FULL TIME ARTIST & part time work w/Morgan Bukovec

1
00:00:00,49.999999999955 --> 00:00:03,540
My hope was that I would show it in a gallery and I can envision it.

2
00:00:03,540 --> 00:00:05,260
And I'd be like, that would be amazing.

3
00:00:05,690.0000000001 --> 00:00:07,160.0000000001
And it, it happened.

4
00:00:07,170.0000000001 --> 00:00:13,449.999
Like I did that thing, but while I was making it, it took me two years to complete and I wasn't focused on that.

5
00:00:13,449.999 --> 00:00:14,600
I was just making the work.

6
00:00:14,769.999 --> 00:00:16,9.999
I had a gallery.

7
00:00:16,9.999 --> 00:00:18,409.999
Curator who has been following me, reach out.

8
00:00:18,649.999 --> 00:00:20,29.999
She wanted to show my work.

9
00:00:20,419.999 --> 00:00:34,899.9975
And then ever since then I've had, you know, solo shows with it and has been featured in other things so opportunities have happened with it, but like, it's cool to think back that when I was first making that work, it was only because, I mean, this is how it's always been with art for me.

10
00:00:34,899.9975 --> 00:00:36,239.8975
It's like, like you were talking about.

11
00:00:36,589.9975 --> 00:00:37,469.9975
It's for me.

12
00:00:37,629.9975 --> 00:00:38,749.9975
I'm making it for me.

13
00:00:38,789.9975 --> 00:00:42,449.9975
This is my experience translating into a physical.

14
00:00:43,79.9975 --> 00:00:44,499.9975
That's, that's the purpose.

15
00:00:44,499.9975 --> 00:00:45,419.9965
That's the drive.

16
00:00:45,479.9975 --> 00:00:47,569.9975
Other stuff could come later.

17
00:00:47,629.9975 --> 00:00:48,479.9965
It could happen.

18
00:00:48,479.9965 --> 00:00:49,419.9965
It could not happen.

19
00:00:49,934.9975 --> 00:00:50,544.9975
Whatever.

20
00:00:50,844.9975 --> 00:01:18,34.997499999
But like, this is what I imagine, and I think it's important to, give space for those ideas and those things to, really be with you and sit with you, I think about how some of these ideas that I've only recently had to make this new body of work, whatever it is, was from me, spending more time with myself to play, I was like lighting incense and dancing in my room and like, oh my gosh, I have an idea.

21
00:01:18,84.997499999 --> 00:01:22,254.997499999
I don't know if I just opened up a portal because I actually am starting to give myself self care.

22
00:01:22,664.997499999 --> 00:01:41,698.01790816
And Things that I need spiritually, mentally, physically, but the moment I started to like, open up that space to do that, I felt like I was just like a portal to receive these ideas help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.

23
00:01:42,338.01790816 --> 00:01:49,28.01790816
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.

24
00:01:50,3.01790816 --> 00:01:59,123.01790816
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.

25
00:01:59,393.01790816 --> 00:02:12,553.01790816
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.

26
00:02:13,453.01790816 --> 00:02:20,693.01690816
You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.

27
00:02:21,793.01790816 --> 00:02:23,123.01790816
All you have to do is see.

28
00:02:24,223.01790816 --> 00:02:40,73.01790816
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.

29
00:02:40,883.01790816 --> 00:02:44,543.01790816
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.

30
00:02:44,953.01790816 --> 00:02:49,763.01790816
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.

31
00:02:50,723.01690816 --> 00:03:12,278.01790816
What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.

32
00:03:13,838.01690816 --> 00:03:15,908.01690816
Come exactly as you are.

33
00:03:16,198.01690816 --> 00:03:17,58.01690816
It's perfect.

34
00:03:17,768.01690816 --> 00:03:19,288.01690816
Honor your instincts.

35
00:03:19,348.01690816 --> 00:03:24,968.01690816
Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.

36
00:03:26,293.01790816 --> 00:03:33,173.01790816
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.

37
00:03:34,313.01790816 --> 00:03:34,983.01790816
Let's dive in.

38
00:03:36,453.01790816 --> 00:03:36,843.01790816
Hello.

39
00:03:36,873.01790816 --> 00:03:39,363.01790816
Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.

40
00:03:40,713.01790816 --> 00:03:41,703.01790816
Today on the show.

41
00:03:41,703.01790816 --> 00:03:44,223.01790816
I have a special conversation.

42
00:03:44,943.01790816 --> 00:03:46,203.01790816
Artist to artist.

43
00:03:46,413.01790816 --> 00:03:48,363.01790816
Um, with the amazing.

44
00:03:48,783.01790816 --> 00:03:56,823.01790816
Morgan and Vuckovic, she is a multimedia multi-passionate artists that is.

45
00:03:56,823.01790816 --> 00:04:00,783.01790816
Really an example of being in the world that.

46
00:04:00,783.01790816 --> 00:04:02,583.01790816
Helps me to feel.

47
00:04:03,153.01790816 --> 00:04:03,753.01790816
Okay.

48
00:04:06,123.01790816 --> 00:04:06,543.01790816
More.

49
00:04:06,543.01790816 --> 00:04:07,83.01790816
Okay.

50
00:04:09,703.01790816 --> 00:04:11,743.01790816
I think it's really important.

51
00:04:12,793.01790816 --> 00:04:20,53.01790816
To have these super candid and honest conversations because life has an artist can feel isolating enough.

52
00:04:21,683.01790816 --> 00:04:24,953.01790816
I've personally been going through a bit of a tough time recently.

53
00:04:25,13.01790816 --> 00:04:25,493.01790816
And.

54
00:04:26,843.01790816 --> 00:04:27,443.01790816
A.

55
00:04:28,763.01790816 --> 00:04:31,103.01790816
I just come to this.

56
00:04:32,393.01790816 --> 00:04:34,73.01790816
Crux where.

57
00:04:35,303.01790816 --> 00:04:40,793.01790816
And this knowing of if I want to keep my work sacred.

58
00:04:41,573.01790816 --> 00:04:44,543.01790816
I have this craving to completely.

59
00:04:45,173.01790816 --> 00:04:51,813.01790816
Separate it from any expectations or hopes or, Intentions.

60
00:04:52,203.01790816 --> 00:04:52,773.01790816
Of.

61
00:04:54,633.01790816 --> 00:05:01,323.01790816
Expecting it to bring in income to me, like that's just full stop and let me be clear.

62
00:05:02,103.01790816 --> 00:05:04,653.01790816
I'm not saying that that's wrong.

63
00:05:04,683.01790816 --> 00:05:05,853.01790816
I'm not saying that I shouldn't be.

64
00:05:05,853.01790816 --> 00:05:07,833.01790816
I'm not saying I am just saying.

65
00:05:08,103.01790816 --> 00:05:10,203.01790816
I have come to the point in my.

66
00:05:10,713.01790816 --> 00:05:13,173.01790816
You know, it's been three years.

67
00:05:13,863.01790816 --> 00:05:20,703.01790816
Three-and-a-half years, three years since, um, I got laid off and I decided to go all in on this and.

68
00:05:20,703.01790816 --> 00:05:29,73.01790816
I am feeling that in order to keep it feeling as delicious as it always has felt for me to be in this work.

69
00:05:29,613.01790816 --> 00:05:34,683.01790816
Um, And you just start looking elsewhere for some more sustainable.

70
00:05:34,973.01790816 --> 00:05:37,523.01790816
Income for my family and.

71
00:05:38,93.01790816 --> 00:05:39,53.01790816
With that.

72
00:05:39,863.01790816 --> 00:05:45,353.01790816
I ha also have a knowing that I don't want another full-time job because I'm full time committed.

73
00:05:45,653.01790816 --> 00:05:47,813.01790816
To this work that I'm doing.

74
00:05:49,223.01790816 --> 00:05:55,223.01790816
So for the first time ever, I'm looking for part-time work, that's completely separate from.

75
00:05:55,223.01790816 --> 00:05:56,633.01790816
You know, industry.

76
00:05:57,593.01790816 --> 00:06:00,263.01790816
Whatever industry that I went to school for.

77
00:06:00,743.01790816 --> 00:06:04,733.01790816
And there's so something so freeing about that.

78
00:06:05,573.01790816 --> 00:06:09,863.01790816
I, but I'm also uncomfortable because I've never done that before.

79
00:06:10,253.01790816 --> 00:06:15,763.01790816
And I I love talking to Morgan because she's a lifelong artist.

80
00:06:16,153.01790816 --> 00:06:19,753.01790816
She, um, is doing gallery shows.

81
00:06:19,753.01790816 --> 00:06:22,183.01790816
She organizes events for other artists.

82
00:06:22,183.01790816 --> 00:06:25,993.01790816
She's just, oh, she's holding space for so many other artists.

83
00:06:26,233.01790816 --> 00:06:27,193.01790816
She's doing all the things.

84
00:06:27,193.01790816 --> 00:06:30,283.01790816
And also she has been a part-time worker, her whole life.

85
00:06:30,283.01790816 --> 00:06:33,243.01790816
She said at one point she's even had four part-time jobs at once.

86
00:06:33,693.01790816 --> 00:06:34,83.01790816
And.

87
00:06:34,833.01790816 --> 00:06:38,913.01790816
This notion of just holding things loosely so that.

88
00:06:38,913.01790816 --> 00:06:40,653.01790816
There's more space.

89
00:06:41,283.01790816 --> 00:06:42,333.01790816
For that play.

90
00:06:43,713.01790816 --> 00:06:46,593.01790816
And I don't know about you, but I have a really hard time with the word play.

91
00:06:48,873.01790816 --> 00:06:51,513.01790816
And, um, I don't know, I just.

92
00:06:52,293.01790816 --> 00:06:54,453.01790816
Whenever I'm in Morgan's presence.

93
00:06:54,483.01790816 --> 00:06:59,683.01790816
And I, I sense her authenticity and her just her heart.

94
00:06:59,833.01790816 --> 00:07:02,383.01790816
I feel so refreshed and I feel later.

95
00:07:02,713.01790816 --> 00:07:03,373.01790816
And.

96
00:07:03,813.01790816 --> 00:07:06,903.01790816
I'm so happy that we were able to have this conversation.

97
00:07:06,903.01790816 --> 00:07:12,633.01790816
And I hope it's the first of, of more to come because I feel like we have a lot of common threads together.

98
00:07:12,633.01790816 --> 00:07:17,913.01790816
We both have a really deep seated belief in the importance of community and connection.

99
00:07:18,273.01790816 --> 00:07:23,393.01790816
And, uh, knowing that when something is personal enough, it is also universal.

100
00:07:23,813.01790816 --> 00:07:25,643.01790816
In this conversation, we go.

101
00:07:26,363.01790816 --> 00:07:27,263.01790816
We go all around.

102
00:07:27,263.01790816 --> 00:07:34,273.01790816
We talk about some of her work, her exploring new materials, her, Experience in having other people.

103
00:07:34,813.01790816 --> 00:07:46,553.01790816
Open up to her when their stories, after seeing her work and, you know, she holds space for other artists in a membership community as well called lava lamp lounge where they work together and.

104
00:07:47,273.01790816 --> 00:07:53,873.01790816
It's just really, really, really lovely to connect with another like-minded soul that.

105
00:07:55,43.01790816 --> 00:07:58,373.01790816
It's just choosing to do life differently and also has the same.

106
00:07:58,883.01790816 --> 00:08:05,543.01790816
Fears and moments of doubt and skepticism and, you know, All of that because.

107
00:08:05,543.01790816 --> 00:08:09,623.01790816
You know, I sit here and I do this work and I share my heart week after week after week.

108
00:08:10,643.01790816 --> 00:08:16,403.01790816
And I know, and I know I'm not alone, but also I feel alone.

109
00:08:18,383.01790816 --> 00:08:21,23.01790816
You know, You know, when, you know.

110
00:08:21,923.01790816 --> 00:08:23,123.01790816
You're not something.

111
00:08:24,23.01790816 --> 00:08:25,553.01790816
Then also you feel like you are.

112
00:08:25,973.01790816 --> 00:08:26,393.01790816
That's.

113
00:08:27,143.01790816 --> 00:08:27,983.01790816
Where am at.

114
00:08:29,153.01790816 --> 00:08:29,813.01790816
So anyway.

115
00:08:30,293.01790816 --> 00:08:32,783.01790816
Uh, I am currently in San Francisco.

116
00:08:33,233.01790816 --> 00:08:35,183.01790816
Um, on work right now.

117
00:08:35,483.01790816 --> 00:08:40,373.01790816
And when I go back home, I will be exploring what a different way of life can look like.

118
00:08:40,553.01790816 --> 00:08:42,983.01790816
And really I'm.

119
00:08:43,643.01790816 --> 00:08:44,543.01790816
Quite.

120
00:08:45,413.01790816 --> 00:08:46,583.01790816
Energized about it.

121
00:08:46,583.01790816 --> 00:09:05,913.01790816
I'm thinking about what will this mean? What might it look like to be in my work? When I have an increased feeling of safety financially, what might it look like? To have some form of schedule where I know like this from this time to this time, there's work happening.

122
00:09:06,273.01790816 --> 00:09:07,833.01790816
That's completely separate from my.

123
00:09:08,493.01790816 --> 00:09:09,483.01790816
Identity.

124
00:09:11,373.01790816 --> 00:09:16,323.01790816
And then I'm, I'm free in these other areas so that I can fully dive in and commit.

125
00:09:16,323.01790816 --> 00:09:16,623.01790816
So.

126
00:09:18,393.01790816 --> 00:09:19,203.01790816
Any who.

127
00:09:19,683.01790816 --> 00:09:20,343.01790816
If.

128
00:09:21,573.01790816 --> 00:09:23,163.01790816
You are in a moment of life.

129
00:09:23,883.01790816 --> 00:09:28,53.01790816
Where you're feeling stuck, or if you're just feeling like.

130
00:09:28,623.01790816 --> 00:09:31,533.01790816
You're on this treadmill, treadmill, maybe treble.

131
00:09:31,533.01790816 --> 00:09:33,843.01790816
I meant to say hamster wheel, but either way.

132
00:09:34,293.01790816 --> 00:09:34,893.01790816
That.

133
00:09:35,583.01790816 --> 00:09:40,53.01790816
You just keep taking step after step after step, but you don't necessarily love where you're going.

134
00:09:40,673.01790816 --> 00:09:41,693.01790816
Perhaps.

135
00:09:42,263.01790816 --> 00:09:45,23.01790816
This conversation might be eyeopening.

136
00:09:45,53.01790816 --> 00:09:46,883.01790816
Perhaps this might be.

137
00:09:47,573.01790816 --> 00:09:51,803.01790816
Um, The validation you didn't know you needed for.

138
00:09:52,583.01790816 --> 00:09:55,13.01790816
Thinking about what life could look like.

139
00:09:55,613.01790816 --> 00:10:00,413.01790816
And, um, Yeah, I just, I know you're going to love Morgan.

140
00:10:00,413.01790816 --> 00:10:01,223.01790816
She's the best.

141
00:10:01,223.01790816 --> 00:10:04,373.01790816
If you want to learn more about her, check out the show notes.

142
00:10:04,373.01790816 --> 00:10:05,813.01790816
I'm going to put her links there.

143
00:10:06,293.01790816 --> 00:10:06,983.01790816
And.

144
00:10:08,153.01790816 --> 00:10:09,323.01790816
Without further ado.

145
00:10:10,73.01790816 --> 00:10:17,603.01790816
Here's my conversation with the amazing multitalented multi-passionate multimedia artist, Morgan Booker Vick.

146
00:10:19,552.34897392 --> 00:10:21,412.34897392
First of all, thank you so much.

147
00:10:21,462.34897392 --> 00:10:23,892.34897392
I'm so excited to have this conversation.

148
00:10:24,142.34897392 --> 00:10:26,312.24897392
I know.

149
00:10:26,312.34897392 --> 00:10:28,202.34897392
It's been a long time coming.

150
00:10:28,202.34897392 --> 00:10:31,702.34897392
I feel like we've got some juicy things to, to chat about.

151
00:10:31,922.34797392 --> 00:10:32,322.34797392
Yeah.

152
00:10:32,322.34897392 --> 00:10:38,12.34897392
I remember like, back in San Francisco when I first voxed you and I was like, Oh, I can't wait to get home to talk to her.

153
00:10:38,12.34897392 --> 00:10:39,322.34897392
And then of course life.

154
00:10:39,372.34897392 --> 00:10:42,682.34897392
And it's now it's been what six months or more at later.

155
00:10:43,282.34897392 --> 00:10:51,302.34897392
Um, if you want to give a little quick intro about yourself, what you're doing, what you're up to, and then we'll just dive into our combo.

156
00:10:51,767.34897392 --> 00:10:52,647.34897392
Dive into all of it.

157
00:10:52,657.34897392 --> 00:10:53,127.34897392
Yes.

158
00:10:53,147.34897392 --> 00:10:55,567.34897392
Um, so hello listeners.

159
00:10:56,37.34897392 --> 00:10:56,447.34897392
Hi.

160
00:10:56,807.34897392 --> 00:11:03,667.34897392
Um, but yeah, my name is Morgan Bukovic and right now I'm living south of Columbus.

161
00:11:03,707.34897392 --> 00:11:13,897.34897392
I'm a mixed media artist and I also host workshops and I run an online art community called Lava Lamp Lounge.

162
00:11:14,657.34897392 --> 00:11:15,927.34897392
Fully like online.

163
00:11:15,957.34897392 --> 00:11:21,7.34897392
We meet every Monday on Zoom just to make art and hold each other accountable.

164
00:11:21,17.34897392 --> 00:11:26,57.34847392
I also have a support group for artists, um, that is on Zoom that anyone could join.

165
00:11:26,57.34847392 --> 00:11:32,552.34897392
The whole thing is that it's like free, accessible, and available to whoever would like to Yeah.

166
00:11:32,552.34897392 --> 00:11:33,152.34897392
Be a part of it.

167
00:11:33,152.34897392 --> 00:11:34,772.34897392
So it's called Lava Lamp Lounge.

168
00:11:35,192.34897392 --> 00:11:39,892.34897392
And we just had our first ever in person meet up the other night and it was awesome.

169
00:11:39,892.34897392 --> 00:11:40,782.34897392
It was so cool.

170
00:11:40,802.34897392 --> 00:11:41,92.34897392
It was just fun.

171
00:11:41,92.34897392 --> 00:11:49,452.34797392
How many people were local? There's, there's probably like five to eight, maybe 10 people that are local.

172
00:11:49,452.34797392 --> 00:11:51,822.34897392
People just keep like bringing friends and I love that.

173
00:11:51,822.34897392 --> 00:11:52,232.24897392
Yeah.

174
00:11:52,232.34897392 --> 00:11:52,592.34897392
Yeah.

175
00:11:52,592.34897392 --> 00:11:58,692.34897392
So I was like, we should have an in person like making art, eating food, hanging out thing.

176
00:11:58,692.34897392 --> 00:12:00,362.34897392
And we did this little activity where we.

177
00:12:00,447.34897392 --> 00:12:01,557.34897392
I don't know if you've seen this.

178
00:12:01,577.34897392 --> 00:12:02,837.34897392
I feel like I've seen this before.

179
00:12:02,837.34897392 --> 00:12:07,617.34897392
It's how I got the idea, but we each had like a blank sketchbook page or paper.

180
00:12:08,307.34897392 --> 00:12:12,277.34897392
And we spent five minutes like doing whatever on it, like anything, right.

181
00:12:12,277.34897392 --> 00:12:13,587.34897392
We had like paints, all this stuff.

182
00:12:13,937.34797392 --> 00:12:18,287.34897392
And then every five minutes we like switched it to a different person and like.

183
00:12:18,597.34897392 --> 00:12:22,467.34897392
Kept going around and it was so fun and we actually made some really cool stuff.

184
00:12:22,887.34897392 --> 00:12:26,117.34897392
Um, but yeah, either way it was, it was great to like meet up in person.

185
00:12:26,127.34897392 --> 00:12:27,287.34897392
And, um, I just love that.

186
00:12:27,287.34897392 --> 00:12:30,157.34897392
I love bringing together community and people.

187
00:12:30,157.34897392 --> 00:12:34,927.34797392
I also host a market called Lakeside Flea on Lake Erie.

188
00:12:35,277.34897392 --> 00:12:40,547.34897392
Um, this year we have over a hundred vendors and yeah, it's going to be a big one.

189
00:12:40,557.34897392 --> 00:12:47,947.34897392
So that's been cool just to, I've been in that like vending as an artist, uh, business myself and.

190
00:12:48,267.34897392 --> 00:12:50,207.34897392
Showing in galleries and all that good stuff.

191
00:12:50,217.34897392 --> 00:12:52,967.34897392
So yeah, a lot of things rolling.

192
00:12:52,997.34897392 --> 00:12:57,687.34897392
I, um, also just received a grant to do like this two day art exhibition.

193
00:12:58,37.34897392 --> 00:13:06,197.34797392
Um, and so that will be really cool to do in Columbus, but yeah, I feel like I just, I really enjoy bringing together community, doing events, making art.

194
00:13:06,572.34897392 --> 00:13:10,792.34897392
Talking about art and the artist's journey, always so interesting to me.

195
00:13:11,652.34897392 --> 00:13:14,552.34897392
Yeah, we are, we're very linked in that way.

196
00:13:14,832.34897392 --> 00:13:24,82.34797392
And I'll share the, the reason for this revival of our conversation, uh, is a few weeks ago, Morgan had posted something about.

197
00:13:25,107.34897392 --> 00:13:43,647.34847392
Uh, being okay with, and you correct me because I'm summarizing and who knows my brain is mashed potatoes right now, but being okay with the not knowing and this idea of longing for something that is an ideal or something that you experienced in the past that you want to get back to, but also not knowing exactly how it's going to flush out.

198
00:13:43,647.34847392 --> 00:13:53,7.34897392
And also the extreme highs and I'd say extreme lows of being a working artist.

199
00:13:53,312.34897392 --> 00:13:53,622.34897392
Yeah.

200
00:13:53,672.34897392 --> 00:13:54,512.34897392
In this world.

201
00:13:54,512.34897392 --> 00:14:00,72.34897392
It's really, really hard and how we want to keep our work sacred and feeling really good.

202
00:14:00,302.34897392 --> 00:14:07,652.34897392
And also like, what does it mean to, to put that expectation of like, it provides me financial support where it doesn't.

203
00:14:07,662.34797392 --> 00:14:18,552.34897392
And what does it mean to fill your time, other time with how you support yourself financially with something that doesn't drain you to the point where you don't do your art and where What is that dance? And yeah, you know, all of it.

204
00:14:18,552.34897392 --> 00:14:23,802.34897392
And I was off before the burnout heads and re reminding yourself of certain things.

205
00:14:23,882.34897392 --> 00:14:24,272.34897392
Exactly.

206
00:14:24,272.44897392 --> 00:14:25,612.34897392
That's exactly where I am right now.

207
00:14:26,582.34897392 --> 00:14:27,682.34897392
Yes, for sure.

208
00:14:27,682.34897392 --> 00:14:37,52.34797392
I've been thinking about that a lot and yeah, I actually, I, so I wrote that journal entry and then I was invited to an, uh, poetry night, like an open mic thing.

209
00:14:37,52.34797392 --> 00:14:38,82.34797392
I've never been to one.

210
00:14:38,262.34797392 --> 00:14:43,17.34897392
Um, I was excited to go just to like, Listen, and there was two people there.

211
00:14:43,187.34897392 --> 00:14:46,277.34897392
And so they like looked at me and they're like, you have to read something.

212
00:14:46,397.34897392 --> 00:14:51,997.34897392
And I was like, okay, um, well, I guess I just wrote something in my journal today.

213
00:14:52,677.34897392 --> 00:14:55,167.34797392
Um, I don't think it's poetry, but I'll read it.

214
00:14:55,177.34897392 --> 00:14:57,577.24797392
What a good sport.

215
00:14:57,577.34797392 --> 00:14:58,297.34797392
Yeah.

216
00:14:58,857.34897392 --> 00:15:00,847.34897392
And so after Way to rally.

217
00:15:01,97.34897392 --> 00:15:01,557.34897392
Right.

218
00:15:01,737.34897392 --> 00:15:01,987.34897392
Right.

219
00:15:01,987.34897392 --> 00:15:02,717.34897392
I was like, whatever.

220
00:15:02,717.34897392 --> 00:15:04,47.34897392
I'll take, I'll take a chance.

221
00:15:04,292.34897392 --> 00:15:07,222.34897392
I'll step on this mic, you know, there's two people there or whatever.

222
00:15:07,492.34897392 --> 00:15:11,472.34897392
But yeah, I read this journal entry and I even said like, this is not a poem.

223
00:15:12,622.34897392 --> 00:15:15,902.34897392
And after people were clapping and they're like, that's poetry.

224
00:15:15,942.34797392 --> 00:15:18,522.34897392
And I'm like, what? It's like, okay, that's pretty cool.

225
00:15:18,542.34897392 --> 00:15:21,442.34797392
So it made me rethink about like some of my writing.

226
00:15:21,442.34797392 --> 00:15:24,42.34897392
But yeah, the whole poem was about poem.

227
00:15:24,252.34897392 --> 00:16:03,57.34897392
The whole thing was just about like, Longing for a place, longing for, I mean, I was living in Europe, so I was like longing, thinking about all these memories, all these, this inspiration, this whole state of living I was in for a short period of time, and how like longing for that is like sad in a way, but also is also reminding me like, okay, Thinking about that or putting my energy into thinking about that, like longing and longing for it is, is actually distracting me from like being in the present moment of where I am and how like I need to just sit in a place of gratitude and be like, yes, this happened.

228
00:16:03,87.34797392 --> 00:16:05,437.34897392
This shaped me in all these amazing ways.

229
00:16:05,457.34897392 --> 00:16:18,7.34897392
And I, I do, I, yeah, as a creative, like you mentioned, I can only speak for myself, but like, I'm highly sensitive to emotions, to the highs, to the lows, like that high sensitivity is what makes our artwork sacred.

230
00:16:18,147.34897392 --> 00:16:25,362.34897392
And Beautiful, but it also can hit us so emotionally, depending on the day, you know, at least for me.

231
00:16:25,362.34897392 --> 00:16:29,772.34897392
And so like, yeah, through that journal entry, I was like, okay, I'm okay.

232
00:16:29,822.34797392 --> 00:16:33,412.34797392
I'm longing for this, but it's also distracting me from being here.

233
00:16:34,212.34897392 --> 00:16:38,482.34847392
So all I could do is like sit in a place of gratitude and like be here now.

234
00:16:38,482.34847392 --> 00:16:42,482.3489739
And like, what does that mean? So it's been something I've been thinking about a lot more lately.

235
00:16:43,52.3489739 --> 00:16:51,992.3489739
Listening to, like, a creative act by Rick Rubin and, like, these ideas in meditation and presence and the sensitivities and the long, like, all that stuff.

236
00:16:52,32.3489739 --> 00:16:54,142.3489739
I've been thinking about a lot in here.

237
00:16:54,202.3479739 --> 00:17:01,342.3479739
And, like, trying to, like you said, even, like, catching yourself before the burnout, giving yourself a day off, whatever this looks like, rest, all this stuff.

238
00:17:01,342.3489739 --> 00:17:07,532.3489739
So, oh, yeah, and I'm glad that you, like, I feel like it did touch some people.

239
00:17:07,532.3489739 --> 00:17:10,182.3489739
Like, they reached out to me and messaged me, like, wow, like, yes.

240
00:17:10,632.3489739 --> 00:17:11,342.3489739
I feel this.

241
00:17:11,352.3489739 --> 00:17:14,672.3489739
And it was just that just having it be heard too is another thing.

242
00:17:14,672.3489739 --> 00:17:15,412.3489739
It's Okay.

243
00:17:15,532.3489739 --> 00:17:18,652.3489739
I'm not the only one here that's just like, I'm okay.

244
00:17:18,652.3489739 --> 00:17:21,72.3489739
I have no idea where I'm going to be in six months at all.

245
00:17:21,362.3489739 --> 00:17:22,392.2489739
that's okay.

246
00:17:23,562.2489739 --> 00:17:27,572.2479739
Giving, yeah, speaking it out, it's funny because it does both to me.

247
00:17:27,572.2489739 --> 00:17:31,152.2489739
It does both at the same time, speaking it out, like lets the air out.

248
00:17:31,152.2489739 --> 00:17:36,252.2499739
So as the pressure cooker, but it also empowers at the same time.

249
00:17:36,262.2499739 --> 00:17:37,182.2499739
So it weakens and.

250
00:17:37,452.2499739 --> 00:17:39,182.2499739
strengthens in both ways.

251
00:17:39,182.2499739 --> 00:17:40,312.2499739
It's empowering.

252
00:17:40,312.3499739 --> 00:17:41,842.2499739
You're like, okay, there, I said it.

253
00:17:42,2.2499739 --> 00:17:42,652.2499739
I just said it.

254
00:17:42,662.2499739 --> 00:17:47,862.2489739
Even if it doesn't do anything or someone doesn't message me saying thank you or whatever.

255
00:17:48,142.2489739 --> 00:17:48,802.2494739
I said it.

256
00:17:48,802.2494739 --> 00:17:50,412.2499739
I got it like out of me.

257
00:17:50,782.2499739 --> 00:18:02,352.2499739
Um, and that was brave or that was, I don't know, empowering in whatever way, but it also lets the air out okay, now I don't have this, Deep seated feeling that's festering in my core of my being.

258
00:18:02,982.2499739 --> 00:18:03,622.2499739
Um, yeah.

259
00:18:04,92.2499739 --> 00:18:04,562.2499739
Yeah.

260
00:18:04,592.2499739 --> 00:18:08,492.2499739
I think that, uh, I've had that longing feeling.

261
00:18:08,542.2489739 --> 00:18:10,322.2499739
I think I made a post a long time ago.

262
00:18:10,332.2489739 --> 00:18:14,442.2499739
I don't know, maybe a year ago or something where that longing feeling.

263
00:18:14,902.2499739 --> 00:18:19,852.2499739
I have, I feel like I've, I've always longed for something that I don't know what, always.

264
00:18:19,852.2499739 --> 00:18:25,422.2499739
Like, since I was a little girl, I don't know what, and it only goes away when I'm creating something.

265
00:18:25,852.2499739 --> 00:18:38,452.2499739
And I think that that, I don't know what it is, but I think that that feeling has always made me automatically, um, feel it, an urgency in keeping what I do, uh, alive.

266
00:18:39,487.2499739 --> 00:18:47,657.2499739
For me, and although, of course, I want to be of very deep service to my clients, it's also like I will not.

267
00:18:49,87.2499739 --> 00:18:59,367.2499739
I will, it would be, um, what's the word? It would just, it would not be aligned to work with someone that wasn't exactly wanting what I have to offer.

268
00:18:59,597.2499739 --> 00:19:33,207.2499739
So I'm not going to be like flexible in that term, but I'm also very flexible and open to whatever someone's truth is, right? So in that, coming back to the, Making a living, I hate that, we need to figure out some different term, but making money versus, you know, keeping that sacred, I found that I need to not take my industry and my trade or my craft and be like, Okay, what else can I take pictures of? Because I know that that's going to suck that tool that I have for that.

269
00:19:33,577.2499739 --> 00:19:40,877.2489739
Um, so that's why I'm like, okay, I will do art direction or I will do whatever, um, in order to preserve that.

270
00:19:40,967.2499739 --> 00:19:43,147.2499739
And for a while that felt great.

271
00:19:43,217.2499739 --> 00:19:47,897.2489739
And I'm coming to the point now where it's starting to feel drained in another way.

272
00:19:47,897.2499739 --> 00:19:48,597.2499739
So now I'm like, okay.

273
00:19:48,757.2499739 --> 00:20:02,277.2499739
Maybe I go completely left field, like maybe I do something that's like part time, totally somewhere random, like whether it's a yoga studio, whether it's whatever, um, I just found that right now, I'm feeling very unsafe in every area of my life.

274
00:20:02,427.2489739 --> 00:20:07,827.2499739
Like I've just been feeling like I'm out in that void and it doesn't feel good.

275
00:20:07,827.2499739 --> 00:20:13,607.2499739
And my first instinct is like, how do I protect my work? Because that's a scary place to be in.

276
00:20:14,417.2499739 --> 00:20:15,617.2499739
Right, exactly.

277
00:20:15,617.2499739 --> 00:20:31,872.2499739
And I think that I, to think about how I've only worked part time jobs, and in that way, I've worked so many different ones and like right now I'm working at a coffee shop and it's still service industry.

278
00:20:31,872.2499739 --> 00:20:36,682.2489739
It's still like whatever, but it's very different than like restaurant service bar industry.

279
00:20:36,922.2489739 --> 00:20:42,632.2499739
And I'm actually really enjoying the work because the company as well is, has a lot of core values.

280
00:20:43,252.2499739 --> 00:20:52,32.2499739
Like working with the farmers and the communities that are picking the like, like their whole mission is in like, kind of, kind of farm to table, but coffee industry.

281
00:20:52,32.2499739 --> 00:20:55,222.2499739
And I'm like, wow, I believe in this and I, it feels good to come in here.

282
00:20:55,262.2499739 --> 00:20:56,652.2489739
It feels purposeful.

283
00:20:57,32.2499739 --> 00:21:06,752.2499739
And I could still do things on the side, like journal, open up my computer, send some emails, you know, make a post, whatever it is like with my art.

284
00:21:07,282.2499739 --> 00:21:08,272.2499739
Um, but.

285
00:21:08,867.2499739 --> 00:21:12,977.2499739
I'm still like making something, you know, that's consistent, that's rolling in.

286
00:21:13,247.2499739 --> 00:21:19,937.2499739
And I found like working those jobs that is separate from like the studio, the artwork.

287
00:21:20,207.2489739 --> 00:21:22,107.2499739
It's like, yeah, it's that consistent flow.

288
00:21:22,107.2499739 --> 00:21:23,307.2499739
And it's also like a break.

289
00:21:23,307.2499739 --> 00:21:28,907.2499739
Like I even find inspiration from strangers that come in or conversations or people that I talk to.

290
00:21:28,907.2499739 --> 00:21:34,337.2499739
And I'm like, wow, I'm like having a job where you're like finding those little inspiring moments.

291
00:21:34,347.2499739 --> 00:21:34,847.2499739
It's.

292
00:21:35,302.2499739 --> 00:21:35,862.2499739
It's nice.

293
00:21:35,862.2499739 --> 00:21:42,302.2499739
Like I've always envisioned like, oh, it'd be cool to work in like a florist space or like a place like that.

294
00:21:42,312.2499739 --> 00:21:48,142.2489739
So I totally, I totally get that, um, as a, as a part time worker fully.

295
00:21:48,582.2499739 --> 00:21:55,792.1499739
Um, but there also is a lot of, or could be like influxes and consistencies.

296
00:21:55,792.2499739 --> 00:22:02,542.2499739
Like I've been in lots of states of transition and, you know, states of a transition could just be challenging in a lot of different ways.

297
00:22:02,572.2499739 --> 00:22:03,512.2489739
Um, so.

298
00:22:04,387.2499739 --> 00:22:07,710.6166406
Yeah, I've been trying to just like feel settled in that unsettledness.

299
00:22:07,710.6166406 --> 00:22:11,597.1499739
I know I, Feeling settled in the unsettled.

300
00:22:12,157.2499739 --> 00:22:13,907.2499739
Yeah, that's huge.

301
00:22:14,267.2499739 --> 00:22:15,367.2489739
I'm quite, I'm curious though.

302
00:22:15,367.2499739 --> 00:22:31,527.2499739
You said you've always been a part time worker, like what you think stemmed the, or like initiated that as, um, even an option for you, because it's so funny because, you know, subconsciously you're, you don't see that as an option unless you've seen it somewhere else.

303
00:22:31,527.2499739 --> 00:22:38,217.2489739
I mean, I didn't even, that never even entered my mind, like coming out of college, not even as a, I just never thought of it as a thing.

304
00:22:38,227.2489739 --> 00:22:42,782.2499739
So, uh, what, why was that your, um, go to? Yeah.

305
00:22:42,942.2499739 --> 00:22:48,452.2499739
So when I graduated with my, I had my fine arts degree, but I also had an art education degree.

306
00:22:48,462.2499739 --> 00:22:51,382.2499739
And everyone in my field was like, I'm going to be an art teacher.

307
00:22:51,432.2499739 --> 00:22:53,772.2499739
And I was like, Oh, like, I don't know if I want to do that.

308
00:22:53,782.2499739 --> 00:22:55,242.2499739
Like, maybe I want to work in museums.

309
00:22:55,262.2499739 --> 00:22:56,632.2489739
Maybe I want to work in galleries.

310
00:22:56,632.2499739 --> 00:22:57,822.2499739
There are other options.

311
00:22:57,832.2499739 --> 00:22:59,362.2489739
So I started interning.

312
00:22:59,822.2489739 --> 00:23:01,602.2499739
I started working part time.

313
00:23:01,642.2499739 --> 00:23:09,737.2499739
I I've had even at one point, like For part time jobs, like total at once, like just like doing a lot of different things.

314
00:23:09,737.2499739 --> 00:23:13,607.2499739
Cause I also felt like it was like dipping my toes in all these waters.

315
00:23:14,67.2499739 --> 00:23:28,167.2499739
Um, like learning about event planning and working at a museum, learning about how to talk with art and talk to strangers about our, and doing programming, but then also working at like a bar and dealing with humans and dealing with like that.

316
00:23:28,167.2499739 --> 00:23:32,757.2499739
But learning customers are like all of these things I feel like have definitely taught a lot of skills, but.

317
00:23:33,177.2499739 --> 00:23:39,477.2499739
Yeah, when I, when I got out of school, I just wanted to like try on a different shoe, like trying a lot of different things.

318
00:23:39,827.2499739 --> 00:23:45,737.2489739
Um, I also wanted to move to Europe, so I did that and then coming back, you know, picking up part time work.

319
00:23:46,617.2499739 --> 00:23:50,117.2499739
Um, also like substitute teaching since I have my education degree.

320
00:23:50,417.2489739 --> 00:24:01,937.2499739
I also have like connected being, like if I was to be an art teacher, like which is what my degree is honored for, right? But like, I feel as though that feels so constricting, at least right now.

321
00:24:01,937.2499739 --> 00:24:03,227.2499739
I'm like, I don't know where I'm going to live.

322
00:24:03,527.2499739 --> 00:24:06,407.2499739
Like, I'm not going to live here for a set number of years.

323
00:24:06,407.2499739 --> 00:24:09,547.2499739
I don't want to live here for a year and then leave the school and be like, bye bye.

324
00:24:09,587.2499739 --> 00:24:17,252.2499739
Like, no, like, I I kind of want to move back to Europe, but I also kind of want to get into an RV and like do all this stuff.

325
00:24:17,252.2499739 --> 00:24:24,712.2489739
And my partner and I have talked about what would it be like to buy a sailboat and live on the sailboat? Like there's so many different things and options.

326
00:24:25,162.2499739 --> 00:24:27,202.2499739
Um, and I have no idea.

327
00:24:27,667.2499739 --> 00:24:28,807.2499739
How those will unfold.

328
00:24:28,807.2499739 --> 00:24:31,357.2499739
So I think part time work has been very flexible in that way.

329
00:24:31,357.2499739 --> 00:24:43,267.2499739
And, um, being able to like find this specific coffee shop job that is like also values community and art and stuff like that has been really aligned with where I'm at right now.

330
00:24:43,277.2499739 --> 00:24:49,697.2499739
But, um, yeah, part timing any, anyone who wants to talk about part timing work, let me know.

331
00:24:49,717.2499739 --> 00:24:53,377.2499739
Cause your girl has been at it for probably my whole, yeah, my whole life.

332
00:24:53,892.2499739 --> 00:24:54,472.2499739
My whole life.

333
00:24:54,742.2499739 --> 00:24:58,692.2499739
But yeah, we're about to sidebar on this after this recording hit stop.

334
00:24:59,92.2499739 --> 00:24:59,502.2499739
Yes.

335
00:25:00,12.2499739 --> 00:25:00,212.2499739
For sure.

336
00:25:00,532.2499739 --> 00:25:01,722.2499739
Help me.

337
00:25:02,72.2499739 --> 00:25:02,972.2499739
Help me.

338
00:25:04,102.2499739 --> 00:25:07,772.2499739
But then, yeah, working part time at a yoga studio, like give me some of those free yoga classes.

339
00:25:08,272.2499739 --> 00:25:08,292.2499739
Yeah.

340
00:25:08,292.3499739 --> 00:25:10,182.2499739
You know.

341
00:25:10,232.2489739 --> 00:25:16,962.2499739
What I love so much about that instinct to do that though, is that, well, one of the things that I find the most in.

342
00:25:17,342.2499739 --> 00:25:29,852.2499739
beautiful and intriguing is when human beings like find these intersections in different worlds that are, um, not intuitively, uh, connected or maybe intuitively is the only way they're connected.

343
00:25:29,852.2499739 --> 00:25:34,712.2489739
But, you know, like when you go to school and get a degree, these are the classes for this.

344
00:25:34,722.2499739 --> 00:25:36,102.2499739
And these are the classes for this.

345
00:25:36,152.2499739 --> 00:25:37,727.2499739
And, um, It is.

346
00:25:37,757.2499739 --> 00:25:50,977.2489739
I love, and listen, I loved my college experience, but also like there are things where I'm like, who the fuck made the rule that photography majors cannot minor in graphic design, but graphic design majors can minor in photography, like just dumb.

347
00:25:51,117.2499739 --> 00:25:52,167.2499739
I'm like, okay, come on.

348
00:25:52,587.2489739 --> 00:25:54,747.2499739
One of my favorite things is like these intersections.

349
00:25:54,757.2489739 --> 00:25:58,217.2499739
So right now I find myself at this point in my life, like the intersection of.

350
00:25:58,487.2499739 --> 00:26:06,287.2499739
wellness and consciousness and photography and like art and photography as a medium, but also how it's inconsequential.

351
00:26:06,287.2499739 --> 00:26:10,7.2489739
Like, I love this idea of how I'm obsessed with it, but also I know it means nothing.

352
00:26:10,237.2499739 --> 00:26:13,117.2499739
Like, I just am really obsessed with this.

353
00:26:13,407.2489739 --> 00:26:18,657.2499739
And, um, I have these ideas of like, Oh, I'd love to make a school that is like curriculum is.

354
00:26:18,942.2499739 --> 00:26:28,222.2489739
Like a buffet, right? Like a la carte, like this and this and this, because the human beings that are made from that are amazing and so fascinating.

355
00:26:28,222.2499739 --> 00:26:35,272.2489739
And what you're doing right now is, or what you've always been doing is like this line of work, this line of work, this line of work.

356
00:26:35,282.2499739 --> 00:26:38,552.2499739
And like, it is all fusing together into your artwork.

357
00:26:38,552.2499739 --> 00:26:40,522.2499739
It's giving you something to respond to.

358
00:26:40,522.2499739 --> 00:26:41,562.2499739
It's giving you inspiration.

359
00:26:41,562.2499739 --> 00:26:45,842.2489739
It's giving you those feelings of like, even the shit that's bad.

360
00:26:45,852.2499739 --> 00:26:46,522.2499739
You're just like, mm.

361
00:26:47,77.2499739 --> 00:26:52,627.2499739
Okay, like that's to me the most clarifying because I tend to be very open and like, Oh, I like that.

362
00:26:52,627.2499739 --> 00:26:53,137.2499739
I like that.

363
00:26:53,137.2499739 --> 00:26:57,287.2499739
But if I come across something I don't feel good about, that's a hard stop in my stomach.

364
00:26:58,417.2489739 --> 00:27:03,37.2489739
So, um, I just love this idea of like treating life as a buffet.

365
00:27:03,37.2499739 --> 00:27:06,97.1499739
And I think inherently it can be looked at as a very Okay.

366
00:27:06,487.2499739 --> 00:27:10,407.2499739
Unsafe, unstable, unreliable way of life.

367
00:27:10,707.2499739 --> 00:27:10,937.2499739
Right.

368
00:27:10,937.2499739 --> 00:27:24,427.2499739
But that's what sucks, right? Because it's, it's assumed that that's unsafe and unstable, but really to me, the scariest thing can be depending on the person is when you're in that stable job and you are.

369
00:27:24,757.2499739 --> 00:27:43,347.2499739
Feeling so ferociously unfulfilled, but you don't even have a frame of reference and seeing a way to get off that train that to me is the scariest thing I've said, uh, I've taken like neuro linguistic programming training and knowing about the neural pathways and how, like, it's just such a slippery slope quite often you don't even see the turn.

370
00:27:43,357.2499739 --> 00:27:44,897.2499739
You don't even see it as a possibility.

371
00:27:44,897.2499739 --> 00:27:54,562.2499739
So for me, um, I'm not even I'm not, I'm less afraid of like knowing something's an option and not taking it than I am not even knowing it's an option.

372
00:27:54,802.2499739 --> 00:27:55,952.2499739
That fucks me up.

373
00:27:57,222.2499739 --> 00:27:57,452.2499739
Wow.

374
00:27:57,452.2499739 --> 00:28:08,872.2499739
And I, as you were speaking, one thing I was just like, like, who created these rules? Who like, like, who is, is this just like, do we subscribe to what they subscribe to? Right.

375
00:28:08,982.2499739 --> 00:28:12,257.1499739
And now it reminded me of like one time I was.

376
00:28:12,687.2499739 --> 00:28:15,817.2499739
Getting interviewed for this article in an art magazine.

377
00:28:15,817.2499739 --> 00:28:18,607.2499739
And I was mentioning that I, I'm a vendor.

378
00:28:18,607.2499739 --> 00:28:19,447.2499739
I do markets.

379
00:28:19,447.2499739 --> 00:28:20,697.2494739
I also organize markets.

380
00:28:20,697.2494739 --> 00:28:23,457.2489739
I'm also an artist showing in galleries.

381
00:28:23,477.2499739 --> 00:28:26,147.2489739
I'm also a community, like I'm also doing this community stuff.

382
00:28:26,187.2499739 --> 00:28:29,587.2489739
Like I'm all of these things I'm doing this stuff.

383
00:28:29,587.2499739 --> 00:28:40,147.2499739
And he was just like, he's like, that could be like a really weak point for people to view you as not just an artist working with fine art, but you're also doing all this other stuff.

384
00:28:40,167.2499739 --> 00:28:41,157.2499739
And I'm thinking like.

385
00:28:41,702.2499739 --> 00:28:50,812.2489739
Huh, like, who said that? Why, why would that be a weak thing? Like, is it because I'm not just, just this? Because I think, like, it makes me think about identity.

386
00:28:50,822.2499739 --> 00:28:53,952.2499739
And there's so many different facets to who we are as beings.

387
00:28:53,952.2499739 --> 00:29:01,252.2499739
And there aren't, there shouldn't be rules about, you know, I am this type of artist and that's all I am.

388
00:29:01,252.2499739 --> 00:29:02,322.2499739
This is all I do.

389
00:29:02,612.2499739 --> 00:29:12,467.2499739
Like, I think, To your point, like being open, open to receive, open to your, who you are and what you do and what you could do is everything.

390
00:29:12,477.2499739 --> 00:29:13,347.2499739
That's huge.

391
00:29:13,377.2499739 --> 00:29:25,907.2489739
And, um, I really hated that he said that, you know, I think that's like a very traditional mindset and it doesn't like disregard all the things that I've like worked for and done and everything is just.

392
00:29:26,212.2499739 --> 00:29:34,572.2499739
Like I'm multifaceted and like everyone is and could be and will be, you know, like, so yeah, it just makes me think about those rules and who sets these things.

393
00:29:34,602.2499739 --> 00:29:42,132.2489739
And the, oh my gosh, like even with the neural pathways, how interesting, like just the, the fear of, okay, this is out here.

394
00:29:42,242.2489739 --> 00:29:43,922.2499739
I just need to take the step to do it.

395
00:29:44,262.2489739 --> 00:29:47,492.2499739
But then that other part of your brain, that's like, doesn't even know that that.

396
00:29:47,932.2499739 --> 00:29:48,512.2499739
Exists.

397
00:29:48,912.2499739 --> 00:29:55,452.2499739
Oh, doesn't even know you're, it's like, uh, the one Haley Carr was the instructor and she said, uh, the map is not the territory.

398
00:29:55,452.2499739 --> 00:30:05,42.2489739
So it's like, if you think about going a little deep in it, the quantum realm, everything that's available to us, we don't even see with the human eye and you can go that far with it.

399
00:30:05,42.2489739 --> 00:30:05,772.2489739
But even just.

400
00:30:05,772.2489739 --> 00:30:05,802.2489739
Okay.

401
00:30:06,82.2489739 --> 00:30:22,552.2469739
Opportunities and things in front of your physical fucking face your model of reality is a flashlight in this huge abyss of but even think about a forest at night, and you could only see what's in front of you and each step you take you can see a little bit.

402
00:30:22,777.2479739 --> 00:30:35,7.2474739
Only after you take the step, right? And in that funnel of light, that funnel of light is being filtered by your experiences, your beliefs, your, uh, meta programming, how you were raised, your, you know, all of this stuff.

403
00:30:35,7.2474739 --> 00:30:37,417.2474739
So it's crazy.

404
00:30:37,427.2474739 --> 00:30:46,327.2474739
There's this thing where it's uh, have you done the thing where it's um, look around you and in, in five seconds, count as many red things as you can possibly see.

405
00:30:46,647.2474739 --> 00:30:50,277.2474739
All right, go one, two, three, four, five.

406
00:30:50,377.2474739 --> 00:30:53,667.2474739
How many red things? Stop looking.

407
00:30:53,727.2474739 --> 00:30:55,7.2474739
How many? I had one.

408
00:30:55,107.2474739 --> 00:30:58,107.2474739
How many purple things? Nothing.

409
00:30:58,107.2474739 --> 00:30:58,637.2474739
You didn't look.

410
00:31:00,937.2474739 --> 00:31:02,307.2474739
You're not looking for it.

411
00:31:02,357.2474739 --> 00:31:04,387.2474739
And it makes perfect sense all the time.

412
00:31:04,807.2474739 --> 00:31:08,977.2474739
Um, but I, It, that stuff just blows my mind.

413
00:31:08,977.2474739 --> 00:31:34,547.2474739
So I think about that and then I think about the people who made these rules and are they that deeply aware of, you know? So my question to you going back to what you said about how that dude said that in that moment, like, were you, did you recognize like, what the fuck? Or was it something that took a while for you to reflect on? Because those comments, those like off kilter comments can change the trajectory of someone's life.

414
00:31:34,547.3474739 --> 00:31:34,567.1474739
Yeah.

415
00:31:34,807.2474739 --> 00:31:37,227.2474739
And that pisses me off so much.

416
00:31:38,837.2474739 --> 00:31:39,357.2474739
Yeah.

417
00:31:39,377.2474739 --> 00:31:46,657.2474739
Like it, it really made me think like I could see where he could be coming from.

418
00:31:46,667.2474739 --> 00:31:47,187.2474739
Like, right.

419
00:31:47,187.2474739 --> 00:31:48,167.2474739
If I dedicate.

420
00:31:48,557.2474739 --> 00:31:55,217.2474739
this amount of time to all of this, then that could be less time for me making a body of work or all this stuff.

421
00:31:55,217.2474739 --> 00:31:55,577.2474739
Right.

422
00:31:55,587.2474739 --> 00:32:26,712.2469739
But, um, and how like people could in the art world, which like in the art world, if, uh, If I don't even know where he was getting all this from maybe his experience who knows but if a art director curator gallery owner sees my work, but then also sees that I'm making stickers and making mugs to sell and vending and doing all this thing like people maybe from their own experience can be like, oh, she's not a real artist.

423
00:32:26,722.2469739 --> 00:32:27,742.2469739
She just does this.

424
00:32:28,282.2469739 --> 00:32:30,692.2469739
And does, but also makes bodies of work.

425
00:32:30,962.2469739 --> 00:32:34,912.2469739
But I guess it's just, it kind of made me like thinking about it now, it kind of just laughable.

426
00:32:34,912.2469739 --> 00:32:36,652.2469739
It didn't really like stick with me.

427
00:32:36,652.2469739 --> 00:32:39,712.2479739
It hit me hard other than just my work is important.

428
00:32:39,752.2479739 --> 00:32:45,182.2489739
And thinking about what body of work I'm interested in making, or what I just really what ideas I have.

429
00:32:45,242.2489739 --> 00:33:00,157.2489739
Cause when I think about even bodies of work, it's really following an idea, experimenting, you know, And seeing what happens from that right and right now I'm working on a body of work from an idea that I had and I just so happen to like be a part of the ceramic studio.

430
00:33:00,157.2489739 --> 00:33:05,517.2479739
So like that's my medium working with porcelain and which is the first time I'm working with porcelain.

431
00:33:05,557.2489739 --> 00:33:11,997.2489739
I'm and I'm showing this work at, um, I have like a solo show next year for it.

432
00:33:12,7.2489739 --> 00:33:14,497.2489739
So I actually have like a place and a thing that I'm showing it for.

433
00:33:14,547.2489739 --> 00:33:16,307.2489739
I have like a destination and a goal.

434
00:33:16,307.2489739 --> 00:33:24,567.2489739
But even, even if I didn't, um, like my, my past body of work that I made about the service industry, like I did not have.

435
00:33:24,877.2489739 --> 00:33:28,867.2489739
Like my, my hope was that I would show it in a gallery and I can envision it.

436
00:33:28,867.2489739 --> 00:33:30,587.2489739
And I'd be like, that would be amazing.

437
00:33:31,17.2489739 --> 00:33:32,487.2489739
And it, it happened.

438
00:33:32,497.2489739 --> 00:33:40,997.2479739
Like I did that thing, but while I was making it, it took me two years to complete and I wasn't like, you know, focused on that.

439
00:33:40,997.2479739 --> 00:33:42,147.2489739
I was just making the work.

440
00:33:42,327.2479739 --> 00:33:43,597.2489739
Like I'm going to make 100.

441
00:33:43,817.2479739 --> 00:33:44,567.2489739
That's my goal.

442
00:33:45,37.2489739 --> 00:33:49,457.2489739
I made 100 in that two years of time, I had a gallery.

443
00:33:50,327.2489739 --> 00:33:52,727.2489739
Curator who has been following me, reach out.

444
00:33:52,967.2489739 --> 00:33:54,347.2489739
She wanted to show my work.

445
00:33:54,737.2489739 --> 00:34:01,317.2479739
And then ever since then I've had, you know, solo shows with it and has been featured in other things and stuff like that.

446
00:34:01,317.2489739 --> 00:34:11,167.2489739
So opportunities have happened with it, but like, it's cool to think back that when I was first making that work, I, it was only because, I mean, this is how it's always been with art for me.

447
00:34:11,167.2489739 --> 00:34:12,507.1489739
It's like, like you were talking about.

448
00:34:12,857.2489739 --> 00:34:13,737.2489739
It's for me.

449
00:34:13,897.2489739 --> 00:34:15,17.2489739
I'm making it for me.

450
00:34:15,57.2489739 --> 00:34:18,717.2489739
This is my experience translating into a physical.

451
00:34:19,347.2489739 --> 00:34:20,767.2489739
That's, that's the purpose.

452
00:34:20,767.2489739 --> 00:34:21,687.2479739
That's the drive.

453
00:34:21,747.2489739 --> 00:34:23,837.2489739
Other stuff could come later.

454
00:34:23,897.2489739 --> 00:34:24,747.2479739
It could happen.

455
00:34:24,747.2479739 --> 00:34:25,687.2479739
It could not happen.

456
00:34:26,202.2489739 --> 00:34:26,812.2489739
Whatever.

457
00:34:27,112.2489739 --> 00:35:00,752.2489739
But like, this is what I imagine, and I think it's important to, give space for those ideas and those things to, really be with you and sit with you, even at an emotional scale, at least for me, like, Even going back to this guy saying this, I don't know, I think about how some of these ideas that I've only recently had to make this new body of work, whatever it is, but like, was from me, spending more time with myself to play, I was like lighting incense and dancing in my room and like, oh my gosh, I have an idea.

458
00:35:00,812.2489739 --> 00:35:01,812.2489739
I'm like, write down the idea.

459
00:35:01,812.2489739 --> 00:35:03,202.2489739
I'm like, wow, cool.

460
00:35:03,392.2489739 --> 00:35:06,932.2484739
And then I'm like, you know, doing my thing and then I'm in the shower, I'm like, I have an idea.

461
00:35:06,962.2474739 --> 00:35:07,842.2484739
Oh my gosh, wait.

462
00:35:08,152.2484739 --> 00:35:09,192.2469739
And then I'm about to go to bed.

463
00:35:09,192.2469739 --> 00:35:10,22.2469739
I have more ideas.

464
00:35:10,22.2469739 --> 00:35:14,472.2469739
I'm like, I don't know if I just opened up a portal because I actually am starting to give myself self care.

465
00:35:14,882.2469739 --> 00:35:32,372.2469739
And Things that I like need spiritually, mentally, like physically, but the moment I started to like, open up that space to do that, like, I felt like I was just like a portal to receive these ideas and I was literally scribbling them on a post it note and then the next day Morning.

466
00:35:32,372.2469739 --> 00:35:35,862.2469739
I was like, what is this? I'm like, Oh my God, that's an idea I had.

467
00:35:36,332.2469739 --> 00:35:37,192.2469739
And I'm like, cool.

468
00:35:37,192.2469739 --> 00:35:42,282.2469739
I don't know if it's going to come to life, but like, now I'm starting to like jot all that down so I can keep track of it.

469
00:35:42,612.2469739 --> 00:35:51,2.2479739
I think, for me, I really believe in there is this, other essence kind of coming into yourself when ideas and art and all this stuff takes place.

470
00:35:51,12.2479739 --> 00:35:52,452.2479739
Rick Rubin love.

471
00:35:53,512.2479739 --> 00:35:54,612.2479739
Right? Oh my god.

472
00:35:54,622.2469739 --> 00:35:55,132.2479739
I know.

473
00:35:55,172.2479739 --> 00:35:58,272.2479739
It's also in, uh, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.

474
00:35:58,282.2469739 --> 00:36:03,372.2469739
That is such a, such a good one that changed a lot for me.

475
00:36:03,422.3469739 --> 00:36:05,122.3479739
I'm all goose wumpy over here.

476
00:36:05,132.3479739 --> 00:36:06,162.3479739
I was like getting choked up.

477
00:36:06,687.3479739 --> 00:36:11,677.3479739
This is, it's so funny that this was brought up by this guy saying that.

478
00:36:11,677.3479739 --> 00:36:15,777.3469739
Because to me it's just the epitome of an artist, what you're doing.

479
00:36:15,947.3479739 --> 00:36:22,57.3479739
Especially for me specifically, too, the spot of multi, um, media, multidiscipline.

480
00:36:22,117.3479739 --> 00:36:26,247.3479739
The fact that you were like, yeah, so porcelain is my medium right now.

481
00:36:26,247.3479739 --> 00:36:27,487.3474739
It's the first time I'm ever using it.

482
00:36:27,487.3474739 --> 00:36:28,437.3469739
And I have a show next year.

483
00:36:28,487.3479739 --> 00:36:34,677.3479739
It takes such a specific, special, And I'm not saying that in a, exclusive way.

484
00:36:34,857.3479739 --> 00:37:06,572.3479739
I'm saying that in a way of like, prioritizing and keeping that instinct sacred that, that, um, that like, I have this idea, I have this need for expression and I'm going to honor it regardless of what someone else says, regardless of what I need to do to make ends meet, uh, regardless of, uh, Uh, materials, it's just gonna come about and then I would love this to happen, but if it doesn't, that's okay, because this just needs to get made.

485
00:37:06,642.3469739 --> 00:37:08,882.3459739
There is nothing more true than that.

486
00:37:08,892.3469739 --> 00:37:09,892.3469739
There is nothing.

487
00:37:10,292.3459739 --> 00:37:29,242.3449739
And what makes me so sad is when I hear, Especially, you know, people with experience and people with prestigious titles and whatever giving feedback that's so hard line to such a tender topic and and notably artists are very tender.

488
00:37:30,12.3459739 --> 00:37:31,732.3459739
people for the most part, I'd say.

489
00:37:32,22.3459739 --> 00:37:40,502.3459739
And I think that it could be very easy to completely like derail someone that doesn't have such a strong tether to that.

490
00:37:40,742.3459739 --> 00:37:45,852.3459739
I remember, um, oh, like there was, I had to get out.

491
00:37:45,872.3459739 --> 00:37:47,272.3449739
It was like, I had to get out.

492
00:37:47,642.3459739 --> 00:37:55,737.2959739
It was like a Facebook group for like, for like photographers, I've completely removed myself from any photography industry stuff.

493
00:37:56,77.2959739 --> 00:38:20,957.2959739
Outside of this one membership I'm part of that's amazing, but I don't know I find it to be heavily toxic stuff but there was this one and it was for like Photographers that are starting out and this one person posted something and she was like, hey like some soft critique or whatever I'm thinking that whatever she said and this person like and I'm not even Throwing shade and saying that there was malintent.

494
00:38:20,997.2959739 --> 00:38:26,877.2959739
It's just it was just wrought with like this is why this is not Documentary.

495
00:38:26,907.2959739 --> 00:38:30,957.2959739
And if you wanted it to be documentary, you should have done it like this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

496
00:38:31,307.2959739 --> 00:38:36,47.2959739
And I was like, Oh, my God, and I usually just like real scroll on.

497
00:38:36,47.2959739 --> 00:38:37,777.2959739
But at this point, I was like, my God, no.

498
00:38:38,7.2959739 --> 00:38:43,217.2959739
So I wrote a diatribe of like, how much I admired her approach and what I saw in it and whatever.

499
00:38:43,427.2959739 --> 00:39:03,627.2949739
But it's like, you The whole beauty, of course, we all sometimes most of us look at our early work and kind of cringe a little bit, but it had to happen and it went if it's made and it's getting critiqued and there's all these walls being put up on it, then it completely horse blinds you to your own voice to your own instinct.

500
00:39:03,647.2959739 --> 00:39:06,887.2959739
And it's so it's so detrimental.

501
00:39:06,907.2959739 --> 00:39:09,797.2959739
So I think for for me, um, yeah.

502
00:39:10,777.2959739 --> 00:39:26,7.2959739
I find myself that anything that's said that's like blanket statements, I recoil because I think once again, the interdisciplinary stuff and the multimedia stuff and you know, and taking that out of art and into how we choose to live our lives.

503
00:39:26,322.2959739 --> 00:39:26,842.2959739
Yeah.

504
00:39:26,902.2959739 --> 00:39:36,312.2959739
Is so important and we need to talk about it more because it's so easy to be like, this is irresponsible.

505
00:39:36,362.2959739 --> 00:39:38,282.2959739
This, like, you're like, I don't know where I'll be in six months.

506
00:39:38,282.2959739 --> 00:39:39,232.2959739
And I'm like, I feel the same.

507
00:39:39,232.2959739 --> 00:39:43,392.2959739
And I have two fucking kids and it's like so hard and scary.

508
00:39:43,392.2969739 --> 00:39:48,812.2959739
But also it's like, I also don't want to be a mom that grows up and resents.

509
00:39:50,277.2959739 --> 00:39:58,747.2959739
And I don't want to feel like selfish for also honoring, my work is another baby, you know, and I don't, I don't know.

510
00:39:59,667.2959739 --> 00:40:00,277.2959739
Yeah.

511
00:40:00,667.2959739 --> 00:40:00,987.2959739
Yeah.

512
00:40:00,987.2959739 --> 00:40:01,867.2959739
100%.

513
00:40:01,897.2949739 --> 00:40:04,247.2959739
And I think that like when you're in those.

514
00:40:04,857.2959739 --> 00:40:12,707.2959739
I don't know if this is being an artist or just like my state, but yeah, being in just like states of transition and not knowing where I'm going to be in six months.

515
00:40:12,707.2959739 --> 00:40:21,387.2959739
And also like being okay with that, you know, like I think there's, it maybe depends on like day to day because it's like, Oh, maybe I would want to know that.

516
00:40:21,387.2959739 --> 00:40:30,47.2949739
But at the same time, you know, life is the day to day is so unpredictable, truly, you just never know what's going to happen.

517
00:40:30,47.2949739 --> 00:40:32,637.2959739
I know that's kind of meta and university, but.

518
00:40:33,32.2959739 --> 00:40:36,672.2959739
You really don't like you could, you know, I got an incarcerant the other day.

519
00:40:36,672.2959739 --> 00:40:39,122.2959739
Like, thank goodness that we're all fine and good.

520
00:40:39,122.2959739 --> 00:40:45,262.2959739
And like, you know, there's just things happen every day that are unpredictable and you cannot plan.

521
00:40:45,262.2959739 --> 00:40:51,642.2959739
So how are you supposed to plan or predict, at least I'm telling myself this, like six months ahead.

522
00:40:51,942.2959739 --> 00:40:55,192.2959739
And so that's why, with this longing and this idea of.

523
00:40:56,22.2959739 --> 00:41:20,612.2964739
Yeah, that is there is a fear attached and there does take when it comes to like setting goals and maybe envisioning things and there's, you know, there could be and should be maybe planning involved at some point, but honestly, all of that is just making me think okay, longing is like teaching me a lesson like it's giving me some sort of lesson that may be who I was when I was living in this place that I'm longing for.

524
00:41:21,102.2964739 --> 00:41:30,942.2964739
is like, what, what is it about that person that I miss? And like, what, who was like, I was surrounded by artists and creatives and people who inspired me.

525
00:41:31,332.2954739 --> 00:41:36,22.2964739
And I was like, like tingling with inspiration, like often.

526
00:41:36,22.2964739 --> 00:41:40,722.2964739
And I was doing things for myself and I was journaling every day and I was immersing myself.

527
00:41:40,772.2964739 --> 00:41:42,522.2964739
I was trying new things all the time.

528
00:41:42,522.2964739 --> 00:41:45,42.2964739
I was around people with different cultures and diversity.

529
00:41:45,302.2964739 --> 00:41:50,312.2964739
So I'm like, now it's making me think like, okay, what are those lessons that I'm taking from that, that I'm, that I don't.

530
00:41:50,692.2964739 --> 00:41:58,682.2964739
Feel here and how can I cultivate that here while I'm here, you know, have a lamp lounge, right? Like you're calling in.

531
00:41:59,832.2954739 --> 00:42:01,452.2959739
You are, you're recreating that.

532
00:42:01,452.2959739 --> 00:42:02,102.2954739
Yeah.

533
00:42:02,882.2964739 --> 00:42:03,22.2964739
Yeah.

534
00:42:03,192.2964739 --> 00:42:03,452.2964739
Yeah.

535
00:42:03,812.2964739 --> 00:42:05,992.2959739
So I mean, that's like, thank you for the affirmation.

536
00:42:05,992.2959739 --> 00:42:07,712.2954739
It's like, yeah, you're, you are doing the things.

537
00:42:07,712.2954739 --> 00:42:17,242.2964739
And I think like the other night when I had that in person meetup and even though there was five of us, like we're strangers, I've never met these people in person.

538
00:42:17,822.2964739 --> 00:42:20,182.2964739
And it was like, okay, that was a sense of community.

539
00:42:20,182.2964739 --> 00:42:24,612.2964739
And I drove home that night in silence with just a big smile on my face.

540
00:42:24,612.2964739 --> 00:42:26,52.2964739
I'm like, this is why I was here.

541
00:42:26,452.2964739 --> 00:42:31,522.2964739
Like, not just to make my work and hold that sacred and make time for that.

542
00:42:31,842.2964739 --> 00:42:36,912.2964739
Make time to be by myself and to like, be playful and to like, get the ideas and spoke.

543
00:42:36,932.2964739 --> 00:42:42,682.2964739
But also just like, yes, to like form this, like this felt so good.

544
00:42:42,692.2964739 --> 00:42:43,312.2964739
And.

545
00:42:43,777.2964739 --> 00:43:24,812.2964739
I talked to some of the women there that were struggling to like meet people and make friends and I was like same I've been living in Columbus for like a year and a half now and I haven't really made friends to connect with and stuff so like the other now like okay but like now I'm starting to like piece this together and from that I was also inspired I had this idea of doing like a one day retreat and doing like Hiking, meditation, art making, um, you know, tar card sessions, like getting other people to collaborate with me to do this like inspiration retreat, to like get us out of this like grind and hustle and to do things that might be like interesting and fun and inspiring.

546
00:43:24,812.2964739 --> 00:43:34,202.2964739
So a lot came from that, but, um, yeah, just try trying to, uh, like longing lessons, being in the present and like doing what I can right now.

547
00:43:34,942.2964739 --> 00:43:38,22.2964739
Holding it all loosely is so important.

548
00:43:38,22.2964739 --> 00:43:42,872.2964739
It's one of the, um, holding it loosely as I like, have like my white knuckle grip on life.

549
00:43:44,142.2964739 --> 00:43:53,142.2954739
I will forever be trying to be the person I am when I have a camera in my hand in my life, but I just somehow can't fucking marry the two people like Dr.

550
00:43:53,142.2954739 --> 00:43:53,942.2964739
Jekyll and Mr.

551
00:43:53,942.2964739 --> 00:43:54,282.2964739
Hyde.

552
00:43:54,732.2964739 --> 00:44:01,492.2964739
Um, so I, and I have this program called Conscious Creator and it holding it loosely is one of the principles.

553
00:44:01,512.2964739 --> 00:44:06,442.2964739
I base it off of like, not any rules or frameworks for like how to do anything.

554
00:44:06,442.2964739 --> 00:44:12,12.2964739
It's just like, you can borrow my philosophy, I have the, like, what is it? 12 of them.

555
00:44:12,192.2954739 --> 00:44:24,2.3959739
So it's philosophy because when you have a philosophy over a rule, it's somewhere to come from and expand from and have a home and a groundedness, but also to go from and deciding what what feels good and what doesn't.

556
00:44:24,2.4959739 --> 00:44:35,32.3964739
And um, one of them is hold it loosely because in my experience, if you go in me like this is my idea, I had this idea and this is what I want it to be.

557
00:44:35,32.3964739 --> 00:44:36,982.3964739
Then you go into someone's house.

558
00:44:37,172.3964739 --> 00:44:38,712.3964739
Like taking pictures, what I'm talking about.

559
00:44:39,32.3964739 --> 00:44:43,322.3964739
And you're looking for a specific type of light and you've never even been there before.

560
00:44:43,352.3964739 --> 00:44:45,722.3964739
So there could be something so much better.

561
00:44:46,212.3964739 --> 00:44:49,432.3964739
So much like, and this is life, obviously a metaphor for life.

562
00:44:49,432.3964739 --> 00:44:54,342.3964739
It's like, you've never been to in each moment that you've ever been and there's something so much better and you just can't see it.

563
00:44:54,642.3954739 --> 00:44:58,302.3964739
Or on the flip side, there's this like, oh, I see this corner.

564
00:44:58,302.3964739 --> 00:45:01,332.3964739
I know this light is gorgeous and delicious and oh my God.

565
00:45:01,652.3964739 --> 00:45:06,202.3964739
But there is like an actual human experience Transcription by CastingWords Situation happening right here.

566
00:45:06,202.3964739 --> 00:45:10,232.3964739
Like the kid fell, bruises knee, the mom's comforting him, whatever.

567
00:45:10,472.3964739 --> 00:45:14,392.3964739
And so like, who fucking cares about that light? Like, this is where it's happening.

568
00:45:14,602.3964739 --> 00:45:20,862.3954739
Like, no, it's not in the best light, but like, fucking make it work, you know? That's how living life.

569
00:45:21,82.3964739 --> 00:45:24,822.3964739
gets to be when you get to, when you are present in that way.

570
00:45:25,152.3964739 --> 00:45:30,222.3964739
Um, it's funny, the other day, it's crazy that you said that you got in a car accident, but I'm so glad you're okay.

571
00:45:30,662.3964739 --> 00:45:39,202.3964739
I, the other day, got, had my first ever car incident and it was, Uh, totally my fault.

572
00:45:39,202.3964739 --> 00:45:43,972.3964739
And it was so crazy because it was definitely like a teaching from the universe.

573
00:45:43,992.3964739 --> 00:45:51,872.3964739
I was going to a coffee shop to meet someone that like just graduated college and like just talk to them about, you know, stuff they wanted to pick brains, whatever.

574
00:45:52,772.3964739 --> 00:46:09,517.3954739
And I was pulling into the parking lot and I was I'm in my partner's truck, big ass truck, and I drive it all the time, nothing's ever happened, and I'm driving in, and I have the beepers that are like, beep, beep, beep, beep, and, you know, when you get too close, and I was doing it so slowly.

575
00:46:09,577.3954739 --> 00:46:13,547.3954739
I was like paying so much attention to that.

576
00:46:14,222.3964739 --> 00:46:21,662.3964739
That I had no idea the ass of the truck started to rub up against the back ass of the other car like next to it.

577
00:46:21,912.3964739 --> 00:46:27,652.3964739
So I, all of a sudden I heard a squeak and I'm like, no, like, there is no way I'm touching that car right now.

578
00:46:28,102.3954739 --> 00:46:34,762.3964739
And I was so like, I scuffed the back of one car and dented our door, which left a note the whole thing.

579
00:46:34,772.3964739 --> 00:46:35,662.3964739
It was terrible.

580
00:46:35,672.3964739 --> 00:46:36,932.3964739
Like I was, Oh God.

581
00:46:37,392.3964739 --> 00:46:38,987.3964739
And Relieving a note.

582
00:46:38,987.3964739 --> 00:46:39,507.3964739
Look at you.

583
00:46:39,557.3964739 --> 00:46:40,437.3964739
Oh my God.

584
00:46:40,437.3964739 --> 00:46:42,847.3964739
I was just so you would have thought I killed someone.

585
00:46:42,867.3964739 --> 00:46:44,577.3964739
I was just so beside myself.

586
00:46:44,577.3964739 --> 00:46:53,117.3964739
Like I felt sick and like my, all my good girl stuff came up, but I'm like, Oh, what a metaphor.

587
00:46:53,117.3964739 --> 00:47:00,347.3964739
I was so intently being careful over there and looking at over there that I didn't that happening.

588
00:47:00,707.3964739 --> 00:47:04,152.3974739
And, um, Oh my God, just so much.

589
00:47:04,182.3974739 --> 00:47:19,932.3974739
And then it's like this other element of like, uh, this feeling, uh, that happens when something goes wrong while I'm being careful, it just gives me this wild out of control feeling like no matter what I do, it can never, I can't trust it to be okay.

590
00:47:20,162.3964739 --> 00:47:25,262.3964739
It would have been better if I was fucking like, I don't know, just like in a hurry or whatever it was.

591
00:47:25,332.3964739 --> 00:47:26,842.3964739
I was being careful.

592
00:47:27,102.3964739 --> 00:47:30,352.2964739
And it still happened, and that woke me up.

593
00:47:30,352.3964739 --> 00:47:40,442.3964739
Oh yeah, because mine was like, I'm also like, the universe is teaching me a lesson, I need to slow down, I need to chill, I need to really be present.

594
00:47:40,762.3964739 --> 00:47:48,802.3964739
But like, yeah, with you, you were just, You were being very careful and present with one thing, but that doesn't mean that something else.

595
00:47:49,452.3964739 --> 00:47:49,982.3964739
Yeah.

596
00:47:50,32.3964739 --> 00:47:50,802.3964739
Wow.

597
00:47:50,822.3964739 --> 00:47:51,862.3964739
That's, that's wild.

598
00:47:51,892.3964739 --> 00:47:56,902.3964739
And like, I mean, as a human too, like there's only so much presence.

599
00:47:57,82.3964739 --> 00:48:01,892.3954739
I mean, you could have presence with one thing and something else could be happening and all this stuff.

600
00:48:02,937.3964739 --> 00:48:12,497.3954739
Yeah, it just makes me think a lot about noticing and awareness and presence and sometimes you just, you can't also do all of it.

601
00:48:13,297.3964739 --> 00:48:17,767.3954739
No, no, open, open palms, open palms.

602
00:48:18,557.3954739 --> 00:48:19,127.3954739
For sure.

603
00:48:19,137.3964739 --> 00:48:24,417.3954739
But yeah, there's openness to pivot and receive and to receive these lessons in the shit.

604
00:48:24,632.3964739 --> 00:48:35,812.3964739
of it and to be like, okay, what's happening? Like, not that we're always kumbaya about it, but also to be able to read those layers and, and then move accordingly.

605
00:48:36,342.3974739 --> 00:48:51,597.3974739
Yeah, it's, it's made me think a lot about intention, like intentional noticing, intentional awareness, and, um, Like when it comes to meditation, like something I read recently, I picked up this book.

606
00:48:51,737.3974739 --> 00:48:52,597.3974739
This is kind of weird.

607
00:48:52,597.3974739 --> 00:48:54,817.3974739
So I I have that on audible.

608
00:48:55,207.3974739 --> 00:48:56,937.3964739
Do you, this is wild.

609
00:48:56,947.3974739 --> 00:49:01,467.3974739
So this is just a little story side note, but I walked into this art center.

610
00:49:01,497.3974739 --> 00:49:03,347.3969739
That was, that's an old school.

611
00:49:03,367.3979739 --> 00:49:06,687.3979739
People live there that aren't artists, but there's also art studios.

612
00:49:06,687.4979739 --> 00:49:11,577.3979739
And I walked in, I was just wandering and there was like a bookshelf with a ton of free shit.

613
00:49:11,577.3979739 --> 00:49:14,487.3979739
And there was just a little sign that said like, all free, take it.

614
00:49:14,667.3979739 --> 00:49:15,507.3979739
I was like, cool.

615
00:49:15,537.3979739 --> 00:49:16,787.3979739
I love free stuff.

616
00:49:16,787.3979739 --> 00:49:24,67.3979739
You know, I'm looking through and I saw this book and I was like, cool, I'll take this, but I'll like probably use it for collage, you know, rip it out, whatever.

617
00:49:24,297.3969739 --> 00:49:24,727.3969739
Sweet.

618
00:49:25,417.3969739 --> 00:49:28,307.3954739
I ripped out one page and I don't know what I used it for.

619
00:49:28,307.3954739 --> 00:49:34,777.3964739
I don't remember, but I've been starting to listen to, Oh, like Rick Rubin, that book.

620
00:49:34,807.3964739 --> 00:49:38,97.3954739
And I listened to him on a podcast with Jay Shetty.

621
00:49:38,507.3954739 --> 00:49:50,407.3964739
Um, It's called on the podcast is called on purpose, but it was like an interview with him about his new book and they like talked about meditation and this whole thing, all these ideas.

622
00:49:50,807.3964739 --> 00:49:58,377.3964739
And, you know, Jay shoddy asked him, you know, what, what can you tell our listeners if they're, you know, just starting out to meditator? They've never.

623
00:49:58,682.3964739 --> 00:50:00,82.3964739
done it before, like whatever.

624
00:50:00,82.3964739 --> 00:50:05,82.3964739
And he's like, honestly, pick up the book, wherever you go, there you are.

625
00:50:05,122.3964739 --> 00:50:07,652.3964739
And immediately I'm like, I have that book.

626
00:50:08,152.3954739 --> 00:50:09,602.3964739
I'm like, no way.

627
00:50:09,872.3964739 --> 00:50:10,442.3964739
Yes.

628
00:50:10,642.3964739 --> 00:50:11,152.3964739
Cool.

629
00:50:11,422.3964739 --> 00:50:13,592.3964739
And I'm like, that was months ago, dude.

630
00:50:13,592.3964739 --> 00:50:15,722.3974739
So now in my mind, I've already got the book.

631
00:50:15,932.3974739 --> 00:50:17,42.3974739
I'm listening to this.

632
00:50:17,72.3974739 --> 00:50:26,142.3974739
I'm thinking about how, what is meditation? How can I do this? How can I We've this in and I was thinking about using this for collage.

633
00:50:26,142.3974739 --> 00:50:30,912.3969739
I'm like, no, this is now a book that I need to digest and whatever.

634
00:50:30,912.3969739 --> 00:50:37,172.3964739
And, you know, I'm very, very small into it, but something that they're talking about is just like.

635
00:50:37,592.3974739 --> 00:50:50,642.3964739
Meditation could look like sitting there and like, you know, being in your Zen and like trying to actually meditate, but it can also just looks like moments of rest and like intentional noticing and slowing down and like mindfulness.

636
00:50:50,682.3974739 --> 00:50:58,952.3974739
And something that Rick Rubin said the other day, like in my audio book, listening to him is just like, even the act of meditation could be.

637
00:50:59,232.3974739 --> 00:51:11,692.3974739
Waking up in the morning and taking three intentional deep breaths, like before you get out of bed, before you do this, like just having a moment with your body and breathing and being like, I'm alive, I'm here, you know, whatever it is.

638
00:51:11,722.3974739 --> 00:51:14,202.3964739
And it's something I've thought about recently.

639
00:51:14,202.3974739 --> 00:51:18,492.3974739
Cause you know, I'll wake up, I'll hear my dogs and I know that I need to take care of them.

640
00:51:18,492.3974739 --> 00:51:20,62.3964739
I know I need to let them out, feed them.

641
00:51:20,62.3964739 --> 00:51:21,152.3964739
They're ready to go.

642
00:51:21,602.3964739 --> 00:51:23,902.3964739
And so there's a lot of days where I just roll out of bed.

643
00:51:23,902.3964739 --> 00:51:26,482.3964739
I like whatever, put on a sweatshirt and I like, do that.

644
00:51:26,862.3964739 --> 00:51:28,452.3964739
And I've been really rethinking.

645
00:51:28,677.3974739 --> 00:51:35,127.3974739
That those moments in the morning and being like, wait, I am waking up and taking care of another thing.

646
00:51:35,177.3974739 --> 00:51:43,17.3964739
I'm not waking up and thinking about what do I need to do? Is it stretching? Because I have a lot of back pain, my scoliosis people out there, that's me.

647
00:51:43,257.3974739 --> 00:52:01,302.3979739
But you know, even just waking up and taking a deep breath and not looking at my screen on my phone or anything, right? So it's made me think a lot about, yeah, what are those moments? of meditation, of rest, of just coming back to myself that I could give myself before I take care of another person.

648
00:52:01,302.3979739 --> 00:52:03,62.3979739
But like, in my case, it's a dog.

649
00:52:03,92.3969739 --> 00:52:07,432.3979739
I cannot even imagine a child, right? Because you're, that's a whole nother thing.

650
00:52:07,882.3969739 --> 00:52:21,252.3979739
But yeah, like, oh my gosh, that, that's something that I've been definitely thinking about lately is those moments of, of rest and coming back into your body and taking a pause, you know, and those lessons are, are huge.

651
00:52:22,242.3979739 --> 00:52:27,112.3979739
I think that for me, this, so that exactly.

652
00:52:27,192.3979739 --> 00:52:34,412.3979739
And for me, when I hear that, I think about how something that I talk a lot about is, um, not weaponizing gratitude.

653
00:52:34,642.3969739 --> 00:52:40,622.3969739
And I recently came to the realization that I feel like I've weaponized gratitude.

654
00:52:40,902.3979739 --> 00:52:48,712.3979739
The, the term and the, my experience of intentionality, like I, it, it started out as this beautiful thing.

655
00:52:48,732.3979739 --> 00:52:56,172.3974739
And then all of a sudden, somewhere along the line, it became this thing where I wasn't, it was something I was not measuring up against enough.

656
00:52:56,392.3964739 --> 00:52:58,192.3974739
I'm like, I wasn't intentional enough.

657
00:52:58,382.3964739 --> 00:53:01,412.3974739
I wasn't, and it's like, no, it can, it can be.

658
00:53:01,582.3974739 --> 00:53:03,472.3974739
Just three breaths in the morning.

659
00:53:03,472.3974739 --> 00:53:12,932.3974739
It doesn't have to be this like, deeply you went somewhere else and you had made this breakthrough and whatever let it be what it is.

660
00:53:12,932.3974739 --> 00:53:20,962.3964739
And I think that I've been putting so much pressure on That, that I've kind of like sucked the whatever out of it.

661
00:53:20,972.3964739 --> 00:53:33,292.3949739
So I'm kind of like re introducing myself to this concept and letting myself let go of the term because for me, the term has turned into this heavy thing, which I don't know where, I don't know where along the line it has, but it has.

662
00:53:33,602.3949739 --> 00:53:52,212.3949739
Think It happens with just like Sitting with a word so much and like with it, like I don't feel that like I can see how gratitude would be like a word that is just, it's like hyper use and talked about and if you're overly, I've heard of like over digestion of certain things too.

663
00:53:52,212.3959739 --> 00:53:56,672.3959739
And I can see, you know, you got to hold it loosely a little bit.

664
00:53:56,672.3959739 --> 00:53:57,42.3959739
Yes.

665
00:53:57,367.3959739 --> 00:54:02,497.3959739
Especially like that's big for mothers to weaponize and grab like, I should be grateful that my kid is not blah, blah, blah.

666
00:54:02,497.3959739 --> 00:54:04,317.3959739
Or I should be grateful that I have them.

667
00:54:04,327.3959739 --> 00:54:05,67.3959739
I should be grateful.

668
00:54:05,67.3959739 --> 00:54:05,787.3959739
It's like, okay.

669
00:54:05,787.3959739 --> 00:54:06,647.3959739
Yeah, of course.

670
00:54:06,647.3959739 --> 00:54:11,447.3949739
I'm grateful that I wasn't on the Titanic, but like, what does that have to do with this moment? It's hard.

671
00:54:11,947.3949739 --> 00:54:12,187.3949739
Yeah.

672
00:54:12,847.3959739 --> 00:54:13,997.3959739
Oh, sure.

673
00:54:14,227.3949739 --> 00:54:14,497.3949739
Yeah.

674
00:54:15,437.3959739 --> 00:54:19,600.4559739
I also, I think Rick Rubin's like a sorcerer because I also had a crazy experience with it.

675
00:54:19,600.4559739 --> 00:54:19,683.4159739
Yeah.

676
00:54:19,683.4159739 --> 00:54:19,766.3759739
Yeah.

677
00:54:19,766.3759739 --> 00:54:19,849.3359739
Yeah.

678
00:54:19,849.3359739 --> 00:54:19,932.2959739
Yeah.

679
00:54:20,732.3959739 --> 00:54:31,982.3959739
I was like avoiding the book because I knew I had heard a podcast interview with him and it was one of those moments where you feel like dizzy with like, Oh, yes, my God, I've never heard a human say this out loud before that.

680
00:54:31,982.3959739 --> 00:54:33,782.3954739
I know I know this and I feel like this.

681
00:54:33,782.3954739 --> 00:54:35,982.3949739
And so I was like, Oh, my gosh, this is too close.

682
00:54:35,982.3949739 --> 00:54:41,52.3959739
And I don't want to listen to it before I have a chance to like, I don't know, journal out of me like it felt too.

683
00:54:41,452.3959739 --> 00:54:43,242.3959739
And so, so, so silly.

684
00:54:43,242.3959739 --> 00:54:44,552.3959739
So I was avoiding the book.

685
00:54:44,962.3959739 --> 00:54:52,282.3959739
And then, uh, a really dear friend and client of mine had sent me for no reason a gift in the mail.

686
00:54:52,502.3959739 --> 00:54:57,402.3959739
And I opened the mailbox and I saw the envelope and I just immediately, we had not talked about it at all.

687
00:54:57,412.3959739 --> 00:54:59,182.3959739
I was like, she sent me the Rick Rubin book.

688
00:54:59,292.3959739 --> 00:55:00,382.3959739
I fucking know it.

689
00:55:00,612.3959739 --> 00:55:03,732.3959739
And I opened it and I was like, my mouth was on the floor.

690
00:55:03,732.3959739 --> 00:55:05,692.3959739
I'm like, I cannot believe this.

691
00:55:07,182.3959739 --> 00:55:08,12.3959739
So I was like, I give in.

692
00:55:08,52.3959739 --> 00:55:08,652.3959739
I will read it.

693
00:55:08,702.3959739 --> 00:55:08,982.3959739
I will.

694
00:55:08,982.3959739 --> 00:55:09,962.3959739
And I'm so glad I did.

695
00:55:09,962.3959739 --> 00:55:11,222.3959739
Like, oh my God, that was so dumb.

696
00:55:11,222.3959739 --> 00:55:11,422.3959739
Too.

697
00:55:11,442.3959739 --> 00:55:11,652.3959739
Guys.

698
00:55:12,42.4959739 --> 00:55:17,682.3959739
I'm very nerdly, like taking the physical book super slow.

699
00:55:17,682.3959739 --> 00:55:28,592.3959739
Like I have my little pen and I'm circling things I'm making them like, but then I also was just like, all right, I'm just going to get this, like request the audio book on my Libby app.

700
00:55:28,602.3949739 --> 00:55:29,712.3949739
And it was made available.

701
00:55:29,712.3959739 --> 00:55:54,462.3959739
So I'm like, I'm going to listen to it without, um, without taking notes, without pausing, without trying to think too much about these concepts because I feel like a lot of it, I also feel so connected to like he says in the beginning, like a lot of these things could be things that you already know it's already inside of you and it's just coming unfolding and coming up and it's what, you know, I'm like, all of it is all I, you know, it's all It feels so familiar and connected and spiritual.

702
00:55:54,462.3959739 --> 00:55:55,472.4459739
Like there's so much to it.

703
00:55:55,472.4459739 --> 00:55:58,312.3959739
It feels like heavy and beautiful and light at the same time.

704
00:55:58,782.3959739 --> 00:56:03,722.3954739
Um, but that's why I'm like, the book has felt like I carry it with me everywhere.

705
00:56:03,722.3954739 --> 00:56:08,572.3949739
And I don't even really open it except sometimes I'll read a little bit and then close it.

706
00:56:08,852.3969739 --> 00:56:09,412.3959739
But the audio.

707
00:56:09,702.3959739 --> 00:56:13,482.3959739
It's been cool because I'm just like listening to and I'm just like, yes, Rick.

708
00:56:13,912.3959739 --> 00:56:14,272.3959739
Yes.

709
00:56:15,412.3959739 --> 00:56:16,682.3959739
I know I do the same thing.

710
00:56:17,72.3959739 --> 00:56:19,792.3959739
I, I cannot read without a pen, cannot.

711
00:56:20,42.3959739 --> 00:56:26,172.3954739
And I also, if I really love a book and I started listening to an audible, I pause and I get the physical books.

712
00:56:26,172.3954739 --> 00:56:33,542.3959739
I need to take it in visually, but I also sometimes double listen to the, well, who wouldn't want to listen to Rick's voice? Like, Oh my God, it's the best voice ever.

713
00:56:34,182.3959739 --> 00:56:41,597.3959739
Um, if you like this book though, You have to read, um, not that they're similar, but like just the spirit of it.

714
00:56:41,637.3959739 --> 00:56:42,107.3959739
Oh my God.

715
00:56:42,147.3959739 --> 00:56:45,967.3959739
It's have you heard of Mark Nepo? He's a poet and a writer.

716
00:56:46,267.3959739 --> 00:56:49,307.3959739
Um, Mark Nepo drinking from the river of light.

717
00:56:49,867.3959739 --> 00:56:51,457.3959739
Oh my God.

718
00:56:51,497.3949739 --> 00:56:58,77.3959739
I, he was doing an artist talk at a library in Kalamazoo, Michigan, I think.

719
00:56:58,77.3959739 --> 00:57:01,477.3959739
And I wanted to drive over so bad, but I couldn't get childcare that day.

720
00:57:01,477.3959739 --> 00:57:07,637.3959739
But, um, it is about like, uh, artists and like making art in the world and life and art.

721
00:57:07,717.3959739 --> 00:57:10,167.3949739
I was reading it crying at like 6 30 a.

722
00:57:10,167.3949739 --> 00:57:10,287.3949739
m.

723
00:57:10,287.3949739 --> 00:57:10,737.3959739
on a flight.

724
00:57:10,737.3959739 --> 00:57:13,867.3954739
I'm like, I didn't think I had tears at that early in the morning.

725
00:57:13,867.3954739 --> 00:57:18,687.3359739
I didn't think I gave a shit about anything that early in the morning.

726
00:57:18,687.3359739 --> 00:57:28,927.3959739
And it's like, it's, it's truly, you know, these books, these things that we digest that do shape us and just also are just reminders of I feel like I already knew this.

727
00:57:29,177.4959739 --> 00:57:29,437.2959739
Yes.

728
00:57:29,437.3959739 --> 00:57:29,967.3959739
Yes.

729
00:57:30,87.3959739 --> 00:57:34,117.3959739
Now I'm just, yeah, hearing it in a different way or hearing someone else process it.

730
00:57:34,117.3959739 --> 00:57:36,507.3959739
And I'm like, yes, this makes sense.

731
00:57:37,177.3959739 --> 00:57:54,157.3959739
it's so funny that it's like this weird feeling of like, who am I to feel like I, I don't know, my favorite, favorite photographer ever, he's since passed, but I heard him speak in an interview and at the same time that I was like, Oh my God, I've never heard such beautiful words of words deep inside.

732
00:57:54,157.3959739 --> 00:57:55,902.2959739
I'm like, this sounds so amazing.

733
00:57:56,252.3959739 --> 00:58:01,782.3959739
Fucking vain, but I feel like I already know what he's going to say because I, this is my brain.

734
00:58:02,42.3959739 --> 00:58:10,682.3959739
I think this and also how dare I say that, you know, like that weird, that weird feeling of like, I know this.

735
00:58:10,692.3959739 --> 00:58:14,852.3949739
And also I'm so thankful someone else is saying it, but also I'm so connected to it.

736
00:58:15,292.3959739 --> 00:58:15,822.3959739
Yes.

737
00:58:15,942.3959739 --> 00:58:49,427.3969739
And I feel like there's just like a lightning bolt with that, you know, and it's just like this moment, like even listening to The Rick Rubin book thing today like he was talking about experimentation and an idea as a seed and how you're just Like trying things and going for it like you're you know, not thinking about fear and all this other stuff But you're just trying stuff and go i'm like yes This is exactly what it is there's there's so much fear about making things or trying a new medium or going forth with an idea and all this stuff and You know this like all this concept all this this Some of these, you know, these concepts aren't new.

738
00:58:49,467.3969739 --> 00:58:56,897.3969739
I feel like it's just, yeah, it takes someone else to like bring a metaphor to them or bring a visual and for you to just be like, yes, this is it.

739
00:58:56,947.3969739 --> 00:58:58,307.3969739
I know this to be true.

740
00:58:58,307.3969739 --> 00:59:00,357.3969739
And, um, it, it feels so good in that way.

741
00:59:00,437.3959739 --> 00:59:02,657.3969739
Another book you'll have to write down.

742
00:59:02,707.3959739 --> 00:59:07,897.3969739
I don't know if you've heard about it, but it's called the way of integrity by Martha Beck.

743
00:59:08,447.3969739 --> 00:59:12,852.3969739
Martha Beck is I've heard of her, Not the Way of Integrity.

744
00:59:13,62.3969739 --> 00:59:15,512.3969739
Yeah, she's, she's really cool.

745
00:59:15,542.3969739 --> 00:59:25,942.3969739
Um, but the way her book, The Way of Integrity, which I, it, I believe it only came out like maybe one or two years ago, but, um, I listened to that first as an audio book and then I, it was the same thing that you said.

746
00:59:25,942.3969739 --> 00:59:26,832.3959739
I like bought the book.

747
00:59:26,832.3969739 --> 00:59:28,282.3959739
I'm like, I need the physical.

748
00:59:28,722.3969739 --> 00:59:37,502.3969739
Um, but that, that was a really amazing book just about like, what is your truth? Like, living in your integrity, what that even means.

749
00:59:37,532.3969739 --> 00:59:54,292.3969739
Um, And yeah, it made me like rethink just Like, how am I showing up in the world? Who am I? What is my truth? And she like, frames it in a way of using like Dante's Inferno, that whole storyline.

750
00:59:54,322.3959739 --> 00:59:56,142.3969739
It's really, it's interesting.

751
00:59:56,142.3969739 --> 01:00:16,512.3964739
It's, it's um, it's a, it's a must in my, in my So if you ever get around to it, I will definitely, I think that it's so, and I think this is very full circle with what we're talking about, because like these people that have like, even what you said about Rick, it's like these concepts aren't new, but you're like, I'm so beyond thankful.

752
01:00:16,512.3964739 --> 01:00:20,952.2969739
And I feel so seen and I feel that lightning bolt reading this right now from him.

753
01:00:20,952.3969739 --> 01:00:25,742.3969739
And um, I think it's hard oftentimes to fathom that you can be that for someone else.

754
01:00:25,882.4969739 --> 01:00:50,137.3969739
But it's so, it's so important and I found that more directly, I think more specifically with me just vulnerably sharing about my experience with postpartum or whatever, um, the few messages here and there of people saying like, Oh, thank you for saying that, um, is so, is so, There's just nothing like it.

755
01:00:50,137.3969739 --> 01:00:52,677.3969739
I don't even want to say it's like the best feeling.

756
01:00:52,687.3969739 --> 01:00:54,397.3969739
It's just like feels otherworldly.

757
01:00:54,417.3969739 --> 01:00:56,987.3969739
It's like, of course, I, this is important.

758
01:00:56,997.3969739 --> 01:01:20,802.3969739
And this is like our work, of course, your work, your impulse, your intimate, private, random idea that you got while you were dancing around your apartment for no reason, who knows how That could change someone's life just because you're acting on that purity of that feeling of lightning, you're like, okay, this don't know why it's like, um, recently I was talking about, um, it's not, I'll believe it when I see it.

759
01:01:20,802.3969739 --> 01:01:28,842.3969739
It's like the whole thing is believing it until you see it because like, those are the things that are the best thing, the most right things.

760
01:01:29,152.3969739 --> 01:01:31,542.3969739
So it's like, you know, with your service project, you didn't, yeah.

761
01:01:31,747.3969739 --> 01:01:36,867.3969739
Say like, Oh, this, this must, or this will be, you're like, I'd love that to be in a gallery.

762
01:01:36,897.3969739 --> 01:01:38,317.3969739
And also, I believe in this project.

763
01:01:38,317.3969739 --> 01:01:39,227.3969739
I'm doing it regardless.

764
01:01:39,387.3969739 --> 01:01:45,327.3969739
I'm not going to do it only if I get a show, you know, like I'm going to make this art no matter what, because it needs to be made.

765
01:01:45,677.3969739 --> 01:01:46,357.3969739
Exactly.

766
01:01:46,697.3959739 --> 01:01:49,807.3969739
For even for no other reason than because I said so.

767
01:01:50,157.3979739 --> 01:01:50,337.3979739
Yeah.

768
01:01:51,97.3959739 --> 01:01:51,357.3959739
100%.

769
01:01:51,387.3969739 --> 01:01:57,407.3969739
And then like, my biggest, I like talk about this in my artist talks and stuff, but like the biggest.

770
01:01:58,352.3969739 --> 01:02:01,712.3969739
most surprising thing that happened from making that body of work.

771
01:02:02,422.3969739 --> 01:02:17,752.3969739
And that, that was like the most vulnerable work that I've ever made, like ever, you know, I'm talking about my personal experience, my trauma, like microaggressions, like some really deep stuff that was really personal, like only personal.

772
01:02:17,762.3969739 --> 01:02:19,952.3969739
Like when I was making the work, it was just me, me, me, me, me.

773
01:02:19,982.3969739 --> 01:03:07,327.3959739
But like when sharing it, the biggest shock was people messaging me and just being like, Oh my gosh, this is, yes, like, I've been there, I've worked here, you know, I might have not, like, I'm a, or I'm, like, a massage therapist, and I hear this said, these uncomfortable things said to me, or, like, even, you know, someone was, like, I'm a transgender person, and, like, this has happened to me, or I'm, you know, all of these experiences, like, it's, it's, uh, it's really just words, right, and, like, maybe uncomfortable situations, like, the power of words, all this stuff, but I was just, like, Whoa, like now I'm just feeling this, yeah, like lightning bolts of connectedness and then the work became less about the actual work, but more about this share your story wall.

774
01:03:07,337.3969739 --> 01:03:15,67.3969739
So whenever I have exhibited this artwork, a big thing that I share with galleries is like, part of it is the share your story wall.

775
01:03:15,77.3969739 --> 01:03:24,187.3969739
So there's an opportunity for anyone who views the work to, Write anything, share your story, like whatever that means for them, it doesn't need to be connected to that work at all.

776
01:03:24,197.3969739 --> 01:03:25,847.3969739
It could just be shared, whatever that is.

777
01:03:25,877.3969739 --> 01:03:26,947.3969739
And they post it.

778
01:03:27,297.3969739 --> 01:03:36,277.3969739
And then I've gone in and done like performances where I've read the stories out loud and I've stitched them together like physically and just, Oh my God, that's amazing.

779
01:03:36,757.3969739 --> 01:03:37,277.3969739
Yeah.

780
01:03:37,277.3969739 --> 01:03:46,167.3969739
And so that was the second time I've done this this year I did this and I was expecting like it was a scheduled performance.

781
01:03:47,17.3969739 --> 01:03:49,297.3969739
I drove two and a half hours to Youngstown.

782
01:03:49,557.3969739 --> 01:03:53,417.3969739
I was expecting maybe there to be five people.

783
01:03:53,417.3969739 --> 01:03:54,987.3969739
I was like, maybe five people will come.

784
01:03:55,257.3969739 --> 01:03:55,767.3969739
Maybe not.

785
01:03:56,37.3969739 --> 01:03:56,857.3969739
Maybe it's just me.

786
01:03:56,867.3969739 --> 01:03:59,137.3969739
And like, this is me in the work and like, that's good enough.

787
01:03:59,697.3969739 --> 01:04:00,707.3969739
I'm doing this for me.

788
01:04:01,707.3959739 --> 01:04:03,727.3959739
And then I show up and there was.

789
01:04:04,687.3969739 --> 01:04:06,27.3969739
A full room of people.

790
01:04:06,67.3969739 --> 01:04:07,417.3969739
Oh my God.

791
01:04:08,297.3969739 --> 01:04:11,487.3969739
I was just like, Yay.

792
01:04:11,487.3969739 --> 01:04:11,887.3969739
All right.

793
01:04:12,467.3969739 --> 01:04:20,487.3969739
You know, and I, I addressed the crowd and talked about how this share your story wall is as important as the work itself.

794
01:04:20,517.3959739 --> 01:04:24,987.3964739
And these words, no matter what they are, deserve to take up space.

795
01:04:24,987.3964739 --> 01:04:26,127.3969739
They deserve to be heard.

796
01:04:26,127.3969739 --> 01:04:33,887.3969739
And that's why we're here is to hear words and I'm going to be stitching to them together on the wall to make a physical visual that.

797
01:04:34,377.3969739 --> 01:05:15,312.3964739
We are connected like this is a a connected one threaded thing that we are here together and I read every single one of the stories out loud and I mean it was so powerful it like and I was so like it really was like a connection me and the work like I forgot that there were 30 people behind me and it was dead silence the whole time, you know, and then You know, at the end I invited people to come up to look close to continue to add to the wall and I just like thanked everyone for their respect and people were coming up to me after Bianca and they were like, they're gonna cry right now.

798
01:05:15,672.3954739 --> 01:05:19,422.3959739
Yeah, they were crying and they told me That was so brave of you.

799
01:05:19,462.3959739 --> 01:05:23,122.3959739
And I was just like, Oh my gosh, thank you.

800
01:05:23,132.3959739 --> 01:05:39,642.3959739
I, I don't see that as like an act of bravery or, you know, to maybe keep composed and just to read these things, but like the, the connection to other people and the art that comes from making your most vulnerable work or just making the work that you need to make.

801
01:05:40,272.3959739 --> 01:05:50,22.3949739
Like to me was the most surprising but most beautiful thing that had ever come out of making this series that I, again, had no expectation of.

802
01:05:50,22.3949739 --> 01:05:54,352.3959739
And it's, it's been, you know, a wild ride because of that.

803
01:05:54,352.3959739 --> 01:05:55,352.3949739
It's been amazing.

804
01:05:55,392.3959739 --> 01:06:07,702.3944739
But it's amazing that we're making the artwork that we feel we need to make and are going to make can have that valuable connection to another human.

805
01:06:08,547.3944739 --> 01:06:17,587.3944739
Or a bunch of other humans or just one person that could just see it for what it is and it's an affirmation and that is like you were mentioning is the.

806
01:06:19,652.3954739 --> 01:06:23,122.3954739
Most beautiful feeling that's not describable.

807
01:06:23,262.3954739 --> 01:06:23,632.3954739
Yeah.

808
01:06:24,52.3954739 --> 01:06:29,522.3954739
It's like a little lightning bolt I drove home two and a half hours, like probably in silence.

809
01:06:29,522.3954739 --> 01:06:33,162.3944739
And I was just like, wow, that's why I'm here.

810
01:06:34,192.3954739 --> 01:06:38,552.3954739
That is like so powerful than anything you could imagine when it comes to art.

811
01:06:38,892.3954739 --> 01:06:40,292.3954739
And that's what makes it worth it.

812
01:06:40,292.3954739 --> 01:06:40,742.3954739
Right.

813
01:06:40,742.4954739 --> 01:06:41,542.3954739
Yeah.

814
01:06:41,542.3954739 --> 01:06:43,742.3944739
To do that stuff and to.

815
01:06:44,877.3954739 --> 01:06:51,72.3954739
And those moments are some of the most important things that can happen in life, period, full stop.

816
01:06:51,192.3954739 --> 01:06:58,662.3954739
And your pain and your vulnerability and your, whatever it was, you gave it the opportunity to transform into something else.

817
01:06:58,667.3954739 --> 01:07:15,132.3944739
So like, and correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't wanna speak for you, but like, uh, it sounded like, it became less charged after you completed it because the focus became the empowerment of the viewer and what happened when someone else was like, Oh my God, me too, and was able to connect with that.

818
01:07:15,132.3954739 --> 01:07:16,452.3949739
And then they contributed to it.

819
01:07:16,452.3949739 --> 01:07:31,2.3964739
So do you feel like now the, the work you aren't as connected with that feeling of angst or whatever that came from creating it, but more now is like, okay, I'm looking for how this has breathed air and like openness into others.

820
01:07:31,512.3964739 --> 01:07:41,372.3964739
Yes, 100%, the work when I was making it, when I, you know, showed it when I completed the 100, it was like the process of making it was like my personal charge and energy.

821
01:07:41,867.3964739 --> 01:08:00,177.3969739
But then, this, the transformation into this, like, share your story wall and this, connection to other humans, even in the gallery spaces, the conversations being had, the artists talk, the, that, that connection is where the, power is really feeling, energetic and, like, driving home.

822
01:08:01,287.3969739 --> 01:08:02,937.3969739
And, yeah, it's.

823
01:08:03,397.3969739 --> 01:08:04,617.3969739
It's so surprising.

824
01:08:04,627.3969739 --> 01:08:07,617.3969739
I would have never expected any of that to happen.

825
01:08:08,97.3969739 --> 01:08:14,77.3964739
Um, but yeah, it's amazing how the, the transfers of energy definitely occur in that way.

826
01:08:14,77.3964739 --> 01:08:19,17.3959739
And right now I'm making a work about my hormonal birth control experience.

827
01:08:19,792.3969739 --> 01:08:21,472.3969739
And it feels very very personal.

828
01:08:21,472.3969739 --> 01:08:41,632.3969739
I want to make why am I've made like I want to make I am making made like recreated the birth control packets out of porcelain and I'm going to recreate the pills that I've digested and um, right now I'm making like other things that have to do with it, like different clocks and different ways to like symbolize and visualize this experience for myself.

829
01:08:41,632.3969739 --> 01:08:58,672.3969739
But because of that, and working in a studio with majority are all women who are, you know, Most of them are retired, but they're just like, what are you making, you know, and then people just start sharing about their experience or like, oh, my gosh, I tried an IUD and I felt like I almost died.

830
01:08:58,672.3969739 --> 01:09:03,187.2969739
And like, I tried this and and then the more I'm just starting to share about this work.

831
01:09:03,867.396974 --> 01:09:05,997.3969739
Especially having those, like, more in person conversations.

832
01:09:05,997.3969739 --> 01:09:09,757.3969739
People are like, oh, what art are you working on? I'm like, I'm, I'm making this.

833
01:09:09,757.3969739 --> 01:09:15,507.3969739
And I'm, I feel kind of like, you know, and my mom even, like, I saw my mom this past weekend.

834
01:09:15,507.3969739 --> 01:09:19,347.3969739
She's like, I heard you're mixing your menstrual blood with glaze.

835
01:09:19,357.396974 --> 01:09:20,192.2969739
And I'm like, yeah.

836
01:09:20,192.3969739 --> 01:09:20,732.396974
Yeah, mom.

837
01:09:20,732.396974 --> 01:09:22,72.396974
It's an experiment.

838
01:09:22,142.3969739 --> 01:09:46,907.3969739
Like, you know, and she's just like, I'm like, mom, like, you know, but me, you know what I mean? But so it's been, you know, I think I need to really step in more of my confidence of like talking about the work and I have in some ways, but like, it's opened up a portal of vulnerability strangers that I've never met are just like, Pouring out their experience to me and I'm like, it's all valid.

839
01:09:46,967.3969739 --> 01:09:54,487.3969739
You know, whether you love birth control is your thing and it's working for your body and it's doing the thing like you deserve to have that.

840
01:09:54,527.396974 --> 01:10:02,437.3969739
Everyone deserves to have their right to what they need, but there's also been so many experiences that have been very.

841
01:10:03,582.3969739 --> 01:10:17,92.395974
Sensitive and different and like mine is an example of that so part of part of the work that I'm making now it's kind of like shifted my mind to like how can I make this a part of a community public installation project.

842
01:10:17,92.395974 --> 01:10:19,922.396974
So I'm thinking about this like period postcard project.

843
01:10:21,162.3959739 --> 01:10:28,352.3969739
Papa period postcard Trump by like thinking about ways where people can share their experiences.

844
01:10:28,682.396974 --> 01:10:32,822.396974
and it be a part of this exhibition because it does connect to others.

845
01:10:32,832.396974 --> 01:10:37,472.3969739
So I'm trying to like already give space for that when making this new body of work.

846
01:10:37,782.396974 --> 01:10:42,62.3969739
Like preemptively versus like the surprise of it in the past.

847
01:10:42,912.3959739 --> 01:10:43,392.3959739
Yeah.

848
01:10:43,502.396974 --> 01:10:43,842.3969739
Yeah.

849
01:10:44,52.3969739 --> 01:10:46,222.3959739
It's like, well, like in the space.

850
01:10:46,722.3969739 --> 01:10:49,902.396974
Like in person, I'm going to try to make that a part of it.

851
01:10:49,902.396974 --> 01:10:54,372.3969739
Like if they see the work and they would like to share their story, there'll be an opportunity to do that.

852
01:10:54,752.396974 --> 01:10:58,692.396974
Um, but, but yeah, I'm trying to like visualize it right now.

853
01:10:58,692.396974 --> 01:10:59,652.396974
Like what it could be.

854
01:11:00,532.3969739 --> 01:11:00,782.3969739
Yeah.

855
01:11:00,782.3969739 --> 01:11:02,692.395974
It's like a moth to a flame.

856
01:11:02,692.396974 --> 01:11:03,232.396974
Like what you're saying.

857
01:11:03,232.397974 --> 01:11:11,542.3969739
Like, I totally, as you're saying that I'm like, I totally see you in the studio making and some of me like, what are you making? Oh, when I blah, blah, blah.

858
01:11:11,542.3969739 --> 01:11:13,152.396974
I just so natural.

859
01:11:13,152.396974 --> 01:11:15,162.396974
It's just like when someone, it.

860
01:11:16,362.3969739 --> 01:11:24,862.3969739
So sometimes people ask, like, how do you make such a motive in imagery? Like, how do you, but it's like, you, you go there first.

861
01:11:24,942.3969739 --> 01:11:35,12.3969739
Like you just, you, you can't make anyone do anything, but like, if you show up first, there is this element, if someone is open to coming and meeting you where you are.

862
01:11:35,142.3969739 --> 01:11:37,32.3969739
So you're like, I'm here's where I am.

863
01:11:37,42.3969739 --> 01:11:38,352.3969739
I'm not like hanging out.

864
01:11:38,402.396974 --> 01:11:40,582.3969739
Sometimes you could talk about the weather, but I'm making.

865
01:11:41,952.3969739 --> 01:11:53,442.3969739
I'm making a project on with my period blood, like, Oh, really? Oh my gosh, actually, you know, it's like, so it's like a mirroring that we're already going there already go in there.

866
01:11:53,742.3969739 --> 01:12:06,82.3969739
So it makes me think of like stepping into people's homes and like that a vulnerable experience and of itself like you're a stranger and now you're here and now you're in the home and now you're a part of this thing and like the fact that you could step in that space and just.

867
01:12:06,562.3969739 --> 01:12:07,62.3969739
You're there.

868
01:12:07,72.3969739 --> 01:12:08,422.3969739
You're comfortable.

869
01:12:08,722.3969739 --> 01:12:23,982.3959739
And like, I think, yeah, that it's cool how art, whether it be photography or this or whatever it is, like poetry, um, even books and writings, like there is a space where it just becomes this like portal vulnerability and like the barriers are broken.

870
01:12:23,982.3959739 --> 01:12:27,402.3969739
And now we could, we're here like moths to flames.

871
01:12:27,612.3969739 --> 01:12:29,12.3969739
Like just whoosh.

872
01:12:29,462.3969739 --> 01:12:41,562.3969739
And what you're saying about the, even the, the service industry project here, it's like what we were talking about, how just saying the thing and putting it, like, even now, podcasting, just like saying the thing and putting it out there.

873
01:12:41,612.3969739 --> 01:12:43,772.3964739
It comes from this very intimate personal space.

874
01:12:43,772.3964739 --> 01:12:45,992.3949739
I'm in my basement, we're looking face to face at each other.

875
01:12:45,992.3949739 --> 01:12:48,432.3954739
I'm talking to the microphone in a black basement, whatever.

876
01:12:48,732.3954739 --> 01:13:03,972.3944739
And then whoever's listening to this, In their ears, like who knows what their experiences are how if they've never heard someone talk about this before, if they're like, okay, yeah, I've heard this like, okay, they're probably already skipped and skipped out already, but like, it doesn't matter.

877
01:13:03,972.3954739 --> 01:13:17,62.494974
What matters is the truth of it in that moment and being able to Just know and believe, even though you can't see them, that you speaking your truth is so deeply serving and inspiring for other people and wanting people to feel less alone.

878
01:13:17,62.495974 --> 01:13:25,552.495974
And I think that that's why community and being able to be honest and connective seems to be such a priority for both of us.

879
01:13:25,592.4959739 --> 01:13:36,562.495974
And like what you do with, um, Lava Lamp Lounge and like what I'm doing with Sacred Seeing, it's like this, it's so crucial because It's so hard to be in this position.

880
01:13:36,572.495974 --> 01:13:48,972.495974
Like I, the other day full, like have a total, I just had a wailing cry moment where I was just like, I feel so unsafe all of the time.

881
01:13:49,332.494974 --> 01:13:51,222.495974
I am at like this end.

882
01:13:51,252.494974 --> 01:13:58,812.495974
I know, like, I don't know what's next, but like something has to change in order to like, keep what's good for me, like, okay.

883
01:13:58,832.495974 --> 01:14:00,392.495974
And to keep me okay.

884
01:14:00,732.495974 --> 01:14:11,842.495974
And I think that it's already such an isolating experience to be, like what you said, like what are you working on with period for usually there's only one in the family of an artist.

885
01:14:11,852.495974 --> 01:14:14,372.495974
Usually there's not multiple artists in the family.

886
01:14:14,452.495974 --> 01:14:19,572.495974
When you're isolated in that way, even though we absolutely love the people around us, but when you can't.

887
01:14:20,12.495974 --> 01:14:32,142.495974
Meet at that frequency if you can't meet at that very specific level of speaking about something then it's it's scary and it's lonely and it can be really easy to just be like, fuck this.

888
01:14:32,172.494974 --> 01:14:35,272.496974
I can't do this anymore and to exit this way of life.

889
01:14:35,292.495974 --> 01:14:37,462.495974
But with that comes such a.

890
01:14:37,462.495974 --> 01:14:45,352.495974
Depending on what you need and your truth or whatever, it can be such a disservice to you and your life and your expression and whatever.

891
01:14:45,352.495974 --> 01:14:51,542.494974
So I, I'm just so passionate about having these conversations and the realness of this.

892
01:14:51,572.494974 --> 01:15:02,552.495974
And I mean, I just had someone like an old, college friend that was just, you know, She said something and she made this assumption of like, Oh my God, you must be like, just so booked out like for the next like five years.

893
01:15:02,552.495974 --> 01:15:05,202.494974
I'm like, not at all.

894
01:15:05,252.495974 --> 01:15:07,632.495974
Like not at all.

895
01:15:09,182.495974 --> 01:15:14,232.495974
What? And I'm like someone who is very honest and out there and she still thinks that.

896
01:15:14,242.495974 --> 01:15:18,162.495974
It's like some, there's so much smoke and mirrors in this way of life.

897
01:15:18,192.495974 --> 01:15:23,672.495474
And it's so important to be honest and I'm so grateful for you and your honesty and what you share.

898
01:15:23,672.495474 --> 01:15:23,852.495974
And just.

899
01:15:24,202.495974 --> 01:15:25,792.495974
Being here and having this conversation.

900
01:15:26,82.495974 --> 01:15:26,522.495974
Thank you.

901
01:15:26,522.495974 --> 01:15:26,792.495974
Yeah.

902
01:15:26,792.495974 --> 01:16:18,887.495974
And something it reminded me of is this like idea of frequencies and, um, you know, maybe my mom and I are at like this, you know, trying to understand each other's frequencies, but like being around people, connecting with others, whether it's like this conversation or finding people in your physical, local community to, to, Be in person with or connect like reaching out to those people that you have that frequency with of of like maintaining that connection, even in like a consistent way, because there is a feeling of maybe being at this like frequency or however you imagine your own energy and like, I know when I'm, when I'm like, with other people who are kind of matching that I'm like, okay, like, I feel this inside of me, you know, I feel like even more confident, more inspired.

903
01:16:18,887.495974 --> 01:16:22,747.495974
Like I push myself in different ways and all, all this other stuff.

904
01:16:22,747.495974 --> 01:16:27,277.495974
And I, I've been, you know, struggling to find those people locally.

905
01:16:27,277.495974 --> 01:16:31,177.495974
Like I'm, I'm, I'm right now, like, you know, trying to, you know, connect with it.

906
01:16:31,197.495974 --> 01:16:41,937.495974
I'm kind of, I feel like my gears are turning a little bit, but it's definitely a reminder of when I've been around people that are movers and shakers and like, want to like put.

907
01:16:42,477.495974 --> 01:16:48,487.495974
Put things together and bring these together and be vulnerable and like, even friendships, like when they right away, like, get vulnerable.

908
01:16:48,487.495974 --> 01:16:49,317.495974
I'm like, yes.

909
01:16:49,317.495974 --> 01:16:49,787.495974
Okay.

910
01:16:49,787.495974 --> 01:16:52,17.495974
Like, it's like, I've talked to you my whole life.

911
01:16:52,47.495974 --> 01:16:52,727.495974
Like, let's go.

912
01:16:52,747.495974 --> 01:16:53,327.495974
Let's do this.

913
01:16:53,337.495974 --> 01:16:57,507.495974
But it, it, it fuels that in a really cool way.

914
01:16:57,517.495974 --> 01:17:03,837.495974
And someone mentioned in my lava lamp lounge group during this support group that we have every Monday night of, um.

915
01:17:04,122.495974 --> 01:17:15,212.495974
They just came back from a yoga retreat in a different country and forgetting where, but they just came back and they're like, I want to be around higher frequency people.

916
01:17:15,312.495974 --> 01:17:18,102.495974
And I'm like, Whoa, yes, like that.

917
01:17:18,112.495974 --> 01:17:26,372.495974
I feel that, you know, like, I think that's an important part of being an artist, a creative, at least I'm speaking for myself is.

918
01:17:27,627.495974 --> 01:17:37,87.495974
Binding those people, um, and spending more time around them, um, because I feel those little lightning bolts.

919
01:17:37,87.495974 --> 01:17:48,312.495974
I feel like myself be heard in a way or like swap ideas or Like just talk about work artwork, maybe in a different way.

920
01:17:48,642.495974 --> 01:17:56,892.494974
Like this one artist came in the ceramic studio and she was preparing for this whole like exhibition, like solo show at the sculptural center.

921
01:17:56,892.495974 --> 01:18:00,322.495974
She was working with big sculptures of bread.

922
01:18:00,332.495974 --> 01:18:04,852.495974
Like she was baking bread, massive bread and like wrapping it around fabric.

923
01:18:04,852.495974 --> 01:18:07,682.495974
And it was all this like body and texture and goo.

924
01:18:07,682.495974 --> 01:18:11,492.495974
And like, she talks about like flesh and just like the body.

925
01:18:11,892.495974 --> 01:18:28,767.495974
And I was just like, Whoa, like tell me more like, yes, like I'm thinking about that with porcelain and that being connected to the body and its qualities and, and, you know, when I feel that like excitement of hearing someone else talk about that stuff, I'm just like, I get you.

926
01:18:28,897.495974 --> 01:18:33,317.495974
Like, I've never, I don't know you, but I feel like a little kid whenever I'm with someone like that.

927
01:18:33,317.495974 --> 01:18:40,37.494974
I feel like, yeah, and, and, and it was truly like fangirling.

928
01:18:40,87.495974 --> 01:18:44,437.494974
I'm like, I'm like, can I follow you? Great conversation.

929
01:18:44,437.496974 --> 01:18:46,217.495974
If you're ever local, let me know.

930
01:18:46,247.495974 --> 01:18:51,257.495974
But I was just like, I would love to find other people that are exhibiting and talking about that stuff.

931
01:18:51,257.495974 --> 01:18:53,767.495974
And like, let's get together and talk about this stuff.

932
01:18:53,767.495974 --> 01:18:55,407.495974
And like, I don't know.

933
01:18:55,407.595974 --> 01:18:55,492.395974
Yeah.

934
01:18:55,642.495974 --> 01:19:30,427.494974
So it's, it's wonderful to have that affirmation of like, yes, there are other people out there that are doing this work and, um, find those people, or at least like, Find those high frequency people and spend more time with them, you know? And if not, if not only for the, that lightning bolt, motivating, inspiring, collaborative, like validation in the most excited way, like also in the almost more importantly in the way of like, when I feel like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? Yeah.

935
01:19:30,437.494974 --> 01:19:33,437.494974
You have that life raft of like, Hey, me too.

936
01:19:34,627.495974 --> 01:19:35,977.495974
are you okay? I'm not okay.

937
01:19:36,7.495974 --> 01:19:36,367.495974
Okay.

938
01:19:36,377.495974 --> 01:19:37,247.495974
You're okay.

939
01:19:37,567.495974 --> 01:19:38,97.495974
All right.

940
01:19:38,117.495974 --> 01:19:50,507.495974
Like, I just don't feel like an alien in my own life right now because I know I have, like, I've made eye contact with someone that is sharing my experience and it's so fucking important, like, so important.

941
01:19:50,727.495974 --> 01:19:53,477.495974
Um, Morgan, we could talk forever, obviously.

942
01:19:53,747.495974 --> 01:19:54,897.495974
Thank you so much.

943
01:19:54,897.495974 --> 01:19:55,447.495974
I could cry.

944
01:19:55,457.495974 --> 01:19:57,997.495974
I'm so excited to just have this and talk to you.

945
01:19:57,997.495974 --> 01:19:59,867.495974
Please let us know where we can follow you.

946
01:19:59,867.495974 --> 01:20:03,857.495974
It'll be in the show notes and, uh, where you can find Lava Lamp Lounge and all the things.

947
01:20:04,167.494974 --> 01:20:04,747.494974
Yes.

948
01:20:04,837.494974 --> 01:20:09,217.495974
Um, I would say Instagram is a great place to follow me.

949
01:20:09,217.495974 --> 01:20:11,617.495974
It's just Morgan Bukovic, my first and last name.

950
01:20:11,617.495974 --> 01:20:15,257.495974
And please, yeah, check out Lava Lamp Lounge.

951
01:20:15,317.495974 --> 01:20:15,917.495974
It is.

952
01:20:16,312.495974 --> 01:20:28,592.495974
Also on Instagram and we host Monday night meetups a slow making session where you can just come and create anything just like hold yourself accountable to make something or clean out your art space or journal.

953
01:20:29,12.495974 --> 01:20:36,242.495974
And we also host a support group right after that for artists and creatives that follows the artist way by Julia Cameroon but also is just.

954
01:20:36,692.495974 --> 01:20:37,812.495974
Open ended as well.

955
01:20:37,812.495974 --> 01:20:48,142.495474
So yeah, check them out on, on Instagrams where you can follow all the stuff, but thanks for having me on always love chatting with you about this stuff.

956
01:20:48,142.495474 --> 01:20:56,702.495974
I definitely feel a sense of just feeling heard and seen and just good reminder, you know, to just keep going.

957
01:20:57,752.495974 --> 01:20:58,92.495974
Right.

958
01:20:58,102.495974 --> 01:20:58,682.495974
My God.

959
01:20:58,902.495974 --> 01:20:59,662.495974
Yes.

960
01:20:59,742.495974 --> 01:21:00,492.495974
Yes.

961
01:21:00,592.495974 --> 01:21:00,892.495974
Yes.

962
01:21:02,522.495974 --> 01:21:09,532.494974
I have to add the whole reason why we even know each other is because I was in a coffee shop like so random.

963
01:21:10,152.495974 --> 01:21:14,552.495974
I used to have a photo studio and I was at a coffee shop or juice place, whatever.

964
01:21:14,842.494974 --> 01:21:16,882.495974
And I saw Morgan's art on the wall.

965
01:21:16,892.495974 --> 01:21:18,42.495974
It was like a collage piece.

966
01:21:18,42.495974 --> 01:21:20,312.495974
And I was just like, Oh God, I have to.

967
01:21:20,332.595974 --> 01:21:23,152.495974
I bought it.

968
01:21:23,432.495974 --> 01:21:26,952.495974
And then I came back and I was like, Oh, I wonder who this is.

969
01:21:26,952.495974 --> 01:21:30,792.495974
And I looked her up and I was like, she's local, which I don't know why I was so surprised.

970
01:21:30,802.494974 --> 01:21:32,432.495974
Cause your heart was hanging in a local shop.

971
01:21:32,442.495974 --> 01:21:34,812.494974
But like I, in my mind, like no one lives near me ever.

972
01:21:35,82.495974 --> 01:21:36,192.495974
And I was like, Oh my God.

973
01:21:38,172.495974 --> 01:21:39,2.495974
I know.

974
01:21:39,52.494974 --> 01:21:39,302.494974
No.

975
01:21:39,302.495974 --> 01:21:41,62.495974
And then we met for coffee.

976
01:21:41,432.495974 --> 01:21:45,362.495974
And it's funny because you're all, you like bring up, like, you're like, I'm an introvert.

977
01:21:45,362.495974 --> 01:21:47,92.495974
I'm like, yeah, but we're like this.

978
01:21:47,102.495974 --> 01:21:48,222.495974
I feel that way too.

979
01:21:48,222.495974 --> 01:21:50,942.495974
I'm like, okay, I definitely have that introvert, but I'm just like, yeah.

980
01:21:50,942.495974 --> 01:21:51,262.495974
Okay.

981
01:21:51,262.495974 --> 01:21:51,922.495974
This is good.

982
01:21:51,932.495974 --> 01:21:55,552.495974
Like I'm just talking to a friend when we were strangers.

983
01:21:55,562.495974 --> 01:21:57,172.495974
So it was just been so good connecting.

984
01:21:57,262.495974 --> 01:22:15,317.495974
And I feel that like higher level frequency, like when we're just chatting about this stuff, like even us going back and forth with the boxes, I'm just like, Okay, this is why I'm here just to talk about this stuff and to like a microcosm of what we're talking about with the art with lava lamp like, oh my god, we're so like meta right now our life.

985
01:22:18,337.495974 --> 01:22:21,367.495974
I'm like, Oh my God, we've been doing it all along.

986
01:22:22,227.495974 --> 01:22:31,657.495974
Take your intentional deep breaths, go on a walk, feel that gratitude, like, yeah, dance around your home.

987
01:22:31,657.495974 --> 01:22:32,397.494974
Get ideas.

988
01:22:35,962.495974 --> 01:22:37,582.495974
Well, thanks so much for having me on Bianca.

989
01:22:37,582.495974 --> 01:22:43,862.495974
I love what you're doing and everything you're creating is inspiring to me and just glad to have you in my circle.

990
01:22:43,932.494974 --> 01:22:44,792.495974
Oh my god, thank you.

991
01:22:44,832.495974 --> 01:22:48,742.494974
I'm so fucking glad that I've come across you and that we're connected.

992
01:22:48,742.495974 --> 01:22:49,562.495974
Thank you so much.

993
01:22:50,575.4959739 --> 01:22:53,795.4959739
This has been an Awkward Sage Production.