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Sept. 25, 2024
CONCOCTIONS: the anti recipe (?)
Concoctions: The anti recipe? no.
after giving it thought, I realize concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way.
(also, can being “for” something stop meaning we have to be “"anti” something else?)
((but to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought. lol))
intuitive cooking? based off a lifetime of tasting experiences, thanks to recipes (ironically).
okayyyyyyyy. so what’s the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other?
After all, a recipe is just the fine tuned & recorded end point of intuitive concocting.
Essentially it’s all the same thing and the only thing that’s different is our relationship to our perception of the words and their implications.
They are both beautiful.
But this share will be about my deep dive into embracing my instincts in the kitchen and letting go of forcing myself to do it any other way.
Every single thing you do has this innate wisdom to it.
There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually- in the way that is natural to you.
Instead of looking around at how it’s outside of the norm, the way it's usually done, or the way that most people understand- instead of using that as a weapon against yourself,
maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality.
Maybe it’s not subpar.
Maybe it’s more than enough.
Maybe it’s fucking genius.
Interest in the visual version of this episode?
Subscribe on Substack here & join the community <3
Transcript
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If I'm going to do the thing.
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I don't love doing.
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Let me love the way I choose to do it.
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Every single thing you do.
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It has this innate wisdom to it.
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There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you.
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And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself.
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Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality Just take the breath and just say, Hmm.
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Assume.
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Wisdom in your instinct.
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Stop assuming shame Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming.
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This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking.
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Okay.
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And can we start assuming this.
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Power.
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This natural instinct that we have and respect that.
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And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows.
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When you own that about yourself.
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Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
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It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
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My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
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One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
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You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
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All you have to do is see.
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In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
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Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
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You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.
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What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.
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Come exactly as you are.
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It's perfect.
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Honor your instincts.
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Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
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Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
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Let's dive in.
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Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See.
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Today is going to be something a little bit different.
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I have never in any episode, what am I up to, 120? I don't know, of the show read anything.
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But today's episode It's different because, uh, a couple of weeks ago I was on my deck and just had the impulse to write.
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And so I started writing and it's on a topic that I really want to talk about on the podcast.
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So I'm going to try.
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Reading it and hopefully it's not unbearable for you.
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I think it's interesting.
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Actually.
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I feel like this way of creating more recently if you've been listening for a while more recently, I've been taking the podcast episodes transcription and Creating a post on Substack from it.
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So I'll take the transcription and then go in and massage it and fine tune it and like turn it into a piece of writing and a visual experience paired with photos.
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And I love that process and it's really cool, but what is way better than just creating another something? Alongside the podcast episode is the fact that it's forcing me to sit with myself and my own words in a very, very different way.
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And in doing so, I have felt the impulse to write more outside of the podcast, outside of, um, you know, the, the working off the transcription.
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So.
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Yeah, it's just a whole new sense of empowerment and I was gonna sit down to talk about this.
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I was going to just surmise, but then the other part of me was like, Hey, you already wrote these words, respect the fucking words that you wrote and speak them.
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So now I'm going to do it in reverse.
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I'm going to read what I wrote.
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Ah, okay.
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So today's episode is about concoctions and Um, what got me thinking about this was actually the cooking concoctions, Cooking is usually like a Um, controversial topic, like not controversial, but you know, I love to cook or I hate cooking or I enjoy it, but I'm bad at it or blah, blah, blah, blah.
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And if you don't feel like listening to me reading it, either go to my sub stack to read the actual post or take this nugget before you go.
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Every single thing you do.
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It has this innate wisdom to it.
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There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you.
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00:06:48,871.66666667 --> 00:07:04,61.66666667
And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself.
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Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality.
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Like for a long time, cooking, I was like, Oh, it just now, especially now that I have kids, it feels like this whole big thing and my responsibility to do this and to have proper dinners and this, that, and the other thing.
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And as soon as I let go of.
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It having to look like something, like even just something as innocent as, uh, a friend asking, like, well, what are you making for dinners this week? Or, you know, whatever that feeling of like, Oh, I already should have that figured out by now.
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Or, Oh, um, I can't explain how I made it because I just threw it together and now blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever do exactly that.
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Just take the breath and just say, Hmm.
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Assume.
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Wisdom in your instinct.
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Stop assuming shame in like, oh, this is hard to explain or, oh, I'm not doing it the way.
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You know, most people do it, or I could be doing it healthier.
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I could, whatever, neutralize the way you're witnessing yourself and the way that you do things.
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And the second you remove the shame or the shoulds or looking else elsewhere think about how sacred it is if you take all the shit off of it.
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Like when I wrote this.
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And I had to actually sit, I never before had thought about what is actually happening for me as I'm cooking.
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Like, what are the, what, how do I concoct these random meals that I make? What happens? And I had to actually sit and type it out.
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I was like, wow, this is exactly me.
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It's not.
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Oh.
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I am just a shit storm in the kitchen and it's my lifelong responsibility now.
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And I just.
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Make it work and figure it out.
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It's.
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Oh, I channeled that same space inside of me that I use.
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In my most favorite place to be.
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Is it like this creation place? And.
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Although, it's not my favorite to cook.
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I channeled that same flow state into my cooking.
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And so this task that I have to do every single day, Now.
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Is a less of a burden and more of a channel.
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That I used to be with my creativity and my instincts in a different way.
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And that's incredible and there's so much we can glean from that.
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And it's.
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Really there's so much because oftentimes the most potent genius.
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That we have.
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It's so internal that it's hard to view.
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It's hard to.
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Diagnose, it's hard to articulate.
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But with something when it's applied to an area that we don't feel so precious about.
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Now that I'm looking at it in this way, my concoctions.
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I look at it with like this.
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Confidence and this like, yeah.
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This is how it, this is how I put food together.
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And I figure things out and it feels right for me and it feels good for me.
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Um, and it's sustainable for me.
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If I held myself to making.
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Recipes and meal plans every week.
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it would feel soul sucking to me.
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well, at least in this phase, in my life, I believe that all these blanket statements don't really do us any favors because then we get.
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Swallowed by.
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Our identity that we have in this moment, which can be our truth now, but don't have to be our truths forever, but okay.
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Enough for the nuances here.
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Uh, I just wanted to leave that nugget here.
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It's.
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Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming.
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This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking.
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Okay.
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And can we start assuming this.
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Power.
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This natural instinct that we have and respect that.
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And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows.
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When you own that about yourself.
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So.
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That is what I have.
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I hope you enjoy.
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I hope you enjoy the.
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Writings about my.
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Concoction.
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My concocting and.
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The source of where I learned it all from.
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My Italian New York parents who.
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Use phrase.
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When it looks right.
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When I ask.
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For any sort of detail.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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Here we go.
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um, concoctions.
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The anti recipe? No.
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After giving it thought, I realized concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way anyway.
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Also, can being for something stop meaning we have to be anti something else? But to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought.
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Intuitive cooking Based off a lifetime of tasting experiences.
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Thanks to recipes, ironically.
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Okay, so what's the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other? After all, a recipe is just the fine tuned and recorded end point of intuitive concocting.
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Essentially, the only thing that's different is, drum roll please, our relationship to our perception of the words and their implications, like everything else in life.
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They are both beautiful, but this share will be about my deep dive into embracing my own instincts in the kitchen and letting go of forcing myself to do it any other way.
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I cook like I take pictures.
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I hate instructions.
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I have no patience.
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I have no desire.
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I grew up in an Italian family whose measure for if something was right was first smelling it, then looking at it, then stirring it to test consistency, and then taste.
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Get your whole self in it.
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I once asked my dad how much olive oil to put in and he said, you know, till it looks right.
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Like glunk glunk.
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Glunk glunk.
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Now I use glunks as a unit of measurement.
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How many glunk feelings slash sounds as the olive oil leaves the bottle? I cook in concoctions exclusively.
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Anytime I even attempt to follow a recipe, I immediately reject it.
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My whole self cannot bear it.
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I loathe it.
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Impatience is a huge part, yes.
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Probably also ADHD, but more so than that, I really think it has more to do with my need To feel the energy of what I'm doing and move with that across the board.
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A life force that cannot and will not be constrained even with a guarantee of a tested and delicious recipe.
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The process over the end result.
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Life is too short to live for a supposed guarantee according to someone else with different taste buds.
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To be resourceful with what I already have.
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Not only from a fiscal perspective, but from a, there's no way in hell.
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I'm going to stop what I'm doing to leave the house, to get this dumb ass ingredient perspective.
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I'd rather make a whole different dish.
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I used to take offense to the whole, how you do one thing is how you do all things.
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I operate like a shit storm, disorganized, unplanned, frenetic, half assed, or.
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Is the way I operate just nonlinear, exclusively energetic and inspired, led by my own instincts and perhaps effortlessly genius.
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Now I think because I can find a favorable way to spin it, I'm okay with it.
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I cook like I take photos.
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I sense what state I'm in.
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What do I feel? Something heavy, light, hot, cold.
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What is my energy? How much of a process do I want to make this? Am I in the mood to be in the kitchen or am I just addressing the need with as little effort as possible? Neither better or worse than the other.
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Then I look at what I already have.
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What's in front of me? What did another version of me decide would be a good idea to buy and have in the house? We harvest what we planted before.
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How did I equip myself for this? I don't have an ingredient I want noted for next time.
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I'll make do this time.
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What could work or be even better? Maybe it's perfect this way.
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I layer and add and stir and chop and stand there with senses tingling because I feel I'm conjuring up something delicious or losing steam because my enthusiasm is going down with the ship.
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00:17:03,611.6646667 --> 00:17:08,341.6646667
There's no family recipe book to be had from my parents who make delicious meals.
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They pretty much have rotated the same 10 to 15 different meals my whole life and scoff and gag in the most juvenile way at my experimentation and quote unquote healthy organic stuff.
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That's a ridicule in my family.
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That's like a diss.
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I didn't know what hummus was until college.
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My mom rolls her eyes and gags at my quinoa.
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And God forbid I even pronounce hummus.
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It's funny because even though I enjoy being open to making new and interesting foods with health conscious food, I'm not used to it.
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I still deeply want their approval.
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I'd love for them to taste something I make and say, well, damn, but that will never happen because when they come to visit, I make their asses cook the whole time because mama needs a break and nostalgic home cooking is comforting.
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Also, cooking is my dad's love language, so if he wasn't cooking, he'd be sitting on the couch grumpy anyway.
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Writing this makes me think, the next time we're together, And they're cooking.
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I need to record the whole process from start to finish.
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The recipes will be long winded videos But that's okay because we are long winded people.
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Speaking of long winded, I digress.
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I start pairing and tasting different combinations with different condiments and decide how would be best to serve it to each family member.
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Silas loves dips of all kinds.
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00:18:40,276.6656667 --> 00:18:41,586.6656667
Cash hates dips.
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00:18:41,996.6656667 --> 00:18:43,186.6656667
He likes his stuff dry.
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Ben wants everything obnoxiously spicy.
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I take a smaller portion to ensure that there's enough for the boys.
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And serve it over greens.
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Each bowl.
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Personalized to that person that's sitting in front of it.
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I hate cooking in the more traditional way, but I love nourishing my family.
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Less because of gender roles.
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And more because I don't want to eat microwave chicken every night of my life.
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And they would, if I wasn't the one cooking at all times.
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If I'm going to do the thing.
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I don't love doing.
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Let me love the way I choose to do it.
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I tune in.
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I sense myself.
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I observe what's available to me.
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Trust I can make it work.
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Move with what comes to be and take my love and memories and considerations to make it personal for each person I'm concocting for.
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00:19:40,564.6031667 --> 00:19:43,174.6031667
I just cut up an apple to make a yogurt parfait.
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Don't have yogurt.
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Okay.
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I'll make an apple oatmeal dish.
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00:19:47,794.6031667 --> 00:19:49,24.6031667
Don't feel like oatmeal again.
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It's fall.
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I want cozy.
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Baked goods, but I'm leaning gluten-free for my thyroid now.
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Preheat oven for whatever the hell is about to go down.
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Grab a dish.
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At trader Joe's oats, chia seeds blend.
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Add a cup of almond flour.
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At my apples water, no, don't want to dilute the flavor.
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Oat milk instead.
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Hmm, no chocolate chips we found.
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Maple syrup.
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It is.
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Still looks too thick at some coconut oil.
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00:20:19,264.6031667 --> 00:20:19,864.6031667
Looks better.
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At cinnamon.
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Uh, and really want to make sure that this thing doesn't completely suck.
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So I add the fix-all brown sugar on top.
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But in the oven, keep checking on it until it firms up or starts to golden.
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Whichever comes first.
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Move on to journal or create something, come back six times.
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Damn, this is really not a solid yet.
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I knew I needed an egg.
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But another thyroid? No.
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No.
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So we'll just deal.
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I took it out.
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Before the top burnt and affirmed more as it cooled.
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It was delicious.
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Absolutely delicious.
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I will never make it quite the same again.
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Of course too impatient to write down the measurements I did.
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I didn't know, I'd even want to remember it.
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Who knew if it would be worth repeating.
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But masochistically.
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I think I enjoy the inability to repeat.
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Just like a moment.
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Never repeated, never the same.
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Even the recipes that aren't delicious.
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I feel no angst.
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I accept it because I did it my way.
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I didn't sacrifice my experience, my instincts, my natural tendencies to make something that ended up sucking anyway.
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I'm satisfied with whatever comes.
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When I trust my gut and go.
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Where in your life are you using someone else's recipe? That's leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.
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Do it your way.
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And find so much more peace in whatever the outcome is.
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Delicious peace.
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00:21:58,634.6031667 --> 00:22:03,794.6031667
If you're looking for help in being able to identify and find your own.
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Magic connect to your own instinct and see yourself.
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I invite you to come over to, um, sub stack where when you join and become a paid subscriber currently at $11 a month, you get access to nostalgia now, which is your monthly.
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One of a kind prompted photo templates where you go inward connect to self and see the evidence of your own love, genius, heart.
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Every single month.
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If you want to learn more head to the Lincoln bio and.
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If you have any questions, send me a DM.
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Okay, have a beautiful day.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,530
If I'm going to do the thing.
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00:00:01,950 --> 00:00:03,000
I don't love doing.
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00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:05,490
Let me love the way I choose to do it.
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00:00:05,490 --> 00:00:06,940
Every single thing you do.
5
00:00:07,685 --> 00:00:10,285
It has this innate wisdom to it.
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00:00:10,295 --> 00:00:19,824.999
There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you.
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00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:35,795
And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself.
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00:00:36,965 --> 00:00:46,505
Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality Just take the breath and just say, Hmm.
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Assume.
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Wisdom in your instinct.
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Stop assuming shame Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming.
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This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking.
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Okay.
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And can we start assuming this.
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Power.
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This natural instinct that we have and respect that.
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And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows.
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When you own that about yourself.
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Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
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It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
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My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
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One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
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00:02:01,005 --> 00:02:08,244.999
You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
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All you have to do is see.
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In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
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Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
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You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.
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What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.
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Come exactly as you are.
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It's perfect.
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Honor your instincts.
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Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
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Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
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Let's dive in.
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Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See.
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Today is going to be something a little bit different.
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I have never in any episode, what am I up to, 120? I don't know, of the show read anything.
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But today's episode It's different because, uh, a couple of weeks ago I was on my deck and just had the impulse to write.
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And so I started writing and it's on a topic that I really want to talk about on the podcast.
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So I'm going to try.
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Reading it and hopefully it's not unbearable for you.
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I think it's interesting.
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Actually.
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I feel like this way of creating more recently if you've been listening for a while more recently, I've been taking the podcast episodes transcription and Creating a post on Substack from it.
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So I'll take the transcription and then go in and massage it and fine tune it and like turn it into a piece of writing and a visual experience paired with photos.
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And I love that process and it's really cool, but what is way better than just creating another something? Alongside the podcast episode is the fact that it's forcing me to sit with myself and my own words in a very, very different way.
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And in doing so, I have felt the impulse to write more outside of the podcast, outside of, um, you know, the, the working off the transcription.
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So.
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Yeah, it's just a whole new sense of empowerment and I was gonna sit down to talk about this.
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I was going to just surmise, but then the other part of me was like, Hey, you already wrote these words, respect the fucking words that you wrote and speak them.
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So now I'm going to do it in reverse.
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I'm going to read what I wrote.
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Ah, okay.
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So today's episode is about concoctions and Um, what got me thinking about this was actually the cooking concoctions, Cooking is usually like a Um, controversial topic, like not controversial, but you know, I love to cook or I hate cooking or I enjoy it, but I'm bad at it or blah, blah, blah, blah.
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And if you don't feel like listening to me reading it, either go to my sub stack to read the actual post or take this nugget before you go.
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Every single thing you do.
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It has this innate wisdom to it.
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00:06:38,561.66666667 --> 00:06:48,91.66566667
There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you.
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00:06:48,871.66666667 --> 00:07:04,61.66666667
And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself.
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Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality.
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Like for a long time, cooking, I was like, Oh, it just now, especially now that I have kids, it feels like this whole big thing and my responsibility to do this and to have proper dinners and this, that, and the other thing.
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And as soon as I let go of.
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It having to look like something, like even just something as innocent as, uh, a friend asking, like, well, what are you making for dinners this week? Or, you know, whatever that feeling of like, Oh, I already should have that figured out by now.
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Or, Oh, um, I can't explain how I made it because I just threw it together and now blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever do exactly that.
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Just take the breath and just say, Hmm.
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Assume.
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Wisdom in your instinct.
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Stop assuming shame in like, oh, this is hard to explain or, oh, I'm not doing it the way.
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You know, most people do it, or I could be doing it healthier.
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I could, whatever, neutralize the way you're witnessing yourself and the way that you do things.
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And the second you remove the shame or the shoulds or looking else elsewhere think about how sacred it is if you take all the shit off of it.
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Like when I wrote this.
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And I had to actually sit, I never before had thought about what is actually happening for me as I'm cooking.
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Like, what are the, what, how do I concoct these random meals that I make? What happens? And I had to actually sit and type it out.
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I was like, wow, this is exactly me.
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It's not.
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00:09:06,496.66566667 --> 00:09:07,276.66566667
Oh.
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I am just a shit storm in the kitchen and it's my lifelong responsibility now.
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And I just.
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Make it work and figure it out.
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It's.
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Oh, I channeled that same space inside of me that I use.
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In my most favorite place to be.
84
00:09:33,436.66566667 --> 00:09:36,556.66566667
Is it like this creation place? And.
85
00:09:37,216.66566667 --> 00:09:40,126.66566667
Although, it's not my favorite to cook.
86
00:09:40,546.66566667 --> 00:09:44,56.66566667
I channeled that same flow state into my cooking.
87
00:09:44,686.66566667 --> 00:09:49,996.66566667
And so this task that I have to do every single day, Now.
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Is a less of a burden and more of a channel.
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00:09:55,96.66566667 --> 00:10:00,916.66566667
That I used to be with my creativity and my instincts in a different way.
90
00:10:02,56.66566667 --> 00:10:06,76.66566667
And that's incredible and there's so much we can glean from that.
91
00:10:06,76.66566667 --> 00:10:06,496.66566667
And it's.
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Really there's so much because oftentimes the most potent genius.
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That we have.
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It's so internal that it's hard to view.
95
00:10:18,976.66566667 --> 00:10:19,516.66566667
It's hard to.
96
00:10:20,536.66566667 --> 00:10:22,846.66566667
Diagnose, it's hard to articulate.
97
00:10:23,296.66566667 --> 00:10:28,606.66566667
But with something when it's applied to an area that we don't feel so precious about.
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Now that I'm looking at it in this way, my concoctions.
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I look at it with like this.
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Confidence and this like, yeah.
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This is how it, this is how I put food together.
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And I figure things out and it feels right for me and it feels good for me.
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Um, and it's sustainable for me.
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If I held myself to making.
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Recipes and meal plans every week.
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it would feel soul sucking to me.
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well, at least in this phase, in my life, I believe that all these blanket statements don't really do us any favors because then we get.
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Swallowed by.
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Our identity that we have in this moment, which can be our truth now, but don't have to be our truths forever, but okay.
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Enough for the nuances here.
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Uh, I just wanted to leave that nugget here.
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It's.
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Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming.
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This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking.
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Okay.
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And can we start assuming this.
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Power.
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This natural instinct that we have and respect that.
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And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows.
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When you own that about yourself.
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So.
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That is what I have.
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I hope you enjoy.
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I hope you enjoy the.
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Writings about my.
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Concoction.
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My concocting and.
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The source of where I learned it all from.
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My Italian New York parents who.
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Use phrase.
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When it looks right.
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When I ask.
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For any sort of detail.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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Here we go.
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um, concoctions.
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The anti recipe? No.
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After giving it thought, I realized concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way anyway.
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Also, can being for something stop meaning we have to be anti something else? But to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought.
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Intuitive cooking Based off a lifetime of tasting experiences.
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Thanks to recipes, ironically.
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Okay, so what's the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other? After all, a recipe is just the fine tuned and recorded end point of intuitive concocting.
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Essentially, the only thing that's different is, drum roll please, our relationship to our perception of the words and their implications, like everything else in life.
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They are both beautiful, but this share will be about my deep dive into embracing my own instincts in the kitchen and letting go of forcing myself to do it any other way.
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I cook like I take pictures.
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I hate instructions.
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I have no patience.
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I have no desire.
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I grew up in an Italian family whose measure for if something was right was first smelling it, then looking at it, then stirring it to test consistency, and then taste.
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Get your whole self in it.
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I once asked my dad how much olive oil to put in and he said, you know, till it looks right.
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Like glunk glunk.
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Glunk glunk.
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Now I use glunks as a unit of measurement.
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How many glunk feelings slash sounds as the olive oil leaves the bottle? I cook in concoctions exclusively.
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Anytime I even attempt to follow a recipe, I immediately reject it.
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My whole self cannot bear it.
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I loathe it.
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Impatience is a huge part, yes.
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Probably also ADHD, but more so than that, I really think it has more to do with my need To feel the energy of what I'm doing and move with that across the board.
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A life force that cannot and will not be constrained even with a guarantee of a tested and delicious recipe.
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The process over the end result.
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Life is too short to live for a supposed guarantee according to someone else with different taste buds.
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To be resourceful with what I already have.
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Not only from a fiscal perspective, but from a, there's no way in hell.
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I'm going to stop what I'm doing to leave the house, to get this dumb ass ingredient perspective.
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I'd rather make a whole different dish.
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I used to take offense to the whole, how you do one thing is how you do all things.
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I operate like a shit storm, disorganized, unplanned, frenetic, half assed, or.
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Is the way I operate just nonlinear, exclusively energetic and inspired, led by my own instincts and perhaps effortlessly genius.
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Now I think because I can find a favorable way to spin it, I'm okay with it.
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I cook like I take photos.
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I sense what state I'm in.
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What do I feel? Something heavy, light, hot, cold.
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What is my energy? How much of a process do I want to make this? Am I in the mood to be in the kitchen or am I just addressing the need with as little effort as possible? Neither better or worse than the other.
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Then I look at what I already have.
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What's in front of me? What did another version of me decide would be a good idea to buy and have in the house? We harvest what we planted before.
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How did I equip myself for this? I don't have an ingredient I want noted for next time.
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I'll make do this time.
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What could work or be even better? Maybe it's perfect this way.
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I layer and add and stir and chop and stand there with senses tingling because I feel I'm conjuring up something delicious or losing steam because my enthusiasm is going down with the ship.
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There's no family recipe book to be had from my parents who make delicious meals.
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They pretty much have rotated the same 10 to 15 different meals my whole life and scoff and gag in the most juvenile way at my experimentation and quote unquote healthy organic stuff.
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That's a ridicule in my family.
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That's like a diss.
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I didn't know what hummus was until college.
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My mom rolls her eyes and gags at my quinoa.
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And God forbid I even pronounce hummus.
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It's funny because even though I enjoy being open to making new and interesting foods with health conscious food, I'm not used to it.
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I still deeply want their approval.
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I'd love for them to taste something I make and say, well, damn, but that will never happen because when they come to visit, I make their asses cook the whole time because mama needs a break and nostalgic home cooking is comforting.
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Also, cooking is my dad's love language, so if he wasn't cooking, he'd be sitting on the couch grumpy anyway.
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Writing this makes me think, the next time we're together, And they're cooking.
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00:18:18,186.6656667 --> 00:18:20,656.6656667
I need to record the whole process from start to finish.
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The recipes will be long winded videos But that's okay because we are long winded people.
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Speaking of long winded, I digress.
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I start pairing and tasting different combinations with different condiments and decide how would be best to serve it to each family member.
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Silas loves dips of all kinds.
200
00:18:40,276.6656667 --> 00:18:41,586.6656667
Cash hates dips.
201
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He likes his stuff dry.
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00:18:44,74.6031667 --> 00:18:46,294.6031667
Ben wants everything obnoxiously spicy.
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I take a smaller portion to ensure that there's enough for the boys.
204
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And serve it over greens.
205
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Each bowl.
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00:18:55,204.6031667 --> 00:18:58,144.6031667
Personalized to that person that's sitting in front of it.
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I hate cooking in the more traditional way, but I love nourishing my family.
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Less because of gender roles.
209
00:19:07,654.6031667 --> 00:19:11,434.6031667
And more because I don't want to eat microwave chicken every night of my life.
210
00:19:11,554.6031667 --> 00:19:14,194.6031667
And they would, if I wasn't the one cooking at all times.
211
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If I'm going to do the thing.
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I don't love doing.
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Let me love the way I choose to do it.
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I tune in.
215
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I sense myself.
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I observe what's available to me.
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00:19:28,534.6031667 --> 00:19:30,34.6031667
Trust I can make it work.
218
00:19:30,754.6031667 --> 00:19:38,254.6031667
Move with what comes to be and take my love and memories and considerations to make it personal for each person I'm concocting for.
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00:19:40,564.6031667 --> 00:19:43,174.6031667
I just cut up an apple to make a yogurt parfait.
220
00:19:43,444.6031667 --> 00:19:44,434.6031667
Don't have yogurt.
221
00:19:44,614.6031667 --> 00:19:45,154.6031667
Okay.
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00:19:45,214.6031667 --> 00:19:46,834.6031667
I'll make an apple oatmeal dish.
223
00:19:47,794.6031667 --> 00:19:49,24.6031667
Don't feel like oatmeal again.
224
00:19:49,564.6031667 --> 00:19:50,314.6031667
It's fall.
225
00:19:50,344.6031667 --> 00:19:51,274.6031667
I want cozy.
226
00:19:51,814.6031667 --> 00:19:55,294.6031667
Baked goods, but I'm leaning gluten-free for my thyroid now.
227
00:19:55,804.6031667 --> 00:19:58,204.6031667
Preheat oven for whatever the hell is about to go down.
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00:19:58,984.6031667 --> 00:20:00,64.6031667
Grab a dish.
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00:20:00,634.6031667 --> 00:20:03,304.6031667
At trader Joe's oats, chia seeds blend.
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Add a cup of almond flour.
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At my apples water, no, don't want to dilute the flavor.
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Oat milk instead.
233
00:20:11,764.6031667 --> 00:20:13,804.6031667
Hmm, no chocolate chips we found.
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00:20:14,464.6031667 --> 00:20:15,154.6031667
Maple syrup.
235
00:20:15,154.6031667 --> 00:20:15,484.6031667
It is.
236
00:20:16,354.6031667 --> 00:20:18,724.6031667
Still looks too thick at some coconut oil.
237
00:20:19,264.6031667 --> 00:20:19,864.6031667
Looks better.
238
00:20:20,644.6031667 --> 00:20:21,364.6031667
At cinnamon.
239
00:20:21,574.6031667 --> 00:20:25,774.6031667
Uh, and really want to make sure that this thing doesn't completely suck.
240
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So I add the fix-all brown sugar on top.
241
00:20:29,764.6031667 --> 00:20:33,484.6031667
But in the oven, keep checking on it until it firms up or starts to golden.
242
00:20:33,484.6031667 --> 00:20:34,564.6031667
Whichever comes first.
243
00:20:35,704.6031667 --> 00:20:38,614.6031667
Move on to journal or create something, come back six times.
244
00:20:39,484.6031667 --> 00:20:41,344.6031667
Damn, this is really not a solid yet.
245
00:20:42,664.6031667 --> 00:20:44,194.6031667
I knew I needed an egg.
246
00:20:44,434.6031667 --> 00:20:45,634.6031667
But another thyroid? No.
247
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No.
248
00:20:45,874.6031667 --> 00:20:46,774.6031667
So we'll just deal.
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I took it out.
250
00:20:48,754.6031667 --> 00:20:51,574.6031667
Before the top burnt and affirmed more as it cooled.
251
00:20:52,714.6031667 --> 00:20:53,554.6031667
It was delicious.
252
00:20:53,614.6031667 --> 00:20:54,934.6031667
Absolutely delicious.
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I will never make it quite the same again.
254
00:20:57,574.6031667 --> 00:21:00,394.6031667
Of course too impatient to write down the measurements I did.
255
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I didn't know, I'd even want to remember it.
256
00:21:03,394.6031667 --> 00:21:05,44.6031667
Who knew if it would be worth repeating.
257
00:21:05,494.6031667 --> 00:21:06,754.6031667
But masochistically.
258
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I think I enjoy the inability to repeat.
259
00:21:10,594.6031667 --> 00:21:11,614.6031667
Just like a moment.
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Never repeated, never the same.
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00:21:15,514.6031667 --> 00:21:17,434.6031667
Even the recipes that aren't delicious.
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I feel no angst.
263
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I accept it because I did it my way.
264
00:21:21,664.6031667 --> 00:21:27,694.6031667
I didn't sacrifice my experience, my instincts, my natural tendencies to make something that ended up sucking anyway.
265
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I'm satisfied with whatever comes.
266
00:21:31,744.6031667 --> 00:21:33,394.6031667
When I trust my gut and go.
267
00:21:36,864.6031667 --> 00:21:42,264.6031667
Where in your life are you using someone else's recipe? That's leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.
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Do it your way.
269
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And find so much more peace in whatever the outcome is.
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Delicious peace.
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If you're looking for help in being able to identify and find your own.
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Magic connect to your own instinct and see yourself.
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I invite you to come over to, um, sub stack where when you join and become a paid subscriber currently at $11 a month, you get access to nostalgia now, which is your monthly.
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One of a kind prompted photo templates where you go inward connect to self and see the evidence of your own love, genius, heart.
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Every single month.
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If you want to learn more head to the Lincoln bio and.
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If you have any questions, send me a DM.
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Okay, have a beautiful day.
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