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Oct. 10, 2024
Finding Your Natural Current
My used book called me a hypocrite.
I almost didn't record this episode because I had nothing to say.
I followed my unproductive instinct and magically found something to say.
Your turn...
Transcript
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what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief.
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That's the thing when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
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Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay.
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But then after the relief.
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I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
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Oh, Dola.
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It's like this contagious.
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Inspiration of like, Yes.
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What do I do with it? I feel urgency.
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Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with.
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Cause I can't define it.
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But it is.
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Undeniable.
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I am possessed by it.
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Yes.
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Now what.
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So I asked you.
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If this made you feel like, ah, yes.
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Yeah.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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Now what.
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Is there something that you're praying to pull yourself against your own current.
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What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your.
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Inspiration your life force.
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Where does that carry you? If you just.
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Float with it.
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Where does it carry you? Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
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It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
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My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
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One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
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You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
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All you have to do is see.
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In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
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Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
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You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.
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What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.
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Come exactly as you are.
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It's perfect.
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Honor your instincts.
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Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
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Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
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Let's dive in.
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Hello, and welcome to another episode of help me see.
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It is 5 45 in the morning.
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My dog has been vomiting for the last two hours.
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And I have decided.
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To stop reading my book.
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And come here to talk about.
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How unintentionally hypocritical.
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I can be.
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So.
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Today.
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Yesterday.
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I was restless and.
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It was my time allotted to record a podcast episode.
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And I just didn't feel like talking.
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Is actually the first time ever that I was like, I actually don't have anything that I feel like saying right now.
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And.
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If you know me at all, you know, I'm not in the business of forcing anything.
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So I was like, well, I guess.
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You know, in the past, it's been like almost four years, right.
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Since I've had the podcast and.
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I've missed a week or so, based on, you know, Literally.
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Life, personal life stuff, logistics.
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Um, But never.
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For lack of something to say, And, um, I'm certainly not going to just.
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Force myself to say something.
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I'm not going to create something unless.
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It feels like.
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Truth.
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So I'm like, you know what.
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I'm just going to go to this bookstore that I've been wanting to go to.
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Uh, I've been there before, but it's been a long time.
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And last time I was there, I was there with my youngest who was screaming and licking the cart.
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And as I was pushing him, anyway, so.
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I got a bunch of books.
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And.
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I'm reading one of them.
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It is.
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Um, Mary Oliver.
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Uh, poetry handbook, UPROSE guide to understanding and writing poetry.
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So I start.
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Reading this book.
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And I just can't get over.
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How in love I am.
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With when I get used books.
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The writing from previous people.
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It feels so intimate and so private, it almost feels wrong.
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For me to be reading their notes.
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It's so interesting because I'm someone that I need to underline as I read absolutely need to otherwise I can't comprehend it.
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And it's.
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I mean, it gets, it's kind of like taking pictures in a moment.
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Like it's like a way of comprehending something more deeply.
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Like, as I'm reading, if it's something important, I'm like underlining and it's like synthesizing in a way.
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I don't know.
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If you, if you know, you know, And, um, So it's really interesting to see like what another person that underlined versus what I would underline and where that overlap is.
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And.
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You begin to have this like, Kind of relationship where.
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I don't know as I'm reading it, I'm like, oh yes, of course you underline that.
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It's I don't know.
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It almost kind of makes me want to cry.
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It's just really.
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Beautiful.
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And, um, You know, I thought it was interesting cause.
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I'm reading these words of this book.
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Obviously I'm that same.
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I'm a similar person.
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Ish.
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Right.
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I bought this book and this person.
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Has already read this book.
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All I keep thinking about when I'm reading these notes.
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And also beautiful handwriting.
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If anyone had books with my handwriting in the margins, they'd be like, what the fuck is this psycho SA.
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I can't even read my own writing.
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Um, Like one of the notes is I get acquainted with poets of the past.
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Or like an exclamation point next to something.
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Or.
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Words were initially created to reflect realities.
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Through their sounds.
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I love.
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Witnessing how someone's brain works.
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And moreover, I start thinking about.
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Oh, How beautiful.
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Of all the things, this person.
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Could be reading or doing.
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They're reading about poetry.
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And like the earnest, like.
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Underlining and triple underlining and bracketing and circling.
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And then I think.
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As I'm marveling over.
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This person that I have no idea who it is.
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Like you hypocrite.
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You are reading this book.
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You're one that underlines.
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Have you ever marveled at yourself? At the magnificence and innocence and beauty.
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Efforts and craving in.
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Taking in.
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A poetry book.
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One of the quotes in this book says.
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Um, of the book, it is written to empower the beginning writer who stands between two marvelous and complex things.
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And experience.
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Or an idea or a feeling.
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And the urge to tell about it in the best possible conjunction of words.
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So I read that.
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And then I start thinking.
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Oh, Beautifully put yes.
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And I immediately equated to photographs.
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And experience.
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Or an idea or a feeling.
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And the urge to tell about it.
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In the.
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In a picture.
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Okay.
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Interesting.
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And then I spiraled into thinking.
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Why do I keep.
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Wanting to talk around.
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The process instead of creating something, this is, it's a very specific thing.
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That I've been frustrated with myself about.
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Hmm.
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I can't stop.
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Wanting to talk about the experience.
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Of the work and the consumption and the.
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Metabolizing of.
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These ideas.
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But from the outside and it feels wrong, it feels like.
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Well, I should be.
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Doing the thing.
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Why am I reading about.
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Poetry instead of.
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Writing poetry.
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Why am I.
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Talking more about.
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Photographic practice instead of.
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Creating a book.
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I just do the work, create the work.
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But that is so again, once again, hypocritical to what.
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I believe to be true, which is like, honor your fucking impulse.
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I don't believe that there's this inner working.
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Like hidden.
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Worthiness issue or avoidance of my work.
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I do have a craving to like create more physical things.
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Like I want to.
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Commit to making a book of the work.
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And in the past I have just completely glazed over it because so much of the work I do is just never ending.
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So it doesn't ever feel like a good time.
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It's just all forever.
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And, um, but I also want to give it a special place.
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But also I can't force the fact that it doesn't feel urgent.
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It feels urgent.
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What, what, what is urgent to me is this pile of books next to me.
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Let's talk about the books I have the way under the way by mark Nepo to poetry book.
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I have the, also this poetry handbook by Mary Oliver.
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I have.
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The amazing laws of cosmic mind, power by Joseph Murphy.
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Um, Just talking about the subconscious.
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I have solitude a return to the self by Anthony store.
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What else do I have? Oh, The book I'm leaning on right now.
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And they have the inkblots Herman Rorschach.
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His iconic test.
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And the power of seeing.
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Okay.
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My impulse to go to the store and.
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Pick out of this whole store, thousands of books.
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These books.
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What if I pretend that I'm, that.
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Wonderful person.
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That I'm.
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Singing the praises of the road, the margins in the book.
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What would I say about that person? If I knew that these were the books that she bought.
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I'm trying to unlock my ability.
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Two.
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Soften to myself.
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And two.
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Respect.
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My impulse.
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And the same way I believe through my bones, that you should respect yours.
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And open up to what I'm trying.
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Do you know what I'm trying to do to what I am doing? And recognize it and the power that it has, because that's what this is about.
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I was, um, also listening to an audio book by, um, it's like co-written by this.
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Psychologist, Phil Stutz.
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Um, And.
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They talk about.
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Life force, energy and overcoming.
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This.
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X factor.
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That's inhibiting us and draining our life force and, um, resisting the impulse to.
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Um, withdraw and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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And I was like, Hmm.
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I found myself like feeling that defensive feeling, you know? Not wanting to be in that, like Confirmation bias thing and like, no, that doesn't align with what I believe to be true.
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So I like let myself.
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Go into thinking about it.
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And I'm like, no, I still.
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I, the impulses are the key to recognizing everything good and bad.
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Good and bad.
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It's in the witnessing of the impulses and being aware of our impulses.
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Whether or not.
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They are serving.
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That is where our insights lie.
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That is where our.
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Understanding of ourselves.
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Arises.
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And when, when we're able to see ourselves in that way, then we can move.
247
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:55,900
Through it.
248
00:15:56,770 --> 00:15:59,440
Away from it into it, whatever it is.
249
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:01,060
I said, I hope.
250
00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:08,530
Anyway, um, Okay, following, keep, keep, keep with me here.
251
00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:10,300
I'm just following the thread.
252
00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:11,170
That's going to.
253
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,100
God knows where.
254
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:14,490
One of the.
255
00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:16,050
Reviews on the back of this book.
256
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:23,910
It says, who knew the founding lines of psychoanalysis often seem as petty as they were at times.
257
00:16:23,910 --> 00:16:24,390
Brilliant.
258
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:31,140
But to hear Damion, Searls tell it in this absorbing new biography, Herman war shark, was it.
259
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:36,210
Different sort altogether, humane, empathetic, loving, deeply, seen.
260
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,960
And possessed of a true artist soul.
261
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:41,910
Searles account.
262
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:51,090
Of Roche rocks after life is no less fascinating as every culture that encountered his test team to project its own values onto it.
263
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:59,750
In the end true to rorschach searles locates, the heart of being human at the endlessly unfurling intersection of vision.
264
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:00,890
And self-awareness.
265
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,960
And I read that and I think.
266
00:17:08,870 --> 00:17:10,880
All of these seemingly disparate.
267
00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:12,830
Pieces.
268
00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:15,080
All of these different books.
269
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:16,310
All of this.
270
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:16,670
All that.
271
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:22,010
I'm responding to what is me? Outside in the world.
272
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:23,480
And I see that.
273
00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:24,500
And I'm like, oh yes.
274
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:32,750
That I'm looking to scratch this itch of like, Acquiring the breadcrumbs and the nuggets to be able to give myself.
275
00:17:34,190 --> 00:17:36,410
The ability to wrap my mind around.
276
00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,050
What I want to be wrapping my mind around.
277
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:40,880
And I think.
278
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:42,680
In the past I've.
279
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:51,770
Felt insecure about it as if I'm trying to validate myself, which there's nothing wrong with that, by the way, wanting to validate yourself.
280
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,100
And I feel like validating your yourself through.
281
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:56,210
You're.
282
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,920
Your art and your photographs is a really healthy, beautiful way to do that.
283
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:06,230
Um, But not only is it.
284
00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:11,780
Helpful.
285
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:14,510
And expansive.
286
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,380
To look outside of yourself to.
287
00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:19,700
Acquire.
288
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:23,690
Knowledge and understanding of what's been done in the past and be able to formulate.
289
00:18:24,380 --> 00:18:25,340
What is.
290
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:26,780
Deeply.
291
00:18:28,550 --> 00:18:29,600
Pulling at you.
292
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,430
But it's also.
293
00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:36,470
An opportunity in invitation.
294
00:18:36,470 --> 00:18:37,970
To love yourself.
295
00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:40,220
Like I, I think about that.
296
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,930
I haven't even started this book and I think.
297
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,720
Ah, what.
298
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,700
Uh, fucking bad-ass.
299
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:52,130
And then say cover says it shines a light on the 20th.
300
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:55,610
Century's most visionary synthesis of art and science.
301
00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:58,430
My God, what.
302
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,400
In amazing.
303
00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:04,250
Thing to do.
304
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:13,250
And then I think, how am I different? How am I less than that? I'm not.
305
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:15,650
I'm doing my own.
306
00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:18,500
Synthesis.
307
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,870
I'm just in it.
308
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,470
So, what are you.
309
00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:26,120
Craving to synthesize.
310
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:31,270
What are you? I don't know, it's like a blind spot.
311
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:35,320
It's like, The glare and sun in your eyes.
312
00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:39,010
And it's so strong that you're missing a certain spot.
313
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:40,870
Uh, view.
314
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:43,240
Like for me.
315
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,210
I'm sitting here.
316
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,640
Believing to my core.
317
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,220
That when we trust our instinct and move with our impulse.
318
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,620
There's this undeniable.
319
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,640
Self-actualization available for us.
320
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:06,530
There's this.
321
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:09,830
Understanding of.
322
00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:15,500
And reverence for our place in the world.
323
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,460
And I know.
324
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:20,280
That my.
325
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:21,530
Craft.
326
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:25,040
No, it is essential to my life.
327
00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:26,150
It is also.
328
00:20:27,590 --> 00:20:29,090
Not the center.
329
00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:31,760
Of what I want to do.
330
00:20:33,740 --> 00:20:36,860
And that feels a little strange, but also I know it.
331
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,470
I know it in the way I recoil.
332
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:42,530
When someone assumes.
333
00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:46,460
Oh, um, that I'm a.
334
00:20:47,030 --> 00:20:47,750
Photographer.
335
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:51,170
I mean, I am a photographer, but just my reaction.
336
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:52,850
To the label.
337
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:56,750
It's like, Of course I I'm obsessed with photographers.
338
00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:58,220
I love photographers.
339
00:20:58,550 --> 00:20:59,780
I am a photographer.
340
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:02,630
But when someone.
341
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,730
Buckets me like that.
342
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:08,000
I'm like, oh, But my heart.
343
00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:10,850
is in a slightly different place.
344
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:13,760
And I don't know, I don't know what I want to be called.
345
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,390
I don't care.
346
00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:14,810
Really.
347
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:20,930
What did we called? But I know that it's not just about the pictures for me.
348
00:21:20,930 --> 00:21:21,620
It's about.
349
00:21:22,850 --> 00:21:26,270
This the synthesizing of more, this.
350
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,690
I'm still uncovering like the.
351
00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:34,790
Crux of like, This intersection of.
352
00:21:36,350 --> 00:21:38,000
Wellness of.
353
00:21:41,330 --> 00:21:43,280
Love of living life.
354
00:21:45,350 --> 00:21:47,210
The best way we can.
355
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:48,950
Through.
356
00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:52,010
This art to the successful, to.
357
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:53,030
Anyone.
358
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:05,180
Breaking down these boundaries and barriers and hierarchal bullshit of.
359
00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:07,700
Good art.
360
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,560
Good pictures.
361
00:22:12,470 --> 00:22:15,200
There's also a book, the, on the back of this.
362
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,090
Oh, that same, the same guy.
363
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:17,270
Yeah.
364
00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:25,910
So the guy that wrote that quote, that I just read about the intersection of vision and self-awareness his name is Lawrence Weschler.
365
00:22:26,450 --> 00:22:26,960
And.
366
00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:31,370
It says author of stealing is forgetting the name of the thing.
367
00:22:31,370 --> 00:22:35,120
One sees like, well, I certainly need to pick up that book.
368
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:41,150
But yeah.
369
00:22:41,990 --> 00:22:43,100
Anyway, all that to say.
370
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:44,450
All the Z.
371
00:22:48,710 --> 00:22:49,940
I waste energy.
372
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:58,130
Silently subconsciously shaming myself for not creating more like.
373
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,070
Doing more with the work.
374
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:01,940
Like, okay.
375
00:23:01,970 --> 00:23:02,420
I have.
376
00:23:02,870 --> 00:23:04,280
Billions of photos.
377
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,510
What do I do with it? Like, I don't.
378
00:23:09,260 --> 00:23:12,050
I don't feel urgency or I'm making a book.
379
00:23:12,110 --> 00:23:12,950
I would like to.
380
00:23:13,670 --> 00:23:15,680
I feel urgency.
381
00:23:16,070 --> 00:23:20,930
Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with.
382
00:23:21,350 --> 00:23:22,790
Cause I can't define it.
383
00:23:23,660 --> 00:23:24,260
But it is.
384
00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:26,840
Undeniable.
385
00:23:27,230 --> 00:23:29,360
I am possessed by it.
386
00:23:32,540 --> 00:23:38,000
What does that for you? That, that interesting, specific insidious nuance of.
387
00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:43,430
Is there something that you're like, I should be doing this.
388
00:23:43,430 --> 00:23:49,190
Why am I not doing this? And like praying to pull yourself against your own current.
389
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:54,770
What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your.
390
00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:57,380
Inspiration your life force.
391
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,720
Where does that carry you? If you just.
392
00:24:03,620 --> 00:24:05,000
Float with it.
393
00:24:05,390 --> 00:24:11,390
Where does it carry you? If we get rid of that narrative of like, Work hard.
394
00:24:12,770 --> 00:24:15,260
Got to commit, have to blah, blah, blah.
395
00:24:15,410 --> 00:24:17,270
What does that natural current.
396
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,910
Of enthusiasm.
397
00:24:21,050 --> 00:24:26,900
At natural current of your life forced the things when you feel flat, like I did.
398
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:27,290
Oh, my God.
399
00:24:27,290 --> 00:24:28,730
I don't feel like recording a podcast.
400
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:29,810
Don't have anything to say.
401
00:24:30,410 --> 00:24:31,010
Right now.
402
00:24:32,030 --> 00:24:33,530
What do you go and do.
403
00:24:34,250 --> 00:24:35,360
When that's the case.
404
00:24:39,410 --> 00:24:41,630
I didn't feel like doing anything related to work.
405
00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:46,460
In fact, I set up upon to go get a fiction book.
406
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,200
Because I need to read more.
407
00:24:48,770 --> 00:24:49,340
Fiction.
408
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,110
As I read no fiction.
409
00:24:51,470 --> 00:24:52,100
None.
410
00:24:52,730 --> 00:24:53,630
I mean, other than.
411
00:24:54,170 --> 00:25:03,020
Well, no, I mean, I guess not, I don't does poetry qualify as fiction? I mean, I guess I don't, I'm probably a whole separate genre anyway.
412
00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:09,560
Um, But, yeah, it's just this undeniable.
413
00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:11,600
Draw to something.
414
00:25:18,290 --> 00:25:24,770
My last podcast and last post, if you were on, um, I know it all.
415
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,690
All of my podcast episodes.
416
00:25:26,750 --> 00:25:28,520
Well, I'm going to say all because if.
417
00:25:29,330 --> 00:25:34,640
If there's a time in which I don't feel like a podcast episode calls for a sub stack post.
418
00:25:35,270 --> 00:25:37,820
Um, I'm just not going to do it, but so far.
419
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,610
Since I started sub stack a month and a half ago.
420
00:25:41,030 --> 00:25:43,430
All of my podcast episodes have an accompanying.
421
00:25:43,940 --> 00:25:44,990
Uh, visual.
422
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:52,010
Element, and that is on sub stack and, um, And also on sub stack, I have.
423
00:25:52,370 --> 00:25:55,370
A, um, membership here where.
424
00:25:55,370 --> 00:25:58,070
You can monthly get my.
425
00:25:58,070 --> 00:25:59,960
Templates for nostalgia now.
426
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,000
Where we do all of this, like introspective.
427
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:06,750
Self-discovery.
428
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,910
Work with our photographs.
429
00:26:09,330 --> 00:26:12,030
In a monthly, intentional living guide at template.
430
00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:13,620
It's really awesome.
431
00:26:13,830 --> 00:26:16,620
I'm obsessed with the ritual and the commitment.
432
00:26:16,980 --> 00:26:19,650
Of seeing my life in this way every month.
433
00:26:20,070 --> 00:26:21,390
Um, and I know.
434
00:26:22,140 --> 00:26:23,610
That this practice will.
435
00:26:23,610 --> 00:26:25,380
Inevitably lead to.
436
00:26:25,380 --> 00:26:27,300
Living the life I'm meant for.
437
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:30,480
Preventing me from getting distracted.
438
00:26:31,020 --> 00:26:32,640
And swayed by noise.
439
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,180
If you're interested in their more, uh, click on the link in the podcast.
440
00:26:36,450 --> 00:26:44,970
Or in the show notes and you'll find the sub stack, you'll see photographs that I pair with their writings from the show and all that.
441
00:26:45,050 --> 00:26:49,570
Um, okay.
442
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,130
But going back to the magical person that wrote the notes in this book.
443
00:26:56,560 --> 00:27:00,100
The admiration and the love I have for this person.
444
00:27:01,180 --> 00:27:02,500
Because of the few.
445
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:05,200
Random scribbles that she made in this book that she read.
446
00:27:05,530 --> 00:27:06,340
And underlines.
447
00:27:06,730 --> 00:27:07,840
She, he, I don't know.
448
00:27:07,900 --> 00:27:09,520
Who knows, why am I saying she could be.
449
00:27:10,210 --> 00:27:12,370
Yeah, man.
450
00:27:12,790 --> 00:27:13,150
I don't know.
451
00:27:15,820 --> 00:27:19,690
It is important to allow yourself to step outside of yourself and witness.
452
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,310
Your efforts.
453
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,020
In life Look at your.
454
00:27:24,650 --> 00:27:27,740
Photos like this, look at your tendencies.
455
00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:28,400
Like this.
456
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:29,450
Witnessed those.
457
00:27:29,930 --> 00:27:30,650
Poles.
458
00:27:31,340 --> 00:27:34,370
Witness that life force current.
459
00:27:35,630 --> 00:27:36,980
That if you did nothing.
460
00:27:38,030 --> 00:27:39,320
To strong arm.
461
00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:42,740
Or effort your way into X, Y, or the other thing.
462
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,300
Where does that go? And I'm not saying don't ever exert yourself.
463
00:27:47,330 --> 00:27:47,930
Don't ever.
464
00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:49,070
Yeah.
465
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,310
Try super hard for whatever.
466
00:27:52,310 --> 00:27:53,810
That's not what I'm saying at all.
467
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:55,010
But I'm saying.
468
00:27:55,550 --> 00:27:59,090
Kate curious about the most ease filled.
469
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,210
Good energy inspiring.
470
00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:05,510
Place.
471
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,060
Where you naturally drift to.
472
00:28:08,570 --> 00:28:12,080
What does that tell you? I'm not wrong.
473
00:28:12,110 --> 00:28:13,910
I'm not a bad artist.
474
00:28:13,910 --> 00:28:18,530
I'm not, um, Uh, a fraud.
475
00:28:18,650 --> 00:28:19,370
I'm not for.
476
00:28:20,270 --> 00:28:21,140
For one.
477
00:28:21,740 --> 00:28:25,100
For being so obsessed with talking about the practice.
478
00:28:25,490 --> 00:28:27,440
Rather than doing the work.
479
00:28:27,890 --> 00:28:31,820
That has been something and past episodes that I've talked about feeling this.
480
00:28:32,690 --> 00:28:35,480
Deep seated fear of like redundancy and like.
481
00:28:36,170 --> 00:28:37,760
The work speak for itself.
482
00:28:37,790 --> 00:28:41,180
So why do you keep overexplaining and why are you.
483
00:28:41,870 --> 00:28:48,770
Um, what are some of the narratives that I have, um, Like stating the obvious or public.
484
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:49,490
It's like.
485
00:28:50,390 --> 00:28:51,950
Shut the fuck up.
486
00:28:52,970 --> 00:28:53,510
Y.
487
00:28:53,990 --> 00:28:57,110
What a waste of energy questioning.
488
00:28:58,580 --> 00:29:00,560
My life force.
489
00:29:03,350 --> 00:29:04,760
I think that should be.
490
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:05,000
The.
491
00:29:05,330 --> 00:29:07,820
Beau that we tie up this episode with is.
492
00:29:12,020 --> 00:29:13,040
Journal on.
493
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,030
Photographically.
494
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,530
Compiling pictures or writing.
495
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,120
Preferably both.
496
00:29:22,250 --> 00:29:25,250
What is my life force current.
497
00:29:26,210 --> 00:29:26,870
When you think of.
498
00:29:28,130 --> 00:29:40,460
That feeling of like, Just your life force, that natural enthusiasm and energy and glowy, warm love feeling.
499
00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:43,400
Where's that current take you.
500
00:29:43,940 --> 00:29:48,560
Where does it take you? And two.
501
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:53,900
In what ways are you questioning? Resisting.
502
00:29:57,050 --> 00:29:58,820
Of awaiting that.
503
00:30:00,740 --> 00:30:10,000
And how can you eliminate that energy drain? You know, before I recorded this episode this morning, this is that this episode will go out this morning.
504
00:30:10,420 --> 00:30:11,830
This or this afternoon, whatever.
505
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,740
Um, Because.
506
00:30:15,670 --> 00:30:21,760
Last night or yesterday when I didn't feel like I was going to, um, Record an episode.
507
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,050
Aye.
508
00:30:24,070 --> 00:30:25,330
I was like, you know what I should do.
509
00:30:25,810 --> 00:30:26,320
I should.
510
00:30:26,650 --> 00:30:27,820
Start a creation.
511
00:30:27,940 --> 00:30:28,570
Analysis.
512
00:30:28,690 --> 00:30:35,380
So I was going to like, do like an audio scape, like, because I love, um, Multimedia.
513
00:30:35,380 --> 00:30:40,600
And I love working with sound and I, I do have some projects that I want to work on that involve sound.
514
00:30:41,020 --> 00:30:47,140
And I was like, I'm just gonna put a rough draft of a soundscape out there and I can experimentation, which still sounds cool.
515
00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:48,070
And I still might do it.
516
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:50,500
But it felt flat.
517
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:56,140
I couldn't do it because I'm like, I don't feel an urgency to get that out.
518
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,050
It felt like, oh yeah.
519
00:30:59,080 --> 00:30:59,560
Cool.
520
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:00,370
Like showing.
521
00:31:01,060 --> 00:31:07,060
A first draft of something and like opening that conversation and I could rationalize.
522
00:31:07,810 --> 00:31:09,670
Why that would be a cool.
523
00:31:11,110 --> 00:31:11,890
Exercise.
524
00:31:13,870 --> 00:31:14,050
But.
525
00:31:15,250 --> 00:31:23,740
Every single time I get behind this mic and talk about something like there's this place that I go to in my soul, where I just feel like.
526
00:31:24,250 --> 00:31:25,000
I have to say this.
527
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:26,290
I have to say this.
528
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:32,020
I don't care if I'm just saying it to myself, one person hears it.
529
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,400
A hundred people here.
530
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,590
I don't, I have to see this.
531
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,350
Guess not saying this feels like a.
532
00:31:46,450 --> 00:31:48,100
To king betrayal.
533
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:48,970
Of.
534
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:50,890
My soul.
535
00:31:53,170 --> 00:31:54,640
Putting out a.
536
00:31:56,020 --> 00:31:58,720
You know, an experimentation on the creative project.
537
00:31:59,140 --> 00:32:00,160
I didn't feel like that.
538
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,770
I'll probably do that when it does feel like that.
539
00:32:07,630 --> 00:32:09,580
But, um, I don't know.
540
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:10,540
I'm just really.
541
00:32:12,700 --> 00:32:18,040
Glad that I trusted my instincts and got to this conversation because it feels like really.
542
00:32:19,780 --> 00:32:20,590
Healing for me.
543
00:32:20,590 --> 00:32:21,640
I hope that it's.
544
00:32:22,750 --> 00:32:23,890
Helpful for you.
545
00:32:24,070 --> 00:32:24,820
I am.
546
00:32:26,350 --> 00:32:27,280
Yeah, I just.
547
00:32:27,910 --> 00:32:29,950
This whole podcast production, like.
548
00:32:30,910 --> 00:32:33,220
This ritual of doing this week after week.
549
00:32:34,180 --> 00:32:39,580
Uh, It's like another way.
550
00:32:39,580 --> 00:32:41,620
Another attempt at.
551
00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:51,250
Deepening my trust for my voice and my conviction in myself.
552
00:32:51,730 --> 00:32:54,640
Um, and my love for myself.
553
00:32:55,270 --> 00:32:55,810
Really.
554
00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,460
And, um, I hope that these very unplanned, very.
555
00:33:02,110 --> 00:33:05,170
Um, Personal.
556
00:33:08,290 --> 00:33:09,370
Ramblings.
557
00:33:11,890 --> 00:33:14,590
Speak to the part of you that.
558
00:33:16,250 --> 00:33:17,360
You might dismiss.
559
00:33:23,820 --> 00:33:28,290
Like, what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief.
560
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:32,250
That's the thing I, when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
561
00:33:33,510 --> 00:33:38,130
Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay.
562
00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:41,580
But then after the relief.
563
00:33:42,090 --> 00:33:44,760
I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
564
00:33:44,820 --> 00:33:45,420
Oh, Dola.
565
00:33:45,420 --> 00:33:47,430
It's like this contagious.
566
00:33:47,910 --> 00:33:51,030
Inspiration of like, Yes.
567
00:33:52,980 --> 00:33:53,850
Yes.
568
00:33:54,420 --> 00:33:55,410
Now what.
569
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:58,620
So I asked you.
570
00:34:00,090 --> 00:34:02,640
If this made you feel like, ah, yes.
571
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:03,660
Yeah.
572
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:05,100
Yes.
573
00:34:05,130 --> 00:34:05,400
Yes.
574
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:05,730
Yes.
575
00:34:07,110 --> 00:34:08,160
Now what.
576
00:34:22,260 --> 00:34:23,520
I would love to know what.
577
00:34:26,730 --> 00:34:31,570
Um, You can find me on Instagram at Bianca, Lea, Morra.
578
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,700
And I'm also follow along on sub stack.
579
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:39,270
If you are not familiar with sub stack, it is a magical place that I have been.
580
00:34:40,020 --> 00:34:43,040
Spending a lot of time in recently So.
581
00:34:44,390 --> 00:34:45,680
Subscribe to subdeck.
582
00:34:46,010 --> 00:34:47,150
Uh, you can do that.
583
00:34:47,270 --> 00:34:47,990
For free.
584
00:34:48,380 --> 00:34:51,320
And you will get the podcast, the visual podcast episodes.
585
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,930
in your inbox, so you can read them if you don't feel like listening to me.
586
00:34:56,590 --> 00:35:02,480
And also, if you want to become a paid subscriber, then you get your monthly one of a kind.
587
00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:04,250
Guided prompted.
588
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:06,460
Photographic journaling templates.
589
00:35:07,330 --> 00:35:11,200
For self-introspection and reflection on your life.
590
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:24,680
And there is a founding member tier, that comes with a private remote virtual shoot with me, which is, this is his own breed of super special, interesting.
591
00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:26,180
Amazingness.
592
00:35:27,050 --> 00:35:28,610
And, I will be.
593
00:35:28,610 --> 00:35:31,760
Transferring my flagship courses.
594
00:35:32,150 --> 00:35:33,500
Manifest your memories.
595
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,460
Harnessing your life vision for living intentionally in there.
596
00:35:37,460 --> 00:35:40,910
And I will also be adding a, my conscious creator course.
597
00:35:41,390 --> 00:35:44,750
In there as well, um, over the next few weeks.
598
00:35:44,930 --> 00:35:48,320
And, um, yeah, I envisioned that to be the space.
599
00:35:48,740 --> 00:35:51,830
That I just ongoing create courses.
600
00:35:51,830 --> 00:35:58,470
And if you become that, yearly membership, You will get access to whatever courses that I create in there.
601
00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:00,750
Okay.
602
00:36:02,340 --> 00:36:03,120
Thank you.
603
00:36:03,150 --> 00:36:04,800
Thank you for spending your time here.
604
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,500
I cannot wait to see.
605
00:36:07,980 --> 00:36:14,070
What comes of this? Now I have a lot of puke.
606
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,470
To clean up all over my house.
607
00:36:17,370 --> 00:36:18,150
And poor dog.
608
00:36:18,780 --> 00:36:19,140
Okay.
609
00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:22,740
Have a great day.
610
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:24,790
Hope you're not cleaning up any puke.
611
00:36:26,947 --> 00:36:30,167
This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,290
what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief.
2
00:00:05,339.9999999997 --> 00:00:07,960.0000000003
That's the thing when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
3
00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:13,840
Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay.
4
00:00:14,859.999999999 --> 00:00:17,290
But then after the relief.
5
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,470
I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
6
00:00:20,530 --> 00:00:21,130
Oh, Dola.
7
00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:23,140
It's like this contagious.
8
00:00:23,619.999999999 --> 00:00:26,740
Inspiration of like, Yes.
9
00:00:28,689.999999999 --> 00:00:31,559.999999999
What do I do with it? I feel urgency.
10
00:00:31,949.999999999 --> 00:00:36,809.999999999
Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with.
11
00:00:37,229.999999999 --> 00:00:38,669.999999999
Cause I can't define it.
12
00:00:39,539.999999999 --> 00:00:40,139.999999999
But it is.
13
00:00:40,139.999999999 --> 00:00:41,69.999999999
Undeniable.
14
00:00:41,459.999999999 --> 00:00:43,589.999999999
I am possessed by it.
15
00:00:43,589.999999999 --> 00:00:44,459.999999999
Yes.
16
00:00:45,29.999999999 --> 00:00:46,19.999999999
Now what.
17
00:00:48,89.999999999 --> 00:00:49,229.999999998
So I asked you.
18
00:00:50,699.999999998 --> 00:00:53,249.999999998
If this made you feel like, ah, yes.
19
00:00:53,969.999999999 --> 00:00:54,269.999999999
Yeah.
20
00:00:55,409.999999998 --> 00:00:55,709.999999998
Yes.
21
00:00:55,739.999999999 --> 00:00:56,9.999999998
Yes.
22
00:00:56,9.999999998 --> 00:00:56,339.999999999
Yes.
23
00:00:57,719.999999998 --> 00:00:58,769.999999998
Now what.
24
00:01:00,269.999999998 --> 00:01:04,899.999999998
Is there something that you're praying to pull yourself against your own current.
25
00:01:05,49.999999998 --> 00:01:10,479.999999998
What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your.
26
00:01:10,839.999999998 --> 00:01:13,89.999999998
Inspiration your life force.
27
00:01:14,589.999999998 --> 00:01:18,429.999999998
Where does that carry you? If you just.
28
00:01:18,429.999999998 --> 00:01:19,809.999999998
Float with it.
29
00:01:20,199.999999998 --> 00:01:26,176.666666665
Where does it carry you? Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
30
00:01:26,816.666666665 --> 00:01:33,506.666666665
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
31
00:01:34,481.666666665 --> 00:01:43,601.66666667
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
32
00:01:43,871.66666667 --> 00:01:57,31.66666667
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
33
00:01:57,931.66666667 --> 00:02:05,171.66566667
You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
34
00:02:06,271.66666667 --> 00:02:07,601.66666667
All you have to do is see.
35
00:02:08,701.66666667 --> 00:02:24,551.66666667
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
36
00:02:25,361.66666667 --> 00:02:29,21.66666667
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
37
00:02:29,431.66666667 --> 00:02:34,241.66666667
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.
38
00:02:35,201.66566667 --> 00:02:56,756.66666667
What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.
39
00:02:58,316.66566667 --> 00:03:00,386.66566667
Come exactly as you are.
40
00:03:00,676.66566667 --> 00:03:01,536.66566667
It's perfect.
41
00:03:02,246.66566667 --> 00:03:03,766.66566667
Honor your instincts.
42
00:03:03,826.66566667 --> 00:03:09,446.66566667
Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
43
00:03:10,771.66666667 --> 00:03:17,651.66666667
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
44
00:03:18,791.66666667 --> 00:03:19,461.66666667
Let's dive in.
45
00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:23,040
Hello, and welcome to another episode of help me see.
46
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,800
It is 5 45 in the morning.
47
00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:33,660
My dog has been vomiting for the last two hours.
48
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,290
And I have decided.
49
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,940
To stop reading my book.
50
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,260
And come here to talk about.
51
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:51,540
How unintentionally hypocritical.
52
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,210
I can be.
53
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,180
So.
54
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:01,890
Today.
55
00:04:02,370 --> 00:04:03,150
Yesterday.
56
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,310
I was restless and.
57
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:10,350
It was my time allotted to record a podcast episode.
58
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:15,060
And I just didn't feel like talking.
59
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:24,030
Is actually the first time ever that I was like, I actually don't have anything that I feel like saying right now.
60
00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:24,390
And.
61
00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:30,270
If you know me at all, you know, I'm not in the business of forcing anything.
62
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,860
So I was like, well, I guess.
63
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,550
You know, in the past, it's been like almost four years, right.
64
00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:36,870
Since I've had the podcast and.
65
00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:44,850
I've missed a week or so, based on, you know, Literally.
66
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,120
Life, personal life stuff, logistics.
67
00:04:48,990 --> 00:04:51,720
Um, But never.
68
00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:59,490
For lack of something to say, And, um, I'm certainly not going to just.
69
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,010
Force myself to say something.
70
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,110
I'm not going to create something unless.
71
00:05:04,830 --> 00:05:05,850
It feels like.
72
00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:06,750
Truth.
73
00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:08,790
So I'm like, you know what.
74
00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:13,260
I'm just going to go to this bookstore that I've been wanting to go to.
75
00:05:14,910 --> 00:05:17,010
Uh, I've been there before, but it's been a long time.
76
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:23,520
And last time I was there, I was there with my youngest who was screaming and licking the cart.
77
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:26,180
And as I was pushing him, anyway, so.
78
00:05:27,650 --> 00:05:28,790
I got a bunch of books.
79
00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:29,900
And.
80
00:05:31,340 --> 00:05:32,330
I'm reading one of them.
81
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:34,550
It is.
82
00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:37,250
Um, Mary Oliver.
83
00:05:37,730 --> 00:05:42,530
Uh, poetry handbook, UPROSE guide to understanding and writing poetry.
84
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,220
So I start.
85
00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:48,890
Reading this book.
86
00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:52,400
And I just can't get over.
87
00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:55,670
How in love I am.
88
00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:58,580
With when I get used books.
89
00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:02,000
The writing from previous people.
90
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:08,150
It feels so intimate and so private, it almost feels wrong.
91
00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:10,400
For me to be reading their notes.
92
00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:22,190
It's so interesting because I'm someone that I need to underline as I read absolutely need to otherwise I can't comprehend it.
93
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,120
And it's.
94
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:27,740
I mean, it gets, it's kind of like taking pictures in a moment.
95
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:31,370
Like it's like a way of comprehending something more deeply.
96
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:38,210
Like, as I'm reading, if it's something important, I'm like underlining and it's like synthesizing in a way.
97
00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:38,570
I don't know.
98
00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:48,920
If you, if you know, you know, And, um, So it's really interesting to see like what another person that underlined versus what I would underline and where that overlap is.
99
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:49,100
And.
100
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:54,140
You begin to have this like, Kind of relationship where.
101
00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:58,640
I don't know as I'm reading it, I'm like, oh yes, of course you underline that.
102
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,110
It's I don't know.
103
00:07:00,110 --> 00:07:01,490
It almost kind of makes me want to cry.
104
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,390
It's just really.
105
00:07:06,230 --> 00:07:07,070
Beautiful.
106
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:12,230
And, um, You know, I thought it was interesting cause.
107
00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,500
I'm reading these words of this book.
108
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:18,340
Obviously I'm that same.
109
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:20,470
I'm a similar person.
110
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:21,310
Ish.
111
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:21,730
Right.
112
00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:24,160
I bought this book and this person.
113
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,380
Has already read this book.
114
00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:32,140
All I keep thinking about when I'm reading these notes.
115
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:37,780
And also beautiful handwriting.
116
00:07:37,780 --> 00:07:43,990
If anyone had books with my handwriting in the margins, they'd be like, what the fuck is this psycho SA.
117
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:45,640
I can't even read my own writing.
118
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:55,990
Um, Like one of the notes is I get acquainted with poets of the past.
119
00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:59,950
Or like an exclamation point next to something.
120
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:01,360
Or.
121
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,260
Words were initially created to reflect realities.
122
00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:06,520
Through their sounds.
123
00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:09,410
I love.
124
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,900
Witnessing how someone's brain works.
125
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,060
And moreover, I start thinking about.
126
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:20,120
Oh, How beautiful.
127
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:23,990
Of all the things, this person.
128
00:08:25,550 --> 00:08:27,440
Could be reading or doing.
129
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,900
They're reading about poetry.
130
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,210
And like the earnest, like.
131
00:08:34,070 --> 00:08:39,170
Underlining and triple underlining and bracketing and circling.
132
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:45,980
And then I think.
133
00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:48,650
As I'm marveling over.
134
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:51,800
This person that I have no idea who it is.
135
00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:55,130
Like you hypocrite.
136
00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:00,200
You are reading this book.
137
00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:02,510
You're one that underlines.
138
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:11,510
Have you ever marveled at yourself? At the magnificence and innocence and beauty.
139
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,320
Efforts and craving in.
140
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,190
Taking in.
141
00:09:16,190 --> 00:09:17,090
A poetry book.
142
00:09:23,750 --> 00:09:25,220
One of the quotes in this book says.
143
00:09:27,590 --> 00:09:33,760
Um, of the book, it is written to empower the beginning writer who stands between two marvelous and complex things.
144
00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:35,350
And experience.
145
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,540
Or an idea or a feeling.
146
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:42,550
And the urge to tell about it in the best possible conjunction of words.
147
00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:46,170
So I read that.
148
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,540
And then I start thinking.
149
00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:52,080
Oh, Beautifully put yes.
150
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And I immediately equated to photographs.
151
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And experience.
152
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Or an idea or a feeling.
153
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And the urge to tell about it.
154
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In the.
155
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In a picture.
156
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Okay.
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Interesting.
158
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And then I spiraled into thinking.
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Why do I keep.
160
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Wanting to talk around.
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The process instead of creating something, this is, it's a very specific thing.
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That I've been frustrated with myself about.
163
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Hmm.
164
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I can't stop.
165
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Wanting to talk about the experience.
166
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Of the work and the consumption and the.
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Metabolizing of.
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These ideas.
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But from the outside and it feels wrong, it feels like.
170
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Well, I should be.
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Doing the thing.
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Why am I reading about.
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Poetry instead of.
174
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Writing poetry.
175
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Why am I.
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00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,880
Talking more about.
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Photographic practice instead of.
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Creating a book.
179
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,200
I just do the work, create the work.
180
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:23,910
But that is so again, once again, hypocritical to what.
181
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:29,400
I believe to be true, which is like, honor your fucking impulse.
182
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I don't believe that there's this inner working.
183
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Like hidden.
184
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Worthiness issue or avoidance of my work.
185
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:47,880
I do have a craving to like create more physical things.
186
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Like I want to.
187
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,940
Commit to making a book of the work.
188
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And in the past I have just completely glazed over it because so much of the work I do is just never ending.
189
00:12:02,730 --> 00:12:04,920
So it doesn't ever feel like a good time.
190
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It's just all forever.
191
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:14,250
And, um, but I also want to give it a special place.
192
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But also I can't force the fact that it doesn't feel urgent.
193
00:12:26,730 --> 00:12:28,320
It feels urgent.
194
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:33,270
What, what, what is urgent to me is this pile of books next to me.
195
00:12:35,430 --> 00:12:40,560
Let's talk about the books I have the way under the way by mark Nepo to poetry book.
196
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:45,810
I have the, also this poetry handbook by Mary Oliver.
197
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I have.
198
00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:52,710
The amazing laws of cosmic mind, power by Joseph Murphy.
199
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Um, Just talking about the subconscious.
200
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,660
I have solitude a return to the self by Anthony store.
201
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,540
What else do I have? Oh, The book I'm leaning on right now.
202
00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:14,610
And they have the inkblots Herman Rorschach.
203
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His iconic test.
204
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And the power of seeing.
205
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Okay.
206
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,140
My impulse to go to the store and.
207
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Pick out of this whole store, thousands of books.
208
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:33,210
These books.
209
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,910
What if I pretend that I'm, that.
210
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Wonderful person.
211
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That I'm.
212
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,980
Singing the praises of the road, the margins in the book.
213
00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:47,850
What would I say about that person? If I knew that these were the books that she bought.
214
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,410
I'm trying to unlock my ability.
215
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Two.
216
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Soften to myself.
217
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And two.
218
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Respect.
219
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My impulse.
220
00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:06,150
And the same way I believe through my bones, that you should respect yours.
221
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,480
And open up to what I'm trying.
222
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Do you know what I'm trying to do to what I am doing? And recognize it and the power that it has, because that's what this is about.
223
00:14:27,510 --> 00:14:33,210
I was, um, also listening to an audio book by, um, it's like co-written by this.
224
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Psychologist, Phil Stutz.
225
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:38,400
Um, And.
226
00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:41,160
They talk about.
227
00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:45,930
Life force, energy and overcoming.
228
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This.
229
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:49,480
X factor.
230
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:57,430
That's inhibiting us and draining our life force and, um, resisting the impulse to.
231
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,400
Um, withdraw and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
232
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And I was like, Hmm.
233
00:15:01,810 --> 00:15:12,250
I found myself like feeling that defensive feeling, you know? Not wanting to be in that, like Confirmation bias thing and like, no, that doesn't align with what I believe to be true.
234
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So I like let myself.
235
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Go into thinking about it.
236
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,290
And I'm like, no, I still.
237
00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:24,640
I, the impulses are the key to recognizing everything good and bad.
238
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Good and bad.
239
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It's in the witnessing of the impulses and being aware of our impulses.
240
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Whether or not.
241
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They are serving.
242
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That is where our insights lie.
243
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That is where our.
244
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Understanding of ourselves.
245
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Arises.
246
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:53,980
And when, when we're able to see ourselves in that way, then we can move.
247
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Through it.
248
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Away from it into it, whatever it is.
249
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I said, I hope.
250
00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:08,530
Anyway, um, Okay, following, keep, keep, keep with me here.
251
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I'm just following the thread.
252
00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:11,170
That's going to.
253
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,100
God knows where.
254
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:14,490
One of the.
255
00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:16,050
Reviews on the back of this book.
256
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:23,910
It says, who knew the founding lines of psychoanalysis often seem as petty as they were at times.
257
00:16:23,910 --> 00:16:24,390
Brilliant.
258
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:31,140
But to hear Damion, Searls tell it in this absorbing new biography, Herman war shark, was it.
259
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:36,210
Different sort altogether, humane, empathetic, loving, deeply, seen.
260
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,960
And possessed of a true artist soul.
261
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:41,910
Searles account.
262
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:51,090
Of Roche rocks after life is no less fascinating as every culture that encountered his test team to project its own values onto it.
263
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In the end true to rorschach searles locates, the heart of being human at the endlessly unfurling intersection of vision.
264
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And self-awareness.
265
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,960
And I read that and I think.
266
00:17:08,870 --> 00:17:10,880
All of these seemingly disparate.
267
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Pieces.
268
00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:15,080
All of these different books.
269
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All of this.
270
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:16,670
All that.
271
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:22,010
I'm responding to what is me? Outside in the world.
272
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And I see that.
273
00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:24,500
And I'm like, oh yes.
274
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That I'm looking to scratch this itch of like, Acquiring the breadcrumbs and the nuggets to be able to give myself.
275
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The ability to wrap my mind around.
276
00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,050
What I want to be wrapping my mind around.
277
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And I think.
278
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:42,680
In the past I've.
279
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:51,770
Felt insecure about it as if I'm trying to validate myself, which there's nothing wrong with that, by the way, wanting to validate yourself.
280
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,100
And I feel like validating your yourself through.
281
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:56,210
You're.
282
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,920
Your art and your photographs is a really healthy, beautiful way to do that.
283
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:06,230
Um, But not only is it.
284
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Helpful.
285
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:14,510
And expansive.
286
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,380
To look outside of yourself to.
287
00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:19,700
Acquire.
288
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:23,690
Knowledge and understanding of what's been done in the past and be able to formulate.
289
00:18:24,380 --> 00:18:25,340
What is.
290
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:26,780
Deeply.
291
00:18:28,550 --> 00:18:29,600
Pulling at you.
292
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,430
But it's also.
293
00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:36,470
An opportunity in invitation.
294
00:18:36,470 --> 00:18:37,970
To love yourself.
295
00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:40,220
Like I, I think about that.
296
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,930
I haven't even started this book and I think.
297
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,720
Ah, what.
298
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,700
Uh, fucking bad-ass.
299
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:52,130
And then say cover says it shines a light on the 20th.
300
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:55,610
Century's most visionary synthesis of art and science.
301
00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:58,430
My God, what.
302
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,400
In amazing.
303
00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:04,250
Thing to do.
304
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:13,250
And then I think, how am I different? How am I less than that? I'm not.
305
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:15,650
I'm doing my own.
306
00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:18,500
Synthesis.
307
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,870
I'm just in it.
308
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,470
So, what are you.
309
00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:26,120
Craving to synthesize.
310
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:31,270
What are you? I don't know, it's like a blind spot.
311
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:35,320
It's like, The glare and sun in your eyes.
312
00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:39,010
And it's so strong that you're missing a certain spot.
313
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:40,870
Uh, view.
314
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:43,240
Like for me.
315
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,210
I'm sitting here.
316
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,640
Believing to my core.
317
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,220
That when we trust our instinct and move with our impulse.
318
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,620
There's this undeniable.
319
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,640
Self-actualization available for us.
320
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:06,530
There's this.
321
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:09,830
Understanding of.
322
00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:15,500
And reverence for our place in the world.
323
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,460
And I know.
324
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:20,280
That my.
325
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:21,530
Craft.
326
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:25,040
No, it is essential to my life.
327
00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:26,150
It is also.
328
00:20:27,590 --> 00:20:29,090
Not the center.
329
00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:31,760
Of what I want to do.
330
00:20:33,740 --> 00:20:36,860
And that feels a little strange, but also I know it.
331
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,470
I know it in the way I recoil.
332
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:42,530
When someone assumes.
333
00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:46,460
Oh, um, that I'm a.
334
00:20:47,030 --> 00:20:47,750
Photographer.
335
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:51,170
I mean, I am a photographer, but just my reaction.
336
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:52,850
To the label.
337
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:56,750
It's like, Of course I I'm obsessed with photographers.
338
00:20:56,810 --> 00:20:58,220
I love photographers.
339
00:20:58,550 --> 00:20:59,780
I am a photographer.
340
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:02,630
But when someone.
341
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,730
Buckets me like that.
342
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:08,000
I'm like, oh, But my heart.
343
00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:10,850
is in a slightly different place.
344
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:13,760
And I don't know, I don't know what I want to be called.
345
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,390
I don't care.
346
00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:14,810
Really.
347
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:20,930
What did we called? But I know that it's not just about the pictures for me.
348
00:21:20,930 --> 00:21:21,620
It's about.
349
00:21:22,850 --> 00:21:26,270
This the synthesizing of more, this.
350
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,690
I'm still uncovering like the.
351
00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:34,790
Crux of like, This intersection of.
352
00:21:36,350 --> 00:21:38,000
Wellness of.
353
00:21:41,330 --> 00:21:43,280
Love of living life.
354
00:21:45,350 --> 00:21:47,210
The best way we can.
355
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:48,950
Through.
356
00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:52,010
This art to the successful, to.
357
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:53,030
Anyone.
358
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:05,180
Breaking down these boundaries and barriers and hierarchal bullshit of.
359
00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:07,700
Good art.
360
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,560
Good pictures.
361
00:22:12,470 --> 00:22:15,200
There's also a book, the, on the back of this.
362
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,090
Oh, that same, the same guy.
363
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:17,270
Yeah.
364
00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:25,910
So the guy that wrote that quote, that I just read about the intersection of vision and self-awareness his name is Lawrence Weschler.
365
00:22:26,450 --> 00:22:26,960
And.
366
00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:31,370
It says author of stealing is forgetting the name of the thing.
367
00:22:31,370 --> 00:22:35,120
One sees like, well, I certainly need to pick up that book.
368
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:41,150
But yeah.
369
00:22:41,990 --> 00:22:43,100
Anyway, all that to say.
370
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:44,450
All the Z.
371
00:22:48,710 --> 00:22:49,940
I waste energy.
372
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:58,130
Silently subconsciously shaming myself for not creating more like.
373
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,070
Doing more with the work.
374
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:01,940
Like, okay.
375
00:23:01,970 --> 00:23:02,420
I have.
376
00:23:02,870 --> 00:23:04,280
Billions of photos.
377
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,510
What do I do with it? Like, I don't.
378
00:23:09,260 --> 00:23:12,050
I don't feel urgency or I'm making a book.
379
00:23:12,110 --> 00:23:12,950
I would like to.
380
00:23:13,670 --> 00:23:15,680
I feel urgency.
381
00:23:16,070 --> 00:23:20,930
Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with.
382
00:23:21,350 --> 00:23:22,790
Cause I can't define it.
383
00:23:23,660 --> 00:23:24,260
But it is.
384
00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:26,840
Undeniable.
385
00:23:27,230 --> 00:23:29,360
I am possessed by it.
386
00:23:32,540 --> 00:23:38,000
What does that for you? That, that interesting, specific insidious nuance of.
387
00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:43,430
Is there something that you're like, I should be doing this.
388
00:23:43,430 --> 00:23:49,190
Why am I not doing this? And like praying to pull yourself against your own current.
389
00:23:49,340 --> 00:23:54,770
What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your.
390
00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:57,380
Inspiration your life force.
391
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,720
Where does that carry you? If you just.
392
00:24:03,620 --> 00:24:05,000
Float with it.
393
00:24:05,390 --> 00:24:11,390
Where does it carry you? If we get rid of that narrative of like, Work hard.
394
00:24:12,770 --> 00:24:15,260
Got to commit, have to blah, blah, blah.
395
00:24:15,410 --> 00:24:17,270
What does that natural current.
396
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,910
Of enthusiasm.
397
00:24:21,050 --> 00:24:26,900
At natural current of your life forced the things when you feel flat, like I did.
398
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:27,290
Oh, my God.
399
00:24:27,290 --> 00:24:28,730
I don't feel like recording a podcast.
400
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:29,810
Don't have anything to say.
401
00:24:30,410 --> 00:24:31,010
Right now.
402
00:24:32,030 --> 00:24:33,530
What do you go and do.
403
00:24:34,250 --> 00:24:35,360
When that's the case.
404
00:24:39,410 --> 00:24:41,630
I didn't feel like doing anything related to work.
405
00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:46,460
In fact, I set up upon to go get a fiction book.
406
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,200
Because I need to read more.
407
00:24:48,770 --> 00:24:49,340
Fiction.
408
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,110
As I read no fiction.
409
00:24:51,470 --> 00:24:52,100
None.
410
00:24:52,730 --> 00:24:53,630
I mean, other than.
411
00:24:54,170 --> 00:25:03,020
Well, no, I mean, I guess not, I don't does poetry qualify as fiction? I mean, I guess I don't, I'm probably a whole separate genre anyway.
412
00:25:04,100 --> 00:25:09,560
Um, But, yeah, it's just this undeniable.
413
00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:11,600
Draw to something.
414
00:25:18,290 --> 00:25:24,770
My last podcast and last post, if you were on, um, I know it all.
415
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,690
All of my podcast episodes.
416
00:25:26,750 --> 00:25:28,520
Well, I'm going to say all because if.
417
00:25:29,330 --> 00:25:34,640
If there's a time in which I don't feel like a podcast episode calls for a sub stack post.
418
00:25:35,270 --> 00:25:37,820
Um, I'm just not going to do it, but so far.
419
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,610
Since I started sub stack a month and a half ago.
420
00:25:41,030 --> 00:25:43,430
All of my podcast episodes have an accompanying.
421
00:25:43,940 --> 00:25:44,990
Uh, visual.
422
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:52,010
Element, and that is on sub stack and, um, And also on sub stack, I have.
423
00:25:52,370 --> 00:25:55,370
A, um, membership here where.
424
00:25:55,370 --> 00:25:58,070
You can monthly get my.
425
00:25:58,070 --> 00:25:59,960
Templates for nostalgia now.
426
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,000
Where we do all of this, like introspective.
427
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:06,750
Self-discovery.
428
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,910
Work with our photographs.
429
00:26:09,330 --> 00:26:12,030
In a monthly, intentional living guide at template.
430
00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:13,620
It's really awesome.
431
00:26:13,830 --> 00:26:16,620
I'm obsessed with the ritual and the commitment.
432
00:26:16,980 --> 00:26:19,650
Of seeing my life in this way every month.
433
00:26:20,070 --> 00:26:21,390
Um, and I know.
434
00:26:22,140 --> 00:26:23,610
That this practice will.
435
00:26:23,610 --> 00:26:25,380
Inevitably lead to.
436
00:26:25,380 --> 00:26:27,300
Living the life I'm meant for.
437
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:30,480
Preventing me from getting distracted.
438
00:26:31,020 --> 00:26:32,640
And swayed by noise.
439
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,180
If you're interested in their more, uh, click on the link in the podcast.
440
00:26:36,450 --> 00:26:44,970
Or in the show notes and you'll find the sub stack, you'll see photographs that I pair with their writings from the show and all that.
441
00:26:45,050 --> 00:26:49,570
Um, okay.
442
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,130
But going back to the magical person that wrote the notes in this book.
443
00:26:56,560 --> 00:27:00,100
The admiration and the love I have for this person.
444
00:27:01,180 --> 00:27:02,500
Because of the few.
445
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:05,200
Random scribbles that she made in this book that she read.
446
00:27:05,530 --> 00:27:06,340
And underlines.
447
00:27:06,730 --> 00:27:07,840
She, he, I don't know.
448
00:27:07,900 --> 00:27:09,520
Who knows, why am I saying she could be.
449
00:27:10,210 --> 00:27:12,370
Yeah, man.
450
00:27:12,790 --> 00:27:13,150
I don't know.
451
00:27:15,820 --> 00:27:19,690
It is important to allow yourself to step outside of yourself and witness.
452
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,310
Your efforts.
453
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,020
In life Look at your.
454
00:27:24,650 --> 00:27:27,740
Photos like this, look at your tendencies.
455
00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:28,400
Like this.
456
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:29,450
Witnessed those.
457
00:27:29,930 --> 00:27:30,650
Poles.
458
00:27:31,340 --> 00:27:34,370
Witness that life force current.
459
00:27:35,630 --> 00:27:36,980
That if you did nothing.
460
00:27:38,030 --> 00:27:39,320
To strong arm.
461
00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:42,740
Or effort your way into X, Y, or the other thing.
462
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,300
Where does that go? And I'm not saying don't ever exert yourself.
463
00:27:47,330 --> 00:27:47,930
Don't ever.
464
00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:49,070
Yeah.
465
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,310
Try super hard for whatever.
466
00:27:52,310 --> 00:27:53,810
That's not what I'm saying at all.
467
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:55,010
But I'm saying.
468
00:27:55,550 --> 00:27:59,090
Kate curious about the most ease filled.
469
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,210
Good energy inspiring.
470
00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:05,510
Place.
471
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,060
Where you naturally drift to.
472
00:28:08,570 --> 00:28:12,080
What does that tell you? I'm not wrong.
473
00:28:12,110 --> 00:28:13,910
I'm not a bad artist.
474
00:28:13,910 --> 00:28:18,530
I'm not, um, Uh, a fraud.
475
00:28:18,650 --> 00:28:19,370
I'm not for.
476
00:28:20,270 --> 00:28:21,140
For one.
477
00:28:21,740 --> 00:28:25,100
For being so obsessed with talking about the practice.
478
00:28:25,490 --> 00:28:27,440
Rather than doing the work.
479
00:28:27,890 --> 00:28:31,820
That has been something and past episodes that I've talked about feeling this.
480
00:28:32,690 --> 00:28:35,480
Deep seated fear of like redundancy and like.
481
00:28:36,170 --> 00:28:37,760
The work speak for itself.
482
00:28:37,790 --> 00:28:41,180
So why do you keep overexplaining and why are you.
483
00:28:41,870 --> 00:28:48,770
Um, what are some of the narratives that I have, um, Like stating the obvious or public.
484
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:49,490
It's like.
485
00:28:50,390 --> 00:28:51,950
Shut the fuck up.
486
00:28:52,970 --> 00:28:53,510
Y.
487
00:28:53,990 --> 00:28:57,110
What a waste of energy questioning.
488
00:28:58,580 --> 00:29:00,560
My life force.
489
00:29:03,350 --> 00:29:04,760
I think that should be.
490
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:05,000
The.
491
00:29:05,330 --> 00:29:07,820
Beau that we tie up this episode with is.
492
00:29:12,020 --> 00:29:13,040
Journal on.
493
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,030
Photographically.
494
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,530
Compiling pictures or writing.
495
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:20,120
Preferably both.
496
00:29:22,250 --> 00:29:25,250
What is my life force current.
497
00:29:26,210 --> 00:29:26,870
When you think of.
498
00:29:28,130 --> 00:29:40,460
That feeling of like, Just your life force, that natural enthusiasm and energy and glowy, warm love feeling.
499
00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:43,400
Where's that current take you.
500
00:29:43,940 --> 00:29:48,560
Where does it take you? And two.
501
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:53,900
In what ways are you questioning? Resisting.
502
00:29:57,050 --> 00:29:58,820
Of awaiting that.
503
00:30:00,740 --> 00:30:10,000
And how can you eliminate that energy drain? You know, before I recorded this episode this morning, this is that this episode will go out this morning.
504
00:30:10,420 --> 00:30:11,830
This or this afternoon, whatever.
505
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,740
Um, Because.
506
00:30:15,670 --> 00:30:21,760
Last night or yesterday when I didn't feel like I was going to, um, Record an episode.
507
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,050
Aye.
508
00:30:24,070 --> 00:30:25,330
I was like, you know what I should do.
509
00:30:25,810 --> 00:30:26,320
I should.
510
00:30:26,650 --> 00:30:27,820
Start a creation.
511
00:30:27,940 --> 00:30:28,570
Analysis.
512
00:30:28,690 --> 00:30:35,380
So I was going to like, do like an audio scape, like, because I love, um, Multimedia.
513
00:30:35,380 --> 00:30:40,600
And I love working with sound and I, I do have some projects that I want to work on that involve sound.
514
00:30:41,020 --> 00:30:47,140
And I was like, I'm just gonna put a rough draft of a soundscape out there and I can experimentation, which still sounds cool.
515
00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:48,070
And I still might do it.
516
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:50,500
But it felt flat.
517
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:56,140
I couldn't do it because I'm like, I don't feel an urgency to get that out.
518
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,050
It felt like, oh yeah.
519
00:30:59,080 --> 00:30:59,560
Cool.
520
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:00,370
Like showing.
521
00:31:01,060 --> 00:31:07,060
A first draft of something and like opening that conversation and I could rationalize.
522
00:31:07,810 --> 00:31:09,670
Why that would be a cool.
523
00:31:11,110 --> 00:31:11,890
Exercise.
524
00:31:13,870 --> 00:31:14,050
But.
525
00:31:15,250 --> 00:31:23,740
Every single time I get behind this mic and talk about something like there's this place that I go to in my soul, where I just feel like.
526
00:31:24,250 --> 00:31:25,000
I have to say this.
527
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:26,290
I have to say this.
528
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:32,020
I don't care if I'm just saying it to myself, one person hears it.
529
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,400
A hundred people here.
530
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,590
I don't, I have to see this.
531
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,350
Guess not saying this feels like a.
532
00:31:46,450 --> 00:31:48,100
To king betrayal.
533
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:48,970
Of.
534
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:50,890
My soul.
535
00:31:53,170 --> 00:31:54,640
Putting out a.
536
00:31:56,020 --> 00:31:58,720
You know, an experimentation on the creative project.
537
00:31:59,140 --> 00:32:00,160
I didn't feel like that.
538
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,770
I'll probably do that when it does feel like that.
539
00:32:07,630 --> 00:32:09,580
But, um, I don't know.
540
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:10,540
I'm just really.
541
00:32:12,700 --> 00:32:18,040
Glad that I trusted my instincts and got to this conversation because it feels like really.
542
00:32:19,780 --> 00:32:20,590
Healing for me.
543
00:32:20,590 --> 00:32:21,640
I hope that it's.
544
00:32:22,750 --> 00:32:23,890
Helpful for you.
545
00:32:24,070 --> 00:32:24,820
I am.
546
00:32:26,350 --> 00:32:27,280
Yeah, I just.
547
00:32:27,910 --> 00:32:29,950
This whole podcast production, like.
548
00:32:30,910 --> 00:32:33,220
This ritual of doing this week after week.
549
00:32:34,180 --> 00:32:39,580
Uh, It's like another way.
550
00:32:39,580 --> 00:32:41,620
Another attempt at.
551
00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:51,250
Deepening my trust for my voice and my conviction in myself.
552
00:32:51,730 --> 00:32:54,640
Um, and my love for myself.
553
00:32:55,270 --> 00:32:55,810
Really.
554
00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,460
And, um, I hope that these very unplanned, very.
555
00:33:02,110 --> 00:33:05,170
Um, Personal.
556
00:33:08,290 --> 00:33:09,370
Ramblings.
557
00:33:11,890 --> 00:33:14,590
Speak to the part of you that.
558
00:33:16,250 --> 00:33:17,360
You might dismiss.
559
00:33:23,820 --> 00:33:28,290
Like, what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief.
560
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:32,250
That's the thing I, when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
561
00:33:33,510 --> 00:33:38,130
Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay.
562
00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:41,580
But then after the relief.
563
00:33:42,090 --> 00:33:44,760
I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
564
00:33:44,820 --> 00:33:45,420
Oh, Dola.
565
00:33:45,420 --> 00:33:47,430
It's like this contagious.
566
00:33:47,910 --> 00:33:51,030
Inspiration of like, Yes.
567
00:33:52,980 --> 00:33:53,850
Yes.
568
00:33:54,420 --> 00:33:55,410
Now what.
569
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:58,620
So I asked you.
570
00:34:00,090 --> 00:34:02,640
If this made you feel like, ah, yes.
571
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:03,660
Yeah.
572
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:05,100
Yes.
573
00:34:05,130 --> 00:34:05,400
Yes.
574
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:05,730
Yes.
575
00:34:07,110 --> 00:34:08,160
Now what.
576
00:34:22,260 --> 00:34:23,520
I would love to know what.
577
00:34:26,730 --> 00:34:31,570
Um, You can find me on Instagram at Bianca, Lea, Morra.
578
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,700
And I'm also follow along on sub stack.
579
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:39,270
If you are not familiar with sub stack, it is a magical place that I have been.
580
00:34:40,020 --> 00:34:43,040
Spending a lot of time in recently So.
581
00:34:44,390 --> 00:34:45,680
Subscribe to subdeck.
582
00:34:46,010 --> 00:34:47,150
Uh, you can do that.
583
00:34:47,270 --> 00:34:47,990
For free.
584
00:34:48,380 --> 00:34:51,320
And you will get the podcast, the visual podcast episodes.
585
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,930
in your inbox, so you can read them if you don't feel like listening to me.
586
00:34:56,590 --> 00:35:02,480
And also, if you want to become a paid subscriber, then you get your monthly one of a kind.
587
00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:04,250
Guided prompted.
588
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:06,460
Photographic journaling templates.
589
00:35:07,330 --> 00:35:11,200
For self-introspection and reflection on your life.
590
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:24,680
And there is a founding member tier, that comes with a private remote virtual shoot with me, which is, this is his own breed of super special, interesting.
591
00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:26,180
Amazingness.
592
00:35:27,050 --> 00:35:28,610
And, I will be.
593
00:35:28,610 --> 00:35:31,760
Transferring my flagship courses.
594
00:35:32,150 --> 00:35:33,500
Manifest your memories.
595
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,460
Harnessing your life vision for living intentionally in there.
596
00:35:37,460 --> 00:35:40,910
And I will also be adding a, my conscious creator course.
597
00:35:41,390 --> 00:35:44,750
In there as well, um, over the next few weeks.
598
00:35:44,930 --> 00:35:48,320
And, um, yeah, I envisioned that to be the space.
599
00:35:48,740 --> 00:35:51,830
That I just ongoing create courses.
600
00:35:51,830 --> 00:35:58,470
And if you become that, yearly membership, You will get access to whatever courses that I create in there.
601
00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:00,750
Okay.
602
00:36:02,340 --> 00:36:03,120
Thank you.
603
00:36:03,150 --> 00:36:04,800
Thank you for spending your time here.
604
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,500
I cannot wait to see.
605
00:36:07,980 --> 00:36:14,070
What comes of this? Now I have a lot of puke.
606
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,470
To clean up all over my house.
607
00:36:17,370 --> 00:36:18,150
And poor dog.
608
00:36:18,780 --> 00:36:19,140
Okay.
609
00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:22,740
Have a great day.
610
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:24,790
Hope you're not cleaning up any puke.
611
00:36:26,947 --> 00:36:30,167
This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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