06,102.7295151
Okay.
309
00:31:06,402.7295151 --> 00:31:17,192.7295151
And it doesn't have to feel like Uncovering more truths doesn't mean that I'm sliding down a hole.
310
00:31:18,872.7295151 --> 00:31:20,322.7295151
Just more information.
311
00:31:26,842.7285151 --> 00:31:31,232.7295151
And also I'm allowed to touch it without picking it up and putting it on my back.
312
00:31:32,212.7305151 --> 00:31:33,322.7295151
And you could do that too.
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00:31:35,83.0673716 --> 00:31:41,263.0673716
So if this feels like something that you're interested in, you can access the personalized template.
314
00:31:41,623.0673716 --> 00:31:46,363.0673716
That you can take and make your own and have this introspective.
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00:31:47,23.0673716 --> 00:31:49,903.0673716
Um, Explorative experience.
316
00:31:50,713.0673716 --> 00:31:51,973.0673716
Uh, at my sub stack.
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00:31:54,533.0673716 --> 00:31:56,753.0673716
If you are a paid subscriber, you get access.
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00:31:57,123.0673716 --> 00:32:06,633.0673716
to these brand new templates every single month, uh, in addition to whatever other goodies I decided to drop your way and popups and all of that fun stuff and community.
319
00:32:07,423.0673716 --> 00:32:17,53.0673716
but even, so if you are a free subscriber, you get the, the writing and a visual experience of every podcast, episode, straight to your inbox.
320
00:32:17,393.0673716 --> 00:32:22,223.0673716
so if you're in a space where you're not in the mood to listen and you just want to scan and Bubba, blah, blah, blah.
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00:32:22,613.0673716 --> 00:32:27,143.0673716
Becoming a subscriber ensures that you get every podcast episode direct to your inbox.
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00:32:27,203.0673716 --> 00:32:30,533.0673716
And honestly, I love it.
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00:32:31,313.0673716 --> 00:32:31,913.0673716
I love it.
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00:32:32,63.0673716 --> 00:32:42,803.0673716
I get to sit with each episode and pair photos with it and, um, It really forces me to sit with myself in a way that I haven't been used to.
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00:32:43,463.0673716 --> 00:32:46,43.0673716
And, uh, it's really.
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Intimate.
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It's forcing me to be intimate with myself in a way that is very strange for me.
328
00:32:54,503.0673716 --> 00:32:57,293.0673716
But, um, I'm very appreciative of it.
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00:32:57,323.0673716 --> 00:33:00,93.0673716
So I will leave you with this.
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What.
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Is.
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00:33:04,433.0673716 --> 00:33:04,763.0673716
This.
333
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Big ambiguous presence that you have in your life right now.
334
00:33:09,533.0673716 --> 00:33:12,203.0673716
That you could actually shift like.
335
00:33:13,13.0673716 --> 00:33:15,113.0673716
This with a decision.
336
00:33:16,883.0673716 --> 00:33:19,253.0673716
What comes to mind? When I say.
337
00:33:20,243.0673716 --> 00:33:22,463.0673716
This big blob of.
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00:33:23,93.0673716 --> 00:33:26,243.0673716
Overwhelm and weight holding you down.
339
00:33:27,833.0673716 --> 00:33:30,473.0673716
That you truly can just decide.
340
00:33:31,43.0673716 --> 00:33:31,973.0673716
Something different.
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00:33:33,863.0673716 --> 00:33:34,643.0673716
And move with it.
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Good luck with that.
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I hope you have a beautiful rest of the day and I will catch you next time.
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This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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