Choice or Destiny or Both? with Birth & Destiny Doula Sara Cousineau

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I was living this very corporate finance.

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Life in Hawaii, which was kind of a juxtaposition of this intense, serious job in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

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And I think it was actually that juxtaposition that kind of allowed me to make the big shift, because I was living in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and I was absolutely exhausted and burned out, and not in a good mental health space.

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Even though I was super successful in my career and had a lot of accomplishments and admiration.

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The more that I stayed in that job and the more that I climbed the corporate ladder, it just felt like digging my own grave and getting stuck more and more in the system of something that was really not fulfilling for me.

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There were a lot of moments where I woke up in the morning and I was like, honestly, I would rather be super sick than go into work.

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The final month that I worked that job I was sitting in a bubble bath like drinking champagne and eating delicious Amazing cookies and like living the life, you know, and I had no idea what was gonna happen in my life, but I felt so free I was giving up all of this luxury and What so many people would have wanted, but I had never felt like I could actually breathe again versus being in that job and being in that situation.

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It felt like I was suffocating.

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It felt like I was trapped and I didn't know how to get out of it.

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Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.

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It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.

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My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.

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One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.

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You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.

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All you have to do is see.

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In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.

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Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.

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You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life.

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What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long.

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Come exactly as you are.

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It's perfect.

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Honor your instincts.

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Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.

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Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.

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Let's dive in.

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Hello.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.

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I am dropping in here.

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To give a quick intro for a conversation that I recorded, um, yesterday.

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And it's because it was so unplanned.

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And I ended up recording it like 20 minutes into a conversation with her friend.

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So if you feel like.

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Um, did I just like walk into a dinner table conversation with two people that I've been talking for 20 minutes and I'm not quite sure what they're talking about.

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It's because that's almost exactly what's happening.

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My friend, Sarah.

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Is this magical unicorn human being.

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She is a, an ecstatic birth and destiny doula.

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She.

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Helps women infuse.

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More pleasure into.

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To their lives and.

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Into their births.

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And.

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And she is based over.

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Over in Egypt.

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So we've.

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Been missing each other.

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And.

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Uh, being a.

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Little bit like passing.

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Ships.

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So we very.

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Last minute figured.

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Out that we could actually.

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Connect.

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And once we did, we.

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We just started talking.

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And I ended up hitting record, like.

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Midway.

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In our conversation.

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So.

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We were talking about.

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All things, destiny and choice.

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And is it one or the other or both? Um, you know how difficult it can be too.

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Make the right choices for ourselves and how we're even held in the quote unquote, wrong choices.

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Is there an inevitability to whatever's bound to happen, regardless of if you quote unquote fuck up.

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In life, Sarah used to work a super corporate accounting job in, this fancy hotel in Hawaii.

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And.

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she tells a little bit of her story, so I won't give it away, but she's obviously in a very different line of work in a very different location now.

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and I think it's just so important to normalize, these conversations of.

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question marks and openness and a lot of the banter, Sarah and I have.

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We don't even have our minds made up.

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I really love the idea.

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Of.

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Putting out there, the inner workings of a mind.

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talking about it.

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A topic.

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That it doesn't have its mind made up about already.

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Some of these concepts that we touch on are so like, we touch on like past lives.

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And I'm like, I don't even know what I think about that.

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And what do you think about this? It kind of mimics what I feel about the sheriff, how I don't agree with share from the scar, not from the wound.

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I just feel like that is so.

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Isolating and.

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Yes for some, but not for all.

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And it makes it almost like shameful to share from something before you have it figured out and are healed and better and put together and fuck that.

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Right.

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So, I love the idea of.

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Questioning and pulling threads and meandering around these really big juicy concepts.

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before I find out what I really think.

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Because who knows how long it'll take me to figure out what I think about this.

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And even once I figure it out, I really hope I'm always open to seeing it differently.

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Uh, before I.

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Let you go and into this conversation, this juicy convo.

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I wanted to share that.

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I recently did my very first remote photo session.

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Well, I've done it once before, but I did it before all this new fancy software existed.

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On FaceTime but this was through the close app and I dialed in to this incredible artists over in France.

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Uh, she had.

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Just dropped her first ever song on Spotify.

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And I resonated so deeply with it.

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I reached out blah, blah, blah, long story short.

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We did a session in this chapel where she recorded the song.

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And has gone there many times to rehearse.

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So it was a really special place for her to be.

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And I am so furiously in love with.

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This process and how strange and wonderful it was and how everything was difficult.

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Because of course there's no wifi in an old chapel in France.

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And also it was incredible.

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So it is now officially an offering of mine.

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So if you are an artist of any kind and identify with artistry in any way and would like to be.

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Captured in your flow in your craft? I am now.

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Offering remote photo sessions to anywhere in the world.

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And I'm also doing it.

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A little differently.

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The rate for these sessions are a special, because there's a two option structure here.

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It's either 4 97 for a remote session, or it is pay what you can.

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I just really feel passionate about being able to connect with emerging artists in this way.

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And I understand.

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Very deeply.

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That things can be tight and it can be difficult to invest in something.

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So if you know anybody that is.

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Uh, an emerging artist.

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That might be interested in getting photographs done, feel free to send them my way.

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And I would love to connect.

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If you are one of those people, I would love to connect.

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You can find me over on Instagram at Bianca Lea, Morra.

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The last couple posts that I made.

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Are of the remote shoot.

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So stay tuned.

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I hope you Enjoy the super candid conversation with my dear friend, Sarah.

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Whatever.

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But like a relaxed woman was never like, that was never prioritized or thought of as important to like center or create important topic of discussion.

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Yeah.

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A statement of being, right.

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So it was like, we all, I mean, we've talked about this in different ways, but we always, Think that our worth or judge ourselves or others based on kind of like external factors and external accomplishments Rather than like, Oh my God, I admire her so much.

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She's so relaxed, you know, or like so well rested.

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Like, what if that was something to aspire to be? It literally made me laugh.

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It sounded funny to say that.

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Like that's how far removed that is from our perspective.

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Like, Oh wow.

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She's so relaxed.

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Like, I never hear that.

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Like what if at the end of the day you got a text message saying, like, oh, but again, right, like productive rest, but like, did you get a lot of rest today? Or like, do you feel, did you get, were you nourished today? Instead of like, you didn't hit your step count.

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Why don't you check out, check off on your to do list.

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Yeah, and I also read something recently that was talking about how, I mean, I think it depends on the culture and the place, but it's like, in general, North American society, like, has taken everything out of normal, natural parts of life and, like, added it back in as something external or something to be commodified, right? So it's like taking the exercise out of everyday life and now you have to get 10, 000 steps, you know? Or it's like taking the minerals and the things out of the food and now you have to have all your supplements, you know? And it's like, instead of having a holistic, balanced lifestyle, it's like You go to work and you do these things and then you either need to go to the gym or make sure you get your steps in and then but even when you say a holistic balanced lifestyle, I feel like at least here that that is that has been redefined, like, when I hear that I hear like, okay, like fitness classes and supplements.

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And so it is so deeply ingrained already.

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I'm like, yeah, Yeah, I mean, I know what you mean, but also that is not the default, um, understanding of that.

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Like if someone else were to have said that other than you, I would have interpreted differently.

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Yeah.

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Crazy.

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Yeah.

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Versus like in Europe, right? Where maybe a holistic balanced lifestyle is like, they wake up and see how they feel and what they want to do and have a meal with.

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Their family and I picked the food from their yard and go for a walk and whatever it may be.

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I mean, that still exists.

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I'm sure in some places, but it's I don't think it's the norm for sure.

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No, it's looked at as like flaky here.

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Oh, you want to wait and see like, can you commit and you know, I always felt like got bummer or something because I feel like, oh, what do you want to do this weekend? Like, I don't know.

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I don't, I don't want to do nothing, but I don't want to have to do anything.

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I don't want anything on the calendar.

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I don't want a requirement.

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of me because I don't know how I'm gonna feel and I just want to be able to move with that and it's so hard to be able to do that the way the world is set up right now or at least here.

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How would how is it there? Like what? I mean, I think Egyptian Egyptian time is definitely different.

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Like five minutes.

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People can like, I'll be there in five minutes could be like five hours and everything is kind of like inshallah God willing.

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So there's more flexibility.

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But I've also realized I mean, someone told me this once in human design reading again, take it or leave it.

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But they said, because I'm a manifesting generator.

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It's there's part of me that never knows if I'm going to want to do something until I'm actually starting to do it.

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Right.

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So you can ask me like, do you want to go on a walk? And we need to be like, on the walk before maybe I'm like, Oh, no, you know, or like, and I need to be able to have that flexibility with my relationships in my life to tune in, which I created a lot in my friendships, where sometimes it's like, okay, we have this sensitive plan, we'll check in right before.

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And we're open to being flexible, because Transcribed I don't know how I'm going to feel and I feel like that's also a very like feminine thing as well in terms of being fluid and going with the flow and being open to like what actually wants to be revealed in an experience being open to what actually wants to be revealed in an experience right like we have an idea in our mind when we set a plan of like this is going to happen and I feel like even my old way of operating it was like maybe do everything to try Make it happen the way that we want or expect it to and then there's no space for like organic Expansion and evolution and magic actually as well.

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Yeah, because you're not you're only ever expecting your highest Hopes for it, but you're you can't even begin to glimpse that What is possible.

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So you're, it's so limiting.

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Yeah.

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There's a, I have one more recent friend, that she's like the first person in A long while that I could say that when she's like, Oh yeah, she functions like this.

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And she has a podcast and she's like, yeah, just, I mean, literally if it's down to the minute, like if, if you don't, And if you're not feeling it, like we can reschedule and I know she means it and the freedom and the opportunity for intimacy and trust and like like you just feel so Comfortable when someone allows you to have the experience that you're having Like, oh my gosh, thank God, like, I don't have to, oh, I had this terrible thing just happened, but I agree to this appointment.

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So I must be there because it's disrespectful.

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Maybe it's disrespectful to show up and put on an act and not be there authentically and with like deep integrity and presence and it's better saved for another day.

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I agree with that.

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I think it doesn't serve anyone to go against your truth, right? If it's, if it's your actual aligned truth, that that is not.

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Aligned for you in that moment or that space or that day, then it, I don't think it serves anyone to go against that.

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I think where I get like the slippery slope feeling of like, but, but that there are plenty of things that feel uncomfortable.

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And there are plenty of things that I feel very anxious about.

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Um, so always, and sometimes I can distinguish which is which.

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Like, Oh, it's cause I don't, I literally just don't want to, or I'm just feeling uncomfortable, I'm scared and I'm going to feel so much better afterwards.

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Or I really do want to do this.

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Sometimes it's just so foggy and muddy and chattery up there that I really can't distinguish, like, is this just like.

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One of those moments where it's an edge for me and it's really important to like push beyond that or it's just not for me like what's your experience with that? I think because I'm so in my body.

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I have a very different bodily sense of like, you know, but sometimes I don't know the reason right and that can be challenging depending on who you're trying to communicate with.

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Like the other day, for example, a friend sent me a message and said, we're going for, you know, I was supposed to meet her.

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She's like, we're going for dinner and this other person is coming and my whole body was like, no, and I didn't know.

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And I had to share that.

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And I was like, I don't know if it's the place.

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I don't know if it's the other person.

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I don't know if it's, you know, any of that.

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And we have the intimacy in our relationship where we shifted around plans so that actually we were able to have our time in connection because I was able to come to realize what would feel good for me and offer that.

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Um, and she was willing to meet me in that, but oftentimes I would say there's not like a mental reason necessarily to explain why I'm feeling the way that I am.

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And have you had experiences where you've spoken your truth in that way and had people been like, what? You know, like, do you have that experience with family members? I know for me.

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One of the worst things I could be told is someone in my family listening to my podcast, I'm like, oh, no, it has to be something other than my little sister, because I'm like, oh, my God, you know, I don't know.

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I just feel like sometimes we're able to be more of ourselves with, um, relationships that we haven't grown our whole lives with and have those like, you know, dynamics.

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And I'm just curious, like, because I know that not everyone is accepting of that.

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And I feel myself.

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Feeling at the same time, you're saying that being like, Oh, what, like, is it even a friendship is if that's not the dynamic you can have, but also like, I think that's so rare.

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So can you speak to that? Well, I take a poop shovel out of my son's hand.

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Absolutely.

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I feel like yes, I agree with you.

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There are different expectations and different relationships.

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And I've also gotten used to ways that I can set myself up to be supported and for more success in, you know, potentially familiar relationship or other relationships that might not have that dynamic naturally.

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An example is like, for example, I, I live very cyclically according to my cycle, right? So when I'm bleeding, for example, I try not to make any commitments.

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And sometimes if I don't know exactly when that's going to be, I kind of have an idea, right? So if I'm making plans with someone, you know, or even when I'm talking to my family, I'll be very open about like, Ooh, I might be bleeding.

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So that would mean this, you know, and they might be really uncomfortable with that statement.

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But I say it anyways, and because I kind of throw those things out there, or if I'm making a commitment, I'll say, like, I, can we check in a few days before to reconfirm? Right? So it's like, I kind of give myself these caveats and these opportunities to shift if I need to, um, so that the other person, um, Knows and and is often more comfortable with that and even if like for example the the monthly cycle thing Like I found that's less comfortable for some people um, especially for women Who maybe don't have the opportunity to shape their life around it and then there can be some resistance, but I feel like I'm in a place now where I just live quite true to myself and my rhythm, and I've become more comfortable kind of asking for what I need and what I desire.

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Yeah, so I'm hearing like.

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Proactively looking out for yourself.

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I feel like in, in the earlier phases that required a lot more like, okay, I'm going to have to establish this ahead of time.

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I'm going to have to blah, blah, blah.

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And like, in doing that, like over time, um, that was a way to ease into that.

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So now if you're not being hypervigilant and like, okay, like how do I set this person up to be able to support me? Um, and now if, if that isn't in place, you just naturally feel more at ease and okay and comfortable just advocating for what you need in the moment, regardless.

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Yeah.

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And I think, I mean, also probably it helps being in birth work where everything can change in a moment.

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Right.

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And there's periods where I like all of my commitments are conditional, right.

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And even living in Cairo in a city that is full of chaos, where it's kind of like things are constantly shifting and changing and.

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We have to find that grace with ourselves.

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And then I also offer that grace to other people, right? Like there are times when I get frustrated, you know, with the constantly shifting schedules, but then I also benefit from that in lots of situations as well.

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This being so now that we just mid conversation, just I hit record and made up our conversation.

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Um, Sarah's in birth work.

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Oh, I don't even know how many minutes in we are, but um, would you like to just Introduce yourself, uh, how you feel, keep it, and we can just go on with our conversation.

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So people are like, who is this magical unicorn that I'm in love with? Who is this? My name is Sarah.

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I live in Cairo, Egypt right now,.

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I'm a doula.

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I'm a coach.

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I do lots of different things.

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I used to be in the corporate finance world.

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I had a massive shift from that.

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Um, that started by starting to study holistic modalities like holistic nutrition and yoga and meditation and sexuality and relationships and social work and all these things.

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Um, so I'm super passionate about living my best life, whatever that means in the moment.

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And supporting others to do the same and Yeah, anything else? I don't remember, I mean, I know we, you were on before, but I don't remember what we talked about back then, and whatever, it's been a long time.

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Um, can you just quickly? It was pleasure.

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Oh, yeah.

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Um, I remember now.

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Can you just address real quickly as as well or not quickly? What however you want? Um, so that whoever's listening has a little bit more context.

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You were living this very like corporate life in Hawaii.

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What was the thing that shifted? Uh, so that people can kind of understand that background.

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Yeah, um, I mean, I was living this very corporate finance.

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Life in Hawaii, which was kind of a juxtaposition of this intense, like, serious job in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

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And I think it was actually that juxtaposition that kind of allowed me to make the big shift, because I was living in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and I was absolutely exhausted and burned out, um, and not in a good mental health space.

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And I could feel that even though I was super successful in my career and had a lot of kind of accomplishments and admiration.

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It was like the more that I stayed in that job and the more that I climbed the corporate ladder, it just felt like I was kind of almost digging my own grave and getting stuck more and more in the system of something that was really not fulfilling for me.

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So would you say that the contract, because you didn't live, you lived in Canada before Hawaii, right? I lived in Canada and then India.

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I did a work assignment in India and then Hawaii.

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Okay, so would you say that the contrast of, like, the immense beauty of Hawaii, like, was, like, almost, like, the, the, the point in which you were able to realize, this looks so beautiful, I feel inside so not beautiful, I feel, like, bad.

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I think so.

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Because I mean, when I was doing that job in a city, it was kind of like there were other factors, right? Where it's like, okay, it's not the right place.

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But then doing that job in Hawaii, where I was like, I love Hawaii, and I want to be here.

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Um, but I'm so miserable.

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It was like, if I can't do this job here, I can't do it anywhere in the world.

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And also, I would say the normalization, right? Because when you're in the city, you're around everyone else who's heads down, going to work, going to work, in Hawaii also, as well as the gorgeous environment, you're seeing other people living differently, too.

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So maybe that was part of that, um, realization, like was there a, was there a movie moment of like, fuck this, like, no, no, no more.

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Or was it gradual? And I think it was in general, there were a lot of small moments and there were also moments where I woke up in the morning and I was like, honestly, like there are so many other situations like I would rather, you know, be super sick than go into work.

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And it was some of those moments where it was like, I'm making these choices and spending my days this way.

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And I'm so miserable and so exhausted.

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So, you know, I don't know if there was the one kind of picture perfect moment but Um, I do remember a moment of like sitting like the final month that I worked that job I was living in the hotel and I remember it was a very it's a beautiful hotel Um, I was sitting in the bathtub In a bubble bath like drinking champagne and eating delicious Amazing cookies and like living the life, you know, and all of my belongings were in that hotel room And I was going to move basically to a field in a tent, you know And I had no idea what was gonna happen in my life, but I knew that I was moving to the jungle So I was moving to like the opposite situation.

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There was no bathroom any of these things and I felt so free you know, it was like I was giving up all of this luxury and What so many people would have wanted, but I had never felt like I could actually breathe again.

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Right? Versus being in that job and being in that situation.

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It felt like I was suffocating.

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It felt like I was trapped and I didn't know how to get out of it.

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During that time, did you have anyone else around you, like close to you? Um, that related to that experience that was going through something similar, um, or was it just you? Let me think.

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I don't think so, honestly.

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Um, and I mean, I was leading a team.

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I had my boss and actually I ended up timing it so that she ended up getting promoted and moving back to New York.

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And then I was able to quit with that timing that worked kind of in alignment with my integrity.

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But no, I was still at the time where everyone from my class, we were quite young, right? It was early on in our careers and I had just experienced a lot of success really quickly in my career.

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Um, so I feel like I was kind of on the early end of choosing a different path and giving it all up and making that decision.

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I've found like the hardest moment in my own life has been.

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When I'm in an immense emotion and a very specific event, emotional state, and I look around and I'm like, am I an alien? What is happening right now? Like when you are in that bubble bath and you're like, I'm about to go live in a tent and I feel so good.

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Were you, like, questioning? Were you like, what? Like, or were you just all like, yes, you know what I mean? Like, are you, I'm feeling this, I'm noticing that, like, this is what I want to do, and I'm doing it, and also, what is going on with me? I mean, I think there was probably part of me that questioned it, but it was funny because I had almost made that decision.

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To give up the corporate worlds about a year prior already, like I had actually had a plane ticket to move to Nicaragua to help friends of a friend start a certain yoga hostel.

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And I ended up getting this job, which was like a miraculous career accomplishment in this beautiful place unexpectedly.

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So it's kind of like, okay, I'll give it a go for a year more, you know, so I, I had already been ready to give it all up.

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And then.

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I was also in a place in my career where everyone in the company was asking me, okay, where do you want to go? What do you want to do? And I could feel so strongly myself that none of that was what I wanted So I just I think I knew so strongly what I didn't want.

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I had no idea what I actually wanted You know, it was choosing from the place of like no not that that isn't that is no longer working Yes, that to me is So illuminating.

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I find that I think because I'm, I like to consider myself, I like to put myself in this category of being really open.

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I feel like I can be open to so many things clear to me and very often viscerally is when I'm not.

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It's like, no, no, like there's plenty of things that are like, yeah, I love that.

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Or like, I mean, every once in a while there's something that viscerally good that I'm like, oh my gosh, this is the thing.

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But other than that, everything can feel a little bit like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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And then no, I disagree.

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Not for me, you know, um, and I think that those moments are such gifts and usually those moments are like the really, really hard ones that we feel like are things that we must overcome.

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But really, they are instead of like this mountain that we must climb, it's kind of like this glowing door that just opened for us, right? Like what you have made such a radical shift.

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In your way of being in your life and where you were moving to whatever, if you, things were just like, so, so, you know, yeah, well, and I think too, I think sometimes we know when things aren't for us and we tried them anyways, right? Like, sometimes the know is like a small niggle.

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And then it's like, like, and for example, a job, right? It's like, okay, well, maybe I can make things better or serve people or help in some way, right? And shift the situation.

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Um, and.

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Then it's just a matter of how long we we want to be in those situations, and maybe it becomes a really big no, which it did for me, right? Um, or it becomes clear, like, for example, in organizations and institutions and companies where it's like, if it's not in alignment, then the chances of you being able to shift the whole experience to be in alignment with you is maybe not going to happen, right? Versus you Just choosing something different.

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So this is kind of like a full circle moment because before I hit record, Sarah and I were talking about choice versus destiny.

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And so like, fast forward, all that stuff happened, we rewinded, now we fast forward.

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And I hear you saying choice a lot.

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And right before we hit record, we're talking about like, Is it, is it choice? Do I have to be making choices or am I, you know, so kind of reflecting back what we were talking about earlier and now where you have come so far in terms of like the story, um, what do you think about choice in this context for Sesame? I think probably it's a combination, right? Because in that example, Like, had I not made the choice, I was getting, like, my body was getting sick, it was getting physically ill, I had shingles, um, which I should not have had when I was 25, um, so I could have chosen to stay, right, against my inner knowing, um, but then I think something else would have happened to kind of force, I think that's, you know, maybe that's my belief system, is that I We do have choice, but if we're making choices that are out of alignment with our truth, like, life will of course correct us.

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And so there's an element of destiny in that aspect, perhaps.

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Yeah.

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I, yeah, I feel like there are those moments where you get, like, bitch slapped by the universe and you're like, after, you know, I know this 2x4 is what's happening right now, but I, the stubbed toes I know, there are those moments, Things come out of nowhere, but you know, they didn't come out of nowhere.

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You're like, I knew this was not, there's so many times where we go across, like, whether you take on a client or something that you're just like, I don't know that this is the right match or if you, this or that or whatever, and then you, your gut instinct is validated later.

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I think those moments are also a win and so beautiful because.

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It takes time to learn how to listen to ourself in this like, intimate, more nuanced way.

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And um, being able to, even if you're only able to internalize it by looking back at those breadcrumbs and be like, Oh yeah, that just like helps you moving forward.

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But I really love what you're saying here about how, and I kind of believe, I think I believe this too.

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Like, I think it, there's no wrong because even if you choose something that's quote unquote, not right.

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For you, like where you end up coming out of that situation and what you're, what you're gaining from that, uh, it all feels perfect, which is easy to say when you're not in the depths of like a really hard situation.

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Yeah, yeah, that's kind of the thing, right? If it's all that same, if it's all happening for you, right? And obviously.

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There's nuance to that, and we're not creating blame or shame around, you know, certain situations, but I think, yeah, we do learn and grow and evolve through every single situation and through all of our choices and all of our choices kind of impact our life circumstances in some way.

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So, yeah, I mean, the worst thing that's ever happened to me with my dog dying, I'm like, I, that happened at the same time, around the same time that I got laid off.

313
00:36:04,834.5238095 --> 00:36:07,134.5238095
And I'm like, I'm not doing that again.

314
00:36:07,144.5238095 --> 00:36:08,594.5233095
Like, it just made it so clear.

315
00:36:08,594.5233095 --> 00:36:09,44.5238095
It looked like.

316
00:36:09,689.5238095 --> 00:36:10,69.5238095
It was silly.

317
00:36:10,79.5238095 --> 00:36:11,599.5238095
It was like Play Doh situation.

318
00:36:11,599.5238095 --> 00:36:13,739.5238095
I'm like, of course, I'm not doing that again.

319
00:36:14,399.5238095 --> 00:36:33,199.5228095
Does that mean like, Oh, it's easy to not go? I'm still, I don't want to say struggling, but I guess like I'm contending with the consequences or the impact of that decision to not get a full time job till this day.

320
00:36:33,569.5228095 --> 00:36:36,479.5238095
But it's the right contention.

321
00:36:36,499.5238095 --> 00:36:41,869.5238095
It's the right thing to be, you know, wrestling with for me because.

322
00:36:42,684.5238095 --> 00:36:51,734.5238095
Everything else feels so much better and if you're going to choose, they say, who's they say, I don't know, someone says, choose your hard.

323
00:36:53,234.5238095 --> 00:37:03,404.5228095
There's always going to be something that providing contrast in your life or the thing that you're contending with, but it just feels like so much more right now.

324
00:37:03,444.5238095 --> 00:37:15,229.5238095
But I wonder if I didn't have that extreme heartache at that time, would it have felt so black and white to me? Then I don't think so.

325
00:37:16,29.5238095 --> 00:37:16,919.5238095
I really don't think so.

326
00:37:16,919.5238095 --> 00:37:26,119.5238095
Especially with adding in, I had just had a new baby, a second baby and my first home, you know? So it's so, I feel really triggering.

327
00:37:26,119.5238095 --> 00:37:32,859.5238095
I feel to say everything's happening for you, especially with like the insane things going on in this world.

328
00:37:33,299.5238095 --> 00:37:42,989.5238095
Um, but it's not, it's not saying that as like a glaze as like, Oh, but everything's or in like some.

329
00:37:43,344.5238095 --> 00:38:10,864.5238095
Some way that feels dismissive or like toxically positive or whatever it really is like, what, how else do you move in your life? Like, how else would you go on? If you don't look at it that way, right? Yeah, well, and I think, I mean, when clients or when friends, for example, sometimes they'll say, you know, like, okay, I did lose my job, right? Or something really.

330
00:38:11,369.5238095 --> 00:38:13,749.5238095
This person, you know, exited in my life.

331
00:38:13,819.5238095 --> 00:38:29,569.5238095
For me, I'm actually like, there's a part of me that's like, great, right? It's like that option is being taken away, right? And we can analyze if it's good or bad or why or whatever, right? But it's like, Actually, that's information.

332
00:38:29,839.5238095 --> 00:38:37,609.5238095
And it's, you know, like, for example, if someone's being laid off, right, or there's an opportunity for them to get severance, and they haven't been feeling good in their job.

333
00:38:37,619.5238095 --> 00:38:46,729.5228095
Anyways, it's like, that's a opportunity to explore what your next step is, right? Or if there's someone in your life who has suddenly been removed from your life.

334
00:38:47,579.5228095 --> 00:38:52,904.5238095
It's like, Yes, that's a gap, but it's also an open door for something else.

335
00:38:53,194.5238095 --> 00:38:59,444.5238095
So, in some ways, I actually, and in my own life as well, it's like, those are really helpful.

336
00:38:59,834.5238095 --> 00:39:11,174.5238095
I see those as helpful signposts as well, because, yes, there's the emotions and the processing, obviously, to do around those situations and the integration, for sure, not to bypass any of that.

337
00:39:11,959.5238095 --> 00:39:23,999.5238095
Um, but again, it's, it's part of our path and journey, and I think we are being led and guided in some ways and supported to make choices continually that are more in alignment with our truth.

338
00:39:25,719.5238095 --> 00:39:45,679.5238095
I mean, the glaring, probably the first in forever, huge, global of that is the pandemic, right? Like, whenever has there been Like an experience of that for so many people at the same time, that is just thinking back.

339
00:39:45,679.5238095 --> 00:39:46,579.5238095
I mean, it's crazy.

340
00:39:46,589.5238095 --> 00:39:58,989.5228095
Like it, it really did force the whole world to like, here, here's some time to reconsider, reconsider what? Everything.

341
00:40:00,599.5238095 --> 00:40:00,939.5238095
Yeah.

342
00:40:04,189.5238095 --> 00:40:04,479.5238095
Yeah.

343
00:40:04,479.5238095 --> 00:40:04,929.5238095
I don't know.

344
00:40:04,929.5238095 --> 00:40:23,209.5238095
I find that having these conversations can be, so triggering I find that when, especially when I'm talking to like my mom or something, you know, someone like super intimate and it's like, Oh, but what about, what about this? What about, it's like, I'm not, I don't have an answer.

345
00:40:23,229.5228095 --> 00:40:24,589.5238095
I'm not trying to have an answer.

346
00:40:24,589.5238095 --> 00:40:25,839.5238095
I don't have an answer.

347
00:40:26,299.5238095 --> 00:40:38,429.5238095
I'm just trying to figure out what feels best, like what's the best way to move with my life and how to do it in a way that feels right and true for me.

348
00:40:40,189.5238095 --> 00:40:41,309.5238095
I don't know, but it's scary.

349
00:40:41,309.5238095 --> 00:40:47,459.5238095
I feel like it's scary to talk about these things so open and so vulnerably because I think it pisses a lot of people off.

350
00:40:47,459.5238095 --> 00:40:52,969.5238095
Like, well, and then at the end of the day, there's rent or okay.

351
00:40:52,969.5238095 --> 00:40:53,319.5238095
Yeah.

352
00:40:53,509.5238095 --> 00:40:54,489.5228095
Very beautiful.

353
00:40:54,929.5238095 --> 00:41:06,209.5238095
And then, but also it's like, you know, fighting for your constraints and fighting for your circumstances and like having so much love and compassion, not saying it in a way that's like judge you.

354
00:41:06,919.5238095 --> 00:41:10,369.5238095
Definitely sounds like it, but I mean, like.

355
00:41:10,869.5238095 --> 00:41:17,209.5238095
For instance, like just a very intimate example, if I'm talking to my mom, love her so much more than anything in the world.

356
00:41:17,859.5238095 --> 00:41:32,529.5238095
And also there are times where like, I know we're having this conversation and I'm trying to be honest and real and what I really feel when I really think, and it's so triggering and it can be like, yeah, but here are all the circumstances that you, you don't get it.

357
00:41:32,689.5238095 --> 00:41:34,749.5238095
Like, this is all the things, and you're right.

358
00:41:34,789.5238095 --> 00:41:35,929.5238095
I'm not in that experience.

359
00:41:36,69.5238095 --> 00:41:36,469.5238095
You're right.

360
00:41:36,569.5238095 --> 00:41:37,559.5238095
I'm not trying to fix it.

361
00:41:37,719.5228095 --> 00:41:39,709.5238095
I'm trying to like offer maybe a way.

362
00:41:40,529.5238095 --> 00:42:21,184.5228095
Help see something that maybe you haven't seen before, or I don't know, I don't even know what that is, but, I always think about, our coach, Haley Carr, where she's like, okay, if this is the problem, and you're looking, can you hold this problem, you're looking all around this remote, you can look at it here and here, you can listen to it, and then like, what's all around it, the not problem, it's like, these, these questions and these openings and these like, Ways of like what if this was happening for you? What if this is a gift? It's just a way To kind of help you shift out of your model of reality and perhaps see it in a different light, right? Yeah.

363
00:42:21,214.5228095 --> 00:42:25,724.5228095
Well, I think sometimes it's, it's like a matter of safety, right? As well.

364
00:42:25,734.5228095 --> 00:42:33,244.5228095
Like for some people, the way that they interpret things or see things like that provides safety for them, their context of seeing the world.

365
00:42:33,284.5218095 --> 00:42:38,894.5228095
So they're able to justify their own choices by explaining why other people's choices are wrong.

366
00:42:39,354.5218095 --> 00:42:39,694.5218095
Right.

367
00:42:39,724.5228095 --> 00:42:45,44.5228095
And some people hold really tightly to that and either explaining why other people's choices are wrong.

368
00:42:45,44.5228095 --> 00:42:45,284.5228095
Right.

369
00:42:45,304.5228095 --> 00:42:48,614.5228095
Or even like justifying their own, sometimes pain and suffering.

370
00:42:49,234.5228095 --> 00:42:49,684.5228095
Right.

371
00:42:49,724.5228095 --> 00:42:52,324.5228095
And I think that happens a lot.

372
00:42:52,354.5228095 --> 00:43:03,4.5228095
And I think even in lineages, right? Like our parents, our grandparents, all these, like, we come from generations of different types of wounding, different types of suffering.

373
00:43:03,54.5218095 --> 00:43:03,354.5218095
Right.

374
00:43:03,354.5228095 --> 00:43:12,854.5228095
And some of the, the biggest healing work is actually like letting go of a vow of obedience to hold onto that suffering.

375
00:43:12,864.5228095 --> 00:43:13,104.5228095
Right.

376
00:43:13,104.5228095 --> 00:43:15,664.5228095
Because there's a betrayal in that, of choosing something different.

377
00:43:15,664.6228095 --> 00:43:15,764.4228095
Right.

378
00:43:16,414.5228095 --> 00:43:32,924.5218095
And there's the question of, like, okay, do I want do I want to continue that on for my family or for myself versus what do I actually choose for myself? And if that means, like, betraying my lineage in that way.

379
00:43:33,289.5228095 --> 00:43:41,169.5228095
I'm actually doing this for my lineage, right? But some, they may see it as a betrayal because it means that maybe their suffering was in vain.

380
00:43:41,539.5228095 --> 00:43:49,189.5228095
That's not what it means, right? But, so it's, yeah, it's, it's your perspective and the way that you're looking at it.

381
00:43:49,749.5228095 --> 00:44:04,149.5228095
And I think that for me, I see it the way you do in terms of like, what is most true for me? And how do I want to live my life, right? And for me, that's also really different than a lot of my family.

382
00:44:04,149.5228095 --> 00:44:04,259.5228095
Okay.

383
00:44:05,64.5228095 --> 00:44:10,784.5228095
And the choices that they've made, um, because we're different people and we have different paths and different journeys.

384
00:44:12,884.5228095 --> 00:44:15,962.7353095
I think every, as I hear you speak, I just Mr.

385
00:44:15,962.7353095 --> 00:44:17,358.9603095
J's house.

386
00:44:17,358.9603095 --> 00:44:19,453.2978095
What? What? Mr.

387
00:44:19,453.2978095 --> 00:44:25,38.1978095
J's house? I have to drive to Mr.

388
00:44:25,38.1978095 --> 00:44:26,434.4228095
J's house.

389
00:44:33,384.5228095 --> 00:44:34,234.5228095
No, I don't think so.

390
00:44:34,234.5228095 --> 00:44:34,774.5228095
I think Mr.

391
00:44:34,774.5228095 --> 00:44:35,714.5228095
J is busy.

392
00:44:36,4.5228095 --> 00:44:37,104.5228095
Let's take this, buddy.

393
00:44:37,684.5228095 --> 00:44:39,174.5228095
Mommy's gonna finish her call.

394
00:44:39,304.5228095 --> 00:45:02,584.5228095
Okay, So as, as you're talking, so I'm like having flashbacks to the NLP, like, like the secondary game and then the, and I feel that, um, so much of what I've been able to uncover in the very recently in life has been only by looking at the, here you go, buddy, the subconscious programming part of it.

395
00:45:03,644.5228095 --> 00:45:29,4.5228095
I think about how the big, one of the biggest breakthrough I've had when I was doing that demo on one of the calls, I don't think we're on the same call because of the time difference, but I did, I was one of the demo students with Haley on one of the sessions, and through one of the processes, I uncovered that, something that feels so obvious now, I cannot believe I didn't see it before, but I didn't, because it was so big, Right.

396
00:45:29,34.5228095 --> 00:45:31,554.5228095
It was so big in my lens that it was the whole thing.

397
00:45:31,554.5228095 --> 00:45:37,994.5228095
I didn't even see that there was space around it that in my family, fear is love.

398
00:45:38,754.5218095 --> 00:45:52,924.5228095
If you are not in constant fear, hypervigilance, like thinking about all of the bad that could happen at any point in time, like 14 steps away, it, you don't love that person.

399
00:45:53,414.5228095 --> 00:45:59,24.5228095
I remember when I first met my partner and we were dating and I went back to my dorm and it was night.

400
00:45:59,519.5228095 --> 00:46:03,569.5228095
And he didn't, like, text to check that I got home okay.

401
00:46:04,49.5228095 --> 00:46:11,739.5218095
And I was like, fuck, what kind of a guy is this? I'm like, he doesn't think that I've been kidnapped and murdered.

402
00:46:13,589.5228095 --> 00:46:17,479.5228095
What? What's wrong with him? Exactly.

403
00:46:17,819.5228095 --> 00:46:18,399.5228095
Really.

404
00:46:18,439.5228095 --> 00:46:21,799.5228095
But truly, I'm joking now, but I was not.

405
00:46:22,389.5228095 --> 00:46:28,839.5228095
Like, and I still, like, it still feels wrong to me, like, inside, ingrained.

406
00:46:28,849.5228095 --> 00:46:30,339.5228095
And I know, like, old pattern.

407
00:46:30,969.5228095 --> 00:46:48,99.5218095
Do not be like that and um, and it does feel like a betrayal if I'm choosing to be lighthearted over something if I'm choosing to not sicken myself with worry over something that could be going wrong with someone in the family.

408
00:46:48,119.5228095 --> 00:46:49,459.5228095
It does feel like betrayal.

409
00:46:49,519.5218095 --> 00:46:50,449.5218095
It's very real.

410
00:46:53,299.5218095 --> 00:46:53,839.5218095
Yeah.

411
00:46:54,89.5228095 --> 00:47:15,614.5228095
And as you're saying that what's coming up is like, In working with moms, right? And when they have kids and how they choose to raise their kids and the idea, right? Of like, say your kid is climbing a tree, right? Do you say don't fall, right? Or do you say hold on tight? And it's like, if they hear don't fall, all they hear is the fall, right? And it's like, Versus like hold on tight.

412
00:47:15,614.5228095 --> 00:47:24,794.5228095
It's like, do we focus on what we should actually be doing or should but where do we focus on what we don't want to happen, you know, and and what are the consequences of that.

413
00:47:27,174.5228095 --> 00:47:35,444.5228095
Yeah, I mean motherhood has for sure been the way in which I'm able to the things that automatically in each.

414
00:47:35,854.5228095 --> 00:47:59,134.5228095
Stage of growth fly out of my mouth and like, uh, like I think because also in supported by like the neurolinguistic programming work too, I've been, when I hear something, I think all moms at this point in time, in this, the state of consciousness of the world, like are hearing things now, I don't think you need an NLP background to be able to do that.

415
00:47:59,134.5228095 --> 00:48:01,934.5228095
But I think now I feel like it pierces me.

416
00:48:03,159.5228095 --> 00:48:04,619.5228095
Stronger than it would have otherwise.

417
00:48:04,619.5228095 --> 00:48:08,729.5228095
And, uh, I'm just like, Oh my gosh, look at that.

418
00:48:09,449.5228095 --> 00:48:20,289.5218095
Like I told the story on the, one of my last podcast episodes of when my partner went away for a couple of days and I was really exhausted and stressed, you know, doing with the kids, both kids on my own.

419
00:48:21,9.5228095 --> 00:48:26,649.5228095
I had taken the garbage out and I remembered to do that 'cause I saw that the garbages were out.

420
00:48:26,649.5228095 --> 00:48:30,249.5228095
And I get back and he was like so impressed, which he should have been because I was exhausted.

421
00:48:30,249.5228095 --> 00:48:31,209.5228095
I had other things worry about.

422
00:48:31,479.5228095 --> 00:48:33,939.5228095
But he's like, oh man, good job.

423
00:48:34,329.5228095 --> 00:48:39,59.5228095
And I felt, and I realized in that moment, I felt so triggered like, okay.

424
00:48:39,119.5228095 --> 00:48:43,79.5228095
Like, because as a little girl, like anytime there was an accolade or a.

425
00:48:43,599.5228095 --> 00:48:44,389.5228095
You know, praise.

426
00:48:44,399.5228095 --> 00:48:46,329.5228095
It's just like, okay, no, I can never go below that.

427
00:48:46,939.5228095 --> 00:48:47,139.5228095
Okay.

428
00:48:47,139.5228095 --> 00:48:50,389.5228095
I can never do anything less than that.

429
00:48:50,619.5228095 --> 00:48:52,619.5228095
Like that is just how I interpreted it.

430
00:48:53,69.5228095 --> 00:49:05,369.5228095
And even as like a 34 year old woman with two people and my partner just telling me good job taking out the trash, I'm like, oh no, has he always, if he ever leaves again, is it going to be expected that I take out the trash? And that's not even him.

431
00:49:05,759.5228095 --> 00:49:07,9.5218095
He's so not like that.

432
00:49:08,349.5228095 --> 00:49:13,799.5228095
And there I am, like having those moments of feeling like a, you know, five year old little girl.

433
00:49:13,799.5228095 --> 00:49:16,239.5228095
I'm like, Oh no, now that's the expectation.

434
00:49:16,529.5228095 --> 00:49:17,979.5228095
I always have to be like that.

435
00:49:17,979.5228095 --> 00:49:19,289.5228095
I always have to do that.

436
00:49:20,269.5228095 --> 00:49:21,19.5228095
So fascinating.

437
00:49:21,809.5228095 --> 00:49:22,289.5228095
Yeah.

438
00:49:24,219.5228095 --> 00:49:24,859.5228095
So many layers.

439
00:49:26,449.5228095 --> 00:49:27,269.5228095
So many layers.

440
00:49:27,729.5228095 --> 00:49:36,254.5228095
So have we found a different point in this conversation of choice versus destiny? I feel like you had that moment where you're like, Oh, I think this is what I think.

441
00:49:38,744.5228095 --> 00:49:49,964.5228095
But wasn't, didn't I say it's both? I was like, there's choice, but if you make the wrong choices, not that there's a wrong choice, destiny is gonna be like, Bitch slap.

442
00:49:55,204.5228095 --> 00:50:03,719.5228095
Well, maybe the destiny Destiny isn't like a fixed point, but more so like an an inevitability.

443
00:50:04,619.6228095 --> 00:50:05,959.6228095
But it's a moving target.

444
00:50:05,989.6228095 --> 00:50:07,59.6218095
I think that's where.

445
00:50:07,409.6228095 --> 00:50:16,999.6228095
It feels like it's like hanging your head on anything as like, well, that's the thing, you know, no matter what, it'll end up there.

446
00:50:19,614.6228095 --> 00:50:24,244.6228095
Maybe the, there is what's always evolving.

447
00:50:24,324.6228095 --> 00:50:25,694.6228095
I mean, because right.

448
00:50:25,694.6228095 --> 00:50:45,189.6228095
When you think about it and I still don't even know how I, what I think about all this, I don't know enough about it either, but when they say like, we're in all these different lifetimes and you didn't learn this lesson in that lifetime or like this life, and I'm like, well, what does that mean? Like, so like, what if I did? Like what? Yeah, I don't know.

449
00:50:45,189.6228095 --> 00:50:49,359.6228095
It's just, there's just so many different ways to look at that.

450
00:50:49,479.6228095 --> 00:50:50,9.6228095
Look at it.

451
00:50:50,9.6228095 --> 00:50:53,189.6228095
And there's so many different perspectives, but I don't know.

452
00:50:53,359.6228095 --> 00:50:55,749.6218095
What do you think about that? I don't know what I think about that.

453
00:50:56,534.6228095 --> 00:51:13,264.6228095
About the different lifetimes? Yeah, like, cause I think about, like, Okay, well, if there was a set thing, and you didn't, oh, not this one, not that one, not that one, is it like, when you did, like, that's it, there's just no more? Or, like, I don't know, I don't know what I think.

454
00:51:14,474.6238095 --> 00:51:15,14.6238095
Exactly.

455
00:51:15,14.6238095 --> 00:51:24,384.6238095
And if you actualize your destiny in this lifetime, right? Like, yeah, is that really the goal? You know, I think it depends.

456
00:51:24,384.6238095 --> 00:51:27,714.6238095
You're done? Game over? I'm like, I want to keep messing up then.

457
00:51:27,744.6238095 --> 00:51:28,274.6238095
I don't know.

458
00:51:30,444.6238095 --> 00:51:31,644.6238095
You know, I don't know.

459
00:51:33,569.6238095 --> 00:51:34,159.6238095
Help me.

460
00:51:36,329.6238095 --> 00:51:38,789.6238095
Dive into your Akashic records and see what it says.

461
00:51:41,59.6238095 --> 00:52:12,994.6238095
And these are all right, like the other thing that I find fascinating, which is a whole nother conversation, but it's like these threads of learnings and lessons and challenges and struggle that are very human, right? We obviously our lives in our past or feel very personal, but once you kind of zoom out, there's lots of people who are having similar trajectories, right? They have to learn this or, you know, they're working through betrayal or they're working through poverty or they're working through, you know, like.

462
00:52:13,354.6228095 --> 00:52:14,634.6228095
Whatever it may be.

463
00:52:16,314.6228095 --> 00:52:25,204.6238095
And sometimes they're all, they all seem so different, but it's, you know, it's the journey of our lives and it's the journey of humanity.

464
00:52:28,164.6238095 --> 00:52:52,64.6238095
And then with that being said, what's the only thing that makes sense to even focus on in your head? Like, what's true for you? Yeah, I mean, for me, it's what's true for me and what feels aligned and what allows me to be true to myself, which feels like being of service and being a source of love.

465
00:52:52,184.6238095 --> 00:52:56,224.6238095
And at this point in time, that's what's true for me in my life.

466
00:52:59,364.6238095 --> 00:53:10,844.6228095
But I think that the key there is that the distinction there is that doing so without the, the promise of something or like when you're like, this doesn't feel right.

467
00:53:10,844.6238095 --> 00:53:18,824.5238095
I don't know why it doesn't really make sense, but I'm going to trust that over going against it because I don't have visual or I don't have.

468
00:53:19,174.6238095 --> 00:53:22,924.6238095
Something outside of me confirming or validating blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

469
00:53:23,274.6238095 --> 00:53:23,604.6238095
Right.

470
00:53:23,624.6238095 --> 00:53:35,94.6228095
So when you were like, I live in Egypt, I just feel like I should be right.

471
00:53:37,414.6228095 --> 00:53:38,104.6228095
Yeah.

472
00:53:38,384.6238095 --> 00:53:41,174.6228095
Well, and I think, I mean, again, a whole nother conversation, right.

473
00:53:41,174.6238095 --> 00:53:43,264.6238095
But in our lives, we're so conditioned.

474
00:53:44,169.6238095 --> 00:53:47,529.6238095
Out of being connected to ourselves, right? We're conditioned by society.

475
00:53:47,529.6238095 --> 00:53:54,119.6238095
We're conditioned by school institutions, all these things to be in our head and create a life that we think we're supposed to live.

476
00:53:54,819.6228095 --> 00:54:00,239.6228095
And then at a certain point, I feel like we do have all this work to do to undo that to come back to ourselves.

477
00:54:00,489.6228095 --> 00:54:03,949.6238095
And then we start living according to like, what our actual truth is.

478
00:54:04,839.6238095 --> 00:54:06,894.6238095
And there's so much that unfolds from that space.

479
00:54:10,774.7238095 --> 00:54:12,94.7238095
Like intimidating to me.

480
00:54:13,9.7238095 --> 00:54:22,249.7238095
Well, it's like, it feels like such a huge thing to undo all of that and like, come back to that place of, you know, how you were born essentially.

481
00:54:22,689.7238095 --> 00:54:38,29.7238095
And then after that, it's like, and then what? I think that's something that, um, Haley addressed too, is that like, like you have this goal and this ambition and just like, and if, but if I achieve that, that's everything I've ever wanted.

482
00:54:38,29.7238095 --> 00:54:45,299.7238095
Like if I attain that wholeness, I'm like, then what, then what do I, it's like being attached to the struggle.

483
00:54:46,154.7238095 --> 00:54:49,684.7238095
Yeah, I can't even imagine.

484
00:54:49,694.7238095 --> 00:54:55,64.7238095
I can't even imagine what's waiting for us in our lives, right? Like I never knew that I, I never knew I would live in Hawaii.

485
00:54:55,114.7238095 --> 00:54:56,294.7238095
I never knew I would live in Egypt.

486
00:54:57,894.7238095 --> 00:54:58,494.7238095
Here we are.

487
00:55:02,714.7238095 --> 00:55:13,504.7238095
So what you're saying is you don't have a plan for what, who's next, what's next? I have a plan for the rest of the evening and to wake up in the morning and see what happens.

488
00:55:15,244.7228095 --> 00:55:18,694.7238095
And I feel very blessed and grateful to be able to live my life in that way.

489
00:55:20,434.7228095 --> 00:55:25,564.7238095
And also, like, and also, can you, Ben, can you take him down one second? I'm wrapping this up.

490
00:55:26,84.7238095 --> 00:55:30,989.7238095
Can you take him downstairs for one second? Um, you're going to work out.

491
00:55:32,249.7238095 --> 00:55:34,19.7238095
Okay, just hang on for one second.

492
00:55:34,999.7238095 --> 00:55:37,59.7238095
Who knows what this recording quality is going to sound like.

493
00:55:37,109.7238095 --> 00:55:39,919.7238095
I don't know what he's rigging up.

494
00:55:40,659.7228095 --> 00:55:42,979.7238095
Um, but that's okay.

495
00:55:44,939.7238095 --> 00:55:51,149.7228095
Um, but what I wanted to say, I mean, there's not even a way to wrap this up.

496
00:55:52,159.7228095 --> 00:55:53,719.7233095
There's no way to wrap this up.

497
00:55:53,719.7233095 --> 00:55:56,219.7228095
I feel like there are a hundred follow up conversations.

498
00:55:56,939.7228095 --> 00:55:57,719.7228095
A thousand.

499
00:55:58,114.7238095 --> 00:56:04,534.7238095
Um, but you said when it was the last thing you said, you said, but I feel very great.

500
00:56:04,534.7238095 --> 00:56:05,544.7238095
I feel very good.

501
00:56:06,924.7238095 --> 00:56:07,394.7238095
Yes.

502
00:56:07,844.7238095 --> 00:56:26,314.7238095
And like, it's just, I just need to highlight, like there's such a allowing, but in order to even be in that state of like getting to the allowing, getting to the openness, there's the choice that is, that can be very difficult.

503
00:56:27,74.7238095 --> 00:56:32,414.7238095
And even before that, allowing yourself to see it as a choice.

504
00:56:33,544.7238095 --> 00:56:35,384.7238095
It's so hard.

505
00:56:36,214.7238095 --> 00:56:37,134.7238095
It's so hard.

506
00:56:37,134.7238095 --> 00:56:49,534.7238095
And I don't want to say it has to be hard, but oftentimes it is so hard because no, there's this, you have such a grace and ease about you.

507
00:56:50,4.7238095 --> 00:56:51,754.7238095
Um, like in love with you.

508
00:56:52,74.7238095 --> 00:56:55,124.7238095
And I just think that it could be so.

509
00:56:55,599.7238095 --> 00:57:05,9.7238095
Easy for someone that's sitting in a different state of life and whatever to be like, I just wish I could be so okay.

510
00:57:05,9.7238095 --> 00:57:10,59.7238095
And fluid and, um, in tune with, you know, I just have X, Y, Z, blah, blah, blah.

511
00:57:10,509.7238095 --> 00:57:17,859.7238095
And I just have, I want to acknowledge, I love that you acknowledge how grateful you are and how blah, blah, blah.

512
00:57:18,49.7238095 --> 00:57:28,564.7238095
And also it took very deliberate choice and action and commitment to your Intuition and a honing of that.

513
00:57:28,814.7238095 --> 00:57:52,804.7238095
Like it wasn't just like, and now I wake up in Egypt, there, there was a lot of steps that you took and I just think that it's so beautiful and also so encouraging to see that, I don't know, there's just such hearing your story, knowing your story and like being witness to the embodiment, the deep embodiment of what you speak.

514
00:57:53,329.7238095 --> 00:58:15,589.7238095
Is, uh, very inspiring and, um, I think it's beautiful that it, it required both this ethereal trust and openness and willingness, but also, like, the hard choices to do the road bus traveled or not traveled at all and, and continue to make that choice for yourself over and over and over again.

515
00:58:17,579.7238095 --> 00:58:17,939.7238095
Yes.

516
00:58:18,249.7238095 --> 00:58:18,969.7238095
Thank you, love.

517
00:58:19,199.7238095 --> 00:58:19,719.7238095
Thank you.

518
00:58:20,49.7238095 --> 00:58:27,999.7238095
And I think for me, it was coming to a place of being so in touch with my body where it's like my no was just so strong.

519
00:58:28,39.7228095 --> 00:58:44,849.7238095
And now it's so immediate and so strong that even when there is a choice, it feels like there's not necessarily a choice, right? Like I know I can entertain situations or relationships or jobs or whatever that are maybe not for me for a moment.

520
00:58:44,849.7238095 --> 00:58:44,969.7238095
Right.

521
00:58:46,274.7238095 --> 00:58:49,634.7238095
But at this point, it's like not worth it in my experience.

522
00:58:51,639.7238095 --> 00:58:59,739.7238095
Okay, with that being said, can you talk about whatever offerings you have, because Sarah's a coach as well.

523
00:59:01,969.7238095 --> 00:59:21,289.7238095
So, yeah, I'm a coach, I offer one on one coaching, um, I have an evergreen program called 12 Days of Pleasure, where you learn how to drop into your body, how to drop into different brainwave states, and then followed up with 12 guided days of connecting to your pleasure in very conscious ways.

524
00:59:21,999.7238095 --> 00:59:26,499.7238095
Um, I'm also going to be offering Connected to this destiny piece.

525
00:59:27,49.7238095 --> 00:59:36,609.7238095
Um, a short kind of mini reading of connecting to the Akashic records and your soul gifts and potentially, you know, part of what might be your destiny path.

526
00:59:37,369.7238095 --> 00:59:40,229.7238095
So that's a new offering that is going to be coming out in the next couple of days.

527
00:59:41,184.7238095 --> 00:59:42,744.7238095
Oh, juicy.

528
00:59:43,284.7238095 --> 00:59:43,734.7238095
Yes.

529
00:59:44,64.7238095 --> 00:59:49,644.7238095
And I'm also a doula, so if anyone is having a baby, I'm an international doula.

530
00:59:52,614.7238095 --> 00:59:56,394.7238095
I'll travel for babies, or I provide virtual support as well.

531
00:59:57,154.7238095 --> 00:59:58,894.7238095
She'll travel for babies or dolphins.

532
00:59:59,894.7238095 --> 01:00:00,164.7238095
Yeah.

533
01:00:00,254.7238095 --> 01:00:03,614.7238095
Oh, and there's a dolphin trip actually in June in the Red Sea.

534
01:00:03,824.7238095 --> 01:00:12,134.7238095
If anyone desires to come to Egypt and be on a boat for seven days and go visit the Dolphins two to three times a day, you're so welcome to come with the Dolphins with us, June.

535
01:00:14,954.7238095 --> 01:00:34,484.7238095
Didn't see that one coming, did you guys? When we started this, did you know that we would wrap this podcast episode with an invitation to go swim with dolphins on the other side of the world? Was that choice or was that destiny? Inevitable.

536
01:00:34,484.8238095 --> 01:00:48,649.7238095
Oh man, well this was like the most glorious, juicy, luscious unplanned, candid, whatever talk.

537
01:00:49,39.7238095 --> 01:00:54,109.7238095
Um, you have permanent open door invitations to come on whenever you want to talk about whatever you want.

538
01:00:55,279.7238095 --> 01:00:57,659.7238095
All of Sarah's information will be in the show notes.

539
01:00:58,159.7238095 --> 01:01:01,889.7238095
Um, thank you so much, Sarah, for blessing us with your time and energy.

540
01:01:03,169.7228095 --> 01:01:03,829.7233095
You're welcome.

541
01:01:03,829.7233095 --> 01:01:06,789.7228095
It was such a delight, such an unexpected surprise.

542
01:01:06,859.7228095 --> 01:01:09,676.0618095
I love you so much.

543
01:01:10,418.7238095 --> 01:01:13,638.7238095
This has been an Awkward Sage Production.